


A Spark Among Embers

by Nuke



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2019-11-15 22:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 72
Words: 101,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18082535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuke/pseuds/Nuke
Summary: If you dance with the devils of your past, try not to look them in the eye.[A Fallout self-insert, not quite following the Sole Survivor's canon story but with notes of it. World-typical language and some violence, but nothing graphic. Join Nuke on her adventure to figure out why she has no significant memories, and marvel as she attempts to not get herself murdered by weirding everyone out with her pre-War-ness.]





	1. Chapter 1

Before we begin, here is where I'll put art:

[A beautiful picture of Nuke](https://i.imgur.com/mUHSk9Z.png) by [Reydoll](https://reydoll.tumblr.com/)

and that's all for now!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Cold. Such cold. I'd never felt anything like it in my life. In the pitch darkness I felt it crawling through my bones and gripping my skull. I couldn't move, but the world around me slowly became clearer.

There were muffled sounds - some sort of awful alarm, and hissing all around me.

And I hit the ground. I didn't have nearly enough sense to catch myself. Whatever breath I managed was wrenched from my lungs and my whole body ached. I tried to cough, but only a strangled whine came out.

The noise got so much louder when I fell; it was echoing through wherever I was, disorienting me further.

I tried to get up, finally able to breathe, and look around. My limbs felt weak and useless, but I was at least able to wrangle myself into a sitting position. My poor head spun. Everything around me was a mess of gray and dissipating fog.

Where _was_ I?

As my vision cleared and my head settled, I got a better look at things. It all looked... _terrible._ Rust, grime, and dilapidation were all I could see.

How long had I been here? Wherever "here" was?

  
By the time I got to my feet, the alarms had stopped. Immediately, I missed them. A horrific silence settled into the place, with the only real sound being my footsteps and nervous breaths.

I started exploring. Touching everything. It all felt new and strange, and I was almost surprised I _knew_ how to walk.

And yet, somehow, the place in general felt familiar. I wasn't afraid, just confused. My mind was like a blank slate - no matter what memory I tried to grasp at, every one got away from me. All I knew was that this place, wherever it was, meant _safety._

Soon I found another familiar place. It looked like a holding cell. The door was open, so I investigated it. It looked as run-down as the rest of the place, but on the bed in the corner...

Seeing the pile of clothes laying there, folded badly but otherwise untouched, sent a lightning bolt of memory through me. _These are my clothes,_ I knew. I looked down at what I was currently wearing - something bleak and white. I looked back to the pile on the bed. The mix of red and denim blue was comforting. With a smile, I grabbed them.

 

I gathered whatever else I could before clumsily navigating toward the exit; the signs indicating it weren't lit anymore, but I could still read them. There wasn't much in terms of edible food, but the water seemed okay enough. And though it put me off, I took a pistol I found, with some ammo that had been near it.

The exit was at the end of a winding, empty hallway. It didn't even have much of the clutter I'd seen throughout the rest of the place. By my cloudy judgment, everything looked hastily abandoned.

The door was of course locked, but from the inside. It took only a few seconds of fiddling with a lever to open it. Which I immediately regretted.

I remembered the sun, but not its intensity. It shone unforgivingly into my tired eyes as the strange door opened. I coughed from the rush of air, not sure if it was better than the inside.

I covered my eyes as I stumbled out into the light. Taking a few more breaths, I realized something felt... _off._ The dirt beneath my feet was almost like a layer of dust. The air tasted _different_ , though I couldn't be sure how.

Finally, I was able to open my eyes. They stung, but focused quickly.

 _Is it winter?_ Was my first thought. I was surrounded by trees, all barren, with the ground beneath them dotted with scraggly things that were once bushes. I tried to rephrase the question as a statement - _It must be winter -_ but it didn't quite click in my head.

It was _very_ warm.

 

The ruined forest went on forever. It started to overwhelm me, so I eventually stopped near a mostly-alive-looking bush. When I reached for the fruit growing on it, my hand jerked back. Terrible, bulbous, rotten. I moved on.

What got me was the quiet. Not total silence, since there was a breeze and the occasional flap of a bird's wings. But there was... nothing. Nothing _alive._ The few birds I caught glimpses of weren't singing. I couldn't hear running water anywhere, and no tree had leaves to rustle.

When I found an old, fallen-apart house, I approached it. Quickly I saw it wasn't just one house, or even half a dozen.

An entire town was before me, completely obliterated by something unknown. I walked through it in a horrified daze, trying to understand. What could have done this? To me, it looked like a tornado had ripped through the area, but that didn't explain everything else. The dead forest with trees still standing, the mutated-looking fruit.

... _Mutated._

A lump formed at the back of my throat as something came to me. There were all kinds of stories of bad things that could happen in the future, if people let themselves get out of control. People had a lot of fun reading and writing about what could happen in the event of...

...Nuclear war.

The lump sank, with my heart, down to my feet. It definitely made sense, the appearance of everything. It was all so burned, drained, void of any life.

Were there any people left?

My terror triggered more memories. I'd seen TV programs like that, where someone wakes up, the only living person left in a ruined world.

Was that me?

 

I started to run. I recalled that I was never the biggest fan of people, but at that moment, I would have given anything to run into the most evil of them.

My feet ached. I'd long left the former town behind me, but everything beyond it was a wasteland. I made the mistake of wishing to see _any_ living creature; at the sight of a grotesque, two-headed deer, I bolted in the opposite direction.

It must have been nuclear war. There was no other explanation. I started talking out loud to myself, muttering mostly nonsense with some coherent thoughts thrown in. So, where was I the whole time? I didn't hear any bombs go off. Why was I so cold when I woke up? What was that chamber I was in?

Had I been _frozen?_ For how long?

What... year was it?

My fear grew back into terror but I refused to let it paralyze me. I was exhausted and thirsty but left my water in the small pack around my waist. It took every ounce of my strength to not pass out from the weight of it all.

But very quickly I ran out.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun was still beating down on me. Hot and  _relentless_ came to mind. When I pushed myself to my aching feet, I noticed the silence. I couldn't even hear a breeze rustling the dead sticks that were once trees.

Nevertheless, I walked on. My throat felt cracked from its dryness, but I didn't want water. I had no idea where I was going. The world around me barely looked like Earth - how  _could_ I know?

But it _was_ Earth. This _had_ to be the planet I was born on, grew up on. Despite the overwhelming death and the two headed deer... I wondered, if I found people, what would they look like? How different was everything?  
Again, _what year was it?_

 

The sound of hooved feet gave me pause, but I pressed on toward it. When I rounded the corner I wasn't exactly  _thrilled_ with what I saw at first, but-

"You stop right there! If you're looking for trouble, we'll bring it!"

I threw my hands up and jumped back. The length of the gun barrel pointed at me means my jump didn't make much of a difference. "N-no trouble!" I shouted, my brain whirling, trying to make sense of anything. Someone was talking to me, it wasn't just a gun. "I'm sorry, I just..." But I trailed off, not knowing how to finish. I just  _what?_ How could I even explain?

The woman before me was heavily armed beyond the gun she had aimed at my head. She was covered in spiked armor strapped over tattered clothes, and her dark hair fell messily over her face. "What do you want?"

I met her searing eyes as gently as I could. "Just traveling. Lost."

"You don't even have your gun drawn." She bobbed her head to my jacket pocket, where the handle of my pistol was sticking out. "You're just wandering around here, basically unarmed?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

Keeping an eye on me, she yelled something over her shoulder. The cow lingering nearby - two heads, of course - shuffled sideways, and revealed several more people behind it. People! _Real_ people!  
"So I'm not alone," I breathed, putting my arms down. "Other people survived?"

The group looked around at each other, then at me.

"Why don't you sit down?" Another woman asked, indicating a scrap of cloth next to her. "You seem confused."

 

With my head in my hands, I tried to recount my story. Somehow, they seemed understanding.

"She must be a Vault dweller," One of them whispered, her hand on my shoulder. "I hear those places did some messed up shit."

_Vault_ was a word that didn't ring any bells, but I nodded anyways. My understanding of the word certainly matched the description of where I'd been. "That sounds right." I said, trying to smile as I lifted my head. "I lived in a Vault."

All together, there were five of us. They others went around and gave their names, then each gave me a quick fact or two about this wasteland of a world.

It was called The Commonwealth. No one was very happy. Life was hell, and the nightmares endured far better than the people. Everyone hated everything, but had no other choice.

At the word "nightmares", I mentioned the deer I had seen.

They all laughed.

"A radstag? That's the scariest thing you've seen?" The dark-haired woman took another swig of her drink, then slammed it down next to her. "Damn girl, you got a lot to learn."

I tried to laugh along, a little ashamed. The deer hadn't even attacked me, and yet-

"Your turn." The young man sitting across from me nodded, eyes shining with friendliness. "Your name, some more of your story?"

My brain came to a halt. "Oh, um," I muttered awkwardly. "My... name?" It was the easiest question in the world, right? So why couldn't I-

"What, don't have one?" He answered, still smiling. "Or don't like it? What, they give you shitty names in your little underground prison?"

I just shook my head. I honestly knew nothing.

His brow furrowed. "S'alright. Shit happens. Just pick one, then. No big deal."

It kind of blew my mind. Did they really not care? This world was apparently so awful, but they were okay with a confused stranger not having a name. I looked around and saw everyone else nodding, smiling in agreement.

Well, everyone except the first woman. The one with the gun, still in her lap. She scowled at me. "You better not be one of those damn synths."

I tried to parse the words. "One of what?"

"Y'know. From the Institute."

"She probably really  _doesn't_ know." The young man stood up for me again. "If she was in a Vault, who knows what they didn't tell her."

I held my head with one hand. "I... don't know what the Institute is. Or a synth."

"No synth would play that stupid." The other woman said. "They say they usually deny it."

"Fine, fine." The first woman said, throwing one hand up. "But we're keeping an eye on you, no-name."

It was sunset by then. Among all the new things I'd learned of, my lack of name bothered me the most. I'd retired to the corner of their camp on a spare sleeping bag to put my head down. It was a little more comfortable than the ground. I had my back to them as they started dinner, staring out into the darkening wilderness.

"The poor thing's scared," I heard one of them whisper. "She was scared of a radstag."

"Y'think she even knows about the bombs? Those Vaults, man, who knows."

"I'd hope so, since she's been outside. It'd be hard to not realize this place's been nuked. Even if it's been two centuries-"

I shot up to a sitting position, startling everyone. My eyes were wide and I started at them. "What?"

"...What?" They all responded, bewildered.

"Someone said-" I stopped.  _My name._ Did they? That last word - I heard it, and recognized it. Like it was my name. "...Someone said my name."

"Yeah?" The first woman raised an eyebrow. "We were just talking about the bombs."

"But I remember..." I trailed off, but caught my confidence again. "...I remember being called 'Nuke'."

A pause.

"...Good a name as any, I guess." The last member of the group, another man, said. He'd been mostly silent the whole time.

"Could be more terrible."

"Topical."

"It fits you!"

I beamed. It was such a dumb, simple thing - but I was sure it was my name. It had to be. It just  _sounded right._ It felt like  _me._ "...Yeah," I added, after everyone had looked away. "That's me. I'm Nuke."

 

I joined them for dinner. It wasn't delicious, but it was the first thing I'd eaten since I woke up. When we all curled up to sleep, the woman with the gun stayed up to keep watch. Not just over me, I reminded myself, thinking of the  _nightmares_ they mentioned. Thinking about it, a deer with two heads wasn't awful in and of itself. But what else was there...?

The night was annoyingly quiet, but the occasional shuffling of our guard gave me some comfort. 


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning gave me a start, but I quickly recalled everything. As always, not the greatest, but there it was. The sun wasn't too high yet, so it was comfortably warm.

The caravan was on their way quickly, but they allowed me to follow. "Not for too long," they noted, assuring me they'd drop me off at the next settlement we ran into. "We're even getting close to Cambridge."

_That_ was a word I recognized! I couldn't point it out on a map or anything, but I knew the city.

"Not... so much a city anymore," The younger man shook his head. "But we'll find a place for you."

 

There was fog around us that morning. We kept at a slow pace due to the cow - which was called a brahmin, I learned! We stuck to what was left of the roads, only veering off into the wilds when we were forced to.

The older man complained. "We gotta stick to the roads. You know what's out here."

"Let's just keep moving."

Everyone had their guns out. I didn't bother asking about the heightened tension, assuming it was due to the fog. I kept my pistol near me, at the ready, even though I really had no idea how to use it.

A heavy footstep made my whole body run cold.

"Keep.  _Moving."_ came a hiss from the front of our group.

From the fog, there was a low sound. Like a growl, rumbling through the air all around us.

"Okay, we're fucked." Someone said, at a normal volume. "If that's a fucking deathclaw--"

" _Shut up!"_ More feeble attempts at whispering. "Ditch the brahmin if we have to."  
I didn't want to ask what a _deathclaw_ was. Terrifying images flashed through my mind of some horrible, mutated monster... Like a bear? Or a lion? I wondered what it could be.

A scream. But not human. I hadn't realized how far ahead of the brahmin we'd gotten. When we turned toward the noise, there was nothing but fog. Fog and the horrible sounds of an animal being torn apart.

Without any more words, we ran. Everyone scattered with any previous comraderie forgotten.

I took off to the right, hoping to find cover in the trees. I wanted to cry out for someone, anyone, but I could barely even breathe. My heart was pounding, but even the pulse in my ears couldn't drown out the paralyzing sound of a monstrous roar and another scream - this time, human.

The fog cleared from the creature's rampaging. I saw a corpse and immediately averted my eyes, turning my head to the left, but there was another.

A sound from behind me made me whirl around and raise my gun in panic. The sight of it froze me, or else I would have dropped the obviously worthless hunk of metal.

The creature - the  _deathclaw_ \- loomed over me. It was twice my height, and probably five times my weight, at least. It was a horrible, reptilian nightmare.  _Like a dragon_ was my last coherent thought before my legs started up again and I was able to run.

It was after me instantly. The trees slowed it down a bit, as it smashed through them.

I almost tripped over another corpse. I kept running, as fast as I could, and saw the fourth down on the road. Our guard. I ran to her but again, had to look away. It was brutal.

The deathclaw crashed after me, landing in the middle of the broken road. It stared me down, taking no interest in the kills it had already made. What did it want? It didn't seem hungry. Just...  _angry._ All it wanted was to  _kill._

I raised my little pistol and pulled the trigger. I saw the deathclaw's head flinch and it took a step back, but was otherwise unphased.  _Of course,_ I thought.  _The thing's a damn dragon, alright._

It came back toward me, noticeably slower. Almost like it knew how doomed I was. Its jagged teeth stuck out of its muzzle, like an eternal grin. How easy this must have been for it.

I took another shot, this time at its stomach. Then a few more. Face, stomach, I alternated in desperation.

The sudden flurry of bullets threw it off balance for a split second.

I took that time to run to the fallen guard - trying not to look - and grabbed her abandoned shotgun. Some distant memory told me how to shoot it, so I took the shot. Knowing how shotguns worked, somehow, I didn't worry too much about aiming.

It didn't seem to hurt it at all, but it was stunned by the blast of shrapnel.

I turned and ran. What else was there to do? With a tiny pistol and a mediocre shotgun, which I clumsily reloaded as I sprinted, I had no chance against whatever kind of mythical beast a deathclaw was. The  _hell_ could have made that!?

It gave chase, and I immediately knew my chance of survival had just been halved. I couldn't outrun it, and my guns couldn't hurt it.

Well, I thought... Might as well go down fighting.

I swiveled and headed back toward the deathclaw. It was a lot closer now. Trying to fire my gun from my hip, admittedly a terrible idea, stunned it again as I ran past it, back toward the remains of the caravan.

But it was quicker. Somehow, with its hulking frame, it swung itself around and swiped at me as I passed.

My leg became fire. My vision went white. I stumbled to the ground, trying my best not to shoot myself in the process. I moved my leg-- nope. Absolutely not. The pain blinded me again. I scrambled onto my back and faced my fate.

The deathclaw was actually bleeding in several spots, which surprised me. It looked like one of its eyes had been taken out, too.

I fumbled with my shotgun as it got closer and fired again, aiming for its stomach. It at least  _looked_ less armored than the rest of it.

It drew back and roared, but there was something else. Gunfire. Shouts.

I thought of the caravan, people I could have almost called my friends. But they were gone.

"Get her out of there, if she's alive!" An authoritative voice boomed.

The commotion got the attention of the deathclaw. It was being shot at from three different directions all of a sudden, and the one tiny human in front of it no longer mattered.

Forgetting my predicament, I tried to stand. I remembered a half second too late and tumbled forward, expecting a face full of shattered concrete. Instead, I felt myself halted by an arm across my chest.

"Easy, that leg looks bad." She sounded kind. "I'll try to get you up. Think you can walk with your other one?"

I just shook my head. I couldn't even speak, but let her help me up. I put all my weight on my good leg and held on to her opposite shoulder.

"That's good. Come on, try to move."

The deathclaw was farther down the road, but still close. It was being hit by a stream of red lights - lasers, I realized. Laserfire, from a rifle. And holding that rifle was-

I shook my head and leaned it against my savior's shoulder. Someone in a huge suit of armor? I tried to think. It wasn't armor, it was...  _power_ armor. The military used it. This must have been a military unit.

But I never  _did_ figure out what year it was. What were my-- the caravan, what did they say about the bombs?

_Two centuries?_

My head spun, and everything went black.

 

"Really? We're gonna try to save some wastelander?"

"Knock it off, Rhys. Look how hurt she is."

"No shit. She tried to take on a deathclaw by herself!"

"Well she did a pretty good job, didn't she?"  
"We were left to finish the damn thing!"

"Enough!"

My eyes snapped open at the sound of that voice from before, the one that gave the command. 

"Morning!" The woman from before said cheerfully, leaning over me and smiling. "Thanks for sleeping so much. Patched up your leg and didn't have to deal with any complaining!"

I tried to move it.

"Oh no, I wouldn't." She put a hand on my chest lightly. "Still needs rest."

Everything felt foggy, but I tried to get a look at the three people before me. My current caretaker was a woman of slight build, like me. The other two were men - both serious, but one with a much less gruff expression. The commander, I guessed, from his voice.

"So who exactly are you?" The second man asked with a scowl.

I raised a hand to my head and held it. I had quite a sizable bump, probably from hitting the ground after the deathclaw snagged me. "Nuke," I grumbled, scratching at my hair. I could feel dried blood flaking off. "I'm Nuke."

"Well, Nuke," The woman kept smiling. "Consider yourself lucky. You've been rescued by the Brotherhood of Steel."


	4. Chapter 4

"Well," The commander added, "We're... what remains of Recon Squad Gladius." He leaned back slightly, and I only just then noticed that he had shed his power armor. "I'm Paladin Danse. This is Scribe Haylen, and Knight Rhys."

Titles, I assumed. I mumbled something about not having heard of them before.

"Never heard of us? Of the Brotherhood at all?" Rhys, using every excuse at this point to stay mad, kept scowling. "The Prydwen's been moored at the airport for weeks. You'd think-"

"Enough, Rhys." Danse scolded him again. Their silence definitely confirmed to me that "Paladin" must have been one of the higher ranks. He turned to me. "Mind telling us what you were doing trying to fight a deathclaw by yourself?" His tone was more curious than accusatory.

I sat up a little; I was on a makeshift bed inside whatever building we were in. It kept my leg elevated. "I was with... others." The sight of their mutilated corpses flashed in my head and I flinched. "It ambushed us. I guess only I survived."

Haylen and Rhys stayed quiet, but Danse spoke up. "We're sorry for your loss. We know a thing or two about that." His eyes darted away and his jaw tightened in bitterness.

"It's been nothing but nightmare after nightmare since we got to this godforsaken place." Rhys paced away from us, his back turned. "How many have we lost now? Four?"

"Well now we've saved one." Haylen's voice was tinged with sorrow. "Finally, we've saved someone."

"Yes, well." Danse stood up straight. "I think we've all had about enough of our return trip to the police station. And this civilian needs more medical attention."

Rhys whirled, fists clenched. "You're not seriously suggesting we  _give_ that to her, are you?"

Danse's face suddenly hardened, his soft brown eyes narrowing sternly. "I said that's  _enough_ with the attitude, Knight Rhys. We're not going to leave someone here to die."

"She seems fine."  
" _Rhys!"_

Everyone in the room flinched at Danse's shout, me especially. He was obviously not the kind of person to mess with, and Rhys seemed... very keen on messing.

After that, no one said anything, and they dispersed.

I watched helplessly as they packed whatever belongings they had - medical supplies, food, weapons - and prepared to depart.

Danse re-entered the room sometime later, once again adorning his power armor. He looked down at me from his now much more intimidating height. "Apologies if you don't like flying, but it'll be much easier to get you to the Prydwen by vertibird. We'll have to walk just a little bit."

I was confused, despite recognizing the word  _vertibird,_ but just nodded along. "Not sure how good I'll be at that last part."

He looked me up and down, then sighed. "Your leg's splinted well enough. Would you be horribly offended if I carried you?"

It caught me off guard, but the idea practical. "No, sir. I don't think I would."

 

My leg complained, but Danse had no trouble hoisting me up with his left arm. I was stabilized against his shoulder and sort of cradled, almost like a child. I didn't mind. I braced myself against his hand with my good leg, the left one, and just let the busted one hang.

"Ridiculous," Rhys snarled as we headed on our way, but ended his comments after receiving a glare from his superior officer.

"How's the view?" Haylen asked, trotting next to us with a sizable duffle bag on each shoulder. "Must be kind of like wearing the armor, huh?"

"It's-" I couldn't hold in a laugh as I got jostled around. The road was uneven, and power armor wasn't known for its delicate steps. "It's almost fun!"

"Amazing that you're in such good spirits." Danse shot me an upward glance with a hint of a smile on his face. "Cade has told me that's a good first step on the road to a quick recovery."

Speaking of roads, we were nearing the end of ours. Danse told me earlier that they'd radioed a nearby comrade to come pick us up in one of their vertibirds. There was a clearing up ahead, which was a perfect place to land.

"No more monsters around here, I hope." I grumbled and kept looking around.

"We swept the area earlier." Rhys said, not looking back from his position in front of us. "Should be clear."

 

It wasn't long before the vertibird arrived. It was a huge and terribly loud thing that we heard from miles away. The wind it created once it landed almost knocked Haylen and Rhys over. The pilot didn't bother shutting of the propellers, since we were boarding quickly. I felt Danse grip me a little tighter.

Us three non-power-armored passengers settled into seats, while Danse stayed by the open doors.

"Shouldn't be too long of a flight," He called back to us. "Just make yourself comfortable."

I recognized the sinking feeling of takeoff. I'd been on airplanes, but never something like a vertibird. I muttered something about it feeling  _worse_ than a plane, and felt two pairs of eyes on me.

"Plane?" Haylen asked, having to yell over the din of the aircraft. "What do you mean, a plane?"

"Like an airplane," I yelled back, smiling innocently. It took a few seconds of their bewildered expressions for me to figure something was wrong.

I thought, again:  _What year is it?_

So I asked them.

That time, even Danse heard me and turned completely around. "Do you not know what year it is?"

"2287." Haylen replied, though her expression stayed concerned. "How hard did you hit your head?"

"Um," I felt blood rush to my head, both from embarrassment and from what Haylen had said.  _2287?_ As in, 200 years since the last time I checked? "Pretty... hard, I guess. Thanks." I turned my whole body away from them and tried to focus on the scene below. The whole Commonwealth stretched out, so far beneath us. It made me dizzy and a little afraid, but it was better than facing the three people who were now convinced I was insane.


	5. Chapter 5

When we reached the airport, I expected us to land. But I hadn't been looking up. Despite the earlier awkwardness, I turned to Haylen when she tapped me on the shoulder, then followed her hand when she pointed up.

The ship was an almost familiar shape, but it was far more foreboding than anything I'd ever seen. It was a massive, metal structure, almost like a blimp, but... It looked  _very_ military.

The vertibird docked to the big ship - which somehow seemed much bigger up close - and both Danse and Haylen helped me out onto the deck.

My good leg was shaking terribly, so Danse picked me up again. I mumbled an apology that I couldn't be sure he heard over the wind.

"You're alright," He assured, his voice sunny. "I'll get you to Cade for a full eval."

 

"Interesting," The doctor kept saying. He was running tests, scans, all sorts of things... but he barely looked me in the eyes. "So," He finally raised his head. "I have some questions for you."

"S-sure."

The exam had been standard before that. I had my jacket off, sitting on a chair nearby, and everything seemed to check out alright. Besides the leg. It all exhausted me, combined with everything else, but then he asked, "How old are you?"

I had no reason to give him a cheeky response. I should have been professional and polite, since these people were helping me. But I told him, "Somewhere over two hundred."

He stared at me, unamused.

I laughed nervously. "Okay. You want an explanation? I think I'm 200 years ahead of where I'm supposed to be."

He kept staring.

It was all so ridiculous, but I tried to be serious. "No, really. I woke up falling out of something cold. Then I go outside, and everything looked scorched to hell. No leaves. No real grass. Not like I remember."

More silence, for an uncomfortable amount of time. Soon he lifted a hand to the radio clamped to his chest. He spoke into it barely above a whisper. Something about an elder.

Oh,  _Elder._ I'd heard the term from the others. That's what they called their leader.

"He'll want to hear this."

 

I heard two voices nearby. One steady, one slightly panicked. There was a stern order to stand down, and the second voice went quiet.

There was no mistaking the man rounding the corner into the medical bay. He stood tall and though he had youth in his face, it was marred by a stitched gash and a grave expression. He wore a thick leather coat with a prominent, lined collar.

The doctor saluted with his arm across his chest, as they did.

After returning the gesture, the man turned to me. His expression did not change.

Feeling a thousand eyes on me, I saluted in their fashion with as much strength as I could muster. "A-Ad Victoriam, sir," I stuttered, barely remembering the phrase Danse had mentioned to me earlier.

The slightest of smiles briefly flashed on his face. "Interesting. Who taught you that?"

I only had to glance behind him for the answer. Though Danse was still in his suit, he seemed so  _small_ compared to this other man.

Either way, I didn't have time to respond. "I'm assuming you've realized already. I'm Elder Arthur Maxson of the Brotherhood of Steel. I understand you were rescued by some of my soldiers and brought to our ship for medical treatment."

The tone of his voice made me shrink back, and I felt like I could've disappeared into the bed. "That's right, sir. And, um, it's an honor." Everything was  _so_ like the military; I tried to be polite, wondering if one wrong word could get me chucked off the bridge.

"According to Paladin Danse's field report, you were attempting to engage a deathclaw by yourself." It wasn't a question, and again he continued before I could speak. "You were part of a caravan that had been wiped out by it. Instead of running, you fought. Why?"

"I had no choice," It was the logical response. "I wasn't about to let myself get killed without a fight."

His gaze shifted to my newly treated and bandaged leg. "Seems it got the better of you a bit."

I couldn't hold back a chuckle. "If it weren't for your squadron, it would've gotten the  _whole_ of me."

He made a noise, not quite a laugh or even a scoff, but he seemed amused. Hands behind his back, he turned to the doctor. "So Cade, what's this about her radiation exposure levels?"

Startled, he quickly gathered himself and referred to the clipboard in his hands. "Oh, yes. Um, well, from what I've determined, she has the lowest trace radiation levels I've ever tested." He glanced up. "I almost couldn't find any, but didn't believe that. So I kept testing. That's why she's been here a while."

"Hm." The Elder looked back and forth between us. "And what's the explanation for that?"

"I think I was in cryo!" I blurted out, then felt my heart sink.  _Don't interrupt, idiot._ But when everyone just looked at me, I tried to keep going. "Uh, I think I was in cryo... You know, like cold storage? For people? I woke up really cold. And..." I trailed off, swallowing hard.

Cade, thankfully, continued for me. "She states the world isn't how she remembers it. How she describes her memories sounds... Pre-War, as ridiculous as it might seem."

"You're certainly no ghoul." Maxson huffed as he looked me up and down. "I hope you understand that these statements of yours are cause for great suspicion and concern."

I thought back to a couple days before, though it felt like a lifetime. My friends in the caravan had mentioned... "...What's the Institute, anyways?"

Everyone flinched, even Danse, who then stepped forward looking utterly irritated. "What do you mean? How do you not--" He trailed off, too, and avoided my eyes. "You weren't sure what year it was, either, were you?"

"The Institute," Maxson started, ignoring Danse, "is a nefarious organization of people who are threatening the wellbeing of life itself here in the Commonwealth. They're one of our primary targets."

Targets. Plural.

"They've been in the habit lately of creating human lookalikes - called synths - to replace regular humans and infiltrate." Somehow, Maxson scowled even harder. "And it's nigh on impossible to discern one."

"So  _that's_ what synths are." I was unsure how much I should say, but figured I wouldn't be able to change their minds anyway, if they wanted to toss me off the ship. "Y-you'll have to excuse me, Elder, I've only been awake for a couple of days."

He stepped closer and loomed over me. "I believe I'll take over the questioning for Cade at this point. What kind of place did you...  _awaken_ in?" The scorn in his voice terrified me. 

But I met his eyes and tried to keep myself calm. I wasn't some fake human, and I was going to try my damndest to prove it. "A horrible one," I started, trying not to smirk. "Totally abandoned. Half the lights were broken, the other half didn't have power."

"And how did you escape?"

"A door," I said, but quickly continued as the brief answer might've seemed rude. "I mean, I found the door after wandering around. There pretty much nothing of value there."

Silence.

I managed to speak up first. "I... know you're suspicious, sir. I've heard this world isn't the nicest. But with a leg like this," I bobbed it at him, and stayed quiet despite the horrible pain. "I honestly couldn't be a threat to anybody." Talking was all I was good at, I felt. Another vague memory. It definitely felt like I was crossing into protesting-too-much territory, but I had no other options.

The Elder thought for a moment, then turned back to Cade. "Finish your evaluation of her. I'm ordering her to remain under supervision for the entirety of her recovery period. I want any sign of concerning behavior to be reported to me immediately, do you both understand?"

Danse responded as well, looking a little surprised that he was being addressed.

Maxson faced him fully. "Paladin Danse, as  _you_ were the commanding officer to bring this civilian aboard, I'm ordering you to supervise her." He pushed his shoulders back. "She's  _your_ responsibility."

"Yes, sir." He answered, saluting, with no hesitation.

Elder Maxson left unceremoniously, and the atmosphere lightened enough to let me breathe again.

 

"If it's worth anything, I'm not afraid of you or anything." Cade continued my checkup, which only lasted a few more minutes. "No offense, but you look like you could be held off with one arm of mine."

"Oh, none taken." The doctor, I decided, was alright. "I've seen me." ...Had I? I wondered when the last time I saw myself was. I knew my hair was that red-brown, but probably darker now from being filthy. My eyes were... "Hey, could I see my medical sheet, sir?"

He shrugged and handed it to me. "No 'sir's in here."

Blue, apparently. Light complexion, he wrote. Signs of malnutrition, though I felt okay. 'Not severe' was notated next to it. Then more scribblings about possibly cryogenic exposure. That probably didn't help. ...Weight 49kg, height 165cm. Metric system, I noted. That was new to me. I handed back the clipboard with thanks.

"...And, for what it's worth," He set it on a nearby desk and faced me again. "The Institute wouldn't make a synth with a brain like yours. Talking about before the war. That's  _too_ suspicious and weird, y'know?"

Weird. That was me. My name, my mannerisms...

"But, you never know." Danse finally spoke up, approaching us. "I'll be keeping a close eye, Cade. There will be nothing to worry about."

 

When it was all said and done, I was given a crutch and sent on my way. Elder Maxson had graciously allowed me to stay on the ship until I was recovered - and also probably to make sure I wasn't some synth usurper monster, so I could be dealt with if I in fact  _was._ And despite my urges, born from the suspicions, I resigned myself to polite behavior to everyone on board. 

Danse showed me around the ship. I wandered aimlessly behind him, half-listening. I was introduced to people whose names I forgot almost immediately, and was navigated through corridors I would certainly get lost in later. Eventually, I let Danse know that it was all pretty futile.

"Well," He stopped and looked down at me, almost amused. "Good thing I'm supposed to watch over your every move until you leave."

I couldn't help rolling my eyes a little.

 

"Maxson has been in a bad mood lately." Danse said as we took a quick break from walking. "Well," He continued after seeing the look on my face. "Worse than usual."

"The caravaners I was with. They mentioned the Institute, too. Unhappily." I kicked my good leg. "I can imagine nobody's thrilled about whatever they're doing."

"The Brotherhood is dedicated to eradicating such threats," There was pride in his voice. "From organizations like the Institute, to murderous creatures like deathclaws and super mutants. All of it needs to go."

My imagination came up with enough ideas on what "super mutants" could be; I didn't ask. "Sounds noble, at least."

"We're trying." He sighed, leaning back against the wall behind the bench we'd parked ourselves on. "But it seems like it never ends."

"I didn't thank you guys earlier. For saving me."

He looked over. "Usually we don't go out of our way for civilians. The most we do is make sure we don't catch them in crossfire."

"So why..."

"Haylen insisted."

I met his eyes. To me they looked so exhausted and sad, and full of maybe too many emotions.

"When we saw the bodies of your comrades, Rhys figured you were a lost cause." He sighed again. "He wanted to wait until the deathclaw had finished you before moving in. Of course we wanted to destroy it..." Finally, he broke eye contact. "But Haylen wasn't about to watch you die."

"Well," A smile crept across my face and I chuckled. "I appreciate it. I'll have to thank her personally."

"How does your leg feel?" He leaned forward to inspect it, though the wrappings were mostly hidden by my torn jeans. "You really did take quite the beating. Standing up to a deathclaw alone... I'm still a little amazed."

Amazed? Was it really that incredible not to just lay down and die? "It's okay," I answered plainly, grimacing at it. "Mostly numb at this point thanks to the meds Cade has me hopped up on."

He actually scoffed, in a lighthearted way. "Well, I do sincerely hope you recover soon. It's an uncommon thing for someone to face a deathclaw." His face returned to seriousness. "Especially alone. I want you to know that. You may be unfamiliar with this world, but..."

"You seem pretty accepting of my story." I leaned forward, propping up my chin with my hands. "Not that I don't completely understand everyone else's suspicion."

Abruptly, he pushed himself up to his feet. "I judge people by their actions." He wasn't looking at me. "And you acted in an astonishingly brave manner. There's no denying that."

I felt a slight glow of pride.

 

When I settled into my temporary quarters for the night, Haylen found me. I was going to be locked in, so she snuck me some extra rations.

"It's not the best, but it's better than what you'll find down there!" She beamed, shoving me a pink box of... something. "And... sorry about them treating you like a criminal."

I waved it off. It made sense. I was a weird stranger, it's normal to be suspicious. Besides, they let me use the shower. That alone was enough for me to never complain.

We said goodnight to each other, and she left. I knew Danse was next door to my little... closet... but I hadn't seen Rhys since we boarded the ship. Honestly, I was glad for it.

I settled onto my makeshift cot and examined what Haylen had given me. Inside the box were little pastries of some kind. They smelled sugary, so they  _had_ to taste good. When I tried one, it blew my expectations out of the water. Delicious! I think I ate four before realizing I needed to slow down. Laughing at myself, I stowed them under my bed. 

_Fancy Lad Snack Cakes_ , the box said. It sounded almost familiar, much like everything.

I sighed and stared at the ceiling. Pipes of all kinds scattered across it. It didn't bother me, but I hoped they didn't leak.

It wasn't too hard to fall asleep. I hated the quiet of the night outside, and with the Prydwen's engines humming in my ears, I felt a weird sense of security. Despite being locked in my room, and despite being under the constant watchful gaze of the Paladin. He and Haylen had been kind enough to help me, so why shouldn't I offer them the same respect?


	6. Chapter 6

I had all night to think, but the morning came quickly. Danse came to my door, knocking harshly and ordering me to get up. Luckily for me, I already was. I answered him just a few seconds later.

"Oh," He looked me completely over, eyes wide. "They gave you a uniform."

The standard Brotherhood uniform was a horrible, unflattering orange jumpsuit. It fit me decently, but I felt like I was stuck in an old set of pajamas. I fiddled with the waist. "They took my other clothes, probably to wash the wasteland off 'em. Y'know?"

He shrugged.

I pushed by him, through the door. "No power armor today? What's on the agenda?"

"Easier to get around." He shut the door behind us. "I've been given a day of patrol duty in order to watch you."

"That's dumb," I blurted, then scrambled for an apology. "I mean, uh. Sorry. You do what you have to, if you have other chores. I won't get in your way."

He paused, then nodded, and headed off in some direction, making sure I was on his heels. 

I didn't expect the day to be eventful, but I liked seeing more of the Prydwen. Cade had recommended that I keep walking on my leg; rest was important, of course, but moving and using it was just as vital to my recovery.

We took a break in the mess hall area. I sat at the bar next to Danse, spinning absently on the high stool. I noticed him watching me with slight annoyance, but I ignored him and took a look at everyone else.

The Brotherhood's uniforms made most of its members look, well,  _uniform._ They differed by position, of course, but almost everyone wore an unsightly hood. I thought back to the suits of power armor; it made sense for those using it, but when they  _weren't?_ I figured they must be used to keeping them up. A call to arms could come at any time, after all.

"Drink your water," Danse suddenly commanded. "Don't need you getting dehydrated on me."

I spun to face the bar and grimaced at the drink. I was told it was purified, but it still looked...  _off._

He nudged my arm. "...Please?"

I looked up at him, inadvertently keeping my glare. Really looking at him, I could see the exhaustion in his face. I thought back to Rhys' mention of losing more than half their squadron. The amount of stress that could put on a commander...

He blinked slowly. "If you listen to the doctor, you'll recover faster, and you can get back to your life down there."

Oh, how fun  _that_ sounded.

He must've heard my frustrated sigh over the ambient noise. "What, you don't want to go back?" A faint, but definitely present, smile. "I can't imagine why."

"Not like I  _have_ a life down there." I turned back away with some difficulty and grabbed the glass in front of me. Scowling, I took a sip. The unexpected bitterness almost made me choke, but I felt Danse's eyes on me, so I kept drinking. After a few sips I slammed the glass down and choked. "... _Awful."_

He made a satisfied noise. "Glad you like it."

I glared at him again, but the expression immediately faltered.

Danse had spun his own chair around, facing the rest of the room. He had one elbow resting on the bar, and with his free hand he reached up to his hood. With a gentle pull it fell away. "Won't need this today," he said absently, running his hand through his newly free, shiny black hair. I'd expected some kind of aggressive hat-hair due to the tightness of the hood, but it sprung to life with his tousling.

I drew back a noticeable amount and felt a kick in my chest. I scrambled for my glass of water again and quickly chugged the rest, then returned it to the counter, my hand still gripping it. I cleared my throat and whimpered, "Okay, not  _so_ bad."

He looked back, the hint of a smile still on his face. "Getting used to it already?"

I kept my eyes anywhere but on him. Away from those prying brown eyes. ... _Prying?_

He leaned toward me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright? Maybe don't drink too much at once."

It's just slightly gross water, I'm fine, is what I  _wanted_ to say. But it came out as a weird mumble.  _Please don't touch me._

The pressure on my shoulder disappeared. "...If you're sure. We'll go see Cade if you're not feeling well, alright?"

I nodded and tried to get ahold of my thoughts. My stomach was doing flips, but I didn't think it was because of the water.  _Just something else I'll have to get used to,_ I told myself in an attempted joking manner. My heart rate was finally slowing. What an awful thing to get startled by.

Those brown eyes, despite their softness, were burning right through me.

 

I tried to shake off the weird feeling by thinking of  _anything else._ What came to mind first was Danse's question:

_"What, you don't want to go back?"_

I hadn't seen much of the wasteland below, compared to everyone else, but I'd seen  _enough._ It wasn't a great place. On the Prydwen there was decent food, clean-enough water, and  _showers._ There were friendly (or at least non-hostile) people around, and the whole place was suspended far above any possible threat.

When I made a comment about wanting some fresh air, Danse led me out to the open flight deck.

The rush of wind almost sent me flying. I grabbed the guardrail and clung to it, peering over the edge.

"Careful," Danse probably yelled, though it was a whisper underneath the surrounding noise.

The ground was  _very_ far away. Lethally far. Being on the flight deck gave me a few extra reasons to not want to see the wasteland up close. But I kept looking, scanning the endless, desolate space beyond the airport. There was so much brown, and so little movement. The dead dust looked like the last place a person - or  _any_ living thing - should've been. The air bit through my jumpsuit and clung to my rapidly cooling skin. It felt like being on a boat, on the water, I thought. I couldn't pick a specific memory, but I knew the feeling. I thought about the bodies of water here, in this future. Full of who knew what.

I definitely didn't want to go back.

Danse led me back inside when I indicated I'd had enough air.

Hours later, in my quarters, I was still trying to shake off the cold.

 

Days started to pass more quickly when I found ways to entertain myself. I started chatting up some of the soldiers, though the Scribes proved much friendlier than the Knights and Paladins. Well, besides the Paladin that, after over a week of my leg healing, now had to make an effort to keep up with my antics.

I spent more time with Haylen, which Danse approved of. Probably on the sole basis of getting a break from me. After getting permission from the Elder, she brought me to a lab to show me some recovered technology.

A lot of it was just debris. Pieces of things that were once functional machines, most of which I couldn't recognize. But still she showed every possible thing to me, asking if I knew what it was.

"I'd probably only recognize  _whole_ things," I admitted, trying not to disappoint her too much. "I wasn't really in the habit of taking things apart back then."

She assured me it was fine, but still frowned. "I'd like to find something you know, though."

I started digging through things for myself. Artifacts were halfway sorted on different tables, though the method meant nothing to me. I knew the basics - circuitboards, batteries, and the like - but couldn't tell what they were from. Still I picked them up, turning them over in my hands, happy to see something a little familiar.

Haylen took a seat on a crate in the corner of the room. The heels of her boots lightly thudded against the wood. "What was it like, back then?"

"Huh?" I tore my eyes away from a busted TV remote.

"Before the war. With all this," she spread her arms. "Y'know,  _working."_

I hated the answer I had to give her. Since I found myself sprawled out on that dirty concrete floor, I'd been trying to remember something. Anything besides the tiniest scrap of  _oh yeah, I've heard the word 'vertibird' before._ "I don't know." I finally said through my scowl. "I can't remember why I was put in a weird cryo facility, so I definitely can't remember anything before that."

"I'm sorry," she started, springing to her feet. "God, I didn't even think. I..."

"Haylen-" I put the remote back and walked to her. I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her back down onto the crate, then sat next to her. "Please. You didn't offend me, I just can't answer you."

"All the buildings we search through..." Her blue eyes stared off at nothing in particular. She had also taken off her hood - her hair was almost shockingly orange, and pulled back into a ponytail. "I wonder what it was like inside places like shopping malls, before the war. So many people in one place, everything clean and safe."

I tried my best to think back. Had I ever been to a shopping mall? Did I ever wander through clean buildings full of busy people? With nothing but the most vague notion of a memory, I privately wondered if I really  _did_ live back then.

Accusations of being a synth came back to me and I shuddered. Maybe the Institute made me in a lab somewhere, wherever they were, without any memories. Not even fake ones. Was I made to replace someone? If so, I would know, right? I'd have that person's memories, right?

Why didn't I _know_ anything?  
I hung my head, cradling it in my hands. I needed to relax. I _knew_ things about myself. My name - Nuke. That was me. Some idiot with blue eyes and reddish hair who got into a scuffle with the most dangerous thing in whatever this world had become. A very _lucky_ idiot who was rescued by the Brotherhood of Steel. An idiot with a leg that would soon be good enough to run on, and so...

Did it  _matter?_ What exactly would being a synth  _mean?_ Was I-

"Hey, Nuke." She lightly nudged my shoulder. "Let's change the subject. How's it been hanging out with Danse?"

I snapped to attention. My expression must have been hilarious, judging by hers. I tried to smirk and gave a sarcastic shrug. "He's a decent guard dog. What can I say?"

"Oh come on," She couldn't hide her laugh. "He's not  _that_ bad. ...Once you get to know him a bit, he's a pretty great guy."

"Looks it," I noted absently, thinking about the rare smiles and how expressive those eyebrows could be when he wasn't scowling. The scar over his right eye, somehow, didn't affect his intimidation levels. "He's just... a soldier."

"A good one." Haylen continued. "Real dedicated, but..." She bit her lip, and her voice sunk to almost a whisper. "Not too...  _single-minded,_ like a lot of the other guys. Y'know?"

...Did I know? I looked at her quizzically. I told her I wasn't sure; he seemed just as hard-boiled and determined to wipe out everything terrible in the Commonwealth as the rest of them.

She hummed in half-agreement and kicked the crate a few more times. "But he's not as... Let's say, hard-headed as Rhys."

I hadn't seen much of Rhys since I came aboard. I didn't really hold it against him that he wanted to leave me behind. It made sense, from a soldier's point of view.

Danse had wanted to help me, though.

I kicked at the box along with her. "He has kinder eyes."

"Hm?"

"Than Rhys, I mean. Danse has-" I felt my cheeks flush, realizing how weird it sounded. "-kind eyes."

"Don't be embarrassed." She must have noticed my face coloring. "You're totally right."

I was thinking about him again. During the early days of our "patrols", sometimes other soldiers would make comments about us. They seemed mostly playful, calling Danse a "caravan guard", asking if I was paying him to keep me from tumbling to the ground.

Once there was a particularly nasty comment about my leg. I only heard half of it, something about using me as deathclaw bait.

Danse stopped in his tracks then, and shut the person down. His voice rose to that tone I first heard when he silenced Rhys' comments. After hearing a muttered response of "apologies, Paladin", we went back on our way.

I slammed my heel backwards, particularly hard. It made Haylen jump, and I apologized. I wanted to change the subject. "...How do you become a Scribe?"

She finally smiled again. "This might seem obvious, but you sign up. The Brotherhood doesn't usually openly recruit, but sometimes they make... exceptions."

The pause was very deliberate. "What about... a Knight?"

"Well, first you'd be an Initiate." She perked up. "Then you'd get training. Scribes go out in the field, but usually avoid most of the combat. But if you got promoted to Knight, you'd be all about the fighting."

Danse had mentioned that the guns I had on me - both the pistol and the shotgun - had been confiscated. Not that I knew how to shoot them, anyway. "...So, would I talk to the Elder about that, or...?"

Her smile widened.


	7. Chapter 7

"Danse!" Haylen called down the hall, dragging me behind her. She caught sight of him at the bar and quickened her (well,  _our)_ pace. "Hey Danse!"

I was jerked forward and shoved toward him. I just put my hands up helplessly.

" _Someone,"_ She pushed me lightly. "Needs a sponsor."

Every head in the mess hall turned to us.

Danse raised his head, calmly, with one eyebrow raised. He looked me up and down. "Did you enjoy tinkering with all the scraps Haylen collected?"

"Don't change the subject." She put her hands on her hips and pouted at him.

"I'm not." His expression softened. "I was just wondering. If she enjoyed it, perhaps she'd want to be a Scribe.  _You_ could sponsor her, then."

"Well," She elbowed me. "Did you? Would you want to be a Scribe, or...?"

Her question was so blatantly leading. Both of them knew what I'd prefer. Sure, I liked seeing pre-War technology, but I knew I would lose my patience with it all very quickly. But did I really want to  _fight_ instead?

"I don't know," was my deflated response, and my whole body burned under the scrutiny of the crowd. "I just... want to repay everyone's kindness."

Danse kept looking at me. His brow furrowed.

I knew why: I was tiny. I looked like the  _opposite_ of a soldier. Even compared to Haylen I was scrawny, and here I was, trying to say I wanted to be a Knight.

Me, in the military. The idea was enough to kill me with laughter, but I bit my tongue.

"You need work." Danse finally said, in that serious Paladin tone. "The training might break you, with how much you need."

I met his eyes and stood tall. "With no disrespect, sir, if a deathclaw couldn't break me, I think I'll be alright."

He smirked. "And if you can't take it?"

"Then I'll pack up and leave." I matched his expression. "Out to the wasteland. But first I wanna try to prove myself."

 

Cade fought hard against the suggestion. He sputtered about my leg not being fully healed, and how foolish it would look if I got myself hurt again.

Danse had gone straight to Elder Maxson with his request, and the latter had joined me for my daily checkup in order to convince the doctor.

It was intimidating, with just the three of us in the room. If I had to admit, I wasn't too thrilled at the prospect of being a soldier. I obviously wasn't built for it, in any way. But there was something about how Danse's face lit up when I mentioned it, and how pre-emptively proud he seemed. I wondered silently if my past really mattered, and if I could build a new future alongisde my rescuers.

"Paladin Danse believes she has promise," Maxson said strongly, hands behind his back. "And I trust his judgment."

Cade had a small pair of foreceps in one hand that he was clicking together anxiously. His other hand was pinching the space between his eyebrows. "She's not... I don't know, Maxson, I don't think I can clear her." He glanced up at me, focusing on my leg. "It's not just the leg, she's..."

"Spirit betrays the physical." Maxson said with a smirk. "I wouldn't underestimate her. You know her story."

He tried to argue some more, but it became clear that he wouldn't win. Eventually he signed off on my clearance for training -  _light_ training.

My leg wasn't wrapped anymore, and they'd provided me with a new set of un-destroyed jeans that were only a little too loose. I could walk strongly, and the only remaining evidence of my injury were the terrible scars. But even those would fade in time, I told myself. Confidently, I followed Maxson out of the medbay to wherever he was leading me.

He glanced back. "Your training starts tomorrow. You'll be sent to the firing range down at the airport to learn the basics. If you can get past that, we'll see where you fit in." Despite his young age, which I still barely believed, Maxson was an imposing character. Even if he slipped into casual conversation, his eyes always remained grave.

I wondered if I could ever live up to whatever expectations he had already built up for me.


	8. Chapter 8

True to form, Danse was at my door early. 

Too early, I thought as I scrambled into my clothes. I didn't bother with the jumpsuit; my normal clothes were clean, and no one had said anything to me about wearing them before. I wondered if I could chalk it up to Maxson not really believing in me. Either way, I hurried out as quickly as possible.

Danse looked me up and down with slight disapproval in his eyes. "I suppose those suit you better."

I nodded, not sure if it was an insult.

 

It was only my second ride in a vertibird, but it went easier for so many reasons: it was short, no busted leg... Just a nice, quick glide down to the airport.

"You'll have to start from the ground up," Danse shouted back at me, looming in his armor. "We might as well make it literal and have you at the shooting range."

...Was that a joke? I heard a hint of a smile in his voice but I couldn't be sure, since he was shouting over the vertibird's engines. If it  _was_ , it was almost newsworthy. Paladin Danse made a joke! Because of the new recruit! I already knew he wasn't as bad as some other Initiates thought, but...

"Get ready to jump off."

I stood as instructed and prepared. It felt nice to be able to handle myself, and not have to be  _carried._

 

Though the Prydwen was solid enough, I had truly missed feeling the earth beneath my feet. It may have been cracked pavement and dusty, barren ground, but it was  _ground._ Not a grate, and not a million feet in the sky.

Danse led me to the shooting range, which was heard long before it was seen. It was abuzz with activity despite looking a little thrown together. We approached someone who was obviously in charge.

"This the new recruit?" He asked, giving me a stern look. "What does she know already?"

"A little about handling a gun," I responded, even though he was obviously speaking to Danse despite staring at  _me._ "But nothing formal." I kept the eye contact, but tried not to act  _too_ cocky.

Danse cleared his throat. "I um, suppose I'll leave her in your hands."

All my attitude fell away and I stepped back instintively, almost hiding behind Danse's metal-encased arm. 

The man grinned. "I dunno, Paladin. Seems  _this_ little one is too attached to you, like the other one."

I looked up at Danse sheepishly. The truth was that I didn't want to be left alone with people who probably wouldn't treat me as well as he would. He'd done well at teaching me the ropes up on the ship, which I tried to mumble about.

"Look at her!" He laughed, throwing his head to the sky. "You got a way with the green ones, y'know. I'm serious."

Danse's brow furrowed. He looked from me to the instructor with the same expression, then sighed in defeat.

We didn't exchange any casual conversation as we made our way to an unoccupied aisle. 

 

At first, it seemed like everything I did was wrong. I held the tiny pistol wrong, my stance was wrong, my aiming was wrong. Every correct thing I did had twenty mistakes to go along with it. The first few shots, I didn't even hit the target.

But it didn't get me down. From across the way I heard the instructor barking orders, but Danse's corrections were gentle and encouraging. He actually shouted an excited, "Outstanding!" when I hit the target for the first time. Nowhere near a bullseye, but it was a noticeable improvement.

He'd exited his power armor in order to guide my posture. I felt his hands on my shoulders as he pulled them back lightly; wherever he touched left a burning sensation even through my leather jacket. I tried to shake it out of my head and focus.

"You're really determined, huh?" He said suddenly, his voice raising to a casual tone as he took a step back from me.

I lowered my gun, my arms aching, and tried to smile at him. "Well, I figure Maxson's margin of error isn't very wide."

He smiled back. "Damn right. But I think he likes you."

Me? I wasn't sure if I asked it out loud. Scrawny little me? "Not convinced  _that's_ the word for it."

"Well then," He put his hands on his hips. "We'll see if you can keep up."

I turned back to the target and resumed shooting. A few misses, a couple hits. He was distracting me, but I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose. I was mostly annoyed with  _myself._ Where had this come from? With every miss I got more irritated, until I wasn't hitting anything.

Danse's hand fell to my shoulder. "Alright, relax. You're getting worked up."

"I have a lot to prove," I spat. I felt like if I let myself slip up at the wrong time, I'd get kicked back out into the wasteland with nothing.

He hesitated. "It's your first real day. You have to take it easy and let yourself improve." 

The gun was gently lifted from my grasp and I absently watched it leave.

"Besides," He beamed as he set the pistol on a nearby stool. "It's lunch time."

 

I was exhausted and starving, but barely picked at my food and only half-listened to Danse's scolding. Lost in thought, I felt frustrated. Was it really the right thing, to try to join the Brotherhood? Sure, the opportunity had presented itself, and I had nothing else to go on, but... Whenever I was "assigned" to be under Danse's watch, he seemed irritated. I felt like I was wasting everyone's time. I may not have known much about myself, but I had a creeping feeling that I  _definitely_ wasn't a soldier.

He was sitting across from me. After I didn't respond for the third time, he reached forward and nudged my tray. "Nuke."

My head shot up. I couldn't recall the last time I'd heard him call me by something other than a title. "What?"

His face attempted a scowl, but it was more of a pout. "What's with the attitude? Do you not-"

Before he could finish, someone called out his name. My heart soared when I recognize the voice as Haylen's, and she quickly sat herself next to me.

Her arrival brightened the mood immediately, and I couldn't help but smile and greet her. But my frown came back when she asked about my training. "...My arms hurt."

She laughed and pat me on the back. "Oh, don't worry about that. It'll get easier, I promise." She shot a look to Danse. "Don't be too hard on her."

He recoiled. "She's training. I have to be."

"He's... my superior officer." I avoided eye contact. "I  _have_ to listen to him."

She smiled, and it lit up her whole face. Her hood was down, and the sun was glowing in her bright ginger hair. "Okay. I guess you're right."  
We ate mostly in silence, and it took me a minute or two to realize that I actually _was_ eating. It was the same sort of food from the ship; though it wasn't the best, I was getting used to it. What did I have to compare it to, anyways? I tried to think back to food I'd eaten before... before _everything._ Before I _woke up._

I started getting frustrated again and set my fork down. When I was focusing on healing, I was in so much pain that I didn't have  _time_ to think. But then things started slowing down. My leg got better, and I was able to go places on my own. I laid in bed at night, trying to fall asleep on my own instead of being knocked out by pain meds. I thought about things. Mostly, the things I couldn't remember. I  _knew_ things - like airplanes, or the fact that it had been 200 years since I last checked. So, where were all the memories from then? Did I really live all those years ago?

I couldn't make sense of any of it, so I kept eating to distract myself.


	9. Chapter 9

The days started to bleed into each other after a while. The first few training sessions were grueling; after the first day, my arms ached so badly I could barely lift them. But I got used to the vertibird rides from the Prydwen and back, and soon my arms were alright after a day of shooting.

Danse tried to keep my training a bit varied, for the sanity of both of us. Some days he would forego shooting practice altogether, and would test my agility. That, I did well in, though my endurance needed work. And after a few days of that, it was back to guns. Once I was "good enough" with a pistol, he handed me a laser rifle.

When I took it, the muzzle sank straight to the ground. It was a lot heavier than it looked, but I didn't let him help me when he reached. I used my other arm to support it and assured him I could fire it.

He wasn't so sure, but let me anyways.

I tried to set more vague goals for myself. "Learn to shoot a rifle" maybe wasn't something I could do in a day, but "Don't disappoint Danse" was a lot easier. He respected when I gave effort, so I always did. I watched his facial expressions carefully, noticing the slightest squints of concern when I couldn't do something he probably considered simple.

But I got back up after a fall, literal or figurative. When I started sparring with other Initiates, or even Knights, I got my ass handed to me every time, but I never stayed down on it. Those days ended with me busted up, bruised, and bleeding, but standing.

Haylen usually took care of my lighter wounds, when I was too tired to get to Cade's office. She kept urging me to take it easier, but I fought her on it.

I felt a swell of pride when I was able to truthfully say to her, "I'm getting stronger." I confided in her about most things, like my frustration over a lack of real memory or sense of who I was. So, I said, I wanted to make something of myself here. Maybe it wouldn't always be the right place for me, but it was a start.

She seemed nervous at that last comment. "You'd just up and leave if you don't like it?"

I glanced at the doorway. "We're up on an airship, so that wouldn't be easy. But no." I tried to reassure her, "I'd only leave if I get kicked out, okay?"

She seemed satisfied.

 

I did have some days off from the grunt work once in a while. It was usually when Danse was out on assignment; when I'd tried to approach other instructors, or even other Paladins, they sent me away and told me to rest. Some referred to me as being Danse's responsibility, though I assumed they were trying to be nice about it.

Haylen was out on an overnight mission one evening, when Danse returned from one. I noticed immediately that there was one less member in his party.

"Can we get medical up here!?" Someone called out, and others scattered.

I tried to keep out of everyone's way, but wanted to help. A lot of my recovery process had involved self-medication, as instructed by Cade, in order to save him a bit of time and annoyance. I let the crowd rush by in a flurry of shouts and busted power armor. I smelled burnt fusion cores and blood.

Someone in a T-60 suit took a few steps forward, shooing away help before bracing themselves against the wall. Their helmet was unceremoniously ripped off and dropped to the ground. When my eyes followed it I saw a gaping hole in the side of the suit.

"Danse-!" My voice cracked and I went to him.

He tried barking an order to leave him, but stopped abruptly when he saw me. His face softened, but was still twisted in pain.

"Get out of that suit." I tried not to phrase it like an order. "You need to see Cade."

He obeyed the first part then stepped back and supported himself on the wall again. Even his jumpsuit was torn. "Never mind me," He stared up at the ceiling. "Cade's got his handful with the rest of them."

I considered decorum, then ignored it and grabbed his arm. "You're  _actively_ bleeding,  _sir."_ I tried to emphasize the title as much as I could through my worry. "This isn't something me or Haylen could patch up."

Silently, he let himself get pulled away.

It wasn't like he needed an escort to the medbay, but I knew he would've stood there  _bleeding_ until someone else came to find him. We reached it quickly, and it was oddly quiet in the waiting area. It was hard to look at his injury and listen to him breathe so heavily, but I forced myself to stay next to him. "...What happened?"

He whipped his head around, his eyes wild with fury. "Super mutants," He spat through a clenched jaw. "Those damn abominations nearly killed us all in a cowardly ambush."

"You really hate those things, huh." It sounded callous, but I was focusing on digging a cloth out of my pocket. I shoved it at him. "Take this to at least stop bleeding everywhere."

Again his angry scowl faded slightly. He took the cloth from me and pressed it against his wound, wincing.

"Who knows when he'll be able to see you." I glanced over to the work area. There were four others that had returned, and most of them seemed to be in serious condition. Cade and several assistants were rushing around to care for them, but their voices were calm.

"Does he want to come over here?" came Cade's voice suddenly.

Ignoring Danse's grumble of "I'm fine", I stood and snuck into the medbay, being careful not to get in anyone's way.

Cade noticed me and handed me a bundle. "Here. At least help him out if he's not  _dying."_

I took it and headed back. "I'm an assistant now."

Though Danse didn't look pleased, he turned toward me and lowered his hand from his wound.

I cleaned him up as best I could. I hadn't seen one so serious before, so the sight of it made me a little dizzy. I thought again about how hurt the others were, and wondered how long it would be until Danse would allow himself real medical attention. I gritted my teeth and kept working. "This damn jumpsuit," I muttered as I had to awkwardly bandage him despite it. "This should hold for a while though."

He made a small sound of approval. "Thank you. Maybe you should've been a medic." His tone was cheerful, but I could hear the exhaustion and pain in his voice.

"Not really for me," I whispered, tying off the bandage but making sure it wasn't too tight. " _This_ is almost too much."

 

It took a little over an hour for Cade to stabilize his other patients, but he finally called for Danse. To my surprise, he called for me, too.

"I'm not hurt," I let him know, frowning when Danse winced as he sat down. "I've been up here all day."

"Oh," He sounded genuinely surprised. "You're just always with him. I assumed you were out there too."

I felt my face flush and dismissed the comment, turning away and muttering something about waiting "outside". Back in the waiting area, I kept my eyes closed so I didn't have to see any more blood, or anything else going on. It was childish given the circumstances, but I very much kept my eyes away from Danse. I heard the two of them talking, with the other patients in peaceful medicated sleep, but couldn't catch any words.

I didn't notice my consciousness slipping away, and was jolted awake when a wet cloth was dropped in my lap.

"Clean up your hands." Danse's voice cleared the fog in my head instantly.

I did so, grimacing. I hadn't really noticed how awful they looked. I stood and ran the dirtied cloth to Cade, who took it without a word or even looking at me. When I turned back, Danse had started off down the hallway. I followed him. "...Heading to bed, uh, sir?"

"Perhaps." He kept looking forward. "I'm not sure how that's your concern."  
I felt struck by the coldness of the statement. "Yikes, sir. I'm just looking out for you."

That made him look at me, his stride uninterrupted. His eyes were back to their serious and tired look, and weren't quite focused on me.

"The others will be alright." I forced a smile. "I know you're worried about them, but you need to rest, too."

I'd been around Danse enough to know that when he was at his most stern, it meant he was nearly sick with worry. That was how he expressed it, and he preferred that everyone stay away from him. He'd even snapped at Haylen a couple times, but she'd confided in me that he always apologized later.

Before he could respond, we were at my quarters. It was really more of a half-converted closet, with a backup-of-a-backup cot masquerading as a real bed. When I paused at my door to open it, giving up on the conversation, Danse's footsteps also stopped.

He peered in through the half-open door. "... _This_ is your room?"

I wondered how he hadn't seen it before. I shrugged. "You've woken me up before."

"Well yes, but I never..." He took a couple steps toward me and looked further. "... _That's_ your bed?" He was weirdly alarmed.

I shrugged again. "Yeah? It's what they gave me."

"It's... barely more than a pile of blankets on a rusted frame."

"It's my bed." I stepped into the room. "And I'm going to sleep in it now. Goodnight, Pala-"

"Hold on." Despite his injury he moved quickly to block my way. "You were sleeping in that bed the whole time you were recovering from horrific injuries?"

I blinked up at him. "Yeah."

"That's not satisfactory."

"What, my answer?"

"No, your quarters."

I glanced at my room again. It was small, sure, but fine enough for me. The Brotherhood had taken me in as an injured civilian, something they apparently rarely did, and were kind enough to allow me to stay if I worked for it. They didn't owe me anything, and I in return didn't deserve to ask for anything. Especially a nicer bed in a time of near-war. "It's fine," I finally said.

Danse took a minute to respond. He closed his eyes and thought, arms crossed. "I insist you take my quarters for tonight."

_What?_ My head yelled it at the same time as my mouth. "Danse,  _you're_ hurt.  _You_ need  _your_ bed. What even-"

He put his hand out to quiet me. "You resume your training early tomorrow, and you've stayed up late enough as it is."

"It's really not that late."

"This isn't up for discussion."

It clearly was, since we were discussing it. "No." I frowned. "My bed is fine. It's been fine so far, it'll be fine tonight."

"You're not sleeping well. It's affecting you."

I was taken aback by the accusation. I had actually been sleeping quite well, and tried to argue the point.

"These past few days you've been distracted and completely spacing out during mealtimes." His eyes were locked on me and held my gaze. "Don't think I haven't noticed it. Your performance has been suffering. Only slightly, but enough for me to take note."

I couldn't believe a man who'd just lost a comrade in the field and suffered serious injuries himself was  _lecturing_ me about  _sleeping well._ "So what. The training's exhausting, of course I'm tired and a little off."

"But only lately."  
I wish he'd stop looking at me. He knew I was lying, or at least dodging the truth, which was none of his business anyways. "Alright, fine. Is that an _order?_ To sleep in your room?"

He paused for a second or two before nodding. "Yes. It is. Now get your sleeping clothes and come with me."

 

I slammed my door shut and stomped off in the direction of his room. I heard him following me, slowly.  _Who does he think he is?_ I angrily asked myself before answering:  _He's your superior. He can boss you around._

Danse's quarters were just down the hall from mine. I stopped at the door and huffed. I was really overreacting with my anger; what was I feeling was more of a crippling anxiety. But he couldn't know that. It was all so... foolish. Weird, even.

He opened the door for me after it became clear that I wasn't touching it. 

Indignantly, I went in.

Well, it definitely looked more like an actual room. It was decently furnished, with a large, comfortable-looking bed. I hesitated but finally took a step in. It was warm.

"What do you think? Satisfactory?" He put his hands on his hips proudly, then flinched and lowered them again.

I turned and glared. "Look at you. You're hurt. Like I said, you need your  _own_ bed to sleep in."

"I've seen worse. I'll be fine."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to give up on the anger. "Okay. For real, Danse, I'm worried. I want you to get a good night's sleep tonight."

He sighed. "As if that's realistic."

"...Huh? What do you mean?"

Looking away, he shook his head and sighed again, like he regretted saying anything. "I don't sleep well. It doesn't matter."

"Then you'll  _never_ get to sleep on  _my_ shitty bed!" I couldn't catch my tongue fast enough. I knew he didn't like cursing, but I also didn't have time to apologize.

"Not your concern." He parroted what he snapped at me earlier. "Now get yourself comfortable, I'll leave you alone in just a minute."

I humored him, but was still grumpy about the situation. I dropped my pile of belongings next to the bed, then started crawling into it.

It was  _soft._ I noticed it right away. The mattress felt like a real mattress, and when my head hit the pillow, a wave of comfort washed over me. Automatically I pulled the covers up to my chin. My whole body ached, but in that relaxed sort of way. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Something about it-

"...Smells like you." I whispered, smiling. That wasn't the type of thing you really noticed about someone until you crawl into their bed. Then you know, immediately, it's  _their_ bed.

He stopped shuffling around the room. "...Sorry."

"No!" My eyes snapped open and I sat up. "Aha, no, it's..." I bobbed back and forth under the blanket. "It's nice."

Through the dimness of the room I still saw him smile. "Alright, then." He moved a few more things around on a nearby desk, then turned to the door. "I suppose I should get going."

"Danse."

He didn't move.

"I don't know if you're even gonna  _fit_ in my bed. It was set up for me, not you."

Only his eyes shifted to look at me. "I'll make do."

"The  _floor_ would be better. But there's barely room to stand in my quarters."

"Would you prefer I sleep on  _this_ floor, then?"

"Yes." I answered, since he asked. "But I don't want you... not in your bed. I think you should just take your bed back."

He finally turned to me and let out a long sigh. "Nuke," At the very least, he'd changed out of his torn and bloodied jumpsuit and into comfortable clothes. "I don't understand why you're so concerned with where I sleep."

My face burned and I hid it with the blanket. "Hey, likewise." I hoped he still heard me. "What I mean is like-" My heart jumped into my throat, but it wasn't enough to stop me. "-I have a solution that would make us both shut up."

He waited.

"The bed's big enough."

It took him a second, then he flinched. "O-oh. You're saying-"

But neither of us continued. There was a very tense few seconds of silence before I forced myself to say something. "...Just stay here."

He thought for a moment, tilting his head in each direction slightly. "I suppose it's... not  _completely_ inappropriate." His voice definitely cracked, and he cleared his throat. "Close quarters isn't anything new, especially when other resources are... inadequate."

I felt a rush of pride from winning the "argument", but quickly realized I hadn't exactly considered the consequences. I wanted Danse to sleep somewhere comfortable. Only his bed was available for that. He demanded I sleep in that bed. So--

He hesitated at the bedside.

"Oh-" I shuffled away from him, though he already had plenty of room. "What um, side do you prefer?"

"This is fine." His voice was hushed as, finally, he lifted the covers and lowered himself onto the bed. 

I tried to keep it together. As far as I knew, it was the first time I'd ever shared a bed with someone. I reminded myself that it  _shouldn't_ be a big deal; my superior officer had ordered me to do this! That wasn't weird, right? ...But it definitely was, and I couldn't convince myself otherwise.

...But he was a soldier, and soldiers had to adapt. He settled into bed with a sigh and no other fuss.

I shuffled more blankets over to him.

"Don't worry about me," He said, eyes closed. "I won't sleep much, anyway."

I moved maybe an inch closer so I wouldn't fall off the bed. "...Why? The injury?"

He grumbled.

I shouldn't have pushed the issue in a situation that was already awkward, but my concern was stronger than my self-control. "I get it. I wake up cold every day."

His eyes opened but he stayed quiet.

"Feels like coming out of cryo. Every morning. Except I don't  _usually_ fall on the floor."

The faintest smile appeared on his exhausted face. His eyes closed again. "Nightmares." He finally said, and that was it.

I couldn't even imagine the things he'd seen. I'd been awake for what, two months? Barely two months, and one bad event brought me enough traumatic memories. I shook the image of the deathclaw from my head and forced my eyes shut. I wasn't good at forcing myself to sleep, especially in as weird a situation as I was in, but... The bed was warm. The room was quiet with only the most mild of ambient sounds. Danse was breathing evenly beside me, and whether he was asleep or not, it was calming. I felt  _safe._ If anything were to happen, he was between me and the door - not like I wanted to use him as a human shield, but even with an injury, he was better at everything than I was.

Despite being hurt, despite whatever had happened that day and on any other terrible day, he was quiet and attempting to rest.

I followed his example.

 


	10. Chapter 10

I didn't feel cold when I woke up, but it was dark.  _Too dark to be morning_ was my first, hazy thought. The thought had to push itself through strangeness my half-asleep brain barely registered as noise.

It came from Danse's direction. After a second of realizing  _Oh, yeah, I'm in his bed,_ I noticed something was wrong. His breathing wasn't calm like it had been, what seemed like ten minutes ago. He tossed a few times, turned here and there.

I leaned closer, trying to make sense of it. The last word he said to me before we went to sleep rang in my head. I heard a few harsh whispers, hissing out through gritted teeth.

When I touched his arm he shot up, ripping the covers from himself with a horrible cry.  _Fear_ was what it registered as, to me, but it quickly became something else. He dropped the blanket and clutched his side, doubling over and whining in pain.

I sat up and latched onto his arm. I said his name, first as a whisper, then louder.

The light was negligible, but even I could see how wide his eyes were. He stared forward into nothing, his chest heaving with desperate breaths that sounded painful, like they were trapped in his lungs. His whole body began to shudder.

_"Danse,"_ I said again, trying to calm  _myself_ down with a steady voice. "You're okay, you're okay." Which of us was I talking to? Physically, I was fine. But seeing him like that shook me. I felt him turn to look at me, and for a few seconds nothing happened.

Slowly, he relaxed. The vice grip he had on his own stomach released, and his shoulders sagged. His breathing, though ragged from the pain of sitting up suddenly, improved.

I loosened my grip on his arm, but didn't let go. He felt so sturdy, it was hard to believe he could ever be shaking as much as he was.

He took a few more breaths, but didn't say anything. Slowly he leaned back until his head was resting on the pillow again. He kept staring at the ceiling, but his eyes were only half-open.

I went with him, still wrapped around his arm. With my own heart rate finally slowing down, I felt too tired to move. I didn't  _want_ to let go, anyway. I found myself leaning my head against him and gently running my hand across his arm.

He was warm to the touch. Probably too hot from his panic, since he didn't bother re-covering himself much with the blanket. Slowly, his eyes closed, and he relaxed even further into the bed. The whole time, he never said a word.

"You're safe," I reassured him anyway, closing my own eyes. The heat from him was enough that I didn't need the blanket, either.

I didn't need  _anything_ else.


	11. Chapter 11

Warm. My first thought. I was gently carried to consciousness by the comforting security of the bed I'd suddenly gotten very used to. It was alright for a second, before I realized I was alone.

I was barely changed into my normal clothes; I probably looked like a disheveled mess as I plodded through the hallways, looking for anyone I was comfortable talking to.

Eventually, I found Haylen. ...Well, she found me.

"Where were you last night?" She looked me all over in concern. "I came to your room but you didn't answer. I kind of just figured you were asleep, but..."

I tried to make some excuse, but was totally unable to, so I changed the subject. "Have you seen Danse? I need, uh, to talk to him."

Her eyes narrowed. "Yeah, I did. Something happen last night?"  
I started. "Uh,"

"He seemed really out of it. He said he," She looked away, cracking a smile. " _Slept too hard._ Never heard  _that_ from him before."

"So he slept well?" I blurted, a little too loudly. I tried to wave it away and, thankfully, Haylen moved on to tell me where she'd last seen him. I darted off in the direction she pointed, convinced that was the most suspicious I'd ever acted in my life.

 

I found him on the flight deck. It was a warmer day than the last time I'd hung out there, and the wind was light. I didn't have to shout too loudly to get his attention.

He was leaning over the railing and half turned to me. I wasn't sure what I expected his reaction to be, but it certainly wasn't visible relaxation and a wide smile.

It lessened some of my anxiety, but I still had to steel myself and bit my lip as I approached him. I copied his posture and stared out into the distance, only glancing at him for a second. "I wanted to apologize."

His smile vanished. "What for?"

"Last night. I think I acted inappropriately." My face was burning and I felt my eyes watering, but I did everything I could to hold myself together. "You invited me into your quarters, but-"

He put up a hand and I shrank back instantly. "On the contrary," He lowered it. "I believe you were giving me the care I desperately needed. I spoke to both Cade and Elder Maxson about what happened, omitting some... details," A flash of a smirk. "And they both agree that considering the circumstances, a shared quarters situation would be ideal."

The breeze had dried my pre-tears, but couldn't cool my face. "Wait, what did you tell them?" I abandoned decorum as my head spun in circles. "That we slept together?"

This time,  _he_ recoiled. "Um, not with that particular phrasing."

"R-right, sorry."

"Anyways, I..." He looked away quickly then faced me fully, still leaning against the guardrail. "Like I told you last night. I don't sleep well. Cade thinks it might have to do with... post-traumatic stress." The last three words were spoken with a clenched jaw. I sensed embarrassment, but with Danse, it could be difficult to tell.

I didn't know what to say, and chose the rare option of staying silent.

"But last night," He sighed. "I slept well. After a slight episode, of course, but for the rest of the night I slept soundly with no interruptions." He looked straight at me, almost gravely. "That simply  _hasn't_ happened to me in... I could honestly say  _years._ " The late morning sun highlighted the scars on his face, especially the one over his right eye, but it made his eyes shine in a way that made him look... at peace.

I hadn't seen him like that before. It was a typical, neutral-serious Danse expression, but his brown eyes told a bit more of a story than his pride allowed him to say out loud.

"So I wanted to thank you for it."

The first thing I did was apologize when I found him, and now he was  _thanking_ me?

"And if my proposal makes you uncomfortable, I completely understand."

Proposal? I ran through the conversation in my head again. He told Cade, and Maxson, and they...  _oh._ "They're okay with this?" I asked, despite having received the answer earlier.

He nodded, smiling again. "At the very least, until my injury is healed. Cade suggested I allow  _you_ to watch over  _me,_ this time."

I was about to respond with some kind of jumbled mess of words, but an announcement over the PA system cut me off. Considering it was Maxson's voice calling specifically for  _me,_ Danse didn't seem to mind my vague hand signals and abrupt exit. 

 

I wasn't sure how to enter the room. Knock? Call out to him? I wound up doing neither and awkwardly stood at the entrance.

"Come in." His voice was commanding and powerful even when facing away from me.

I stepped in, still hesitant, and saluted despite him not being able to see. "You... wanted to see me, sir?"

He finally turned, wearing his typical expression. "Greetings, Initiate Nuke. How has your training been going?"

Training. It felt like a month since my last session, when in reality it was only a day and a half later. "Very well despite interruptions," I said, feeling immediately stupid.

"They happen." He responded with an understanding tone. "Your instructor was injured, and you chose to see to his recovery instead of resuming activities this morning. Correct?"

I had the sinking feeling that I was in trouble. I only managed to squeak out a "Yes, sir."

"I want you to understand that being a part of the Brotherhood is not only about how well you shoot a gun."

Feeling slightly alleviated.

"We don't refer to each other as _Brother_ and _Sister_ as some sort of formality. We watch out for each other, whether a mission is underway or we're in the relative safety of our base of operations."  
I kept nodding along and verbally confirming, my fear of punishment waning with each word.

"Paladin Danse will no doubt need some time to heal, as you did from your own injuries." A noticeable pause followed.

"If..." I hesitated, but continued when he nodded. "If it's, um, preferrable that I continue my training, I'll do so."

"Which do you think would benefit you more?"

He was asking  _me?_ The look on his face betrayed nothing, but I suspected he was testing me. Taking a deep breath, I decided to answer honestly. "My uh, opinion, sir... Is that everyone would benefit more from Paladin Danse's recovery being a priority." I spoke more quickly as I went on and had to force myself to slow down. "He has, um, a tendency to neglect his well-being in favor of others at times."

Maxson nodded,  _almost_ smirking. "He's quite an important pillar in our organization. I'm trusting his recovery to you, Knight."

I froze.

The smirk widened. "Judging by Cade's report of your assistance last night, I think your dedication to the cause has earned you the promotion. Continue this behavior and don't make me regret keeping you on."

I saluted a little too hard, basically punching myself in the chest. I couldn't keep a big, stupid grin off my face. "Yes, sir! I swear it!"

I was dismissed and immediately sprinted out of the room, looking for Haylen.

 

She threw her arms around me at the news and almost lifted me off the ground. She squealed that she was happy for me, then asked if I had told Danse.

"I found out two minutes ago, of course not." I coughed from how tight she was squeezing me, which made her release the deathgrip, but she kept holding my hands.

Her eyes were basically shimmering. "Seriously. I'm proud of you."

_Proud_ of me. The word went through me and made me shiver. "No one's said  _that_ to me yet. Thanks."

"Not even Danse?" She pouted and dropped my hands. "I know he is."

I thought of the looks he would give me during and after training. The nods of approval and almost-smiles when I first started hitting things. "Yeah," I sighed and looked away. "I guess he must be."

"Go tell him!" She pushed me away gently. "I'll go with you if you want."

The last few words lifted a weight off my chest. I nodded and, taking her hand, headed to the flight deck.

 

He was heading inside when we got to him. He smiled at the sight of us. "Scribe Haylen. Initiate Nuke."

Haylen elbowed me with a huge grin on her face. 

"Um, that's  _Knight._ " I blurted.

He stared.

"I'm a Knight now."

It seemed like he didn't believe me at first. He pouted and turned to Haylen, who smiled in affirmation, which was immediately enough. He smiled in typical Danse fashion, but it kept spreading until he barely looked like himself. "Congratulations," He beamed, clapping a hand on my shoulder. "You worked hard to get here. I really did believe in you, even if I was hard on you."

Had he been? I couldn't recall ever being  _that_ put off by his attitude. He just did what a superior officer put in charge of a newbie brat was expected to do. I shrank back under his grinning gaze. "Th-thanks, sir. I hope I can... keep improving."

"You will." Letting go of my shoulder, he stood up straighter and looked over the both of us. "Well? What's on the agenda for today?"

"Nuke's making sure you don't hurt yourself, right?" Haylen didn't miss a beat and gave Danse a mischievous look. "Maybe I should tag along, make sure you two are behaving."

Her tone of voice startled us both. I couldn't believe the shade of red Danse had turned. He absently mumbled something about the comment not being appropriate, but Haylen just laughed and nudged his arm. 

"Oh, calm down." She perked her head up as the PA system announced the time. "Why don't we go get something to eat?"

 

So many of my meals had been taken down at the airport, I was barely used to the Prydwen's mess hall anymore. It was pretty packed, but room was made for the three of us. But something about the chaos of lunchtime relaxed me. There was casual chatter instead of just mission talk, and plenty of jokes that would sometimes escalate to teasing. Even Danse loosened up a bit during the downtime.

"Tables turned, huh Danse?" Another Paladin called from down the table. "New little Knight's babysittin'  _you!"_

Of course, Danse had immediately bragged to everyone that the Commonwealth citizen his squad had rescued was a Knight now. He waved the comment off. "If that's meant to embarrass me, try again. She's quite the good ward."

_I_ became embarrassed at that. I couldn't be sure if Danse noticed the smirks we were getting, but I felt a dozen gazes on me. Trying to laugh it off like Danse had, I said something about wanting basic medical training, anyways.

Despite their comments, the other soldiers -  _my Brothers and Sisters,_ I reminded myself - seemed genuinely happy with my presence, finally. At first I'd been someone underfoot, an invasive commoner wasting resources. But, after a couple months, I'd really made something of myself.

"We'll get you on a  _real_ mission, soon," Danse nudged me gently. "I can tell you're itching to be field-tested."

It  _would_ be nice to see something besides the Prydwen's interior and the Airport's training yard, I admitted. "But," I added, "Only after you're feeling better." I needed him to look after me, since I was still intimidated by it all... But I couldn't quite admit that to him. He had confidence in me, and I didn't want to shake it.

 

I stayed by Danse's side for the rest of the day. It wasn't very eventful, but I made sure he got to his appointment with Cade, and we talked a decent amount. At first, it was mostly idle chatter.

"You really  _are_ a bit like Cutler," He mused, not looking at me.

I picked up on the implications right away. I hadn't heard the name before, and the look in his eyes told me it came from a memory. "Yeah?" I asked, not wanting to push any more.

He wore a wistful smile and turned to me. We were sitting on a bench in a mostly-deserted common area; he was careful not to twist his injury too much. He told me about Cutler, and briefly about his own past. Rivet City. Being a junk trader. Things I was wholly unfamiliar with, but could understand well enough. He told me about how the two of them met, with Cutler teaching him the ropes and helping curb a bit of his naivety. And then, of course, the two of them joining the Brotherhood together...

I watched as his eyebrows came together and he lowered his head, eyes darkening.

"Remember those things I told you about - Super mutants?"

_Uhoh._

But the story was worse than I could imagine. I saw Danse's arm shaking with rage as he recounted the obviously painful story; having to kill someone you once trusted, once called a friend... Seeing them become a monster. The pain in his eyes was so obvious, I nearly felt it myself.

I put my hand on his arm but said nothing. I wasn't sure there was much I  _could_ say.

"That didn't happen in the Commonwealth, but..." He finally lifted his head, eyeing me. "This place seems even more dangerous. And earlier, I encouraged you about going on missions." He smiled in a strange, almost regretful way as he looked me over. "I don't know if  _anyone_ could ever be ready for this godforsaken place."

"I promise I won't get killed." I forced a grin.

He shook his head. "That's not something you can ever promise."

"Well," I leaned back, dropped my hand from him but not breaking eye contact. "If I  _do_ get killed, who's gonna look after you? You don't seem to tell Haylen much."

"I-"

"That's a good enough reason for me to stay alive, I think."

"The choice isn't usually your own."

"Oh yeah?" I leaned forward again, my elbows on my knees. "You think if I started running around this ship, any one of you-" I pointed at him, then gestured to the space around us. "-in your power armor suits, or scribes with their heavy vests, could catch me?"

He thought for a second. "You  _did_ do well in your agility training, even with your leg still hurting."

"Not everything's about being able to shoot the biggest gun."

He chuckled and rested back against the wall, obviously disagreeing with me. Of course he did - that's how  _he_ was built. That's what  _he_ knew.

I shrugged. "I didn't walk away from a deathclaw fight because I armwrestled it into submission."

"...You didn't walk away from it at all, on that leg."

Another joke! I elbowed his arm and pouted. "Wow," I exaggerated the sarcastic tone and rolled my eyes. "That's pretty insensitive,  _sir."_

He was smirking, which I was glad for. He even half-elbowed me back, obviously being careful. If he actually tried, he could've probably broken my arm. "So, not to change the subject, but..." His smile faded. "Have you thought of a response to my proposal yet?"

The morning came back to me like a bullet. I wished he'd stop using the word  _proposal._ "What do you mean?"

"As in," His voice sunk low. "Where do you want to sleep tonight?"

"With you." I responded immediately and sharply. It took all my willpower to look at him, but I was glad I did - his surprised expression was  _adorable._ And I hated that I thought so.

 

We turned in early. I wasn't quite ready for sleep, so I climbed into bed and dug out my personal little bundle from underneath it. Wrapped up in a spare shirt was the box of snack cakes Haylen had given me before.

Danse paused as he lifted the covers for himself. "What's that?"

I sat them in my lap and flipped the lid open. "Want one?"

"I don't know what they are."

I realized I didn't answer his question and pushed the box toward him. "Fancy Lads Snack Cakes. They're yummy."

"Oh," He grimaced. "Sweets." He mumbled something about it not being "appropriate" for a soldier to eat such things.

I rolled my eyes and almost told him to live a little, before thinking... "If they're too much for you," I grinned. "Then I'll just eat them all myself."

He sat up straight. "That's not good for you." For a second he hesitated, then almost angrily snatched a cake out of the box. "At the very least, to stop you from eating them  _all,_ I'll... have one."

I watched with the biggest smile on me face. Even if he didn't like sweets, I wanted to see his reaction.

He took a very cautious bite, eyeing the thing like it was going to attack him. There was a tense couple of seconds, before everything changed.

I couldn't help giggling.

His brown eyes lit up as his whole face relaxed. He looked dumbfounded, but quickly snapped out of it and went to take another too-enthusiastic bite. Then he noticed me staring at him and glared, pulling the snack away from his mouth and resting his hand in his lap. "...I supposed it's not terrible."

I just kept on smiling.

 

It was another good night for both of us. I vaguely recalled Danse stirring at some point, but nothing dramatic. My own dreams were uneventful and left my memory as soon as I woke up. This time, Danse hadn't completely left, though he was already awake and out of bed. I made a smug mental note of the very much missing snack cake that had been retired to the nightstand before we'd gone to sleep.

"Morning," He said plainly, his bare back to me. 

I tried not to stare. What wasn't covered by the bandage was patterned with a decent assortment of scars. Some looked like they'd been pretty serious wounds; I wondered if he even knew about some of them. I mumbled a greeting in response, but turned over in bed.

He - thankfully - finished putting on his shirt and turned around. "Come on now, none of that."

I grumbled. The bed was warm, and I was confident the rest of the ship wasn't from the wind I could hear outside.

But he was suddenly at the bedside. He dropped a heavy hand onto my blanket-covered shoulder and very lightly shook me. "Nuke. You're a Knight now. That means  _more_ responsibility, not less."

I made an even more annoyed sound, but regretted it when I heard him chuckle. I reluctantly wiggled out of bed, throwing my legs over the side and staring at the floor. I must've looked like a mess.

He stepped back and waited, watching me.

Finally, I pushed myself to a standing position, with only a little more complaining. "It feels early."

"It is."

"I hate it."

"Come on, now." He clapped his hand back onto my shoulder. "Let's get going."


	12. Chapter 12

Days came and went. Before I knew it, Danse was healed, and we were both assigned to a field mission. Luckily the same one, but I could sense the intensity of Danse's anxiety right away.

He was definitely thinking of the squadron he'd led when he first got to the Commonwealth, and of course the prior mission that'd given him his most recent injury. Though only one soldier was lost in that last one, it was still a loss. He considered it unacceptable, and hadn't quite learned to cope with it yet.  _He_ was the leader. It had all been  _his_ responsibility.

And again, it was. This time the group was a bit smaller; it consisted of Danse, our leading Paladin, Haylen as our Scribe, and three Knights - two of them being Rhys and myself. The third Knight was the only one, besides Danse, with power armor.

When I offered a long-time-no-see greeting to Rhys, he only scowled at me and returned a half-hearted salute. Luckily, I was beyond being affected by it, so I just rolled my eyes and prepared to set out.

We took the vertibird directly from the ship to the drop point. Again I was consumed by the earth flying by below us; Though I wasn't exactly keen on seeing more of the terror that was the Commonwealth, it was interesting to watch. The radstags were a lot less startling from so high in the sky.

Our target was an old medical facility, Danse told me. Intelligence suggested it could have valuable technology, but the building was also occupied by feral ghouls.

So, I thought, trying not to shake. I was about to meet, and hopefully kill, my very first feral ghoul. I was less than thrilled, but remembered that I needed to prove myself. Training was really nothing like the real thing, but it  _had_ prepared me. And, once in a while, I'd practiced my shooting on a few passing mole rats.

The building finally came into view. It wasn't large, but still intimidated me. All sorts of alarms about it being structurally unsound were going off in my head... But I assumed, in this new world, that was the norm, and I'd have to get over it.

We landed some distance from it, and immediately set off once we hit the ground.

 

I hadn't really seen Danse "in action" as a commander, and it filled me with a bit of thrill to hear him giving commands. He ordered Haylen to the rear for her protection, then Rhys and the other Knight to the front to open the doors. When he got to me, he hesitated.

"Stay by Haylen." He nearly whispered, face somber.

I was disappointed, but nodded and obeyed. I kept my gun at the ready; It was a smaller version of the standard laser rifle given to most officers. Everyone called it a "laser pistol" - I called it "cute". It was light enough for me to handle with ease, but could still bring plenty of hurt.

It all moved very quickly. We entered the building and were met with silence. The whole place looked ransacked beyond recognition, and I wondered how we'd be able to find anything of use.

"Fan out, start searching. Watch your backs." Danse's voice was slightly strained from the amount of dust in the air. "Ferals can hide almost anywhere."

Haylen and I took the left hallway. I kept in front of her, alert. It was her job to search for tech, and I needed to keep her safe. We had to watch every step we took, while also keeping an eye out for any ambushes. As we trudged through the hallways, sneaking into a couple rooms, Haylen began filling her pockets with odds and ends.

The sound of laser fire came from the opposite hallway. Danse had been somewhere behind us, but he took off immediately to aid the other Knights.

It put us on high alert and Haylen stuck closer to me. We rounded a corner into a more open area. The sounds of gunfire faded, and the eerie silence returned. Light poured in from the mostly broken windows, but there was no breeze. It was hard to keep our focus as we tried not to trip on the constant debris.

Every sound caught our attention, but we had to force it back. The building creaked and groaned around us with every breath we took. The room turned us away from our comrades, and their power armored footsteps disappeared.

"Oh!" Haylen cried, startling me out of my skin as she ran to a pile of rubble.

I ignored the pounding pulse in my ears. Haylen seemed like she was in her own world, tearing apart a decently intact terminal, so I kept watch.

The pile was formidable. When a humanoid shape rose from its other side, it took me almost too long to realize what it was.

_Not_ human.

I cursed and, by reflex, grabbed Haylen by one of her backpacks and dragged her backward. It got her just out of range of the ghoul's long-armed swipe. I dropped her, freeing up my hand to steady my gun, and fired. Tried to focus. My heart was pounding.  _You're shooting at something human-shaped,_ my brain tried to yell at me frantically. But it  _wasn't_ human. It was shambling and growling and there went its arm when I hit the shoulder a couple of times.

It went down quickly, but the commotion alerted its friends. From either side of us more of them struggled to their feet, then lunged.

I took a hit. Maybe two. It all became a blur and all I could focus on was pulling the trigger. Aiming was secondary, which was probably bad, but soon they were going down. We each picked a side, Haylen handling her selection of ghouls as best she could with limited firepower.

I whirled around to help her, and turned too wide. Not that I could've predicted it. A light flashed by me and I felt my left arm burn. I swore again and dropped it to my side. I could handle my gun with one arm, though shakily. I only half heard the aggressive scolding from the direction of the blast.

In an instant it was over. Heavy, welcome footsteps approached us. The rest of the team was uninjured, and informed us that they'd cleared the rest of the building.

Haylen rushed to my arm and I tried to shoo her away.

The scolding happened again - Danse, to Rhys. The latter had fired the shot that hit me.

"For god's sake, I'm fine." The burning had already stopped - the blast had only grazed me, and didn't even get through my jacket. "What did we find?"

Danse looked me over, concerned, then appeared to drop the subject. "Scraps, here and there. Not much."

"I found something!" After finally giving up on trying to treat my arm, Haylen held up what looked to me like a mess of wires. In the center, though, was a large sheet of metal covered in nodes and conduits. "A really nice circuitboard!"

The other three visibly relaxed, and Danse even smiled. "Nice work, Haylen. This seems to have been worth it after all."

"Well, I would've gotten my face torn off if Nuke hadn't been paying attention." She elbowed me. "Thanks for the save."

I returned my gun to my back and put my hands on my hips. "Wasn't too bad. Safety in numbers with these guys, huh?"

Danse nodded. "Ferals can easily overwhelm even the most highly trained soldier. The trick is to not get caught off-guard." He eyed Haylen, and I noticed her shrink back ever so slightly.

With no more ferals to threaten us, we did a quick sweep of the building again. There was nothing else of intrigue, so we decided to head home.

I was surprised by how much time had passed when we got outside. It had been a couple hours, at least, judging by the sun's position.  _Time flies when you're having fun, I guess._

The vertibird was waiting for us, along with its small defense crew. They were glad to see us all back in one piece. Haylen made comments about her own close encounter, and about Rhys hitting me. Luckily, everyone chuckled, probably glad that those were the worst things to recount.

As we approached the Prydwen some time later, I looked out at the sun setting in the direction we'd returned from. It was setting over a world I still had to get used to, but the view itself was familiar. Somehow, I was only a little glad for it. In the recent days, I'd found myself looking back a lot less, whether literally or just in my head. I had desperately searched for familiarity when I tumbled out of that facility, but it all felt so far in the past, now. My familiarity was the Prydwen, my brothers and sisters in their uniforms and armor. Familiarity was waking up every day next to Danse, and having it treated as normal.

I liked my new familiar.


	13. Chapter 13

We reported to Maxson, were congratulated for our success, and dismissed. The others were used to the formalities, so I easily fell into it all.

The evening went on as if nothing had even happened. Rhys and the other Knight vanished; Danse, Haylen, and I stuck together through dinner, then went our separate ways as it got late. I showered, and retired to Danse's room.

"It's really  _our_ room now, isn't it?" He asked, though he wasn't looking at me.

I shrugged as I finished brushing my still-damp hair. "As long as I'm welcome here."

"Of course you are." His voice was quiet and accented with a sigh. "The last two missions I led both had casualties."

I flinched at the sudden topic change, but turned around and smiled for support. "These things happen. It's not your fault."

His shoulders sagged. From his spot on the bed he looked up, his brown eyes full of that familiar sorrow. "But it is. I was the commanding officer for those missions, and people were killed because of decisions I made."

I sat down next to him. Maybe a little too hard, and a little too close. "You can't predict everything."

"...I certainly didn't predict you making it as far as you did."

"Oh?"

He sighed again, lighter this time. "I'm not sure anyone could have. You defied everyone's expectations."

"Well, I definitely busted my ass."

Somewhere high above us, rain was pelting the Prydwen's outer shell.

To my disappointment, he returned to the earlier topic. "Those failures won't leave my head. How is anyone expected to believe in me?"

"Our mission today went fine."

"Yes, but-"

"And  _you're_ the one who trained me."

He was silent.

"So... At the very least,  _I_ believe in you. You're the reason I was  _able_ to defy expectations."

He took a deep breath, and finally smiled. "You're right. That  _does_ make me feel better... thank you."

"Well, let's get to bed. If we stay up much later-"

"Hold on."

I moved to get up, but the stern tone of his voice made me immediately sit back down. "Y-yeah?"

"My original recon squad, Gladius..."

My attention was demanded as he started telling the story. He recounted the names of the soldiers that had fallen, and focused particularly on one Knight who had been injured so severely...

Haylen had stayed by his side for two days, he told me. Then came his order - a lethal dose of painkillers to end his suffering. He wouldn't have made it, and everyone knew it, but...

His face twisted with confliction. "I think I pushed her too hard. But she obeyed me without question."

I lifted my hand, but he continued, so I drew it back quickly.

He didn't notice. He recounted the rest of the story... How Haylen came to him later, and fell into his arms, crying.

It was a painful image, but I smirked when I imagined what Danse's expression must have been. 

"Took her a few minutes to calm down. Then she... kissed me on the cheek, and simply said 'thank you' before heading off. I didn't... I wasn't quite sure how to react."

I stayed quiet, still listening intently despite the sudden pounding of my heart.

"But I'm worried about her. About everyone under my command. They..." He trailed off.

" _You're_ the one that needs to be worried about."

His head snapped to look at me, eyes wide. "Me?"

"You're so torn up about everything that's happened recently." Hesitantly, I rested my hand against his arm. "You gotta focus on your successes."

"Successes..." He parroted, hanging his head.

"Like me." It felt stupid to say, but I kept going. "I'm here because of you. And  _I_ believe in you. I know you can push past these setbacks."

"Like you did." He barely breathed the words. "You've been rolling with every punch the world has thrown at you... Which is quite a lot, considering how short of a time you've been... um, awake."

"It's my only option, I guess." My hand was still on his arm, but it felt frozen there. I couldn't move any part of my body, especially when his head turned and made eye contact. "I... really do believe in you, Danse. You've always been there for me."

He stared at me so, so intensely. I felt my eyes burn along with where my hand was touching his arm. The silence only lasted an instant, but it felt like forever before he said, "I'll do my best to  _keep_ being there."

"Good," I tore my eyes and hand away and grabbed my own leg. Clawed at it, really. I stared at my feet and tried to think of nothing else.  _Nothing._ "Cause I  _want_ to be there for you, too." The words caught in my chest like a rock and I was surprised they made it out.  _Shit,_ I thought,  _Was I flirting with him?_ I wasn't  _trying_ to. Keeping control of my crazy head around him, when it was just us, was getting harder. Why? I demanded an answer from myself but got nothing. My brain completely fried, I leaned against him.

He went rigid and a cold blade of ice shot through my whole body. But very quickly, to my desperate relief, he relaxed.

My chest ached. I felt his weight rest back against me, and I swore my heart stopped. For a good few minutes, there were no words between us. We just sat - my eyes were closed, and I was listening to him breathe. It was like the first night we shared a bed. So much silence. Now, at night, we would chat until we both fell asleep from running out of words. But this...

"Let's get to sleep." He whispered. I hadn't realized how close his hand was to mine before he tapped it lightly.

I didn't want to leave his side, but I  _was_ honestly about to fall asleep. I swung my legs up and crawled to the edge of the covers, then shuffled myself under.

He followed after, and moved closer to me than usual.

I stayed on my side, facing away from him. I was so thankful for the ambient sound of the raindrops to break up the silence. I was nearly asleep when I heard him whisper my name. Too tired to respond, I didn't even move and stayed quiet. I tried breathing deeper to feign sleep.

He didn't say anything more, but I swore I felt him reach out and gently,  _so_ gently brush against my hair.


	14. Chapter 14

The familiar only got better. Everything became more comfortable. Another order to go out on a mission felt like nothing; Maxson liked to keep particular squads together if we worked well in the field.

We didn't get to see much of the Commonwealth. They were more "go here, do this, come home"-type missions. I didn't really mind, as much as I secretly wanted to explore. Just being beside my friends - yes, even Rhys - was enough for me to feel satisfied. Even when we were dodging ferals, or fighting off those horrible robots, I knew I had my team to back me up. I knew they would be there for me.

_This_ is what it really means to be in the Brotherhood, I thought.

Through it all, memories started to come back to me. Nothing really specific, but I started remembering  _ideas_ and  _places._ Songs I hadn't heard in 200 years were getting stuck in my head. Sometimes I recognized a building and knew what it was called before we were close enough to read the dilapidated signs.

Haylen took down notes on everything I said, even if it didn't really matter. When I told her about the songs, she wanted me to sing them.

I couldn't remember ever having sang in front of someone, but I did my best. It was hard when my whole face turned red and my voice cracked, but seeing Haylen's face light up with absolute joy gave me a bit more confidence.

I tried squawking out what I could remember of assorted songs that had been slowly reappearing in my memory. I knew I was missing verses, and I was out of practice and pitchy. Haylen didn't seem to mind. She was writing down whatever lyrics I could remember, and titles, if they came to me. I told her the names of artists she'd never heard of, and anything from a movie was  _completely_ new to her.

"Movies had singing?" She asked with wonder in her eyes. "That sounds amazing..."

I told her that some movies were centered  _entirely_ around music. The suddenly realization of how much was lost - art of every medium - weighed on me and felt like it would crush me. I was glad I was remembering things, but that came with the realization that I would never experience any of those things again.

I almost wished I'd stop remembering.

Haylen took my hands into hers when I told her that, and she stared into my eyes. "Don't ever say that," She begged, squeezing tightly. "You're one of the few people alive who still remembers these things!"

So it was up to me to keep them in everyone else's memory, too?  _Sure, no pressure,_ I joked. But in a way, it gave me a sense of pride. When I remembered a new song, it brightened up the day no matter how insane the latest field mission had been. I couldn't help but think, back then, I must have loved music. I enjoyed singing, too, even if it was embarrassing and my voice barely wanted to cooperate. The songs would spark other memories, sometimes in the middle of singing them to Haylen.

But it still wasn't anything specific. Nothing about me. I couldn't remember a family, a home, what town I grew up in... I recognized things in the Commonwealth, but had I lived there forever? I couldn't know any of that.

"Take it slow," Haylen reminded me after I'd talked to Cade about it. The doctor had warned me that so many memories triggering could tire me out, even if they were positive. Both of them urged me to relax, and just remain hopeful that I would recall things about my actual life soon enough...

So I just kept on singing. When I wasn't remembering new (but really, old) songs, I would practice the ones I already knew.

One day, out on the flight deck, I was confident no one could hear. The wind drowned everything out and carried my voice away. I'd been practicing this one song, the first one that came back to me... Haylen had been begging me to perform it for the rest of the ship during some meal gathering, but the thought terrified me. The thought of  _anyone_ besides Haylen listening to me did, to be honest. I let all my feelings out into the song; all my anxieties, my frustration over a lack of memories, and the quiet desperation that had been growing in me since Danse had first let me join him in bed.

As it turned out, the wind wasn't as trustworthy as I thought. When I turned to leave, the sight of a figure in the doorway paralyzed me with horror.

I couldn't know how long he'd been leaning against the wall, arms crossed, with a faint smile on his face. "Didn't know you sang," He remarked casually, standing up straight and letting his arms fall. "Sorry if I was intruding."

I couldn't talk. All my words bunched up in my throat and strangled me. I nervously shrugged.

He blinked his brown eyes slowly, then gave me a small wave. "I'll leave you alone, but I hope I get to hear that again sometime."

My knees felt weak as I watched him go. Somehow I felt like I was still being watched, so I fled from the deck to look for Haylen after I was confident that  _he_ was long gone.

Anxiety kept my head spinning for the rest of the night. I barely remembered dinner, but I could never forget squeaking out that whisper to Haylen: "Danse heard me sing."

She just smiled, and I wondered if she even noticed that I was shaking.

 

He wasn't at the room when I got there, and I fell asleep before he even got back.


	15. Chapter 15

"So," Haylen's voice felt like a lightning strike through my barely-conscious skull. She was standing right outside the door as I opened it. "What's going on here?"

It took me a second, since I was struck dumb. It had been a few  _weeks_ now; I'd forgotten that sharing a room with Danse was not supposed to be normal. I just stared at her indignant, accusatory face and blinked a few times. "...Morning, Haylen."

"Where's Danse?"

I looked back into the empty room, then back at her. "I dunno."

She shook her head in disbelief. "What?"

My sluggish brain tried to think. He had drill training this morning, and had to fly down to the airport early. He told me to stay in bed. Had I imagined his hand on my head? He took a snack cake with him. He was eating them in front of me now, but he still wouldn't admit that he liked them.

Haylen's expression got angrier, and I realized I wasn't saying any of this out loud. I'd just been staring at her, dumbly. "Okay." Her voice matched her face. Her eyes were so narrow they were almost shut. "Wake up. Tell me what's going on."

I shook my head, not to disagree, but to shake myself into the world of the living. I vaguely gestured for her to follow me into the room, and to sit on the bed.

She did so. She was only wearing about half of her equipment, so she could sit comfortably. Her eyes stayed on me as I joined her.

"I dunno." I shrugged absently, still not completely awake. "I guess we're sharing a room. He has nightmares."

Her face relaxed a bit. "That much I knew. But how did  _this_ ," She gestured to the whole room, "Become a solution?"

"He didn't like my bed. He wanted to switch with me but I didn't want him sleeping in there. I guess he slept well the first night, so."

"So? So what?"

"So we just kept... doing that." I clenched my jaw, suddenly trying to choose my words carefully. "We've  _both_ been sleeping well."

She stared.

I finally looked at her and rolled my eyes. "Listen, it's not like that."  
"Are you sure?"

The way she asked it was suddenly so sincere, so lacking any nasty tone that it caught me off-guard and I flinched. I had no choice but to answer honestly. "I... don't know."

"You have feelings for him?" She must have noticed the color creeping into my cheeks which quickly became very vibrant.

_Shit,_ I thought. I couldn't lie to her, could I? She was my closest friend on this damned ship, and...

All the negativity drained from her and was replaced with a calm, beautiful smile. "Your face tells me all I need to know."

I cursed my face, and every other part of me, for being totally unable to keep real secrets. Suddenly my mind was full of him, and it was spinning. "Uh," I mumbled, but couldn't really get anything else out. I shuffled my hands in my lap and bit my lip. "We had a nice talk last night but, uh, I don't think..."

"You  _don't?"_ She sounded completely shocked, but got ahold of herself. "Really?"

I didn't know what to say. Things had kind of just been...  _happening._ It all snuck up on me. Sure, I'd always thought Danse was  _attractive._ How could you not? It wasn't a big deal. But then I really started listening to how he talked when he wasn't in soldier mode. And I guess that's what started to really get me.

She watched me patiently while I babbled.

"But I mean," I sighed and stood, wanting the conversation to be over. "It's... whatever. He's my commanding officer."

She nodded. "Not like this is unheard of."

I felt sick, telling her everything. On my own, I thought I'd been handling it fine. Maybe I hadn't been, after all, but admitting secret feelings to someone else was never easy, no matter  _what_ the feelings were or  _who_ you were telling. I tried to abruptly end everything and asked for some privacy.

Surprisingly, and a little to my dismay, she obliged.

It had all started out well. Haylen just wanted to talk, but in an instant my stomach sunk to my feet and I felt terrible. Once I was alone in the room, I skittered to the other side of the bed and packed up my things. I headed to the door, hesitated to listen for anyone on the other side, then darted out.

 

My old closet-quarters felt so alien. _Good,_ I thought. I'd been getting too comfortable. It was _inappropriate,_ I reminded myself, to be so close to someone above my rank. It wasn't right. Right?  
I made my sad excuse for a bed and kicked the now half-empty box of snack cakes into the corner. More and more had been disappearing, though I had only eaten a couple. I sat down on the bed and stared at the floor. It was still early morning, and I hadn't been given any assignments. Would I just stay in my room all day? Maybe I could ask Maxson for something to do.

After almost twenty minutes of annoyed deliberation, I headed out to do just that.

 

Maxson regarded me with a raised eyebrow, and his gaze lingered by the door after I entered. "Alone?" He asked, and seemed satisfied by my nod. "You want something to do," He confirmed. "I understand. Now that you've been on field missions, you're already restless." His smile wasn't quite sinister, but it never comforted me. "I have an idea, though. Why don't you head down to see Proctor Ingram and assist her?"

Proctor Ingram... I knew her. Well, I had met her only a few times in passing, but during each of those times, she'd been nothing but polite to me. I accepted the assignment with whatever enthusiasm I could muster, saluted, and headed off.

The lower levels of the Prydwen had become more familiar to me, but were still like a metal maze of walkways stairwells. I weaved my tiny self between dozens of people; the number of them in power armor increased as I got closer to my target.

"Hey, it's the new little Knight!" Ingram's familiar voice rang out among the noise.

When I finally got to her, I felt out of breath, but still managed to salute. "Maxson asked me to-"

"See if I needed help. He's been going on about it." She shrugged and half rolled her eyes in the way she did - not  _at_ me, but at the situation. Considering her physical  _challenges_ , though she'd never call them that, the higher-ups tended to treat her with a little more delicacy than they normally would. Not that they would ever admit it, or even realize it themselves.

I forced my best smile. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Well," She looked around at the power armor frames, neatly arranged in rows. Most of them were filled. "I have some suits that need minor repairs, and I'm short a few hands lately. You wanna learn how to fix power armor?"

Though I didn't really want one for myself, I  _was_ fascinated by the hulking metal suits. I cautiously walked around back of one to get a good look, Ingram following behind and giving instructions.

"The suits run on fusion cores. You probably know that, but we'll start with the basics. THe most vulnerable part of the suit..."

I listened intently, making sure to examine each section as she mentioned it. She gave me a decent amount of praise for the things I already knew.

She led me over to a damaged suit, surrounded by tables of tools and sheets of metal. "Alright," She put her hands on the hips of her custom armor frame. "Let's get you to work, shall we?"  
I hadn't used any heavy tools like a welding torch before, so the work was hard and took practice. It felt like learning to shoot a gun all over again. But, I had learned more from my training than how to hit a target. Danse taught me the ins and outs of the weapons, too, and how to take care of important pieces of equipment.

At the thought of him my focus shifted, but I snapped it back forcefully

I welded plates together, rewired conduits, and smashed away dents. It was exhausting, but fun work. I was learning a lot. When Ingram thought I could use a break, she gave me a tour of the generator room.

"So," She leaned against the wall when the mini-tour had concluded. "Work's done for today, I think."

I nodded, finally realizing how tired I was. My arms ached. "Thanks, Proctor Ingram. I appreciate you letting me help."

"Oh, please." She waved my comment off. "Another set of steady hands is always needed around here! You did good." An oversized, armored hand pushed her messy hair out of her face. "You're a natural learner, I think, but that Paladin trained you well, too."

I shrank back and felt my cheeks warm. "Uh, thanks. He... really did."

"Excited for more missions out in the wilds?" She tried to sound cheerful, but I could tell she was a little bitter. I'd overheard the gossip; Cade had cleared her, but Maxson refused to let her out for field work. She shuffled her mostly-mechanical legs.

"Yeah," I responded absently. "I'd like to see more of the Commonwealth, honestly."

"Not a great place." Ingram sneered, "But be my guest..."

 

Returning to my quarters felt like a stealth mission. Every clank of power armor made me whirl around, but no one wearing a suit ever called my name. To my relief, I made it back without any interruptions. I didn't even run into Haylen.

The room felt cold and unwelcoming. My old bed sagged beneath my weight and the blanket scratched at me even through my clothes. It was the first time since boarding the ship that I had really felt  _bad._ I told myself: Ignore everything for a few days, see what happens. It probably wasn't the best idea, but it was the only one I had. I needed to clear my head, take some time away. Focus on my work.  _I'm a Knight now,_ I reminded myself.  _I should act like one._


	16. Chapter 16

It was strange, waking up alone. But I woke up early, maybe even _too_ early. Despite my exhaustion and gloomy mood I dressed and headed straight to Maxson for another order. I felt awkward, bothering him like that, but what else could I do?  
He gave me a weird look again, but welcomed me into the room. "Still looking for something to do?"

"Yes, sir."  
"I'll schedule you for something on the ground soon. Want to help Ingram out again?" His tone was flat, twinged with the slightest bit of annoyance. He sighed at my delay in response. "Didn't I put you under Danse's authority?"

I flinched. "Yes, sir, but uh..." Very quickly I came up with an excuse. "I figured working under others would help, uh, expand my skillset. Learn different perspectives."

"Right," He growled, apparently accepting my answer.

 

The day started passing smoothly. Ingram was happy to see me back and put me right to work. I chatted with some of the other engineers while I worked, learning tips and tricks like temporary fixes in the field.

"So if Danse's armor's on the fritz," One of them remarked without looking at me, "You can fix him up in a jiffy!"

...Everyone already associated us with each other so strongly. I wondered how many knew about us sharing a room, but hadn't said anything out of politeness. I wondered if  _Maxson_ knew. Getting scolded for it was such a terrible thought. I wasn't  _really_ on any sort of "thin ice", but I considered myself to be. Even though I'd become a Knight, I still wasn't very confident in the Brotherhood's trust in me, and knew I could be ousted in a matter of seconds.

Getting too close, then being torn away, was the scariest thing I could imagine.

I just laughed in response to the comment and kept working.

 

Later in the day, I was sent to help Cade. He was happy to see me, since it had been a while.

"Basic medical training is important for  _every_ soldier," He noted and he watched me bandage someone's arm. "Lucky for me, you're already past that stage."

I helped him for a few hours, then was sent off to talk to Proctor Quinlan. That made my heart stop, as I was more likely to run into Haylen around him.

When I asked the slightly ornery Proctor for her whereabouts, he told me she was 'out'. Done with the topic immediately, he instructed me to go organize some files.

I found it to be weirdly exciting, and satisfying. At the end of it all, I even got a smile from Quinlan, which I knew no one would believe. I thanked him for letting me help, but he stopped me before I could leave.

"You get along well with Haylen," He kept smiling, though it became more of a smirk. "We all appreciate that. She seems quite lonely at times."

I nodded, staring at the floor. "Uh, yes sir. I like her a lot, she's nice."

"She's been much...  _sunnier_ in the past few weeks, since you've come here."

"That's... that's good. I'm glad."

"Your Paladin, too."

My head snapped up. "W-what?"

This time, he wore a genuine smile. "Come now. You can't tell that Danse is fond of you?"

_"Thanks for your time, Proctor,"_ I forced out, my voice strangled by panic. Without waiting for a response I turned and nearly  _sprinted_ out of his office.

It was a miracle I didn't slam into anyone on the way out.

 

I managed to avoid both Danse and Haylen for three days. I kept to my work with the Proctors - even Teagan took me under his wing for a bit - and got better at sneaking. I saw them a couple times, but avoided them easily.

The fourth day, I wasn't so lucky.

I'd returned to my quarters for dinner. When I opened the door to leave, I ran out without thinking.

Straight into Danse.

He caught me. His hands gripped my shoulders a little too tightly and he pushed me back to stand on my own two feet. He loomed over me; he  _was_ quite a bit taller than me, but he'd never seemed  _intimidating_ out of his armor before. His expression was a glowering mix of disappointment and anger.

My heart swelled when I saw him. I couldn't help it in the least. I'd put all my energy into avoiding him, but being honest with myself? I wanted nothing more than to see him again. A smile spread across my face.

"You're  _smiling?"_ He asked, his anger not at all diminished. "Could you explain that to me?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't. My smile vanished.

His face immediately softened, and he let out a deep sigh. "Could we please talk? Perhaps... off the record?" He released my shoulders, but his touch lingered down my arms.

I just nodded, and when he walked away, I followed him.

 

We found a quiet spot in a cargo area. Mostly everyone was at lunch, or at the very least, not there. I hopped up onto a crate and kicked my feet, staring at them. Anything to avoid his eyes.

He stood in front of me, arms at his sides. "I want to know what I've done to offend you."

I looked up in shock. "Offend me?" My voice crackled.

"It must have been something." His chest heaved with deep breaths and his voice went low, more sorrowful than I'd ever heard it. "I haven't seen you for three days, without explanation. You simply left, and I tried looking for you, but..." Another breath. "I could never find you."

I couldn't quite tell him that I had been  _running_ from him. Before I could even plan it, I blurted out, "I'm sorry."

His eyes went wide. "I appreciate it. Though I'd like more of an explanation."

Of course I owed him one.  _I_ was the one acting irrationally, but then again, the  _reason_ I was doing so... was even more insane. I shuffled my feet and still had trouble looking at him. "It's complicated."

"Oh?" His tone indicated that he had  _no_ idea why I was acting the way I was. "Well, I'm prepared to listen."

He really wasn't going to let me get away with this. I cursed to myself and tried to calm down, plan out my words carefully. I was so afraid to just tell the truth. I wanted to preserve what we had, even if it meant suffering for the rest of my life. In my head I came up with a few good starters, ways to ease into the topic without blindsiding him with the complete truth...

He waited.

I looked up at him and met his eyes. I held his gaze hard. I took a deep breath and steeled myself, getting ready to say something utterly terrifying.

He kept waiting, patiently, as I took the deepest breath of my life and finally admitted:

"I'm an Institute spy."


	17. [End of Part 1]

His face was unchanging. "Come on, now. I'm not a fool."

I flinched, totally taken aback. My heart was pounding. "No, really." My voice shook like Prydwen's anchor cables in a storm. "I'm being extremely serious."

He blinked slowly, then frowned. "Nuke."

"Yes?"

"I'm asking an honest question here."

"Okay."

"Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"...No." I finally looked away, and kept kicking my feet. "How can you be sure I'm lying?"

He sighed. "I'll say it again. I'm not a fool. You're going to have to try a little harder than _that_ to lie to me."

"It's that outlandish?" I looked up. "I'm a mysterious person who claims to have memories before the war, and I woke up in a weird facility I didn't recognize. You really don't think I could be a spy?"

"I don't. At all."

"Why not?" I felt almost angry at him, but I stayed attached to my seat. I grabbed at its sides until my knuckles were white. "I could've been fooling you this entire time!"

He took a step toward me and looked gravely serious. "You really don't think you were being heavily monitored this whole time?"

I thought about it. I felt like I was being _watched_ here and there, but...

"You _really_ think Maxson would give someone such free reign without extreme scrutiny? You really think your routine exams with Cade weren't overdone, to be constantly checking for any sign of wavering loyalty of suspicious behavior?"

It hit me a little hard. "...Does no one here really like me?"

He sighed again. "Alright, hold on. That's not quite what I meant." Another step forward. "Cade, Haylen, and myself were instructed to watch you very closely. You befriended us, of course, but we've always been watching out for anything, _any_ _tiny thing_ that could be taken as suspicious. That monitoring period is long gone, and you were cleared by Maxson himself."

"Um... so..."

"He's not remotely concerned about the possibility of you being a threat."

I felt... offended. Really? No one thought there was _any_ possibility that I could be a terrifying spy, sent by the Institute to infiltrate the Brotherhood and destroy it from within after gaining everyone's trust?

Danse crossed his arms and stared. _"No."_

"You need to give me a better reason why!" I was getting so caught up in it, I couldn't stop. It didn't make sense to me that I could be trusted so easily.

"Because you weigh less than most of the crates in this room."

"So?"

"So most of the soldiers on this ship could lift you with one arm - _without_ power armor - and send you hurtling to the ground if needed."

"That's ridiculous."

"So is you claiming to be a spy!" He was raising his voice and his eyes looked desperately annoyed. "I want you to cut this out and tell me the truth."

Oh yeah, the truth. I suddenly remembered the entire, actual problem. "Okay," I breathed. "So I'm not a spy."

A slight smile appeared on his face. "You don't say." I was glad he didn't take complete offense to the little distraction. He looked nice when he smiled.

Ugh.

"Well?" He asked after a few seconds of silence. "What else?"

It was an ultimatum. I was out of stupid lies and distractions. I clenched my jaw and frantically tried to think of how to word things. "It's hard to say."

"That's alright," His tone softened and his body language relaxed. He leaned slightly away from me. "I understand. Take your time."

Of course he was going to be patient. I tapped my heel against the crate a few times. "...I know I've been here for a while, but there are still things I'm not used to."

"Mm-hmm."

"I don't get all of the military... _decorum_ , y'know?"

He waited.

"So sometimes I have trouble controlling my feelings about things."

"Hm." To my horror, he came forward and took a seat next to me on the crate. "Maybe I should talk to Maxson. You've been going on a lot of missions lately and it might be wearing on you, if you're not used to-"

"That's not it."

He was looking at me, but I couldn't look back.

"I'm fine with all that. Used to it. But _this_ problem... I'm not so used to."

"Someday I might even know what it is." The sarcastic tone definitely came with a smile I didn't want to see.

"You didn't do anything." I finally reassured him, even though it was almost a lie. He didn't do anything to _upset_ me, though these feelings _were_ technically his fault. Because of him being... himself.

"So why did you leave without a word?"

I tensed.

Luckily, he continued. "I... haven't been having trouble sleeping these past few days, but..." His whole body shifted. "That doesn't mean I don't want you back." He didn't seem to realize how leading his language was.

"I don't understand military rules," I tried to force the conversation back on track. "So I don't know how to stop myself from feeling things I'm not allowed to feel."

His head kind of cocked to the side. "I don't understand."

Giving up, I let my face sink into my hands and propped my arms up on my knees. I was hunched over and hid for a few seconds, until I felt his hand on my back. My skin crawled.

"I want to help," He whispered as he started running his hand in a large circle, applying pressure but not enough to knock me over. "What do these feelings... relate to?"

"You." I went cold like I'd been thrown back into cryo. I didn't mean to say it, but everything was rumbling in my chest and it felt like it was going to burst. My whole body was boiling and I couldn't bear to move.

"Now, hold on." He interjected, a little too quickly. "You said I hadn't done anything."

Oh, _god,_ Danse.

"Whatever it is, I want to make it right." He leaned in close. "Please tell me."

"Danse..." With every bit of my strength I picked my head up from my hands and stared him right in the face. He was close. So close that I straight-up lost my mind. "My feelings are... _for_ you."

He wouldn't have made the comparison, but my words must've hit him like a truck. He flinched _hard_ and it almost broke my heart when his hand left my back. "...Oh." He shrank back more, away from me. "Oh," He repeated. "...I see."

Immediately I regretted saying anything. I berated myself for my lack of control, for not being able to deal with the issue like an adult. _Well, this was me trying,_ I thought. I knew it would screw everything up. I was an idiot. A complete moron, and-

"I've never had anyone... say anything like that to me before."

It didn't really help. I just sat there and shook.

"Don't be upset. Please." His hand returned to my back, but with a lot less pressure. "I just... don't know how to respond just yet."

"Then don't." I tried to stand, but no part of me would move. "Just let me leave and let's forget about it."

"I'm not stopping you." His voice was low, soft, and warm. "But I'd prefer if you stayed."

I leaned back against his hand, which he still hadn't taken away. I shivered when I felt his gentle movements start up again.

"I don't want you to misunderstand me, and I don't want to misinterpret what you've said."

"Okay."

"You're saying you have feelings for me."

"Yeah."

"As in... _romantic_ feelings. Correct?"

A horrible thud shot through my chest. "Yes, but... _god,_ Danse, you're my _commanding officer!_ You-" I looked at him. Mistake.

He was wearing the exact expression that made me fall for him. That sad smile, his eyebrows a little bit furrowed. "I understand why you're concerned."

I made a tiny noise but couldn't look away.

"But you don't have to be." That terrible smile widened, and he looked genuinely happy.

But what if Maxson found out? Was it really allowed? That kiss from Haylen - what did _that_ mean? Was I intruding on something? Do you even-

"Woah, woah. Slow down." He chuckled and I felt his breath. "Not really his jurisdiction, yes, not what you think, and... no."

I shuddered.

"As for your last question." He sat up straight and faced forward, putting both hands in his lap. "Is that why you've been avoiding me? Concern over my answer?"

"...Of course."

"I'd like to put those worries of yours to rest, but," His hand found its way to me again, this time falling to my leg. "I need to request that you be... patient with me."

"Like you've been with me for so long?"

"...Yes. I suppose it's similar. This is unfamiliar to me."

" _Everything's_ unfamiliar to me, Danse."

Another chuckle. "I guess it is. Hey,"

I looked up.

"I've been alone for a very long time. I haven't quite ever had someone like you in my life."

I didn't think it was possible for my body temperature to go any higher, but alas.

"If you're honestly... _interested_ in me," I could see he was getting flushed, too. "Well, I'm very happy to hear that. And I hope it pleases you to hear that I feel the same way."

I was surprised I wasn't dead due to the rapid, extreme temperature changes I'd been experiencing in the past hour. I rested all of my weight against him with a sigh. "I'm glad." My voice was choked with exhaustion and lingering anxiety. But when I felt his arm lift from my leg and snake around my shoulders, I relaxed completely. I exhaled and let out all sorts of emotions. Unfortunately for me, I also let out the tears I'd been biting back for days.

Danse hadn't really seen me cry before. Maybe a couple tears here and there, but for the most part I kept it hidden. I was thankful that he didn't freak out, and just held me as I borderline sobbed into his side. His other arm came around and pulled me closer. His grip was strong, but not overbearing.

I thought briefly of how Haylen must have felt when _she_ fell crying into his arms. Even though he didn't say anything, it was still comforting just to be held.

After a minute or so I calmed down. I tried to steady my breathing and wiped away my tears.

He held me a little closer. "...You going to kiss me, too?" His tone sounded like a challenge; I couldn't tell if it was in a joking manner or not.

So I did. I leaned up quickly and planted a kiss on his cheek, a bit lower than I would of liked due to our position. I smiled from how it felt - scratchy, but not bad. I giggled and hid my face against him when he turned his head to me.

"That felt quite different." There was such brightness in his voice. He laughed, and I felt his breath on the top of my head. "Like I said, if you're patient-" He pressed his lips down onto my hair, with pressure, and the sensation shook me to my core. "-someday I may have your courage."

 

The night was warmer than usual, but nowhere near uncomfortable. We settled into bed - _our_ bed - and snuggled up against each other. I felt Danse's arm hesitantly snake around my waist, and I leaned back against his chest.

We didn't say much, but we both fell asleep faster than we ever had before.


	18. [Beginning of Part 2]

From the moment I woke up, I never expected such happiness. The world looked so bleak and utterly destroyed, I wondered how anyone could even  _smile._

But there I was. I lived in an airship high above the ground, but I visited often. Even among the debris and the dust, there were lights shining. My Brothers and Sisters greeted me with salutes and shouts, their voices always filled with pride. Some thanked me for "taking care" of Danse - of course I had to reply that we were taking care of each other.

Haylen almost couldn't handle the news. She wanted to throw a party, but eventually settled for a night of drinks. Just the smell of alcohol made me flinch, so I stuck with my Nuka-Cola.

Even Maxson took it well. He assigned Danse and I as official field partners, giving the stipulation that our relationship not interfere with our work. He declared that if he saw any drop in our performance, we would be spoken to. Of course, we promised to uphold it.

It wound up being just the opposite. Being so close let us almost read each others' minds, and predict the other's movements. We could keep positive attitudes while exploring the desolate wastes, and our squadmates would even comment on how our energy was contagious.

It was always so jarring to venture out into the Commonwealth. No matter how much destruction I saw, I could never get used to it. The things that declared themselves our enemies - ghouls, raiders, what have you - all became familiar, like a routine. But seeing a blown-out building, or the skeletal remains of a couple sitting together in their last moments... I'd never get accustomed to any of that, I knew.

...Super mutants were another thing. The first time I saw one, I hoped it would be my last, but of course it wasn't. We came across them probably half a dozen times, and during each of those I made sure to keep an eye on Danse. His hand always shook a little before he pulled the trigger, and he would hesitate where he normally wouldn't think twice.

I tried to handle them before he had to.

 

Evenings were full of laughter and calm. Danse smiled so much more, and his eyes usually shimmering with what I hoped was happiness. He was still shy when it came to affection, even when we were at our closest.  _Everything_ was asked for, even the smallest kiss on the cheek. On the other hand, he preferred surprises from me. 

I don't think he expected that  _one_ surprise though. One night, as the two of us were in bed and ready to sleep, I blurted out that I loved him. I couldn't help it; he had his arm around me, with his chin nestled into my hair.

His breathing was hypnotically even, but it hitched into silence when he heard it. Every muscle in his body tensed. "...Really?" His voice wavered like the water on a stormy day. "Are you sure?"

I burst into giggles out of nervousness, and surprise at myself. "Of course," I snuggled deeper into his embrace. "Silly."

"...I'm glad to hear it," He mumbled awkwardly, holding me tighter. "I-I just... I'm not exactly sure what it entails."

I expected that, so I hushed him gently. "You take your time. Don't you worry about a thing."

He sighed, hopefully letting go of some worries he'd been holding in. "I'll try. Thank you..."


	19. Chapter 19

It had been almost a year since I'd first boarded the Prydwen. I was comfortable with my position, both as Knight and as Danse's partner... whether that meant on the field, or otherwise.

It was one of those mornings where I woke up without a shirt; feeling the chill in the air, Danse hurriedly scrambled to give me one of his own, knowing that the cold wasn't exactly my favorite thing. He didn't ever seem to mind it.

I remember sitting up while he was getting ready and pulling the covers off myself. Every morning was a struggle, especially as I looked down to examine the scars on my right leg. Though the leg itself had long healed, I knew it would be permanently zig-zagged with four jagged, red marks. Every morning I looked at the scars, and every morning I was thankful we never ran into another deathclaw.

The earlier mornings, like that day's mission, made me grumpy, but the sight of Danse was all it took to cheer me up. While getting ready we'd share a kiss or two, and his smile could light up the darkest room.

I pulled on my regular clothes, still finding them more comfortable than the standard-issue jumpsuits. I didn't use power armor, anyway. The night before, our assigned squad leader - a Star Paladin whose name I naturally forgot - briefed us on the mission. Basically, I would be scouting ahead. It wasn't expected to be intense, but the way he skimped on the details left me a little suspicious.

We sat down for breakfast with Haylen, and the oft-absent Rhys joined us on the other side of the table. He was going with us on the mission, but Haylen would be staying behind. It was the first mission I'd been on without a scribe, and I commented on it.

Rhys' fork paused for an instant. "We're not  _collecting data_ on this one."

It was ominous, and his tone made me go silent. I got this suddenly feeling of not  _wanting_ to know more about the mission...

We set off after breakfast. I'd lost my appetite after Rhys' comment, but Danse had convinced me to eat just a little bit more.

How could I say no to someone like him?

 

As terrible as it looked, I enjoyed seeing the Commonwealth from the sky. Once in a while we would fly over little settlements, and it gave me a bit of hope. People  _were_ surviving, after all.

But it did bother me that we would never set down to ask if they needed anything.

"They need us to  _clear out_ the scum that threatens them," Danse would tell me, ever serious when it came to work. " _That's_ how we'll win the favor of the people."

It had always been like me to ask questions, but I couldn't ignore the tiny seed of doubt that had been planted in me. There had been a few too many missions where we had blatantly ignored people in need, simply because it "wasn't part of the mission". Sometimes, secretly, I managed to slip someone a handful of caps, or a bottle of water I was carrying. Danse had even noticed once, but only mumbled to me that I should keep my supplies for myself.

The vertibird touched down far from our apparent target. While our lancer stayed behind with it, the rest of us headed north. The only two in power armor were our Star Paladin, and Danse - we were instructed to be as stealthy as possible.

I wasn't allowed to ask any more questions. I kept at the head of the group with Rhys slightly behind me, my stripped down laser pistol at the ready. I held it tightly; Danse had customized it for me, and it quickly became something precious.

We reached the edge of a city. I couldn't be sure which one. The buildings were in varying states of decay, but most of them were utterly destroyed. Rhys and I kept hidden as best we could as we kept on our way down the broken-up pavement.

Mostly, it was uneventful. A couple of mongrels jumped out, but were easily dispatched. We didn't find any ghouls, and we even managed to avoid raiders. I was glad for it. Though it didn't exactly  _bother_ me to have to kill someone who was already shooting at me, they were still... people.

Eventually the Star Paladin indicated that we'd reached our target. Rhys and I flanked the front door. The building was more intact than most of the others, but it was still in rough shape. Everyone seemed to be on extremely high alert, and I wondered what could possibly be inside.

Without warning the Star Paladin rushed forward and through the door. It splintered with a horrible sound, but then I heard something worse.

Screaming, shouting, and laser fire. I barely even noticed when Danse and Rhys rushed in after him, joining the fray.

There was something about some of the voices that made my blood run cold. The screams were fearful. Some yelled for help.

I snapped out of my shock and finally followed them in. But when I got there, it was all over.

There were bodies. A few of them. I counted five as my head spun. They were absolutely  _not_ raiders. None of them had weapons, and they were all wearing regular, tattered clothes. One of them had a leather jacket.

The Star Paladin chuckled, and kicked at one of them. "Look. This one's got a chip. Just like our intel said."

"Synths." Danse spat with absolute disdain, his face twisting into rage. "God damn it, look at them. They look  _human."_

So much so that I couldn't look at them. Danse and the Star Paladin had brought their laser rifles, but Rhys for some reason had chosen a shotgun. The corpses on the floor were littered with bullets. Some of their faces...

"We'll set a beacon for the vertibird to come get us. Cade's gonna wanna dissect some of these."

"Synths?" I finally managed to force out, my voice weak and failing. " _This_ is what a synth is?" I had seen some of them before. They were also referred to as synths, but they looked completely robotic. Of course I'd been  _told_ about the humanoid ones, but...

"Yes." Danse turned to me, a grave look still on his face. " _This_ is one of the biggest threats the Commonwealth is facing. The Institute is creating these things, total mockeries of human life, and they're infiltrating what's left of society. It's beyond shameful."

Rhys scowled. "Feels good to get rid of some of these bastards, but I know there's more. Always more."

"Were they really dangerous?" I shouldn't have asked it, but I did. I kept looking around the room, but the only weapon I found was a handgun on a nightstand, some ten feet away.

"Are you kidding?" The Star Paladin snapped, looking down on me very deliberately. "They're a threat to  _humanity."_

I shrank back and shrugged, trying to look anywhere else. Three pairs of eyes were staring daggers into me. "I just mean... they weren't armed."

Danse seemed to want to say something, but hesitated.

"Paladin," Our leader spoke up again, addressing Danse. "Why don't you take your Knight on a recon sweep of the area? She looks like she needs some air." I couldn't tell if I was imagining the sneer in his voice.

I felt Danse's armored hand at my back as he led me to the door.

 

My whole body was numb. I was walking ahead, Danse's heavy footsteps a little too far behind me, but I wasn't focused on scouting. I was clinging to my gun, holding it to my chest as my arms shook. I felt like it was the only thing anchoring me to the earth.

I had seen dead bodies before. I had killed plenty of people, myself. The raiders and gunners. But they never  _screamed_ like that. We'd dealt with surrenders; we just took whatever valuable stuff they had, then let them be with what remained of their group. The Brotherhood didn't take prisoners.

But these people...

No, not people.  _Synths._ I tried to get it through my own head. They were  _synths._ Fake people.

Right?

According to everyone you could ask in the Brotherhood, they were  _infiltrators._ They were pawns of the Institute, working to do... what? Did anyone know?

Were we positive that these people were even synths, before Rhys put a hundred shards of buckshot into their heads?

"You're upset."

I stopped.

Danse's voice was soft, but guarded. He came up beside me, looming in his armor, and halted. "What about this was different?"

I didn't look at him. I'd been trying to parse it myself for the past half hour or so that we'd been plodding through the ruins. "They..." What was it? I thought and thought for a few more seconds, when it finally hit me. "...They didn't fight back."

"What?"

"They just ran." I remembered how some of them were laying, face-down with a back full of bloody holes. Blood. They bled what looked like real enough blood to me. And the Star Paladin had found the "chip" in one's brain. The very much real-looking brain that was scattered across the floor. "Rhys shot one in the back."

"And?"

I looked up to him expecting a serious face, but he looked deeply concerned. "They weren't threats."

"Nuke," He sighed. "Their mere  _existence_ is a threat. The Institute-"

"I know, I know but..." My hands clenched tightly around my gun. "God, Danse, they didn't even have weapons."

He flinched so lightly that it was barely noticeable. "...I guess you're right about that."

"So we just murdered a bunch of unarmed, fleeing people."

"They aren't _people."_ That stern tone came back. "They're _machines._ "  
"Machines that bleed?"

"...Yes."

I started walking again. I was shaken. Extremely. I didn't like anything about the whole situation. Our "intel", whatever it was, had apparently  _told_ us that those people were synths. So we murdered them. Killed them. Ceased their functioning, whatever the Star Paladin would probably say. Danse too.

He hurried after me, and said my name a couple times, more urgently when I didn't respond.

My shoulder was grabbed, and I was jerked backwards. I almost fell, but Danse caught me. My arm burned and I yelped.

"I'm sorry-- I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"  
I whirled around and winced from the pain in my right shoulder. I grabbed it with my left hand, then met Danse's eyes. His reaction startled me - he flinched and backed up. I realized the expression I was making. "... _Yes."_ I said, through gritted, bared teeth. "That really _fucking_ hurt."

"I-" His eyes were wide and he held his hands up. "I'm sorry, Nuke. I shouldn't have let Maxson assign you to this mission. This hasn't gone well."

What a cute understatement. Immediately my anger rose and my whole body started to burn. I felt every hair stand on end. "...So this is what the Brotherhood is."

"What...?"

My holotags felt heavy around my neck. "We just kill people now?"

"They were _synths!"_  
"Did we know that? For sure?"

He paused. "Our intel..."

"Could have been wrong." I thought back to the bodies. They wouldn't leave me. "Not all of them had chips in their heads, y'know."

He seemed to take a second to gather himself, closed his eyes, then spoke. "This place was reported to us as a... safehouse. A place where the Railroad hides synths. Those are the people who-"

"I know who they are." The Brotherhood talked enough about the Railroad, even though it was mostly hushed whispers. I remembered that the Railroad was said to help synths escape the Institute. "...Those people were running, then? Hiding?"

"Seems so."

"Hiding  _from_ the Institute."

"Nuke." He stepped forward, staring down. "You're shellshocked right now and you're not making sense."

" _I'm_ not making sense!? I didn't just murder a bunch of innocent people!"  
_"Innocent!"_ He repeated in shock. "They're our _enemies!_ "

"Did you feel threatened?"

"What?"

I took a step back. "I'm asking you if you felt threatened by a handful of unarmed people. Standing there in your power armor."

His eyes showed something like fear. "I need to get you back to the ship. You need to see Cade immediately."

_Cade's gonna wanna dissect some of these,_ the Star Paladin's voice rang in my memory.

I drew back more. "What, is he gonna wanna cut  _me_ open too? What if  _I'm_ a synth? You'd let Rhys fill  _me_ with bullets?"

"What!? No!" I'd never heard him shout like that before, outside of orders, and only over the sound of gunfire. "If you were... Don't be ridiculous!"

I barely realized I kept walking backward. It certainly wasn't a conscious decision to raise my pistol, pointed at Danse.

Scum. That's what we called raiders and gunners. Monsters, those were super mutants, irradiated wild dogs, feral ghouls, and the bears everyone called "yao guai". There were probably some humans that would even fit the "monster" category. They were threats, and had to be culled. I agreed with that. Bad people, bad creatures doing bad things. Hurting people. Killing people. It all needed to stop.

But we shot first. We busted down the door of a house full of unarmed people and shot them dead. Because we had been told they were synths. Something vaguely bad.

Did anyone know why?

Tears were streaming down my face as I kept my gun pointed straight at Danse, though I knew it wouldn't do much if I'd fired it. He had his armor, after all. My whole body quivered and burned and I felt like I could faint. My eyes tingled oddly and I shut them and shook my head.

Danse was pleading quietly for me to calm down. He took a few cautious steps toward me, and I could hear his voice wavering with tears. It was very unlike him, to crack like that in the field, but this whole situation was... insane.

I kept walking back and shouted something, something like "stay away", or "don't touch me". I couldn't remember, and wasn't aware of my finger squeezing the trigger.

I'd been right. It only glanced off his armor, leaving a burn mark near the Brotherhood insignia that was barely visible. But judging by his expression, the shot had pierced the layers of steel and had gone straight through his heart.

I couldn't look at him. I turned and ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Away from our team and the vertibird - my only way back to the Prydwen.

He didn't follow me.


	20. Chapter 20

The hours ticked by, and everything stayed quiet. No one came after me. I never even heard any sign of the vertibird in the distance.

Eventually, I wandered back to our mission spot. This time, I saw the marking on the wall. It was scrawled in white paint, a small house surrounded by lines.

_Safehouse,_ I thought. That's what Danse had called this place.

Well, it hadn't really been that safe, had it? I stepped carefully through the debris. All the bodies had been recovered, to be dissected by Cade, probably. I shuddered and made my way up the bloodstained stairs. The stairs one of the victims only got halfway up before being shot dead by Rhys. The ones Danse and the Star Paladin had taken down had only been covered in horrible burns. No bullet holes or blood.

_So all the blood was Rhys' fault._

I grimaced as I reached the second floor. The roof was only half there. I climbed up onto a stable part and looked out at my surroundings.

The sun was setting. It had taken a while to get to the site, then some more time to walk to the safehouse... But not  _that_ long. I'd been alone for a long time. Luckily I had some ammunition with me, and some water. I unscrewed the cap of my small bottle and drank sparingly. It wasn't cold, but it soothed my aching throat. All that yelling had taken its toll.

I watched the sunset for a while. It got darker and darker, but I never felt any sort of fear kick in. I was still coasting on my rage, which had faded to a dull pain in my chest. I thought about the Brotherhood. Maxson's constant scowl, how thoroughly he congratulated us on missions with no survivors on the other side. Looking back, it was all so suspect.  _The military,_ I scoffed. The Brotherhood acted like they were so different, since they "rose from the ashes" of the old army. But as it turned out, they were exactly the same.

I took another swig of my water even though I didn't need it. I wanted to crush the bottle and chuck it off the roof, but I controlled myself and re-sealed it calmly, then tucked it away.

Then I thought about Danse.

Whatever the Brotherhood was under all those layers of armor, Danse certainly was not. Sure, he was a soldier. Followed orders without question. Dedicated. Near perfection. But he was... so much more  _human_ than the others. Than someone like Rhys. From day one, Rhys had never smiled at me. I only received scowls and mocking eye-rolls from him.

But Danse...

Danse was kind. He was gentle and caring. He had a loving nature, and a desire to  _be_ loved. I knew him like no one else did... Haylen was the only person who could've come close.

Haylen. Poor Haylen. I wondered how she would take the news...

I wondered how  _Maxson_ would react. Would Danse lie? For me, after what I did?

I stayed on the roof for about an hour before I decided to just go to sleep. I found myself feeling completely apathetic to possible danger, and picked one of the beds in the house. There was no door, and only half a roof, but it was fine enough for me. I settled into it, under the flimsy blanket. My first time sleeping alone in months upon months, and it was in a dead man's bed.

My arm still hurt.


	21. Chapter 21

I woke up when the sun peeked through the shattered window to my right. The bed hadn't been too bad, but the realization of everything settled in as I sat up. I was alone, cold, and nowhere near the place I'd considered home for the past year. I felt irritation on the back of my neck and on my chest where my holotags had been uncomfortably pressed against my skin all night. But somehow I couldn't bring myself to take them off.

I rubbed the back of my head. I felt a little sick from the last twenty-four hours, but I also felt... okay. Almost at peace. Though my heart ached for Danse and Haylen, I knew I would never be able to go back to life as a Brotherhood soldier.

Dread crept over me as I realized that someone had been in the house during the night. Some things were moved, and I was startled by a bottle of water on the nightstand beside the bed. I picked it up, though there was no way in hell I would ever drink it, and examined it. On one side it had a scrawled symbol on the old, worn label: it looked similar to the one painted outside the house, but in the center was what looked like a plus sign. Seemed like a  _positive_ enough message, since I was still alive, and all.

I packed up what little I had and left the house before the sun was even fully up. As I headed down the broken street in a vaguely southern direction, I thought about what I had learned in the Brotherhood. Everything from the state of the world to how people tended to be.

How much of it could I be sure of anymore?

One thing I had learned about was the place called Diamond City. The biggest settlement in the Commonwealth, I was told, and relatively safe. It was an old baseball stadium converted into a city, which was so silly to me. In my time, stadiums were  _in_ cities. I had a vague notion of it, of how big human settlements used to be. Thousands, sometimes millions of people, living in one place. It was hard to convince the others that it was true, though they knew it  _had_ to be.

The bombs really did a number on the world. That much became obvious as, for the first time, I was really paying attention to my surroundings. Most of it was peaceful, but it was really because of the death. Plants struggled to live and barely grew leaves. Animal life was limited to mutated montrosities and birds missing half their feathers.

The radstags really weren't so bad, I realized as I got close to a small herd one day. They were, essentially, the same as deer: they grazed, they bleeted when startled, and they'd protect themselves if necessary. But radstags had been lumped into what the Brotherhood called "abominations". A testament to the follies of man - I mean, just  _look_ at them. So ugly and two-headed and missing fur.

But was that their fault? They didn't seem to mind. They just picked at whatever chutes of grass they could get between their four rows of teeth.

They really were just animals, after all, and I felt lonelier when they finally moved on.

 

My training came in handy. I took out ghouls and mongrels when I needed to, but managed to avoid raider camps and the occasional super mutant dwelling. The landscape alternated between dense groups of blown-up buildings to sudden wilderness, but I kept the confidence in my southern path. The rarest encounter of all was a caravan; I found a handful on my journey, and they were always happy to give me directions, probably so I'd get away from them. Even if I showed them my holotags, I didn't  _look_ like a Brotherhood soldier and could have, in their minds, just as easily stolen them off a corpse. So I didn't even chance it.

Some of them trusted me, though. They said I had an okay look about me; I looked taken care of, clean-ish, with a kind smile. I lucked out when a family living in a couple of makeshift shacks even let me stay the night. Of course, I was guarded at all times, but that was to be expected.

They mostly liked the fact that I pointed them to a radstag I'd freshly killed. I admitted I had no idea how to cook it, but they offered to show me.

I barely slept that night, despite a relatively full stomach from their kindness.

The next day started early again. I headed out before anyone in the family even woke up, leaving the rest of the radstag meat and a handful of caps for their hospitality. I was starting to run low, but I figured they needed it more than I did. My best shot at anything, I knew, was in Diamond City. Best chance for a new life, whatever that meant. Something that didn't involve murder, I hoped. But one could never know in a world like this.

 

I walked and walked, ignoring the aching of my feet and legs. Particularly, my right leg. Ever since that last encounter with Danse, it had felt a little weird. But I tried not to let it distract me too much.

Soon everything became dense again. Tall buildings surrounded me, and not in a comforting way. I started seeing signs with diamonds and arrows, and followed them. Soon, what I assumed to be security guards. They held guns and were dressed in padding, a lot like baseball umpires, some distant memory told me. But they didn't shoot, so I asked if I was in the right place.

"Right this way," He answered with only a second's hesitation, but waited until I'd walked past to follow me. "Weird to see a young lady like you on her own. Where'd you come from?"

How could I answer that? I shrugged. "Been wandering for a while. Looking for a place to settle."

"Like everybody." He responded matter-of-factly. "They'll check you for weapons before you go in, though. Just so you know."

There were more guards at the gate. They exchanged words with my escort and then as expected, asked to see any weapons I had.

"Just my pistol," I dug it out of jacket and handed it over a little nervously. "But I'm gonna need it back."

They didn't seem to hear me. As the one looked it over, he whistled. "This thing's fancy. Looks like something one o' them Brotherhood guys would have."

I flinched. "Uh, yeah, I helped them out a while back. Got one of these as a thanks."

To my relief, he handed it back. "You behave, you can stay. Don't get any ideas with that fancy thing though - there's guards all over. One sign of trouble and you're not just out, you're  _dead."_

"Yes, sir." I nodded as strongly as I could, and held my breath as the huge gate started to open. 


	22. Chapter 22

                I didn't get the chance to go in. The gate was wide open, and some people were preparing to leave for whatever reason, but everything had come to a screeching halt.

                The _screeching_ part came from the people behind the gate. I swore I heard shouts of "deathclaw, deathclaw", but knew that couldn't be right.

                The security guards didn't seem to believe it either, but one of them didn't turn around quite fast enough.

                I bolted for the gate, but stopped dead halfway up the stairs. It didn't make any sense. Why was a _deathclaw_ in the middle of a city!? They stuck to open areas usually, considering their size. How the hell had one gotten to the gates of the most populated area in the Commonwealth without anyone noticing?!

                So I turned around, my back to the city and the cowering people. The gate was trying to close again, but it just wasn't fast enough. If the deathclaw wanted to get in, it could, and then it would be a bloodbath. Even the guards wouldn't have time to react. I drew my pistol, which seemed so pathetic against that great beast, and rushed toward it.

                It was tossing the diligent guards here and there in typical deathclaw fashion, though their significant body armor protected them from most of the blows.

                I wasn't about to let that horrible day be repeated. I wasn't going to run, or be helpless. For god's sake, I was a _Brotherhood of Steel soldier._ I readied my pistol and fired, immediately as I remembered that deathclaws have a very high resistance to energy weapons.

                It stopped for a second, and looked at me.

                _Shit._

                Thinking as quickly as I could, I ran down to what had become a battlefield and grabbed a shotgun from a downed guard. Hoping he would need it later, I readied it for a shot.

                No ammo.

                _Well,_ I thought, _time for Plan C._

                Except I didn't have a Plan C.

                "Hey, what gives, you big lizard!?" Someone cried out from the entrance to the city. The gate was mostly closed, but someone had run through - a woman in a red coat, brandishing a rifle. "Your kind isn't welcome here!"

                I scrambled out of the way before she started shooting at it. Her yelling had caught its attention. I wound up next to her and took out my pistol again.

                "Don't even bother!" She told me, taking a few steps back toward the stairs. "Just try to get into the city! The gate... _might_ hold!"

                I couldn't take that risk. Besides the one that almost took my leg, I'd seen the damage a single deathclaw could do in a matter of minutes. If it was determined enough to get into the city - which this one _really weirdly_ seemed to be - it would find a way.

                The sight of the deathclaw charging made me freeze. In an instant the image came back to me: the scattered bodies of the people I had called friends, the entire caravan slaughtered in the blink of an eye. Then the next memory flashed, of all the synths laying around a place they had once called a _safehouse._

                When I thought about those people, the people I had failed to protect, something changed. The ice that filled my chest became something hot - it burned like a flame, and spread throughout my entire body. I felt dizzy, but somehow more perceptive. My vision blurred around the edges, with only the deathclaw in focus. I ran toward it.

                "Are you crazy!?" The woman yelled from behind me.

                Apparently, I was. I'd put away my pistol without even noticing. I was running toward the deathclaw with my right hand in a fist. My mind whirled so fast I didn't have time to register how silly it was. Was I going to _punch_ a _deathclaw?_

                _Yes and no,_ my body answered for me. All of a sudden, everything was blue. The blurry edges of my vision were tinted in a bright electric shade, and I felt energy surge down my arm. Through my hand. It left a burning sensation in its wake. Not quite like literal fire, but...

                A blue flash of light burst from my hand right as the deathclaw reared up to roar. I struck my hand out at it, putting blind faith into whatever was happening. Something told me, in the back of my mind, to do it. Like an instinct, almost. A hunting instinct, saying: this is how you kill your prey.

                I went for its stomach. Everything was light, but I felt the resistance of the deathclaw's thick hide as I swept my hand across it - like a claw? I'd _clawed_ at it, like I was wearing a gauntlet made of the creature's own arm. Like I had my own handheld weapons, made for dismembering.

                The deathclaw fell with a terrible cry. One hit, and it was down. It fell on its side, and I saw three gashes in its stomach. They were glowing blue, but very quickly faded to the ghastly color of torn flesh.

                I wanted to marvel at it. What had just happened!? My whole arm - no, my whole _body_ was -

                My thoughts were abruptly interrupted when my face hit the pavement.


	23. Chapter 23

                Pain. _Pain!_ God, it hurt like nothing ever had. I was gasping for air and grabbing for anything to hold onto. My eyes were open, they felt dry, but I couldn't see anything. Somewhere, it sounded like it was a thousand miles away, I heard a voice. It took a minute to understand, but soon it formed actual words.

                "Easy, take it easy. You're gonna be fine, just try to breathe, okay?"  
                I knew the voice. The woman from before, in the red coat. Somehow that put me at ease and I felt myself calming down. My heart rate slowed, whatever was in front of me became clearer...

                I was in a room, some place I didn't recognize. On a bed, too. It all finally materialized, and as it came into clear view, the pain faded away. I focused on breathing and not panicking. It looked like a safe place.

                "Thank god you're up!" The woman leaned over me with a huge grin on her face. Her black hair tumbled down from under her brown cap, and above her bright smile was a generous spattering of freckles. Her eyes were bright and greenish.

                "Where am I...?" I mumbled the question more to myself as I tried to sit up.

                "Easy," She gently pushed me back down. "You got into a fight with that deathclaw, remember? I think technically, you won."

                "...Is it dead?"  
                "Yup."

                "Damn." I stared at the ceiling. "That eases my conscious some."

                "Huh?"

                I repeated what I asked before, and sat up just a little bit.

                She took a seat near the end of the bed and smiled half-heartedly. "You're in Diamond City. The jewel of the Commonwealth!"

                I was safe, and had reached my destination. It was a relief.

                "The doctor came and looked you over while you were unconscious. Hope you don't mind." She shrugged.

                I returned the gesture. I didn't _feel_ hurt.

                "You fell unconscious, so," She looked away. "We figured you got knocked around. But the doc couldn't find a scratch on you. Besides those scars on your leg."

                I chuckled. "Yeah, those are old. From a _different_ deathclaw-related incident."

                She snapped her head back. "What, this is a _habit_ of yours?! Attacking deathclaws on your own?"

                "Not usually my choice."

                She thought for a second, glancing away, then back. "Found your holotags, too. Assuming they're yours." She nodded at the table beside the bed.

                They were set neatly on the nightstand, the chain coiled around them. I just stared at them, a weird feeling stirring in the pit of my stomach. "...They are."

                "You don't _look_ like one of those Brotherhood soldiers."

                "Yeah, well-"

                "Don't act like one, either." She sat up straighter and wore a serious expression. "You help people."

                Her words stung me. I felt offended and wanted to argue, but... I couldn't. Not after everything. "...I _used_ to be Brotherhood. As of yesterday I'm not anymore."

                She threw her hands up. "Yikes. That sounds like none of my business. But anyways," With a sigh, her posture relaxed. "Who _are_ you then?"

                "Nuke," I stared at my blanket-covered lap. "Just Nuke."

                She laughed, but it wasn't mean-spirited. "Alright then. I've just been calling you Blue all day."

                How long had I been sleeping? And why "Blue"?

                "Cause of that blue light," She made gestures with her hands while she answered the question I hadn't verbally asked. "Was that a special laser gun or something? Didn't find anything else on you."

                I remembered it, but not enough. I just shook my head in confusion.

                "I'm Piper," She finally divulged, the smile returning to her face. "Piper Wright. Resident reporter and head of the newspaper here in the city."

                Immediately I went on the defensive. "...Don't report that I'm here."

                "Woah, okay, okay." Again she decided it was none of her business. "Sounds serious."

                I couldn't say anything else.

 

                Piper was reluctant to let me out of bed, but I assured her I was fine. I gathered my holotags after a second of hesitation and headed for the door, feeling her eyes on my back.

                "Where are you gonna go?"

                I stopped. "Not sure. Came here looking for somewhere to stay, I guess."

                "Want a job?"

                I sighed and turned around.

                She was leaning against the far wall with her arms crossed. "I got in over my head with that deathclaw. I knew I couldn't beat that thing on my own, but I hoped I could help security out a bit. And you saw how _they_ wound up."

                I stayed quiet.

                "But here you come outta nowhere with whatever you did. You took down a deathclaw in one shot. I've never seen anything like that in my damn life."

                "I don't know what I did either, if that's any consolation."

                "Well, you saved a whole bunch of lives. What if that thing got into the city?"

                _Like the caravan, but on a much bigger scale._ I shuddered.

                "So as far as I'm concerned, you were a hero out there. That's what people are starting to think, and they haven't even _met_ you yet."

                "Listen, Piper-" I took a step back toward the door, but kept eye contact with her. "I've... spent the last year of my life in a big airship. I don't know anything about down here."

                "Last _year?_ What about the rest of it?"

                Oh. Yeah. "Um..." I'd backed myself into a corner, almost literally. She'd left me alone with some stuff, but she was a reporter - she'd want to know more. To her, and apparently the people of Diamond City, I was the mysterious deathclaw killer with _some_ connection to the Brotherhood, and was just called a "hero". It was way past the point of being able to say, "I'm just a traveler".

                I remembered that she was the one who had brought me into her home, to safety, not even knowing who I was. She'd called the doctor for me. I finally gave up and let my shoulders sag. "Well," I sighed. "I guess you want my story."

                She bolted to a nearby desk and grabbed a pad of paper, clutching a pen in her right hand like it was the last one on earth. Honestly, it might have been. Her eyes went wide with journalistic wonder and she carefully walked toward me. "...Tell me everything!"

                So I did. Everything. The cryo chamber and mysterious facility. The caravan slaughter. The Brotherhood finding me, and... Danse. I started to get hesitant when I got to the mission, the reason I left, but... I couldn't stop myself.

                "People don't really like synths, here," Piper's voice went low and she stopped writing. "So I'm putting myself at risk but saying I agree with what you did."

                "Shit, you do?" I blurted. What I'd been told of the Commonwealth led me to believe that no one else ever _would_ agree with me. It wasn't like I knew a lot of people, but she was the first.

                "You spend enough time with people, you eventually learn what they're _really_ about." Her tone was dark. "But still," She picked her head up and tried to smile. "It must've been so hard, doing that. Leaving what was essentially your whole life."

                "Please don't publish it." I reiterated. "I don't want them to know I'm here. Maxson would absolutely kill me if he found out."

                She nodded, silently, then changed the subject. "So, you've got nowhere to go and nothing to your name. I guess the first thing you're gonna want is some answers, maybe."

                I shrugged.

                "Well, if you do, I have someone you can talk to. He might know something about you."

                Really? Someone in this time, 200 years in the future, could know something?

                Piper's smile widened. "You'd be surprised how many people know pre-war stuff. And this one... he's an expert. I think you'll like him."

 

                The city was a bit overwhelming. Although it wasn't anywhere near the size of what I'd consider a "city", it was just as tightly packed. It smelled like people and smoke, and everyone we walked by suddenly spoke in hushed whispers.

                "Valentine... Detective Agency?" I read out loud, skeptical. "Private investigators still exist?"

                "He's probably a little different than what you're used to." Piper walked ahead of me into a little nook, and opened the creaking metal door. "Be nice to him. He's a good guy."

                I wasn't sure what she thought I was _used_ to, but I just shrugged and stepped through the doorway.

                We were in a small office; compact, but not cramped. The lights were harsh and highlighted a thousand dust particles floating in the air. I took a breath and my lungs seized, but I tried to stifle my cough. The whole place smelled like cigarettes.

                A woman behind a desk got to her feet, but quickly relaxed. "Oh, it's Piper. What do you need from us today?" The question was sarcastic, but cheerful.

                "Wondering if Nick can give our mystery guest some answers." She walked up to the desk and slammed a hand down on it dramatically. "We got some crazy secrets here, Ellie. Cryo-freeze, lost memories, the Brotherhood of Steel..."

                Ellie smiled as she sat back down. "Alright, alright. I'm sure he hears you, so he'll be down in a second."

                On cue, the sound of footsteps came from our left. "Someone calling for me?" The voice caught my ear with its accent. It sounded what some Brotherhood soldiers called "Old World", like the radio dramas Danse and I would sometimes guiltily tune in to. I watched as the source of the voice descended the stairs, revealing a man dressed in a long, tan overcoat and fedora.

                _Different than what I'm used to?_ I almost laughed. He looked exactly like a stereotypical noir-style detective.

                ...Well, _almost_ exactly.

                When he got closer to us and stepped into the light, I saw what he _truly_ was - ...Which was _what,_ exactly? His face was old, worn... _missing parts!?_

                I couldn't say anything, but just stared at him. My brain felt so confused, trying to figure out what was _off_ about him. It finally settled on a judgment:

                _He's a robot. But he's handsome._

                He looked straight at me with glowing yellow eyes. "This our big hero? Doesn't look like much."

                "Nick!" Piper snapped, stomping her foot indignantly as she took a step toward him. "You know better than to judge by looks!"

                He laughed, and had a genuine smile on his face. "Alright, alright, Piper. I know. Just pickin' on her."

 

                We sat down with Nick - Detective Valentine himself - and discussed what we knew about my past. Knowing he was only trying to help, I even divulged some detailed I'd kept secret from the Brotherhood, namely that I woke up in a strange, white outfit. I described the facility in as much detail as I could remember.

                Nick listened intently the whole time, hand on his chin.

                I started to recount the details of my latest deathclaw fight, then hesitated.

                He noticed and looked up. "Something wrong?"

                I felt all their eyes on me as I started to awkwardly explain what had happened. That burning sensation, and that blue energy, whatever they were, killed a deathclaw with minimal effort and then knocked me unconscious. That was all I knew.

                Nick was silent. He nodded slowly while I talked and, when I was finished, stayed quiet for another minute or so. "You're not gonna like this, kid," He kept his voice hushed when he finally spoke. "But I really do think the Institute is involved."

                "I figured," I breathed. I always had. Danse may not have believed that I was an Institute _spy_ , but I feel like everyone aboard the ship had a sneaking suspicion that they were involved with me in _some_ way. "From what I know, they're the only people capable of technology that could... freeze me for 200 years, right?"

                "Yeah," There was a faint smile on his face. "Unless you're a ghoul, or someone like me."

                I didn't push for details about him. He was kind enough to help me out; I figured that if he ever _wanted_ to tell me, he would.

                "So, now what?" Piper leaned across the table we were all sitting around, propping her head up. "If we think Blue's some kinda Institute experiment, what're we gonna do about it?"

                He tapped his good hand against the table - his other was frighteningly skeletal, and he deliberately hid it from view. "Right now?" He finally spoke up, his yellow eyes scanning over us. "Not sure there's much we _can_ do. Give me some time to  investigate."

                Pretty suddenly, we were shooed out of the agency. Piper and I found ourselves back out in a corridor of Diamond City, standing awkwardly on the uneven walkway. I took a few breaths of the smoky air - an uncomfortable mixture of cigarettes and distant food that I'd probably have to get used to.

                "So," Piper sighed and put her hands on her hips. "Where do we go from here? You gonna stay in town?"

                I didn't really have any other choice. I was out of a home, I reminded her, and _outside_ the city wasn't exactly safe.

                Her face screwed into a frown. "Well geez, I wasn't about to kick you out. You want a tour?"

                Well, what else did I have to do?


	24. Chapter 24

                The city was much more spacious than what I was used to. It still had its cramped hallways, but no one was ever shoving past us in a huge suit of power armor. Despite the odd combination of smells, the outside air was refreshing.. Seeing the sky was nice, too. That day it was a bright, unclouded blue.

                "Can you see the stars at night?" I asked after Piper finished pointing out a bar. "Or do they keep the lights on?"               

                "Lights stay on." She didn't look at me. "But you can still see them pretty good."

                Stargazing had been nearly impossible on the Prydwen. The flight deck was loud and uncomfortable, but the ground was dangerous. I almost came to associate the stars with danger entirely, but in this walled city...

                "Do you have money?" Piper suddenly asked, examining me. "You know, for a place to stay?"

                I shuffled my right jacket pocket; I had probably a dozen caps left after paying so many people out in the wasteland. "...No, but it won't be the first time I'll have to work for-"

                "Just stay with me." She smiled, the afternoon sun highlighting her freckles. "I'll put you to work, though, don't worry."

                My mind was exhausted and I could barely thank her. I just nodded and followed her back to her place - the little building labeled Publick Occurrences.

                We entered the side door, but were immediately stopped by a young girl. She smiled at Piper, but scowled when she saw me.

                "Who's this? You bringing home weird people again, sis?"

                "Oh god, Nat," Piper pushed by both of us. "Bl- uh, _Nuke_ is gonna be staying with us for a little bit and helping out with the paper. Okay?"

                "Whatever." Nat gave me another suspicious look before shoving past me and walking out the door.

                "Don't mind her," Piper called from the back of the house. "I bet teenagers were the same way back in your time, too."

                "Yeah," I responded absently while I looked around the house. It was quaint and a little ramshackle, like most places I'd seen. I quickly learned that in Diamond City, the lower you lived, the lower your status. The richer people, though I couldn't believe they were _that_ rich, lived in the "upper stands". _No matter what the circumstances,_ I thought, _people always find a way to divide themselves._

 

                I'd been told to make myself at home, so I settled into the old couch by the door while Piper fussed around in the back. She mentioned something about food, but I didn't feel very hungry.

                A few seconds after sitting down, I noticed my right leg aching. Annoyed, I scratched at it, but snapped my hand away immediately at the contact. It _really hurt._ Felt like it was burning. I reached down and started rolling up the pant leg; it _looked_ normal, but...

                "Those don't _hurt,_ do they?" Piper appeared beside me, looking down at my leg with concern. "You said they were old."

                "...They are." I didn't know what else to say. It was definitely the scars in particular that were hurting, but what could I even do about it? In frustration I shoved my pant leg back down. "...I think I need to rest."

                She nodded, looking concerned. "At least eat something first."

 

                Dinner was modest, but still better than anything I'd had on the Prydwen. Nat joined us after she returned from her afternoon shenanigans, but she stayed quiet and glared at me through the whole meal.

                The couch became my bed. Technically it was a little nicer than both Piper and Nat's, which were just bedrolls on the floor. I curled up under the blanket - thin, but appreciated - and tried to sleep.

                Finally feeling safe, my mind wandered through the past few months. The past _week_ in itself had been harrowing, but the rest of it...

                I missed the Prydwen. I missed the mechanical sounds lulling me to sleep, the rhythmic clanking of people walking by in power armor at all hours. I missed laying beside Danse, listening to him breathe, so thankful that he was finally resting well.

                God, did I miss Danse.

                Could I really do this? Just drop my life as a soldier and be a regular civilian living in Diamond City? My gun was on a nearby table, and I stared at it through the dark. It hadn't been any help against the deathclaw, but I knew I'd never get rid of it. How often did deathclaws show up in urban areas, anyways?

                Never, I reminded myself.

                People talked enough about them, and always emphasized that they were "out in the wilds". They didn't tend to randomly show up, especially right near the entrance to Diamond City. It wasn't like they were particularly stealthy creatures - unless hidden by something like a terrible fog, of course - so why hadn't I heard it following me?

                _Did_ it follow me?

                I tried to write it off as a weird coincidence in a weird world, but something really didn't seem right. I left the Brotherhood to get some answers, but so far had only found more questions.

                I did my best to scowl myself to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

                And so began my life in Diamond City. I started helping Piper out with the newspaper; She was amazed that I could tinker with the printer, so it became my main duty to work with it. It gave her more time to investigate, and do whatever else she wanted to do that didn't involve kicking the poor machine to death. Since I was alone with it most of the time, Piper caught me singing more than once.

                As per the norm in a city, the place was full of interesting characters. I even met the mayor, who was immediately put-off by the fact that I lived with Piper. I could only laugh the encounter off. Of course a probably-corrupt politician wouldn't like such a brash reporter.

                I liked her just fine, though. We got along quite well. At dinner time she'd recount all the adventures she'd been through that day, if she hadn't dragged me along.

                I ran errands for her, too. Sometimes I'd venture outside the city, to nearby settlements or to scrounge buildings for parts for the printer. It kept me busy, and from going nuts. Despite the troubles, I just couldn't shake some of my Brotherhood conditioning.

                Every few days, we stopped in to see Nick. Piper accompanied me at first, but eventually I visited by myself. He was always glad to have visitors, but never had any news.

                "Sorry, kid." He said one day with a deep sigh, sinking into his chair and looking a little more depressed than usual. "I honestly haven't found a damn thing."

                "Well." I stood from my chair and shook out my shoulders. "Something I can do for you in return anyways?"

                He looked up. He had a cigarette between the metal skeletal fingers of his right hand, but suddenly put it down. "Forgot you hate these."

                "It's fine," I lied, but didn't let him ignore my question. "If you and Ellie need any help around here, let me know. Working the print shop only keeps me so busy."

                "You antsy?" He smirked, his eyes getting a bit brighter. "Maybe you could join me on a case sometime. That Brotherhood trigger finger of yours is itchin', huh?"

                The way he said it sent a shiver up my spine, but I tried to deflect it. "Wouldn't mind being your bodyguard, I guess."

                "I'll call you, then."

 

                The sun was low when I left. My heart should have been heavy. I'd been in Diamond City for almost two months, and even the resident detective hadn't learned anything about me. But somehow, I felt okay. I looked down at my right hand and thought about my fight with the deathclaw. Whatever kind of "power" I had, I wasn't too keen on using it again. I didn't particularly _remember_ passing out and hitting the pavement, but Piper sure did. And that ache in my leg...

                "You smell like smoke." Piper noted when I opened the door. She said it with a smile - she smoked, just never in the house. "Been over to Nick's?  
                "Yeah," my voice cracked and my cheeks burned. Wasn't sure why. "...He hasn't found anything yet. I'm thinking of giving up."

                "...On what?"

                "All of it." I shrugged and collapsed on the couch. "Figuring anything out. The Institute's so secretive. How am I supposed to learn anything? I'm done."

                "Oh, don't give me that." She sat down next to me and threw an arm around my shoulders. "We'll get there. We're just not looking in the right places, I guess."

                I leaned forward and put my face in my hands. Where were we supposed to look? No one knew anything, and I really knew next to nothing about the world I was living in, compared to anyone else. A groan of frustration escaped me, but it faded out when I felt Piper squeeze my arm.

                "Hey, take it easy, Blue." She whispered, leaning in close. "We're in this together, okay? Don't be so hard on yourself."

                I promised her I would, but whimpered that it wasn't just _my_ problems bothering me. I worried about everyone. About her, about some worse-off people in the city, about _Danse._

                To my relief, she never made any kind of nasty comment about him. Her dislike for the Brotherhood was clear, and I understood it completely, but this wasn't the Brotherhood we were talking about. No matter how loyal he was to the cause, Danse was an individual. Haylen too, as well as _everyone_ on board the ship. But when lots of like-minded people get together with some scary ideas, things can get... dangerous.

                Trying to lighten the mood, I leaned back against the couch and wondered aloud if someone like Danse would ever be able to take to someone like Nick.

                Piper pulled her arm back, but kept her hand resting on mine. "Damn, who knows. If people in _this_ city can learn to put up with, and even _like_ a synth... Maybe."

                But I knew Nick would be too... _sassy_ for him. He'd make quips and comebacks Danse wouldn't expect. I couldn't help laughing, just thinking about it. "What a pair _they'd_ make. A Brotherhood soldier and a synth."

 

                Piper decided that more time outside the city would do me some good. So, we started wandering farther and farther. Eventually the distance started worrying poor Nick. and he chose to join us on some excursions.

                I got comfortable with my gun again. I remembered that not every enemy was a deathclaw - raiders and ghouls fell a lot more easily to its energy blasts. Though Piper could hold her own, and so could Nick when he was with us, I took a bit of pride in feeling like a protector. It didn't quite have the glamor as my Knight position, but it was a life without any real secrets. Sure, there were things I didn't know about my new friends, but it was nothing _sinister._

                I found it so _easy_ to be with Nick, and it widened the emotional gap between me and my Brotherhood past. Even looking the way he did, he was so obviously a person. A thinking, feeling, _person._ We told jokes as we took on raiders, exchanged amusing stories, and laughed a whole lot together. I helped Ellie keep the office tidy on my slow days, or helped Nick with cases when he just needed to talk out loud. Sometimes I'd even give my input, though it rarely helped.

                And I knew Piper appreciated me. Not only was I helping with the paper, but she even called me the first real friend she'd had in a long time.

                Her use of "friend" stuck out to me. I'd considered my Brotherhood comrades to be that, of course. Danse, Haylen, Cade... even Rhys to an extent. But... had they ever thought the same?

                They certainly hadn't said it. Even Haylen hadn't ever actually used the word.

                Danse hadn't even said--

                "Keep your wits about you, doll." Nick whispered harshly. "Somethin's not right here."

                I'd completely zoned out and forgotten that the three of us had actually set out to do something. We'd heard rumors of sightings of Institute synths in that area - the regular ones, not the human-like ones.

                "The ones that look like me," Nick had joked. He'd long ago told me his backstory, or at least what he remembered of it. It didn't surprise me at all, honestly... but of course I pitied him a little. And related. Identity struggles and all that.

                Piper was on the other side of the street, slowly making her way to our target alongside us.

                I kept at the front of the party, ready for anything as I rounded the final corner.

                It was surprisingly quiet. In the distance I saw some movement, near the old office building we'd set our sights on. Though I hadn't seen them before, I confirmed they were _definitely_ Institute synths. They seemed to be patrolling, laser weapons in hand.

                I scampered into a nearby building, heading for the roof. Piper and Nick chose to stay down below, but from my position I got a much better view of everything. I counted about a half dozen synths outside the building, no doubt with plenty more inside. I wasn't a sniper and knew I couldn't take them out by myself, but I flashed a signal to my partners to let them know how many there were.

                Carefully I made my way across buildings to get closer. I went down a few floors until I found a suitable window to shoot through.

                The synths were a little scarier up close. Nick said they looked like him... I guess there was a resemblance in the face, but Nick had _expressions._ These things were, quite plainly, robots. I heard them speak to each other in near-monotone, synthesized voices as they marched in rhythmic patterns.

                _These_ were synths. The people in that house... How could they be considered remotely the same thing?

                I wondered if these ones had feelings, too. Were they sentient, like Nick? Probably not, since they were obviously just scouts and not experimental prototypes, but...

                Not wanting to waste any more time, I took a shot. Then about twenty more. I couldn't afford to hesitate after the first one.

                Taking out their heads worked the best, though their limbs were fragile, too. They went down hard and fast and only got a few shots in. Luckily, we had the element of surprise on our side.

                Nick and Piper flanked me as I stepped out into the open. Surely we'd already attracted attention, we realized, and had no other choice besides rushing the building.

                So Piper kicked the door down.

                We followed behind her as she shouted into the dim room at nothing. There was no other sound or sign that the place was inhabited.

                "Don't ever trust the Institute to have vanished," Nick reminded me. "They're always _somewhere."_

                It didn't look like a raided safehouse. There was a thick layer of dust over everything, and I hadn't seen any of those strange symbols. Only a single bed was shoved in the corner, and its frame had collapsed.

                Nick and I examined everything on the first floor. Only two other higher floors were traversable, with the rest having collapsed in on itself. A usual sight. We cleared the level and headed up after Piper.

                She looked as frustrated as us. "Why would the Institute be here? This place is totally abandoned."

                Quietly, we searched the rest of the building. After almost an hour of it, we came up with nothing. There hadn't even been another synth inside. Only patrolling outside.

                "They definitely looked like they were protecting this building," I grumbled, looking out the window at their scattered corpses down below. "But it looks like this lead went nowhere. Like all the rest."

                Nick's "good" hand clapped my shoulder. "Don't get yourself down. There's gotta be something..." But he sounded doubtful.

                Piper kicked over a dresser in frustration. "This sucks! We finally get some kinda lead on Blue's story and then... nothing. I'm pissed!"

                I only half-listened to Nick's efforts to calm her down as I watched out the window. I thought I saw movement, but it couldn't have been. _Maybe raiders,_ I thought. No one would pass up the opportunity to scavenge some synth parts. I watched and watched...

                There it was again. Movement. It was _definitely_ something, darting between the buildings across the street. I tried to watch, but Piper's shouting had reached ridiculous decibels. She knocked something else over.

                _"Piper!"_ I snapped, looking away from the window and glaring at her.

                She stopped dead and wore a guilty expression. With an exasperated huff she apologized, then righted the dusty dresser.

                When I returned to the window, there was no sign of anything, even after another minute. The only thing left was a vague feeling of dread. There _had_ been something moving, but they weren't going in to get at the synths.

                Were they waiting for us to leave? Was it even a person? I'd only seen a dark shape.

                "Alright, let's get outta here." Nick waved his right hand in the air to beckon us downstairs. "We'll find something next time."

                Defeated, Piper and I followed him. I barely noticed her slinging her arm around my shoulders; as we walked down the stairs, I felt something else. Like a cold snap it traveled up my back, to the base of my neck. I turned to look back.

                "Nothing up there, Blue." She squeezed my shoulder. "Let's just move on."

                We exited through the back of the building. To me, something still didn't feel right. I felt eyes on us the whole time, even though common sense told me it was impossible. No one else had been in that building. But as we left the area, I swore I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Something dark, back near the bodies of the synths.

                When I looked, of course, there was nothing.


	26. Chapter 26

                I gave up on my personal investigation for a while. There were no clues to anything, and only led to frustration, so I buried myself in my work. I helped Piper and Nick with whatever they needed, and even started taking odd jobs from people in the city.

                Diamond City started to get to know me. People greeted me in the morning, asking how Piper and I were doing. Nat, too. I could only ever shrug and say we were all fine. It was technically true; nothing terrible was happening, and I considered that pretty "fine".

                I started going to the mayor's office to ask what needed to be done, which caught him completely off-guard.

                "People don't usually do this." The portly McDonough mumbled while avoiding my eyes. "That little... _journalist_ not keeping you busy enough?"

                I knew he and Piper didn't get along, so I didn't answer. "I just want to help people." Since I left the Brotherhood, despite keeping busy, I felt lost. The business of Diamond City was distracting, and I got a bit of fulfillment out of fixing things, but I wanted to _really_ fix things. Make a difference. I wanted to do the things I'd believed I had always been doing while in the Brotherhood.

                "I guess I... have a list." He shuffled through a stack of worn papers before finally handing me a few. "Here. It's some complaints I haven't exactly gotten to."

                As I read over the list, I was filled with annoyance. Things like "fix the water purifier" weren't considered priorities?! I bit back the feeling and tried to smile at the man I had never liked. "Thank you, sir! I'll see what I can do about some of these."

                He very obviously rolled his eyes and shooed me away.

 

                The water purifier. Holes in the wall. Holes in peoples' _roofs._ Again, for some reason, none of these were considered an immediate priority. Did the city have construction workers?

                'Gotta do everything my damn self' became my motto. I certainly didn't _have_ to. I'd only been living in the city for a couple months... right? Counting back the weeks, I realized it had been closer to six.

                But even a couple centuries later, city people were city people. I still didn't have many specific memories, but I had _notions._ City people liked to keep to themselves, and if something was going good for them, why bother it?

                So, the water purifier never got completely fixed. The holes never got filled. The poor people in the lower levels had holes in their roofs - so what? It didn't bother people in the upper stands.

                I tore apart buildings when I wandered outside the city. I brought back cinder blocks for houses, and gears from broken protectrons to help repair Takahashi, the noodle stand robot. Once I found an entire new roof for a tiny house holding a whole family. The mother hugged me and cried while her two children told their father that they were excited to not get rained on while they slept.

                Sometimes I would turn my head up to the mayor's office and wonder what the hell he was doing. His office was always dry and he had a comfortable-looking bed.

                People started leaving notes on Piper's door. Or, I guess, it had become _our_ door. Almost everything on my original checklist was crossed off, besides the water purifier. I'd looked it over; it was hard to figure out what was wrong when a _literal child_ ran it.

                I felt annoyed almost all the time while I worked; not at any one for asking for help, just... at the situation. I was annoyed at children sleeping on the dirt while the upper stands crowd had penthouses and never worried about food.

                "Can't fix everything," Piper tried to reassure me one night while I barely poked at my dinner. "But you really like helping people, huh?"

                "I need _something."_ I scowled down at the table. "Don't know what the point of me is. Might as well _make_ myself a purpose.

                She reached over from next to me and clasped her hand over mine. "You gotta take it a little easier. Don't run yourself ragged."

                I glanced at the empty chair across from me, where Piper usually sat for dinner. Nat had decided to stay at a friend's house for the night, so it was just us. I made an annoyed sound but didn't pull away from her.

                When I first started helping out, people weren't thrilled that I was living with Piper. "You could do better," they'd say. "Try someone who doesn't get into so much trouble."

                So I asked them, where's the fun in that? Trouble led to discoveries. _Trouble_ got you your new roof, ma'am.

                They all seemed to be coming around. Asking how Piper was doing, instead of if she had gotten into a scrap recently. They would give me certain kinds of looks I recognized from my days on the Prydwen, when I was asked about Danse.

                I tapped my free hand on the table. He occupied less and less of my mind - not in a bad way, just in a way that meant my guilt wasn't _consuming_ me. I could go through a day and maybe think about him idly, but while smiling instead of falling to my knees. "...Hey, Piper."

                "Yeah?" She responded almost too quickly and nearly fell out of her seat.

                "You wanna maybe go... _out_ for dinner sometime?"

                "Like, all of us? When Nat's home or-"

                "Just us."

                She was quiet for what felt like an hour, but she never let go of my hand. "...Yeah, Blue."

                The lump in my chest disappeared.

                "I think I'd like that a whole lot."


	27. Chapter 27

                I made a calendar to keep track of the jobs I'd collected. Somehow, the world still knew what month and day it was, even though the weather stayed pretty consistent. Still, it was getting a little warmer, and I was happy to see my calendar labeled as "March".

                I even got _paid_ for most of the jobs, which was a bonus. Sometimes I wasn't even hired by someone - like when I decided to fix a few holes in the wall, or in public buildings - but the next day, I'd find a bundle of caps on the doorstep anyways. It was a nice bonus; it let me treat Piper and Nat to nicer dinners once in a while. Sometimes, just Piper.

                She'd stare at me from across the table, swirling her drink and giggling at everything I'd say, even if it wasn't funny.

                I felt that fluttering in my chest again. It was the feeling that made me want to bolt away from Danse at a hundred miles per hour, and hide under my bed. Except... looking at Piper, I didn't want to run. I looked everywhere but her eyes; I loved the way her hair fell, barely held back by her hat, and sometimes I'd count her freckles without her knowing. I could never keep track. There were just too many.

                When we were back at the house, barely an inch apart on the couch, I heard a little voice in my head. It was my own, and it barely spoke above a whisper.

                _You gotta let yourself be okay._

                I rested my head against her shoulder, and her hand was immediately in my hair.

                "But aren't you busy?" she asked.

                I shrugged. "Not _too_ busy."

                "Blue, I'm..."

_Perfect the way you are._

                "...I'm _loud._ I get you into trouble. I-" She tried to think of something else to deter me, but knew nothing would.

                My head was still firmly against her shoulder, and my hand quickly found hers.

                She sighed and leaned back against me. "...Okay. You win."

                It may have been strange, but it worked.

 

                I kept on working like normal. My days started early, with scavenging around outside on the good days. When it rained, I kept to the city and did repairs from inside. I definitely didn't have any training, but I knew how to hammer a nail into a wall. It was a lot simpler than fixing goddamn power armor.

                The only thing that really changed was that I started coming home to a kiss. I also graduated from the couch to Piper's bed.

                "Piper's had boyfriends before," Nat said with a shrug after telling us she didn't mind the change. "But I like you better than all of them."

                It was a simple and smooth transition. The whole city knew immediately, but luckily the only real reactions we got were smiles.

                Around that time, I also noticed a particular security guard following me around. I was sure he had no idea I knew, since he acted casual every time I talked to him. But I knew he was following me, and I knew it was him. All the security guards wore the same face-obscuring protective outfit, but this one's voice always gave him away.

                One day I got fed up and tried confronting him, but he very convincingly acted like he had no idea what I was talking about.

                I walked away, wondering if I was just being paranoid.

                "No," Piper assured me the night after I talked to him. "I know that guy follows you. Dunno his name though."

                I prodded my empty plate. "Guess I can't blame him for being suspicious of me."

                "After this long?" She took another bite and continued with a full mouth. "I'd kick his ass!"

                I wondered if he'd follow me out of the city. It was a stupid idea, but I decided to try it. I stood up with a grin, keeping my plan to myself, and collected the dishes.

                 Piper watched me as I walked away. "I know that face. You've got something cookin', huh? Up in that crazy head of yours."

                I set the dishes in the sink and turned on the water, but didn't look back. "...Maybe."

 

                She started worrying about me a little more. Before I left on my little mission, she made sure I was armed to the teeth, had plenty of ammunition, and kept a mini radio on me. "Don't go getting yourself killed," She warned with a grin, but I knew she was legitimately concerned.

                "I could have Nick tail me if you want."

                She shook her head. "Too suspicious. But maybe I'll let him know."

 

                It took a few minutes of walking for me to hear the second set of footsteps behind me. I knew it was the guard. Picking up my pace, I changed directions and headed toward the place where we'd fought all those synths before. I had my laser pistol in my hand, and a .10mm on my hip as backup. I'd found a hell of a lot of guns in all my adventures, especially when stealing from raiders, but I always preferred smaller arms.

                The guard followed me all the way to the office building. At some point he stopped hiding, and was straight-up just walking a hundred feet behind me.

                Luckily for me, there was no sign of any synths this time. I swung around into the front entrance, still destroyed from when Piper kicked it down, and righted a chair to sit in. I put my elbows up on the table, but kept my finger on the trigger of my pistol.

                After a minute or two, he walked in the door. He was holding his own shotgun, but it wasn't ready to fire. He stood there, and I could only assume he was looking at me due to his mask.

                "So, you've been following me around for weeks."

                He nodded.

                "I'm not gonna blow up Diamond City. Not here to cause trouble. So what gives? You gonna kill me?"

                He shook his head, then suddenly started to set his gun down. With newly freed hands his removed his helmet.

                I blinked a few times, not feeling much of a reaction. I was staring at... some regular-looking bald guy. The only thing I felt was slight confusion when he put on a pair of sunglasses; we were inside a building, and there was barely any light.

                "I heard you took out a bunch of synths here a while ago." His voice was clearer without the mask, but still the same one I was used to.

                I shrugged, my finger not moving from the trigger. "So what, you gonna tell the Institute on me?"

                "Hell, no." He stepped forward, still without his gun, and took a seat across from me at the table. "You never _did_ drink the water I left you. It was purified and everything." He smirked. "I'm a little offended."

                I wanted to ask him what the hell he was talking about, but in a split second I remembered. _Water bottle..._ When I woke up in that house, on the table next to me...

                He laughed when I started. "Got your attention now, huh? You gettin' it?"

                "Exactly how long _have_ you been following me?" It was a weird situation, but something about him put me at ease. He almost gave off an "old friend" sort of vibe.

                "That was awful bold of you," He began, mostly dodging the question. "Standing up to your Brotherhood buddies like that. I didn't make it in time to help my friends, but damn, you really gave that one guy hell."  
                My stomach turned. While I'd recovered a bit from the effects of what had happened, thinking about my argument with Danse still wasn't my favorite thing to do. "Those synths-" I choked. "Those _people..._ were your friends?"

                "Nice catch." He leaned back in his chair. "I like that about you. You don't know shit about synths besides what those assholes in the sky told you, and there you were, freaking out cause a couple got shot."

                His language bothered me. I felt myself bristle. "...Their choices might've been wrong, and I may not be with the Brotherhood anymore, but some people up there I'd still consider good friends of mine."

                "Sorry-" He sat up and put his hands in front of him. Despite the sunglasses, he looked legitimately remorseful. "Yeah, that's on me. I don't know your whole story." His posture relaxed again. "But me and my friends back home really appreciate what you did. Even if you couldn't save 'em."

                I waited for him to continue, but he didn't. "You drew those symbols, then? On the door and the bottle?"

                "Bottle, yeah. Door, who knows. Probably Des." He shrugged and abruptly stood from the chair, then started pacing around the room. "So, you think killing synths is wrong?"

                "They were innocent people as far as I'm concerned." I watched him carefully, but he never went near his gun. "I don't care if they're robots or what. They didn't hurt anyone."

                "And now you're pallin' it up with Nick Valentine, huh?"

                I softened at his name, but stayed alert. "You got a problem with that?"

                "No, no." He turned to me, still wearing a smile, arms crossed. "Just the opposite. There's been all sorts of whispers about you, even beyond Diamond City. Stuff about you lookin' for the Institute and whatnot."

                "That's none of your business."

                "Sure it's not, that's cool. But I'm guessing you don't like them."

                "Not particularly, from what I've heard."

                "Cool. We don't like 'em either."

                "So who's 'we'?"

                He laughed and relaxed his arms. "Alright, enough dancing around it. You heard of the Railroad?"

                "Sure. You with them?"

                "Could say that." He approached the table again and leaned across it. "Yeah, they're good friends of mine. And they've gotten real interested in you, from what I've told 'em."

                "Fine, fine." I sat back in my chair and crossed my legs, leaning on the table with one arm. "Tell me about these friends."


	28. Chapter 28

                The road home felt longer than before. My companion had vanished, and I already kind of missed him.

                We wound up talking for over an hour. I gave him vague details of my story, and he gave even less information about his. It was a little too much for me at once, with the underground organizations and crazy conspiracies. I realized for the first time in weeks that I was _exhausted,_ and I _really_ needed a break from it all. I'd been pushing myself to my limit as a distraction, to keep myself from thinking about anything else. And I was burning out.

                Piper was relieved to see me collapse on the couch as soon as I walked through the door. She started bombarding me with questions, but stopped when she saw me holding my head. Without another word she went and got me a blanket, covering me gently.

                "I know you're not my secretary," I whined. "But could you cancel my appointments for the rest of the week?"

                She reached over me with a smile and ruffled my hair. "About time, Blue."

 

                I expected days off to drive me crazy, but it was nice to just stick around the house. I realized in all my rush to help the city, our own place really needed some of that, too. I couldn't help myself from tidying up and wanting to fix things, even when Piper tried to physically wrestle tools out of my hands.

                _"Rest!"_ She demanded, shoving me down onto the couch. "I don't mind you cleaning up but for god's sake, stop fixing the walls for ten seconds!"

                I nodded and complied, but still complained. I just really liked fixing things.

                After my break, I took on less responsibilities. Honestly, I was starting to run out of things to do. I still made trips outside the city, telling Piper they were for regular scavenging, but... It may have been a little less than the whole truth. I was lucky that me leaving the city so often was already a normal thing.

                It didn't take long for me to memorize the path those red bricks wound through the old city. It went through a few dangerous areas, but I still had to make sure I wasn't followed. _Utmost importance,_ I'd been told. Once I got into the catacombs, it was much easier to make sure of that, even though the dust and darkness choked and blinded me.

                "Welcome back!" Was always the greeting I received, from different voices.

                "Here comes our little Whisper." Deacon loved to say with his big smile. "Any news?"

                I never had anything, even after a couple months of actively looking. Those patrolling synths were the last time anyone had heard of any Institute activity.

                "I guess it's sort of good news." Desdemona, our fearless leader, said with a sigh. Her face was always twisted with concern, no matter _how_ good the news could get. "Let's just hope we don't lose another safehouse."

                I liked the Railroad, and the people in it. They were all their own sort of odd, with Deacon competing for the position of downright _oddest._ He had no trouble telling everyone I was ex-Brotherhood, which made them nervous, but apparently they calmed down once they heard about everything I'd been doing in Diamond City.

                At that point, the only one lacking in trust was Glory. She was a synth herself, and her bitterness toward the Institute could almost be tasted in the stale air of the HQ. Her eyes always focused on me fiercely after it came out that I was probably an experiment of theirs.

                Though our meetings were scheduled and went on for a while, the only thing I ever had to say at the end was, "I'll keep you posted." My membership wasn't really going anywhere, but they still enjoyed having me around.

                Deacon said I should act a little more excited about being a secret agent, but I tried not to think about it. To me it was just more responsibility... and more reasons to constantly be looking over my shoulder.

 

                I always took a long route home from the church, and took plenty of detours. Des told me to remember that the Institute is always craftier than you could ever think, and to assume I was being followed. Even though it was desolate and destroyed, the city was still densely packed with buildings and could be hiding anything.

                The walks gave me time to think, and some target practice. I got used to the sound of vertibirds in the distance and kept on steadily, instead of flying into a panic and trying to hide. There wasn't usually real trouble, unless Piper decided to meet me halfway back to the city.

                Which she did often.

                It was a nice, clear day, and she'd somehow found me pretty close to the church. I felt bad not telling her anything about the Railroad, but it was the kind of thing I couldn't risk just yet.

                More ghouls came out on sunny days, but they weren't too much trouble. It was almost a relief to put them out of their misery. Piper called our excursions "unconventional dates".

                That day, we decided to make it a little more conventional. We took a route that led us away from the city and out into what remained of the wilderness. Danger was everywhere, but the wilds brought things like yao guais deathclaws which were, of course, a little scarier than raiders.

                I squeezed Piper's hand as we walked and tried to quell her fears. "We already know I can take down a deathclaw. We're fine."

                She smiled, but looked unsure. "Not sure I'm a fan of how it knocked you out the last time, though."

                I just shrugged. Did it really matter if it took care of whatever the threat was? My leg hadn't been aching lately, even with all the walking I was doing, so I was obviously okay.

                "I guess so." She didn't sound convinced. "Just be careful, Blue."

                We found a nice hill to take a break on. For what seemed like miles around us there was nothing but sparse foliage. I sighed as I sat down against a tree that had managed to hang on to a few of its leaves. Even in a place like the Commonwealth, considered a total wasteland, there could be peace.

                "I know it's been a while..." Piper broke the calm silence and leaned on me. "But it still must be crazy to see the world like this now."

                My eyes scanned across the area. There was a small herd of radstags in the distance, and much farther than that I saw a vertibird hovering. "Honestly? This is all I know now. I still don't remember much." It was disappointing to admit. I'd hoped my memories would start coming back the longer I spent awake, but... nothing specific ever came. I always had the vague notion that things _shouldn't_ look like this, but it wasn't like I could remember specifically how Boston used to be. I wasn't sure if I was even _from_ Boston. Had I lived there before? Or in some suburb? I had absolutely no way of knowing.

                "Impressive that you can just move on."

                "I mean," I shifted my position and stretched my legs. "It's annoying. I hate not knowing. It kind of kills me. But then again... what else is there? I know this world's terrible, but I know about as much as the average person here." I took a deep breath. When I'd first stepped out of that old building what felt like a lifetime ago, the air had tasted strange and almost sharp. Now it was normal, refreshing compared to the air of places like Diamond City, the church, or even the Prydwen. "I like to think I'm making the best of it."

                "You sure brought the best to me."

                It was already nice out, but Piper's comment made my temperature spike. "Oh, come on."

                She just laughed. It was useless to say anything else; her smile always silenced me.

                The breeze picked up. As nice as it was, we both knew that it wasn't completely safe. I stood up and stretched again, mostly out of irritation. "...We should go, huh?"

                "I guess." She sounded just as annoyed as I was. Somberly she joined me as we both started away from our tree.

                Something on the breeze caught my attention. I kept walking so Piper wouldn't notice, but I turned my head toward it and focused. It was an odd but familiar scent, and I tried to place it...

                Finally it came to me. Ozone. Something smelled like ozone.

                I stopped and turned toward the breeze. I didn't see anything, but the scent got stronger for a second before disappearing entirely.

                "What's up?" Piper stopped, too, bobbing her head as she checked out the distance. "You see something?"

                "No, just-" I didn't know how to explain it. Something felt _off._ Very, _very_ off. The air changed. I looked all around, trying to find the source of it, or _anything-_

                The source made itself known. A dark shape moved behind me - how it got there, I could never know. Pure agility? Some kind of stealth technology?

                I couldn't move. My arms were held behind my back with one leatherclad hand. I didn't even have time to look at Piper before it all happened.

                A voice behind and above me said something. My panic garbled it.

                I smelled ozone again, and everything disappeared.


	29. Chapter 29

                The world spun and I fell forward, but was caught by a strong arm. The wind was coughed from my lungs and every gasp tasted like that horrible smell.

                "Take it easy. You're safe." said a voice from behind me. The same one from before, from the man who was holding me. "Apologies for the rough handling."

                I finally gathered myself and shoved out of his grasp. My legs shook and the walls were spinning around me. They were all solid, blindingly white. I braced myself on one of them and turned to my captor, who hadn't moved.

                He was a tall, dark-skinned man, wearing a nearly floor-length black coat and sunglasses. His hair was buzzed short. I couldn't see his eyes through the glasses.

                For a second, neither of us moved. My heart was pounding and I wanted to get away, but I quickly realized I had nowhere to go. We were in a round room with only one door - an exit that would lead me to who knows where.            

                The man stepped forward and extended his hand. "The relay can be disorienting at first, but you're not injured. If you'd like, I can support-"

                "Who the hell are you!?" I screamed, trying to move away. My voice echoed all around the room. I felt my hand burning, which led to panic and a desperate attempt to calm down.

                He barely reacted, but lowered his arm. "My designation is X6-88. I was sent to retrieve you."

                Time stopped for a split second. I felt something in my brain, so far back in my memories... My memories!? I remembered something. I shook my head. "I'm... sorry, can you repeat that?"

                "I'm called X6-88, I was sent-"

                "Right. Okay." No doubt about it. I _remembered_ that. I had heard his name somewhere before. Well... as much of a name as it was. A designation, right? A _synth_ designation. I'd heard some of them from the Railroad. Escaped synths usually took _better_ names once they got out.

                "Are you feeling alright?" He asked, genuine concern peeking through his previously consistent monotone. "If you are, this is by far the best place to-"

                "Do I know you?" I interrupted again. He fell silent when I did and didn't seem offended. "Like... have we met?"

                He hesitated. "You should speak with Father. He would be able to explain everything."

                I didn't want to go anywhere else. I didn't know where I was, but for the first time in what I could recall of my life, I was with someone I recognized. It was barely more than a vague notion, but it was _something._ "No, I want _you_ to tell me. Where is this, anyways? Why did you take me here?"

                X6-88 took a few cautious steps toward me, but halted when I shrank back even further. "...This is the Institute. I've brought you here on orders, as I said before." Another hesitation. "We've been looking for you for some time."

                Somehow, I'd known. What other place could it have been? The stark white walls just _screamed_ "evil science lab". My instant response was to want nothing to do with it, but then... I actually thought about what he said. They'd been looking for me. "Really?" My voice was strained, but my panic was ebbing. Slowly, my curiosity was winning out. Could I really get the answers I'd been looking for, after all this time?

                "Father can tell you more." He was close, and I could _almost_ see his eyes through the dark lenses. "If you'll come with me..."

                I had no reason to trust him. It was the _Institute,_ for god's sake! The worst of the worst, according to _everyone!_ They enslaved synths and kidnapped people - the most recent person being me!

                So I don't know why I followed him out the only door in the room. Maybe it was because he hadn't offered his hand again, and I felt less threatened. I still had my gun with me, so defense was possible. I kept my hand on it as I walked through the door.

 

                Immediately my hand dropped, along with my jaw. The room we entered must have been the main atrium of the Institute. It was an endlessly expansive cavern of marvels. White walls stretched high up, giving way to multiple floors connected by spiraling staircases. There were _trees_ \- lush, green trees! And there were people, all clothed in clean, white outfits. Among them walked older-generation synths, patrolling, but not threatening.

                Everything was so damn _clean._ I took a deep breath, and the taste of the air gave me such comfort.

                It was _beautiful._

                X6-88 stopped when he realized I had. He looked back, silently.

                Embarrassed, I snapped back to reality and followed him. I kept up the pace, but couldn't stop craning my neck to look around. I could barely believe something like this existed in the world I'd been living in.

                We traversed winding hallways and headed up flights of stairs. I only caught a glimpse of what appeared to be different "departments" on the ground floor - Robotics, BioScience, Advanced Systems, and... _Synth Retention._

                I shivered and took another look at my companion. "You're... You're a Courser, aren't you?"

                "Yes." He answered plainly, not looking back. "My primary function is to reclaim escaped synths. But sometimes I'm given... other tasks."

                I was thankful for him adding that last part, but I still needed to ask. "So, what, am I a synth you were sent after?"

                "...No. You're not." It was such a casual answer for something that took over a year's worth of weight off my chest. Not that it would have been a bad thing, to me, but...

                "So what am I?"

                We reached a door. X6-88 approached it without answering me, and addressed whoever "Father" was.

                The door slid open, revealing a small room. It contained only a round table with several chairs. At the far end sat a man - he was elderly and wearing a different type of lab coat than the others.

                "Splendid work, X6-88. You may enter."

                I was instructed to sit, and did so on the opposite end of the table. I glanced uneasily to X6-88, who stayed standing.

                "Well," The man I presumed was Father began. "You must have questions."

                "If you try to kill me, I'll fight back." Even though I didn't feel particularly threatened by an old man, and I felt like I recognized the Courser standing beside me, I knew I wasn't _safe._

                "Of course." He leaned back in his chair, looking utterly relaxed and wearing a gentle smile. He laced his fingers together and rested his elbows on the table. "Don't worry, we're not going to hurt you. You're far too valuable, what with your amazing abilities and all."

                I almost blurted out - that power of mine? But I was starting to gather myself. I was inclined to believe what the general public said about the Institute, rather than what they'd say about themselves. The whole vibe of the place, being so clean and beautiful compared to the Commonwealth... Though the air smelled clean, the whole place reeked of deceit.

                "We've been searching for you, you know."

                "So I've been told."

                "Ah," He looked to my side. "How much have you told her, X6?"

                "Only that, sir."

                "Alright. It's all up to me, then." He chuckled. "We're not quite sure how you got out of where you were, but perhaps we should not have locked you up to begin with."

                I glared. "So I _am_ one of your experiments."

                "I so hate that word." His look of remorse might have been genuine, but I didn't accept it. "I've always called you a... _resource_ of ours."

                "Not better." I clenched my jaw and took a few breaths. "Just get on with it. What the hell did you do to me and what do you want with me?"

                Father sighed and, without any further hesitation, told me. I could tell throughout his story that he minced some details in his little pauses and "excuse me"s, but for the most part it sounded as fine as it could.

 

                I really _was_ an experiment. All those hunches I had wound up being true. I _was_ from before the war. Kidnapped... but off the street. With a biting scorn Father told me that my real identity wasn't known, and no evidence was ever found that anyone had been looking for me. I was kept in cryostasis when I wasn't being "worked on". Father, for some reason, felt it appropriate to call the Institute - or the facility that would _become_ the Institute - my "home", right after detailing the experiments.

                Genetic splicing was the biggest thing. I'd be kept frozen for years, sometimes decades. When the war happened, it put a big damper on the little "project" I was, but some members eventually thought it would be lucrative to revive me.

                I dared to ask what I was _spliced_ with.

                "Probably all sorts of things," He waved his hand to basically dismiss it. "Most of the data in your original files were corrupted, probably from the radiation of the blasts. All we know for sure is that we could detect deathclaw DNA and traces of the element strontium-90."

                His casual tone made me sick and I reeled. My voice caught in my tightening throat.

                "It glows such a nice blue." His smile was wide. He looked _proud._ "We know what your powers can do, and it's such a shame we couldn't harness them back then. You would have been such a good soldier."

                So that was it. A _soldier._ "Nice choice of subject," I sneered, leaning back and giving up on pretense. I'd shoot him if I got angry enough. "You'd think they'd want someone big and tough."

                "Maybe that was the point." He was still so neutral, not giving me any sympathy or apologies for the things that had happened to me.

                I almost didn't want it, I realized.

                "You look so unassuming," He smiled again. I was starting to hate it. "No one would ever think you were a genetic amalgamation, a living weapon!"

                "How do you know about my powers?" It was dangerous to lead with that, but I still wanted more answers.

                "Mm-hmm." Again he glanced to my side. "X6, why don't you tell her?"

                "The deathclaw outside Diamond City," He didn't look down. "It was an adequate test of your abilities."

                Oh, hell. I cursed and kicked at the table. "Are you serious?" I almost shot up out of the chair but grabbed onto the arm rests to hold myself down. "You _sent_ that thing after me? People almost got killed!"

                Father shrugged. "What, up there? On the surface? Surely you _barely_ consider those that dwell there to be _people."_

                ...Up there? Surface? My anger subsided and was replaced with confusion. I stuttered out a request for clarification.

                "Oh, dear." Father pushed himself up from his seat and started to pace around the room. "A little detail I've forgotten. You must forgive me."

                Haha. Sure.

                "We're underground." He walked close to me and gave me a look, almost of pride. "So far hidden from any of the horror _up there."_

                It all made so much sense, now that I was hearing it. No one had been able to find the damn place, and I'd been _teleported_ into a room with only one door... Of course they were underground. Perfectly hidden, right beneath everyone's feet.

                "What do you remember?" Father suddenly asked me, facing a windowed wall. "Of your life before you woke up almost two years ago now, what can you recall?"

                I wondered how he knew when I woke up, but then I remembered the facility. Alarms blaring and whatnot. Of course they'd have been sent some signal. I bit my lip before admitting, "Not much, honestly. Vague things. Ideas of what life before the war was like. Enough to be confused when I went outside, I guess."

                "Do you remember him?" He turned and gestured to X6.

                I recoiled in caution, but slowly nodded. "...A little. And I want to know why."

                "He cared for you," Father said with a smile. "We chose him to watch over you and keep you company, in hopes of gaining your trust and cooperation. It didn't _exactly_ go as planned..." He sighed. "From what I heard, there was a bit of a scuffle. It led to X6-88 being reset."

                I looked at X6 out of the corner of my eye. He hadn't moved.

                "But of his second chance came wonders!" Father struck his arms out in a triumphant pose. "Now he's become one of our most elite Coursers. Quite a success!"

                "So," I tried to change the subject. "Did you track me, or what? I have a chip in my head like the synths?"

                Father laughed his quiet laugh. "Goodness, no. If we had _that_ kind of technology, we wouldn't need Coursers."

                I was hesitant to believe him, but it made sense. If they could track me, or synths, they would have found and destroyed the Railroad's HQ already.

                "Plus," he continued, "You would have come back to us quite some time ago. We just didn't quite reach your facility in time, and someone else snatched you up." He said it with disdain, almost _scorn._

                Unconsciously I looked over myself, realizing how _dirty_ I felt compared to everything around me. It wasn't like I didn't wash my clothes, but even the most pristine jacket in the Commonwealth wasn't as clean as the cleanest dish down here. I was a little comforted by the slightly muddied look of X6's coat.

                "We want you to make yourself comfortable." Father said, smiling. "I've had a room arranged for you in a less populated hallway, so you aren't to be much disturbed. We-"

                "I'm not _staying_ here." I blurted, sitting up straight. "I live _up there._ "

                He looked confused, but not upset. "I can't imagine why you wouldn't rather be here. But," He sighed. "I suppose it makes sense. You're so used to struggling, you can't fathom ease."

                I knew what his tone meant. He was acting so _sorry_ for me, like I deserved pity for living on the terrible, terrible surface. And it made sense, since down here was all he knew. "I'm guessing you won't let me just leave." I tensed up, preparing to reach for my gun.

                Father stayed calm. "I wouldn't dare put myself, my best Courser, or _you_ at risk for any harm by attempting to stop you."

                I stayed very still.

                "We've seen what you can do. If you want to leave, you'll have it." He took a few steps toward me. "...If you agree to help us."

                My hand inched toward my holster. "With what?"

                "Research."

                I let out half a breath.

                "Not many of us down here are... _equipped_ to traverse the surface. And Coursers, well... They don't exactly blend in." He gave X6 a look that bordered on disgust, and something felt very wrong about it. "But if you agree to collect data for us, among other errands here and there, without compromising our mission in any way..."

                The way he trailed off suggested it was my turn to speak. "Then you'll let me come and go as I please?"

                "More or less."

                I relaxed so I could think. It sounded like a nice gig, but I didn't exactly trust Father or anyone else in the Institute. But then I thought about his comment, about how he knew what I could do. My power, whatever it was, made him too nervous to try to force me back into a cell. I tapped my foot against the leg of the table.

                "Well?"

                "I'd like to request one more condition, if that's okay with you."

                He chuckled. "And what would that be?"

                I looked down at my right hand and slowly balled it into a fist. My fingertips started to burn.


	30. Chapter 30

                I knew I would never get used to teleportation. It felt like being ripped apart by the bones, then suddenly slammed on the ground somewhere else. You feel everything shaking, but you're fine. My stomach did a hundred flips and I tried to keep my balance.

                Luckily, X6 put a sturdy hand on my shoulder and stopped me from falling over.

                I looked around. We were pretty close to the place I'd been... _abducted_ from, and I was suddenly seized by panic. "Piper," I breathed. "Where's Piper? Where is she?"

                "Relax." X6 said flatly. "It's been several hours since you left. Your companion has probably gone home."

                I tore away from his grip and faced him. My resolve was shaken a little, again, by just how damn _familiar_ he looked... but still, no solid memory would surface. "I appreciate the escort, but I need to go and make sure she's okay."

                He nodded. "Another time, then, for our arrangement?"

                "Yeah," I scanned the area, but no person or animal could be found. "See you later, I guess." I turned away from him and started heading back toward Diamond City.

                He said nothing, but I heard him disappear in that flash of ozone-scented lightning.

                I quickened my pace while gripping the device in my hand. There was a little bit _too_ much going on, and my head felt thoroughly scrambled.

 

                The door to Publick Occurences was unlocked, and the instant I stepped through it, I was tackled.

                Piper didn't say anything for a minute. She clawed at my back and buried her face into my hair, breathing deeply.

                Eventually, _I_ was having trouble breathing, so I urged her to let go. My heart sank when I saw her face - eyes red from crying, expression twisted with worry.

                "Where _were_ you!?" She snapped, trying to be angry. "You just... disappeared!"

                I guided her to the couch and we both sat down. I started trying to explain, being careful with the details. I knew it would be easy for her to think I'd been replaced by a synth or something. I focused as hard as I could on my hand, and felt such intense relief when a couple blue sparks danced between my fingers.

                She felt the relief too, and grabbed my other hand. "So you're still you."

                "Yeah."

                "And they let you go."

                "Yeah..." I didn't want to keep secrets anymore, so I told her everything. My vague memories of knowing that Courser. The agreement I'd made with Father...

                She wasn't exactly a fan of helping the Institute, but had the same thought as me: It could work as a double-agent situation.

                I had a lot on my shoulders all of a sudden. Working for the Railroad _and_ the Institute was quite and ordeal, with Piper still being in the dark about the first one... Swallowing my pride, I finally told her _all_ my secrets.

                She actually laughed. "I figured you were doing that!" Her eyes were drying and her smile had come back, to my utter relief. "Mistress of Mystery over here!"

                Despite being pretty confident about the Institute lacking an ability to track people, I resolved to be careful about the device they gave me. It would let me relay to the Institute any time I wanted, but not too frequently as it needed to recharge. I knew I _definitely_ wouldn't be taking it with me to the Railroad, at least. With Piper's help, I put it in a secure safe at the back of the building.

 

                "So, the 'agreement'." She mimed quotes with her index fingers as she stared across the dinner table at me. "Training with a Courser, huh?"

                I nodded, looking down at my half-finished plate of food. It was a mutually beneficial agreement, at least on the base level: Father agreed to help me "train" my abilities, or as he called it, "awaken the truth strength" I had within me. X6 would oversee the training and be my sparring partner. I was already pretty decent at unarmed combat from my time in the Brotherhood, so I wasn't worried about that. It was just...

                "Please be careful." She kept her voice low. "Watching you faint like that was terrifying, and I didn't even know you back then." She swallowed hard. "I thought you were you dead. Took a minute to find your pulse."

                I could only hope the training would help me gain control of whatever power the world had decided to give me. I tried not to think about the background info - what they did to me, what kinds of DNA they spliced into mine...

                I shuddered. Maybe it _was_ better that my memories were mostly gone...

 

                Piper fell asleep fast, curled up with an arm around me. Hearing her quiet breaths was a relief; being in the Institute drained me from the stress of it all. For a while I wondered if I was going to have to fight my way out. Luckily, I'd been let go.

                But was it lucky? I knew they were still keeping an eye on me, through X6 and other horrors I learned about, like their synth crows equipped with _cameras._

                Grinding my teeth, I reminded myself to be a lot more careful when visiting the Railroad from then on.


	31. Chapter 31

                A clear bit of memory told me I had never been a fan of juggling, whether it be the silly recreational activity, or the act of dealing with a thousand things at once. Unfortunately, I found myself doing just that.

                I was doing less around the city as the Railroad and Institute started occupying my time, barely even having time to sing. To my surprise, Institute bigshots actually paid me for running errands for them. I would get them things like technological scraps, or report on how things were going in Diamond City specifically. Of course, I had never heard anything about escaped synths, didn't know any, and never would.

                Meanwhile, I exchanged valuable Institute intel with the Railroad. I couldn't tell them their location, but I'd started getting in even deeper with helping synths. By then I'd been a runner for a couple of cases. Once I ran my fourth synth, I felt a deep relief, almost like I made up for the lives I couldn't save back then.

                "That wasn't your fault," Deacon reminded me more than once, knowing it would still weigh on my mind no matter what. "All the good you've done more than makes up for the shit you couldn't stop."

                I liked everyone in the Railroad, even if they were a little snippy like the Doctor or a bit odd, like Tinker Tom. But they were good people, and really believed in their cause.

                The Institute, on the other hand, always had an air of deception about it. One minute I would be having a nice conversation, and the next a synth would be getting screamed at for walking up the stairs wrong.

                "You know how machines are!" One of the higher ups said to me once, rolling his eyes as a synth was being led away for re-conditioning by a Courser. "Sometimes they just screw up, and you gotta start all over."

                It made me thoroughly sick.

 

                My training with X6 went well. After each session, many of which ended in failure, we would sit and talk. Eventually, I managed to bring out a bit of my power - not just sparks, but a whole fistful of energy like before!

                Immediately, though, X6 forced me to calm down before it got out of control. He had apparently been watching when I took down that Deathclaw, and he saw what happened afterward.

                I managed to relax, and the blue glow disappeared. I held my breath for a second, waiting for something like dizziness to hit me. After a few seconds of nothing, I dared to take a step. When my right foot hit the ground, it felt like a bullet had been shot up it.

                X6 caught me when I stumbled, then helped me to the ground. "As we thought," He said quietly, making sure I was comfortable despite my angry cursing. "Whenever you use it to a significant degree, it has a negative effect on you."

                I pulled my pantleg up and glared at my scarred right leg. It didn't look any different, but _it_ was the one that hurt after my hand lit up, both times.

                "Perhaps you can work through it." He'd taken off his sunglasses and peered at my leg.

                I re-covered it in embarrassment. "I dunno. What if it kills me?"

                For a second, he hesitated. "...We wouldn't push that far. You won't be in danger."

                I looked at him. The whole thing was too weird. Once in a while, when his voice would go above its usual monotone, I would feel something. Like a memory, but not quite. His gray eyes stared back at me with half the emotion, but there was definitely something there.

                "Nuke," He said slowly, almost like it was a foreign word to him. "I _do_ remember you."

                What?  
                He took a deep breath and looked away, almost... nervous? "I was reset. I had my mind erased and wiped clean, as it the procedure when things go wrong. But..."

                I waited, barely breathing.

                "...It was imperfect."

                I exhaled roughly and leaned back against the grass. "Shit. Really? The Institute did something _imperfectly?"_

                "You would... be surprised." His words were strained, like he was fighting to get them out.

                "Does Father know you remember things? Does anyone?"

                "No." He answered immediately and bit his lip. He looked so conflicted, and his jaw was tight. "I was... concerned about the possibility of another reconditioning."

                "...So you kept secrets."

                He grunted, and looked at me. "I understand if you wish to report this."

                "I won't."

                His eyes widened. It was strange to see him like that. He always wore such a grave expression, but the look he gave me then was one of innocent surprise. I think he noticed how out of the ordinary it was, since he quickly put his sunglasses back on. "...I appreciate it."

                I kept forgetting he was a synth, which was a little silly. Of all the synths I'd been around, he acted the most like what the Institute would call him - a machine. He was serious, methodical in every action, and took orders without question. But looking into his eyes, hearing him sigh or grumble in annoyance when my punches were too weak for his liking... It made him so _human._ Despite his training, despite what the Institute said, synths were nowhere near machines. Even a Courser like X6 was a living, breathing, feeling _person_. Father called him his favorite, and yet here that favorite was, telling me secrets he kept from the people he called his _masters._

                "What are your exact orders right now, X6?"

                "Protecting you." He answered without pause. "The training is secondary. My priority is to keep you safe when I'm accompanying you, and to make sure the use of your power does not cause you harm."

                I nodded as I listened. It made sense. "Answer me honestly, please. How often do you follow me around?"

                "...Not often." Again he sounded strained, like he was disobeying an order by being truthful. "I try not to follow you without your knowledge as I once did."

                "Can you tell me what you remember?"

                Very slightly, he flinched. "Of what?"  
                "Before. Before all this."

                A long, long pause. "...I can try."


	32. Chapter 32

                There was a small satellite facility where we were kept, he told me. For a long time, before the Institute was what it is now, it was just me. He couldn't really tell me about that, of course.

                But there came a time when the Institute was truly born, and its synths brought to what they considered only an approximation of life. One of those synths was chosen to be my companion, when I was allowed out of cryostasis.

                We got along well, he remembered. We spent a lot of time together. His mission was to get me to trust him, to trust the scientists, to allow them to perform more invasive and strenuous tests that would require cooperation. By then I already had my abilities, and they wanted to test them, but I kept refusing.

                X6 told me that eventually, he was allowed to stay with me overnight. I hadn't been re-frozen in weeks, and was considered "safe". The two of us slept in that cell together, accepting of our situation, since we had each other.

                But apparently, others weren't so happy. Someone broke into our cell that night, X said, struggling to remember the details. He saw two men, and knew they shouldn't have been there. It was the middle of the night, and his last report said someone would be coming the next morning, at the earliest.

                Back then, as well, he had been ordered to protect me. So he tried. The men weren't acting like the other scientists. They yelled about a waste of funds and time. Waste of a good synth that could be put to better use.

                Then they said something. X6 couldn't remember what, but he told me... He told me there was security footage. When his memories bothered him at night, he had accessed a terminal and found it. It seemed damaged, like someone had tried to corrupt it.

                Whatever those men had said to X6 made him drop to the ground. He couldn't remember anything, but he saw it happen. He saw a bright, blue light appear in my hand, and he saw the two men fall to the ground. They didn't get up.

                I fell after them. The footage kept cutting out, but X6 was sure he saw the ground turn dark.

                "You definitely killed those men," He said, without any real emotional inflection. "I certainly haven't seen them since."

                The next big event was me waking up.

                So I finally got the words together to ask. "...How'd I get out?"

                He stared at the ground, silent.

                "X6? Did the machine malfunction? The cryo failed?"

                "...No."

                "Then how-"  
                _"I_ let you out."

                It took me a second to absorb what he'd said. "No,"I immediately denied, "You weren't there. No one else was there. The door opened by itself-"

                "-Remotely." He clarified. "I had to do a bit of scrubbing to make sure my actions weren't tracked, but..."

                It was _really_ hard to believe. With the level of security the Institute tried to have... with how highly everyone spoke of the infamous Courser, X6-88... I couldn't help but wonder if he was lying to _me_ ; it was a lot more plausible than him lying to _the entire Institute._

                How was I supposed to trust him, really? Multiple sources told me I had known him before, but they were sources from the same side. The _other_ side.

                He was looking at me, eyes hidden by dark lenses. "Perhaps you don't have any reason to believe me."

                "I definitely don't, honestly."

                "But do take note," He took a deep breath. "I have no reason to work against the Institute in any way. Were you to report this, I would be immediately decommissioned."

                Of course.

                "But I have reason to trust _you."_

                "And what would that reason be?"

                "Several." He cracked a slight smile. "For starters, though your memory may be shaky, mine became quite clear after time. I remembered things I was not supposed to. The Institute was confident in their having _reprogrammed_ me, but I was able to deduce that I was being lied to."

                "Why does that matter to you?" I wasn't trying to be antagonistic, but I was full of doubt. Synths realizing their life of servitude was inhumane and fleeing was, of course, not unheard of. But a _Courser_ doing that? It sounded insane. "Aren't you like, one of the best Coursers? Perfectly obedient, extremely skilled and all that?"

                "Perhaps I was, once." His smile vanished. "The cause of my dissonance was the memory of how _you_ treated me."

                "And how was that? When we were in the cell together, right?"  
                "Yes. You treated me as an equal."

                "Of course I did." I shrugged. "I probably didn't even know what a synth _was,_ how could I unfairly judge you?"

                He paused. "As far as I'm aware, you were told. I have reason to believe that your treatment of me was the cause of the... altercation."

                "Yeah? Those guys were pissed I treated you well?"

                "I can only assume."

                I sighed, trying to gather all the nonsense knocking around in my head. I still only had the vague idea that I knew X6 from somewhere; I certainly didn't _recognize_ him as clearly as he did me. And I also wasn't having any crazy flashbacks. He told me the whole story about my past in detail, but I couldn't remember any of it.

                And yet, somehow, I didn't think he was lying. I didn't really have a reason for it, and for all I knew, it could be a complicated web of lies woven by the Institute. An order he was given. _That_ made the most sense, that I would be lied to in order to break down my barriers. To gain my trust.

                But there was something about the way he was telling me. His hesitation, the look in his eyes. To me, it all seemed genuine. From what I knew of synths, they were no different than humans besides a chip in their head. Despite the rigorous training he went through to become a Courser, he was still prone to very human doubts and concerns.

                On a scale of things that mattered, the only difference between a synth and a human is what was advertised by the people who _made_ synths. A bit of a biased source, no doubt. If you create a living, thinking, feeling thing, and suddenly it decides it doesn't want to be owned... Of course you'd write it off as a malfunction.

                It was stupid to trust him. To trust anyone, _especially_ the Institute. But, I thought, maybe it had been stupid to trust the Brotherhood, too. And that hadn't turned out _so_ bad, had it?

                "What do you want from me, X6-88?" I asked finally, scratching at the dead grass.

                He kept staring forward. For what felt like a long time, he stayed silent. The answer, when it finally came, was: "I don't know."


	33. [End of Part 2]

                My interactions with the Institute became scarce. X6 and I had scheduled "meet-ups" where we would, apparently, train. Mostly, we sat and talked. We discussed what we remembered.

                Whenever I entered the Institute itself, I left with full pockets. Some un-rusted screws here, a bundle of wires there. They never seemed to miss the stuff.

                Once I finally got my hands on something special, I paid an old friend a visit.

                His yellow eyes squinted in confusion when he saw me. "Been a while," he said quietly, trying to sound grumpy. But he opened the door right up for me to come in.

                "I've been busy," I told him. I didn't have to. Of course, Piper told him everything, but I could see that being kept out of the direct loop was bothering him. Knowing he was thinking about it, I added, "Just don't want them to find you."

                "They don't care about me." He chuckled and reclined on the couch next to me. With his right hand - the bad one - he started fishing into his coat for a cigarette, then glanced at me and stopped.

                I smiled. "I got something for you, Nick." What I pulled out of my makeshift pack would have startled most people, but luckily I was working with someone who understood right away.

                The expression on his face was new. His eyes were as wide as they'd ever been. "...What do you expect me to do with that?"

                "Nothing. I got this." Also in the bag were tools, specifically the ones I'd need. I knew how to use them; not all of my time with X6 was outside, and not all of it was used to train my abilities. I wanted to help, I told them. And they let me. They let me learn how to assist, then repair, then build. It wasn't like I'd built my own robot or anything, but I'd assembled parts. The interior robotics weren't much different than something like Power Armor.

                I coaxed Nick over to a suitable, decently-lit table, and gave him instructions. He listened well and sat down, then pulled up his right sleeve and laid his hand on the table.

                "I can't guarantee this won't hurt."

                "Don't feel much with it anyways."

 

                It felt like it took me most of the night. At first, my plan was just to replace the outer covering of Nick's hand with the one from the Institute, but I quickly realized it was a little more complicated than that. I wound up removing his entire hand - carefully, screw by screw, piece by piece - and replacing it.

                "It might look a little weird at the wrist," I noted as I was finishing up. I could hear the exhaustion in my own voice as I sealed up the synthetic skin. The two pieces were almost entirely different colors... Sometimes, I willingly forgot how old Nick really was.

                He was silently staring, hopefully in awe rather than horror. Slowly, he curled his fingers in toward himself, then dared to lift his whole arm off the table. He turned the hand around, then rested the finger tips back onto the surface. Just as slowly he ran them across the table, then let out a breath he didn't need. "Damn." He shook his head. "I can really _feel_ with it. That's..."

                I felt his eyes on me and looked up from smiling wildly at my work. When I saw him, though, my smile faded and was replaced by a horrible heat in my face. "You uh, you like it?"

                "I can't believe it." He was smiling, almost grinning. His eyes flickered. "I gotta repay you for this."

                "You really don't-" I said immediately, sitting up in my chair and trying to keep my cool. "I know Piper's kept you in the loop, but I've been... absent, y'know?"

                "You're busy." All of his attention was on his new hand now as he twisted and turned it to look at every bit. "But she's... Yeah, she's told me everything." He looked up again.     

                I didn't like the look on his face. Not really in a bad way, it was just... _suspicious._ He knew about my power, my "friend" the Courser... But I could tell it wasn't about that. So I asked him what the look was about.

                His smile got wider. "She tells me lots of things."

                "Well, you know reporters are-"

                "Hey, doll."

                The nickname always stopped me in my tracks. It was used sparingly, but just enough. "...Yeah?"

                He stopped looking so mischievous, and his eyes were glowing warmly. "It sure is late. You wanna spend the night here?"

                My entire thought process came to a halt, and I could almost hear a ticking clock somewhere in my head. "What?" In reality, it wasn't far to walk. There was no way I could get lost in Diamond City at that point; the whole place was lit up every hour of the day and night, but even if it _had_ been pitch black, I probably could've gotten home. But I knew that wasn't why he was asking. Part of me didn't want to even hear a further explanation, so I just shrugged and said, "Sure."

                Nick was a _little_ less human than most people, but it didn't bother me one bit.

 

                So I spent more time at the agency. I helped Nick go through his case files, keeping things more organized and offering my own thoughts. Like the old times, except...

                "You wanna go on this one with me, partner?" He asked one day, not looking up. "Might need backup."

                The word "partner" was so complicated, to me. But I didn't even have time to think about it before I blurted out that yes, of course, I would _love_ to.

                Sometimes Piper joined us, too. She loved the whole situation, noting that I looked even happier. As if that were possible.

                There were good cases, there were bad cases. Some really bad. More than a few times, we had to deliver awful news to parents of runaways, or the wives of found-to-be-cheating men. Those parts weren't so glamorous, but what could you do?

                Things were pretty hectic, but they were good. I liked it. I still helped around the city, and met with the Railroad... But they understood that the agency had become my primary focus. I just _loved_ it; fighting was never my strong suit, though I got used to it, and I preferred to stay on the more peaceful side of things if I could. Which of course included avoiding the use of my power. Whenever I used it during training with X6, however briefly, my leg would get sore. And it seemed like it was getting worse.

                The Institute wasn't too happy about my vacancy, but they still kept an eye on me. Somehow, I didn't mind that either.


	34. [Beginning of Part 3]

                Too much had happened in a year, but I was happy. No, content was more of an accurate word. But with touches of happiness here and there... With Piper, with Nick, with helping people. I mostly stopped running dangerous missions for the Railroad, but would still stop by to check on everyone. Deacon never missed a chance to try his newest terrible jokes on me. Even if they weren't funny, I still laughed.

                Even X6 was part of it. I felt like I was getting to him, if only a little bit. The others in the Institute found it a little weird, being _friends_ with a synth, but I insisted that I wanted to get along with my "bodyguard".

                My favorite thing, probably, was the new house. I'd saved up enough money to buy a place almost across the street from Publick Occurrences; it was sparsely furnished still, but it gave Piper and I a bit more privacy. Nat, too. She was getting older, and wanted her own space sometimes. Eventually, I knew, it would become a home.

                On the surface, things stayed as peaceful as they could be. News of raiders outside always bothered me, but I never wanted to wander very far on my own. And I knew I couldn't put Piper at risk anymore. So I did what I could, but tried to keep my distance.

 

                The sound of propellers woke me up one morning. I recognized it as a vertibird and saw myself springing out of bed, into my regular clothes, across the house--

                But I was still laying there. Eyes wide, I stared out at the room. Piper was at the table, writing, almost like she didn't even hear the noise. I couldn't move a muscle.

                Was it fear? Was I _afraid_ of the Brotherhood? Couldn't be. Throughout my adventures I saw vertibirds in the distance, or even quite close. But there was something very _different_ about hearing one fly above Diamond City. It didn't leave, either. It sounded like it had landed nearby.

                Eventually one of my legs came to life and swung off the bed.

                "Ah, you stay right there." Piper scolded, not looking up from her work. "Nat's out there investigating. You are staying _inside."_

                She knew me, of course. She knew I'd run right up to them and not care. _She_ was the one afraid, in reality, of them killing me for desertion. It was a completely reasonable fear.

                Almost an hour passed. I had gotten dressed and was pacing the house. Though it had stopped, the sound of the propellers was stuck in my mind. Something wasn't right at all.

                Brotherhood soldiers visiting Diamond City wasn't really the odd thing. Groups came by all the time, stopping for supplies and rest. What was odd was a vertibird landing so close by. That meant they had deliberately come to the city, straight from a far-off target. They didn't like wasting energy on short trips. I thought back to the thundering sound above the city, and realized there had to be _multiple_ ships.

                I set my laser pistol in its hip holster. At that point I had a few more guns to my name, but secured only my revolver inside my jacket. It was a gift from Nick and Piper for the anniversary of me showing up at the city's gate, and I cherished it.

                It didn't take long for the door to open. Nat stood in the entryway alone, her eyes wide with her brows furrowed together.

                Piper jumped up and walked to her.

                "Nuke," Nat said, ignoring her sister and looking up at me. Her voice wavered like she was about to cry. "There's a Mister Maxson here. He asked for you."


	35. Chapter 35

                A thousand red flags were waving like crazy as I walked to the front gate. The biggest was the most obvious: Maxson knew I was alive. He knew I was alive, and where to find me. Had someone told him? Had _Danse_ told him? Being completely honest, Danse couldn't have known.

                I wondered what I would say when I saw him. What _he_ would say. Would I admit that I deserted? At that point, I felt like I had to. If he wanted me to suffer some kind of consequence, well, I'd deal with it, but I didn't think the residents of Diamond City would put up with me being harmed.

                I hadn't ever really been afraid of Maxson before. He was intimidating, sure, and I had to do what he said most of the time. In a year, a man like Maxson couldn't have changed much.

                But when I saw him, my heart sank to my feet in absolute _fear._ Everything in my soul told me to turn and run for my life, but still I pressed on. I climbed the stairs up to him, _feeling_ his eyes locked onto me the entire time

                He was standing with his arms behind his back, and his expression was exceptionally grim. "Knight." He addressed me with a nod, and a scowl.

                Referring to me with my former title was a good sign, I thought. Maybe. I suddenly _really_ wished I had Piper and her silver tongue with me, but I had begged her to stay home. Finally I reached the highest platform and nodded my head in return, wondering if I should salute. Deciding against it, I mumbled out a pathetic "S-sir."

                "I suppose we have a lot to talk about." His tone was biting, and he seemed agitated. "But it will have to wait. I've come to you with a matter of utmost importance."

                "How did you find me?" I couldn't resist questions. I needed to know.

                He almost smirked. "Word gets around. After hearing reports from my men in the field regarding a woman of your description, and even sometimes including your _name..._ Well, I had to assume you'd survived."

                _Survived._ He still wasn't giving me enough information on what he knew. I tried not to hesitate, and go with a story I'd thought of. "...I wound up here, recovering from my injuries."

                He nodded. "The report said your status was unknown. Not surprising that you were injured, if a deathclaw was involved."

                Sure. Sure one was. Technically, I definitely did see one outside the gate. I wasn't _completely_ lying. "After recovering," I swallowed hard, trying to mask my anxieties more. "I felt too ashamed to return to... the Brotherhood. I'm not sure I'm fit for duty anymore."

                Again he nodded, seeming to accept my answer. "Desertion is, of course, a very serious transgression."

                "Yes, sir."

                "However," His posture loosened. "In this situation, I'm almost forced to overlook it."

                "...Sir?"

                "I haven't searched you out just to punish you."

                Well, that was a relief.

                "A very sensitive, but significant event has taken place among our ranks, and I sought you out for assistance."

                Me? I tried to sputter something out, but he silenced me with the raise of a hand.

                "There is a traitor among the Brotherhood."

                I almost wanted to laugh, thinking, _Of course there is. It's me._ But beyond the joke, I was startled. "A traitor, sir?" It was useless to ask for details. If I needed them, I'd get them.

                "We have been communicating with a contact within the Institute."

                I hoped he didn't mean me.

                "She's now joined us back aboard the ship, but that's not your concern. What _is,_ however, is the data she brought along with her."

                It was sounding more like it was about me, given my status as "experimental monster person", but I kept quiet, wishing he would just get to the point.

                "The former Paladin known as Danse-"

                My heart stopped.

                "-has been identified as a synth."

                If it could have stopped more, somehow, it would have. I had to shake my head and go over what I thought I heard. It just couldn't be right.

                Danse, a synth? A _traitor?_

                "I'm sorry, sir, I-"

                "I know it may be hard to believe. And though you've been away for some time, you two shared quite a bond. It was a shock to all of us, trust me."

                "He can't be," I said out loud, not really to Maxson. I _knew_ it couldn't be true. People at the Institute had bragged to me a lot about things they probably should have kept to themselves. They told me about the different "infiltrators" they had around the Commonwealth.

                But not _one_ had said _anything_ about one in the Brotherhood. They didn't even know _I_ had been in the Brotherhood. It was a detail I was somehow able to keep secret, but no doubt if they knew, someone would have cracked a joke about _two_ "operatives" among them.

                Of course, I couldn't tell Maxson _any_ of that. At this point I was extremely lucky he believed my white lies, and came to me for help. Help doing... what?

                I tried to keep my feet on the ground as the world spun around me. "S-so... What do you need _me_ for?"

                "As I said," He stood taller. "You were closer to Danse than anyone aboard the Prydwen. You of all people would know how to track him down."

                "...He's gone?" Everything was replaced with panic. Worry. I was suddenly thinking of the results of me leaving, Danse's mental state... Especially after this. "Does he know he was, erm, found out?"

                "The discovery was broadcasted on all of our frequencies, and he went dark very quickly afterwards. I must assume yes, considering his silence."

                "So you need me to find him."

                "Find him, and execute him. The level of intelligence he could deliver to the Institute could be devastating. He must be destroyed."

                I knew that was coming, and had to think quickly. I was definitely going to _try_ to find him, but not for the reasons Maxson was ordering. Absolutely not. I knew he wasn't going to the Institute, at least. I _needed_ to succeed at this. If I couldn't find him in time... a whole number of awful things would happen.

                If Maxson's men didn't get to him first, Danse would surely...

                "An hour, sir."

                His head perked up.

                "Please, I'm asking you to just give me an hour to figure out an answer."

                It felt like forever that he stood rigid, silently, hopefully thinking. After so long he nodded, slowly. "Fine. I'll be here, waiting."

                Finally, I was able to turn and run.


	36. Chapter 36

                What a mess to explain to poor, hysterical Piper. I heard shouts of "What!?" and "I'm not letting you go back on that crazy ship!"

                But eventually she calmed down. We both took a few breaths and she grabbed my hands and stared into my eyes. "Blue," She sighed. "I know what I told you. I know what I keep saying to you."

                I knew, too. Of course. She knew about Danse, she knew I thought about him every day, almost every waking moment of my life. She had told me one day that if I ever got the chance to be with him again, I better take it. I responded that I could never go back to the Brotherhood, but that wasn't what she meant. She meant whenever he was finished with them too. Because I had told her that he was a good man, he wasn't _like_ so many of them, she figured someday, he'd leave them too. She had also said that if I needed to leave her to be with him again, she would want me to do that.

                I told her I could never. I didn't want to choose.

                And she said, "Good. Then I won't make you."

                Back in the present it all came rushing back, and there were tears in both of our eyes. I told her what Maxson wanted, and she pouted.

                "You bring that man back here alive," She ordered, squeezing my hands. "You bring him here and you protect him from that monster."

                _Monster._ Was Maxson a monster? Never in my life would I have considered him one. But the way he stared down at me as I climbed the stairs, the way he so callously told me he wanted Danse dead...

                Maybe he was.

                "And you watch yourself." She added, glancing out the window. She couldn't see him from there, but I knew she was glaring at him. "Keep your back free of knives, if you can."

 

                Maxson was still waiting as promised. I approached him with a much stronger demeanor, and a small pack of supplies.

                He smirked. It wasn't ever really a smile. "I guess this means you're accepting my request."

                I nodded. "Yes, sir."

                "Keep in mind, Knight," He turned halfway toward the gate. "If you're able to succeed in this mission, there will be a spot on the Prydwen needing to be filled."

                I held back a gag as I watched him walk, then reluctantly followed. It was really amazing how quickly my view of him had changed. I never doubted Maxson was a strict, hardened, no-nonsense leader with the best interest of his men in mind. But right then, I thought I finally caught a glimpse of the venom that had always been hiding behind his eyes.

 

                I didn't know what to expect when I boarded the Prydwen for the first time in so long, but it certainly wasn't the warm welcome I received. As I followed Maxson through the ship, nearly every soldier welcomed me back and thanked whatever entity that I was alive. It was a little humbling; I had to remember, these people were once my comrades. Some were even friends. But...

                Every bit of praise to me was met with something else - a comment about Danse. I tried to block out the things they were calling him: traitor, _monster._ They referred to him as a "thing" and hoped I would be able to "deal with" him. So I kept my head forward and my jaw clenched, staying silent and trying not to think about the smirk on Maxson's face.

                We reached the bridge. Maxson instructed me to gather whatever information I could, and let him know when I was ready to start my search.

                I left eagerly. The only other person on the ship I was sure I could trust was...

                Her gasp of surprise quickly became a sob. She threw her arms around me and squeezed me tighter than I'd ever been squeezed in my life.

                I swore something popped, but I didn't care. I held her back. "...I'm sorry, Haylen."

                She pushed away and glared at me. "Sorry? How dare you! Don't you dare apologize for being alive!" Quickly the expression faded back into tears and she couldn't help but lean forward and kiss me on the cheek.

                I leaned back and put my forehead to hers for a second. "Let's talk privately, okay?"

                She went silent and pulled me away by my hand.

 

                "I thought I was out of tears," She said after we discussed the news. We were sitting on her bed, side by side. "But then you go and show up." Her blue eyes looked so hopeless as she held onto my hand more tightly. "You might be able to fix this whole mess."

                "So," I smiled. "You _don't_ want Danse hunted down and executed?"

                She didn't really seem to appreciate the joke and looked away. "I'd go after him myself if I had the clearance. But everyone is confined to the ship until further notice. It was only you he wanted."

                I told her the truth about what happened, why I left. In return, she told me what everyone thought - that I'd been dragged off by a deathclaw. _Topical,_ I thought. _Thanks, Danse._ "...I think he's testing me." I squinted and stared at the floor. "He probably doesn't trust Danse's story anymore, and he wants to see if I'm _also_ a liar."

                "What are you going to do...?"

                "Well, first I need to find him." I tried to stand, but didn't quite have the strength and gave up. It was all still a little too much. "...But I don't have any ideas."

                Haylen very noticeably hesitated. She shuffled her feet and tapped them a few times on the metal floor. "I know you won't hurt him, Nuke. I know that. I just..."

                "I'm not going to let _anyone else_ hurt him, either."

                She looked at me.

                I tried to give her my most confident expression. I hadn't told her about my power, or all the training I'd had. She didn't need to know, but she needed to trust me. "If you tell me what you know, I _promise_ Danse won't get hurt."

                "If he isn't already, right?" I could tell she was having the same thoughts as I had. Danse was most likely in a very, _very_ dark place, which was concerning. If we were going to find him, it needed to be fast.

                "How long has it been since he disappeared?"

                "I think two days." She sighed heavily. "It's all been kind of a blur."

                "Let's not let him be alone any longer than he has to." I rested my hand on her shoulder, still smiling and steeling all the resolve I could muster. "If you know where he could be, you're his _only_ hope right now, Haylen."

                Her hands clenched into fists. "Alright." She said it with new strength, which was a serious relief. "I'm counting on you, Nuke."


	37. Chapter 37

                I was off running before the vertibird hit the ground. As I put distance between us I slowed down, cautiously watching it. It took off after a second, the Lancer waving to me. I threw my hand up and kept heading west, my strides getting shorter and slower. It took forever for it to finally disappear from sight, but when it did, I turned on my heels and headed east.

                More lies were hanging over my head, but I didn't have time to care. Haylen had given me the coordinates for the location she was _sure_ Danse would be hiding out in. She told me, before they found me, they had established a fallback point. So I took those coordinates and nearly reversed them, having the vertibird drop me in a spot nowhere near it. It meant more time to get to him, but it lessened the chance of me being tracked to the actual location.

                It was a long haul, but I covered a lot of ground quickly. I was impressed with the amount of stamina I had; my training with X6 was paying off in a lot of ways. Almost the whole day was spent moving as fast as I could.

                Part of me was worried I wouldn't know it when I came across it. Luckily, the bunker made itself known with automated turret fire, which I dodged just in time. It was a decent distance, but I managed to take both of them out with my laser pistol; it was the quieter of my two guns, but the exploding turrets didn't care about noise.

                Haylen had warned me that it was guarded by more than just the turrets, so I snuck inside very carefully.

                The whole place looked deserted. This was Listening Post Bravo, I thought - a pre-war bunker barely even touched by anyone in 200 years. I made sure to tread carefully, watching for things like tripwires or mines. I was disappointed at the lack of life until I noticed the elevator. Not exactly stealthy, but it had to do. I kept my gun at the ready.

                A couple of protectrons greeted me as the doors opened, warbling warnings at me. Rather than destroy them I whirled around behind them and gave them each a quick punch, opening their control panels. A few tugged wires and sparks flying, and they went inert. Disarming them was simple, but I hadn't done it in a while. It was much nicer than blowing them to pieces.

                I turned around. The room was dark, but I saw another one beyond it, through a window, that was illuminated. Everything sort of hit me at once and my heart started pounding almost audibly. I lowered my gun, but didn't put it away.

                There was a hole in the wall that seemed to be the only way to access the other room. Carefully, quietly, I snuck through it. The sight of a yao guai's corpse made me jump, but it was very _obviously_ dead once I looked closer.

                I rounded the corner.


	38. Chapter 38

                He stood up straight when he saw me, but not with any sort of conviction. If I had  been someone with worse intentions, I could tell he wouldn't have put up a fight.

                I almost cried at the sight of him. Even from a distance I saw his dark eyes sunken with sorrow, his general body language decrying that he'd given up. He was in his jumpsuit, but his hood was discarded on the floor. His power armor, already covered in a layer of dust, stood neglected in the corner.

                "You came for me," He breathed, his voice choked and tired. He looked away like he was ashamed of having said it.

                "Of course I did." Hearing his voice shook me to my core, but I forced the words out. My hands were shaking so terribly I almost dropped my gun, so I quickly holstered it.

                He looked up. "...Why?"

                The answer was so obvious, I couldn't even say it. I just shook my head and walked toward him.

                He backed up and hit the table behind him. "Don't--"

                I stopped. "What's wrong?"

                "Stay away from me." He tried to look serious, but there was nothing but fear in his eyes. "I'm dangerous."

                I smiled and kept walking. "Yeah? You?"

                "Yes." He was trying to back further into the table, but he relaxed a little as I got closer. "You... Surely you know..."

                "Yeah, yeah." We were only a few feet from each other. "Maxson told me. He came and found me and told me all the over-dramatic nonsense."

                "It's not nonsense. It's the truth."

                "Not quite." I looked directly up, into those fearful eyes. I reached behind him and rested my right hand on the table. "You're not what Maxson says you are."

                Looking at him, I knew it was true. His eyes shone the same way they did back then. They lit up when they saw me, but he was still rejecting the idea that he could be anything other than some dangerous, wild animal that could snap at any moment. Like he'd always been taught.

                Carefully and slowly, I put my arms around him. I turned my head and rested it against his rapidly rising and falling chest. The pounding of his heart nearly broke my own, but I held him and didn't let go. He was warm, just like he always had been. But he felt a lot thinner.

                For a minute, he was frozen. His breaths hitched and jumped, but soon, they calmed. His heart rate slowed to normalcy. He shifted himself, and moved his arms.

                He was so, _so_ warm. I nuzzled into that uncomfortable jumpsuit of his, not caring about anything else but having him. He was alive, I fully realized. He was _alive_ and _safe._ I made it before Maxson could hurt him, before he could hurt _himself._

                "Come home with me, Danse."

                He squeezed me tighter. "I... You know I can't."

                "Yes, you can. I swear to _god_ I won't let anything happen to you."

                "I..."

                "Don't you _dare_ worry about Maxson or any other Brotherhood asshole who would ever hurt you."

                He grunted.

                "Maxson called you a traitor, but he's got it backwards."

                _"Nuke..."_

                I pulled back from him and took his hands in my own. I was about to say something, but his expression stopped me.

                He looked utterly full of despair. "I can't go anywhere," He sighed. "I don't know what to do, and I..." In an instant, something changed. His brow furrowed and his eyes flashed with anger. "It's over. It's all over."

                I was startled, but didn't let go of him. "What's over?"

                "Everything I've ever lived for." He wasn't angry at _me,_ and was glaring off into a corner. "My identity. My purpose. Three days ago, I still had both of those. Now?" When he looked back at me, he softened a bit, but stayed serious. "Now I'm nothing."

                It tore me apart to hear him say it. I hadn't had a lot of time to think of how he'd fully react to discovering his identity; I knew it would be bad, but my priority had always been just getting him to safety.

                "You're not _nothing,_ Danse." I could feel him pulling away, but I didn't let him. "Just take it easy, let's get you home and--"

                "There _is_ no home for me, don't you understand!?" He was shouting, his voice echoing through the rubble around us. "I've spent three days in this godforsaken bunker, trying to come to terms with how everything has been _torn_ from me!"

                "I can't imagine what you're going through." My words were slow as I desperately tried to keep calm for his sake. In truth, I could _almost_ understand, with the discovery of my true nature as an "experiment" and whatnot. But it wasn't remotely the time to bring that up. I thought back to the synths I'd help escape, how I talked them down from utter panic sometimes. "But you need to take a deep breath."

                He did, staying quiet.

                "I know you're confused. I know you're terrified. Will you answer a couple questions for me?"

                He nodded hesitantly, maybe a little offended at my use of "terrified".

                "Okay." I took the nod and ran with it. "So you didn't know you were a synth?"

                "Of course not."

                "But Maxson, _all_ of the Brotherhood really, would never believe that. They think you were sent by the Institute."

                Silence.

                "Why did you run?"

                More silence, but only for a few seconds. "...I guess self-preservation kicked in. Fight or flight. My training took over." He sighed, deeply. "But in doing so, I no doubt made everything so much worse. I wasn't thinking."

                "Hard to think when your world's upside down." I felt him relax in my grip and started slowly rubbing my thumbs over his palms. "Even the toughest person in the world would have trouble with that."

                There was a hint of a smile on his face as he nodded.

                "Okay, I have one more question."

                "Alright."

                "Do you feel any differently than you did before?"

                "...What?" He frowned, thinking. "What do you mean?"

                "Not emotionally, I know you're upset." I made sure to choose my words carefully. "Your whole life, you've felt human. Has anything about that changed?"

                We were making eye contact, but it felt like he was staring past me. "How can I be sure of _anything_ I feel anymore? How can I know what's real - even my memories?"

                "How can any of us?" It hit a little close to home for me. "I still don't have any memories of my life before I woke up in that facility."

                He snapped to attention, a bit of light returning to his eyes. "You're... right. You've struggled with that sort of thing since before we found each other, and you..." His expression fell again. "And you've just been rolling with the punches, like it didn't even matter."

                "I've found out a lot of things about myself since I left, Danse." I dropped his hands and stared at him. I didn't want to make the conversation about me, but... _My_ past was almost comparable. Almost. "A decent amount of them are not so great. But I've kept on going, living my life anyways. I know I'm still _me._ I always have been, no matter what I remember."

                His breath was slower, deeper, more relaxed. It was a relief.

                "I know I have people who care about me." I couldn't help touching him again - one hand took his, and I raised my right to his face. "And so do you. Don't let other people decide what you deserve based on something you have no control over."

                He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, it was only halfway. "Aren't you afraid? Of what I might do?"

                "No."

                "Why not?"

                "Because I know you."

                "Do you?"

                "Yes, Danse." I sighed, starting to feel impatient. We weren't safe. "You came here instead of going straight to the Prydwen to accept the fate Maxson chose for you. You waited. And here I am."

                "...To do what?"

                "I told you!" I grabbed his other hand and tugged. "To take you home! When we're home and safe, I'll help you through everything. I _promise._ "

                He took a couple steps, then stopped. "Where would that be?"

                "I live in Diamond City, now." A smile came to me as I thought of the dusty streets and my little home. "I swear that everything will be okay. I won't make the mistake of losing you again."

                He took a long time to respond. Finally he nodded then let go of my hands to retrieve his things. All he had was a small duffel bag, and he didn't take anything from the room around us.

                As we walked toward the elevator, he took my hand by his own accord.


	39. Chapter 39

                The sun was still peeking through the trees when we stepped outside, but it was falling fast. I planned to listen for any movement before we moved on, but I never got a chance.

                "Explain yourself, Knight! Why is that thing still alive!?"

                My blood turned to ice. I should've dropped Danse's hand, but I held him tighter. How I hadn't seen Maxson when I first walked through the door, I didn't know. How he had followed me, I couldn't know. All of a sudden, I felt helpless and like I knew nothing.

                But I didn't back down. I took a step forward, positioning myself in front of Danse. My heart was pounding, but I pushed down the terror. "Because no one's going to hurt him on my watch." I shouted, standing my ground when he came toward us.

                He wasn't holding a gun, but that didn't make him any less dangerous. "I thought I gave you a direct order."

                I felt Danse pulling at my hand, but I didn't let go. "You're not in charge of me anymore, Maxson. You haven't been for a long time."

                "Oh, right." He stopped, glaring. "Because you're a deserter."

                I figured he knew, but it still froze me even further.

                "I knew you wouldn't be able to do this." He seemed proud of his assumption and was grinning with sharp teeth and malice. "I followed you to make sure the job got done, no matter how. And if you betrayed me again, I'd handle you myself."

                The threat made me yank my hand from Danse's. It was burning, and I used all my strength to keep it under control. "Just listen to me for a minute. Please."

                "You have _one."_

                "Danse is _no_ threat to the Brotherhood. Neither am I." I hadn't planned for a speech yet. Words flew around my panicking brain, trying to make sense of themselves. "You let us go peacefully, and we'll never bother you again. You'll never even hear from us."

                "It's a little more complicated than that." Another step forward. "It's not just the Brotherhood that thing will threaten. It's the Commonwealth, and what's left of the whole _world!_ That _thing-"_ He pointed at Danse. "-is what destroyed us all in the first place. Science run amok. The world _burned_ because of out of control technology like _that!"_

                Of course, I knew Danse wasn't _any_ of that. Not out of control, not mere "technology"... But I also knew that Maxson couldn't be reasoned with, at least not in that state.

                He was seething with rage as he ranted at us, explaining the war like we didn't understand it. Like he had seen everything with his own eyes, and he had every answer.

                I didn't take his bait and stayed calm. "One more time, Maxson."

                He waited.

                "I'm giving you one more chance to leave us alone. Don't test me."

                "Oh," He laughed, sharp and strained. _"You're_ giving _me_ a chance. No. The truth is that I'm not leaving until both of you are destroyed. _You_ get the choice of how it's done."

                I had planned for Maxson to intervene, but not this soon. "You're not hurting Danse." I said, clenching my right hand into a fist. "Not anymore. Not ever again."

                "And what will you do to stop me?"

                So long ago, I had talked myself onto the Prydwen. I talked through everyone's suspicions. I talked myself through the Institute, even. But I knew I couldn't talk my way through Maxson anymore.

                "If you'll allow me a word, Elder."

                Danse. _No._ He had been so quiet up until that point, I so desperately feared he would get shot just for saying a word. I tried to hold him back but he stepped up next to me.

                Maxson watched him with piercing eyes.

                "I fully accept my banishment," He started, calm and steady. "But I need you to understand. I'm _not_ a traitor. I had no idea about my identity until I was told. I _thought_ I was human, Arthur."

                His use of Maxson's first name stopped my heart.

                Danse continued, "Nuke may have left the Brotherhood, but so far she's kept the promise she's making to you now. She has in no way endangered the Brotherhood. And neither will I."

                "This is all so touching," Maxson's voice seemed lighter, but was still full of scorn. "But I can't allow either of you to live."

                He made a move, and I reacted. I was fast, but not quite as fast as him.

                Maxson was strong, and everyone knew how deadly he could be. He rushed at us both with a knife drawn from seemingly nowhere. He seemed to be aiming for Danse, but of course I cut him off.

                I collided with him and grabbed for his wrists. The sturdiness of his coat surprised me and I was barely able to get a grip. He hit me like a truck and normally, there was no way I could have pushed back.

                But my hand was burning. It burned and itched and the edge of my vision faded into blue. Thoughts flashed through my mind of what would happen if I let Maxson get to Danse. My feet hit the dirt, sticking firm, and I shoved forward with all my strength.

                His back hit the dirt and I was over him, a deathgrip on his arms. The energy flowing from my hand lit everything up blue. His eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them, and he mumbled words I couldn't hear.

                I felt his coat giving way beneath my right hand, and I immediately let go and sprang backwards off of him.

                He sat up, staring at his own arm where the coat had melted away. The edges of the holes were tinged with neon blue wisps that quickly faded. His anger returned and he snapped his head up at me. "What the _hell_ are you!?"

                I took a few more steps back, blinking hard and trying to relax my hand. The air felt thin and unfulfilling no matter how many breaths I took. "I told you," I gasped, already feeling my legs start to shake. And I'd barely done anything. "Don't test me."

                His face was a mix of horror, rage, and confusion. He kept looking from me to his singed arm, and then to Danse. Eventually he smirked. "So you're _both_ monsters. I get it now."

                I let him get to his feet. He seemed more stunned than injured, but I wouldn't hesitate to attack him again if he pushed it.

                By some miracle, he didn't. He stared us down for a minute, then started to back up. "Fine," He was holding his arm as if it hurt. Secretly, I hoped it did. "Listen to me, Danse."

                He stood to attention.

                "The only reason you're still alive..." He glared at me. "Is because of _her._ Whatever she is."

                All of a sudden, it was over. Maxson turned and left. I didn't know where he was going, and I didn't care. We hadn't heard a vertibird or anything, but one couldn't have been far. I watched him go for a minute, but when I was confident we were safe, I turned back to Danse.

                Or at least, I tried. The blue had faded from my hand and from my sight, and my whole body was shaking.  My head spun and I fell, but braced myself on my leg. My right leg. The bad one. At the horrible pain shooting through it, I fell again.

                Danse didn't catch me in time.


	40. Chapter 40

                I awoke to a hand being pressed a little too hard to my forehead. I felt exhausted, but not bad. Turning my head, I saw I was back in the bunker, tucked into a sad bedroll in the corner.

                Danse was sitting beside me. He left his hand where it was and whispered, "You're up."

                I nodded, and frowned when he pulled his hand away. "I hoped this time I could stay awake, but I guess not."

                "Are you alright?" His voice was hoarse, probably from exhaustion. He obviously hadn't slept.

                "I should be. How long was I out?"

                "A good few hours." He was looking at me so softly, without any suspicion. Of course, though, he had questions.

                "I told you I found things out about myself." I started, sitting up. My heart swelled when he moved closer to me and put a hand on my back. "One of those things was... _that."_

                "Your eyes were glowing." He said, like it was a normal thing. "And you _attacked_ Maxson..."

                "I told you I'd keep you safe." I leaned back into his touch. "I mean it. Now let's get out of here."

                "Hold on." Despite the order, he helped me stand. "Are you sure you're in a condition to walk? Seems like that... took a lot out of you."

                I shrugged. Honestly, I felt fine. Even my leg was only a little sore. "I might need to rest, but I'll be okay."

                Still a bit unconvinced, he squinted at me as he gathered his pack again. "Alright. But we'll go slowly."

 

                The first part of our journey was quiet. Danse lagged behind me a bit, looking around frequently. He hadn't taken his power armor, feeling that it "wasn't right" despite my encouragement.

                I didn't feel uncomfortable in the dark, especially with Danse as my companion. I still knew my way, and we made plenty of progress.

                After walking for a while, I slowed myself down to walk by Danse's side. When he mentioned that he was a bit unfamiliar with some parts of the Commonwealth, I started pointing things out to him.

                I told him about the places I'd been. I told him about Diamond City, and what I liked doing around there. I even told him about Piper, and let him know that he would be welcomed despite his "condition", which we would be keeping secret from the townsfolk... at least for a little while.

                In the dark, things looked different. We saw a herd of glowing radstags from quite a distance, but when Danse readied his laser rifle, I pushed the barrel down.

                "They could attack us," He whispered.

                "We'll avoid them."

                "But they're-"  
                "They're animals, Danse. Leave them be."

                He watched them for another moment, then silently followed after me.

                The rest of the journey went uneventfully. No deathclaws, no raider gangs we couldn't avoid. They liked to sleep at night, too, I reminded myself. Humans were humans.

                I asked Danse what he knew about the Railroad.

                He began to say something, then stopped. After a second he admitted, "I don't know, anymore. I know what I was taught."

                "Which is?"

                "They help synths escape from the Institute, which is abhorrent. Because synths _existing_ is..."

                "A crime against humanity?" I asked sarcastically, trying to imitate Maxson's tone.

                He actually chuckled at my half-joke. "Now, I have to wonder."

                Telling him too much, especially at that point, wouldn't have been a good idea. Instead I tried to keep conversation light, acting like I had only heard rumors here and there from living in the city. I told him how nice the people in the city were, how much they appreciated help, and how rewarding it was to see the tangible results of my work.

                He smiled while I talked. It wasn't a full smile, or at least as full as Danse's smiles got, but it was there.

                "Maybe someday I'll move on," I said with a shrug. "But for now, it's really nice."

                He suddenly took my hand, but kept us both walking. Without looking at me, he said so quietly, "I'm proud of you."

                I leaned against him to take some weight off my leg.

 

                Soon, wilderness became city. Along with the scenery change came the sunrise, though it was mostly hidden behind buildings as we got closer to our goal.

                I was exhausted, but didn't want to stop. We were almost home.

                "You're not walking right." Danse noticed. I hated that he noticed.

                "We're almost there." I deflected, and tried walking a little faster.

                I hadn't been out for long, but felt so relieved to be back. I poked at the speaker outside and chattered into it.

                "Oh hey, it's Nuke!" A friendly voice replied. "You left in such a hurry with that stranger, we were all a little worried! Come on in."

                The gate whirred to life and raised itself slowly. I beckoned to Danse and ducked under.

                "Who's your buddy?" A security guard immediately asked. He wasn't being threatening, but he held tightly to his rifle.

                "This is Danse," I gestured to him, then took his hand. "He'll be staying with me and Piper, if that's alright."

                The guard shrugged. "Any friend of yours is welcome here. Enjoy the city, then."

                I led Danse down the stairs and into the main square.

                "I've been to this city before," He said, not having to speak too loudly due to the morning quiet. "But not recently. It looks... a bit nicer."

                "I'd hope so." I kept us moving toward the house. Figuring Piper was either asleep or at the other place, I fished my key out of my back pocket and unlocked the door as quietly as I could muster.

                The house was dark, but a quick flip of a switch illuminated everything in pale yellow light.

                "It's nice," Danse's tired and somber voice whispered behind me. "Looks comfortable."

                I led him to the well-worn couch and sat him down. "It's fine if you don't, but do you want anything to eat?"  
                He sort of half shook his head, then looked down to his feet. "I'm... not sure. I don't think so."

                "When was the last time you ate?"

                I could tell he noticed my suspicious expression. He knew he hadn't eaten in a while, and he knew _I_ knew. He wrapped his arms around his middle self-consciously. "I don't know."

                I took a good look at him. When looking up at me, his eyes looked sadder than usual. His face was marred with exhaustion and sorrow. In just those few days spent in the bunker, his stubble had grown a bit wild. Some of his hair fell forward, and he didn't bother fixing it.

                So I did. I leaned forward and tidied a few strands, letting my hand linger on him for a moment. I felt his face tense up in a smile. I stood up straight again and walked to the fridge - an old, recycled thing, but somehow working. Inside were a few bottles of purified water, so I got one for him.

                He took it and thanked me, then stared at it. "...Looks so clear."

                "That's what water _should_ look like, you know." With a sigh I plopped myself down on the couch next to him. Fatigue hit me like a falling tree and I leaned against him. "I'm gonna wash up and go to bed. You take your time."

                "I need a moment." He said after finishing off the water bottle. I expected that, but not him putting his arm around me. "...Just a moment."

                "What do you think the sleeping arrangements are gonna be?" I asked, giggling. Like he thought he was getting away with sleeping on the couch.

                He pulled me closer. "...Didn't think you'd want to be near me, after all this."

                "Oh, Danse." I sighed. "Yeah. I don't want to be near you. That's why I trekked across the Commonwealth to find you. That's why I'm sitting here with you now."

                His breaths were getting slower. He was tired, beyond tired. Even beyond exhausted. He probably wouldn't have been able to come up with a word for how out of energy he was. "You stood up to Maxson for me. You risked your life..."

                "Come on, big guy." I forced myself to stand with effort, and got him to his feet, too. "If you don't want to eat anything, let's just get to bed. We can talk more tomorrow, when we're rested and feeling better."

                "I haven't slept in three days." He admitted, looking down at me with eyes that confirmed it.

                Immediately, I was struck with guilt. "And I made you walk all that way... Come on," I gently led him to a door nearby, which was our wash room. It wasn't impressive - just a sink and a makeshift, but functional, shower - but it was a luxury we were thankful for. I felt absolutely filthy from running through the woods. I couldn't imagine how Danse felt. As he scrubbed at his face, looking forlornly into the mirror, I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm gonna take a shower. You should, too. It'll help you feel better."

                "I'm not sure I have the energy..."

                "Then join me."

                He perked up, and blinked a few times. He looked concerned, like he was wondering if he was allowed.

                My widening smile answered him.


	41. EMERGENCY TEMPORARY POV CHANGE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (There will be a few of these interspersed throughout the fic from now on, I think!)

                Sunlight trickled in through the window and across his face. _Warm_ sunlight. The whole room was warm. Comforting, safe.

                Was it?

                He awoke with a start, but he _was_ safe. He looked around and barely recognized where he was, until it slowly came to him... He left the bunker, then came to Diamond City... the house...

                _Nuke._

                She was sleeping beside him, undisturbed by his waking jolt. He reached down with a shaking hand and touched her hair, just to make sure.

                She really was there. She really was _real._ Not just a dream like so many other times.

                He took a breath and tasted something in the air. Something he hadn't had to think about in a long time - food. Eggs?

                Slowly he climbed out of the bed, trying not to disturb his companion. She needed the sleep, he didn't. Rubbing his head he rounded the corner to see the small kitchen area very active, and occupied.

                The young woman lifted her head with a friendly smile, and waved with her free hand. "Hi there!" She called, then hushed her voice after glancing at where he'd come from. "You must be Danse. You want some late breakfast?"

                He blinked his tired, but finally well-rested eyes and looked down at himself. He was in a plain shirt and pants, the only change of clothes he had in his pack. Raising his head again, he couldn't help but smile a little. "Yes... that's me. And you must be... Piper."

                She grinned and returned her attention to the stove. "I knew she'd bring you back safe. Blue can do anything she sets her mind to."

                "...Blue?"

                Without missing a beat she answered, "It's what I call her."

                "Because of her... ability?" He didn't take a second to consider if she knew. Was it a secret? He wanted to kick himself afterwards. But nothing else about her was blue. Not even her eyes, really.

                Luckily, Piper simply answered, "Yup."

                So it was a normal, accepted thing around here, that Nuke could conjure _fire_ from her hand.

                "Doesn't look like you guys ate anything late night. How about that breakfast?"

                He nodded and sat down at the small table. It had three chairs, but one didn't match, so it was the one he picked.

                "Brought that one in just for you!" Piper chimed, plating the eggs and bringing them over. "One more mouth to feed around here isn't so bad."

                Danse poked at his food, uninterested for a moment, but eventually gave in to his growling stomach.

                Piper joined him at the table, but seemed to spend more time watching him than eating for herself. "...I've heard a lot about you, you know."

                "Understandable," He replied, not looking up.

                "I won't pry," She said, leaning back. "I know you're going through crazy stuff. But you're safe here."

                "...She said that, too."

                "Now it's a double promise."

                He looked up, but his attention was stolen away by movement in the corner of the house. Despite himself, despite his dedication to feeling miserable, seeing her coming toward him made his heart soar.

                She greeted them both and took the remaining chair, scooting closer to Danse to put a hand on his shoulder. Gently she started kneading her fingers, smirking when he shivered a little and squinted.

                "Sleep good?" Piper asked, standing to fetch the rest of breakfast.

                "Me, pretty good. You?"

                "I'm more worried about him," She answered.

                Danse snapped himself out of the slight trance. The truth was that the sleep felt amazing, more amazing than any sleep in the past year. But he wondered if it was just because of his level of exhaustion. "Fine, it was fine."

                "Just fine?" She patted his shoulder and took her hand back. Immediately, he missed it. "Well, you can keep sleeping all day if you want."

                "I'm-" He stopped, watching the plate that Piper served to her almost jealously. His food was finished, but he was still hungry.

                Nuke giggled, noticing his stare. "I won't eat all this, you can have the rest."

                "It's-" He wanted to argue, to push back and make sure _she_ ate enough, but he didn't have the strength. His body was rested, but his mind would be out of energy for quite a while. He resigned to a meager "Okay", then just watched her.

                Her unbrushed hair, her disheveled clothes, her eyes that could barely stay open. For the past year they were things he could only dream of. To look at that person, the one who had given him a chance, then come back from nowhere to save his life... No, to _convince_ him that he _deserved_ to live. And to hear of all the things she had done in Diamond City?

                He tried to remember the night. They had taken another hour or two once in bed to just talk. She whispered to him and ran her hand through his hair, talking him to his first real sleep in months upon months. Somehow he retained everything she said. He remembered what she said on their walk back, too, about Piper and whoever Nick was and everything else. The last thing he remembered was being showered in praise, and a kiss on his forehead.

                The half-finished plate sliding across the table got his attention. He felt a surge of excitement, but it quickly turned into irritation. He looked up and narrowed his eyes at her. "...You barely ate."

                "You need it more." Her smile was disarming and genuine. He couldn't even _dream_ of fighting back.

                So he just grumbled and turned back to his new plate of food.


	42. Chapter 42

                "You two are kind of adorable." Piper smirked at me, setting the last newly-cleaned plate as quietly as possible on top of the others. "I could watch you all day."

                I glanced back to the bed, where Danse had gone back to sleeping soundly. I barely registered the tease. "I'm just glad he ate. And now I need him to rest."

                "I'll leave you be if you want. No offense taken."

                I didn't want her to leave. Being apart from her felt weird and wrong. Still, I accepted her offer, mostly for Danse's sake. It wasn't like he was nervous around new people or anything, but he was going through a lot. I wanted as much quiet as possible.

                Of course, she completely understood. With a quick kiss on my cheek she was off. She had a paper to manage, after all.

                My legs were sore from all the walking, especially the right one. It also felt stiff. I kept stretching it, but nothing helped. I grimaced as I thought back to my training with X6, and his... concerns.

                Once, he had me actually attack something. He wanted me to go as strongly as I could, like when I fought the deathclaw. _That_ instruction wound up with me waking up an hour later to an oddly frantic X6. It was very out of character for him, and it terrified me.

                "Please," He said, totally failing to steady his voice. "Please don't do that again. Your heart rate dropped to dangerous levels."

                But I _had_ done it again. And passed out, again. Danse hadn't said anything about my heart rate, but it could've just gotten lost in the shuffle of panicked everything filling his brain.

                Danse was the lightest sleeper who ever lived, so I made my way around the house as quietly as I could, taking care of only the most silent of chores: folding clothes, and... that was about it. I gave up after a few minutes and just sat on the couch, staring at the clock.

                It wasn't long before Danse stirred. I would say 'luckily', but I really wanted him to rest more. I almost ran up to him.

                "I can't sleep anymore," He said before I could get a word out. He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, feet on the floor, staring down. "There's just... too much."

                I was starting to run out of things to say to him. It was only a matter of time before words would stop having meaning. "Are you okay if I go out for a bit? Want some time to yourself?"

                He hesitated, but slowly nodded. "Not... _too_ long, though?"

                "Of course not! Just some quick shopping."

                His smile was faint, but present. "I'll be fine."

 

                It killed me to leave him. There was always that nagging worry that he'd hurt himself, but I strove to keep my mind on the task at hand: _Shopping._

                I meandered around the market, which had been bustling with activity for hours. More and more traders had been setting up permanent stalls in the past few months. It was a welcome sight, seeing the city so _alive._

                The ususal gossips whispered as I walked by, and some even came up to me to ask who my new "roommate" was. I didn't worry about how they knew and brushed it off with _oh, he's my boyfriend._ That usually led to hilarious shocked expressions and exclamations of, "Does Piper know!?" _Of course,_ I'd tell them. Not that it was any of their business.

                After a few of the exchanges, I realized how juvenile the term "boyfriend" sounded. But I was determined to keep using it, hoping I'd get over it.

                So I started shopping for my _boyfriend._ I looked at every stand and stall selling clothes, trying to find him a new outfit. He had a couple of shirts to his name, but all except the one had been left on the ship, no doubt. And I wasn't about to let him wear his jumpsuit everywhere.

                Eventually I got chatting with one stall-runner who was selling what _I_ considered to be _nicer_ clothing. I pawed at a leather jacket hanging on one of the outer racks. It was obviously too big for me, so I thought...

                "You got some refined taste there, ma'am." The guy behind the counter almost made me laugh - he was wearing a nearly identical jacket, but fit to his slim frame. He was wearing sunglasses despite it not being particularly sunny, and his black hair was slicked back and very shiny. "That looks a little big for you, though."

                "Good," I replied with a smile. "I'm not shopping for me."

                "Oh yeah?" He leaned across the table, grinning. "Got a cat back home who'd like that?"

                "I dunno," I said absently, trying to judge whether the jacket would fit him. "I mean," I realized I answered the question weirdly. "Yeah, I do, but I dunno if he'd like it."

                "Why don't you give it a shot? If he hates it, I'll let ya bring it back."

                I felt pretty selfish. I was almost convinced that Danse would hate such an _informal_ piece of clothing, as he'd probably call it, but... Thinking about him wearing it... He would look so damn _nice._

                I hoped he'd agree with me as I scampered away with the jacket and a set of jeans for him.

 

                The house was quiet when I finally returned, secret gifts and some groceries in hand. The lights were off, but I quickly saw Danse on the couch, awake and looking at a magazine.

                "The lights work, y'know." I said lightly to announce my presence, setting everything on the table. "It can't be fun to read in the dark."

                He glanced up and visibly relaxed, then returned to his reading. "It's mostly pictures. An old automobile magazine." He must have had it in his pack from the bunker, since I didn't remember ever having one like that.

                I sat next to him and  peeked over.

                "Do you remember any of these?"

                I had to think. They looked familiar, sure, but there were all sorts of posters everywhere that showed cars like that. I couldn't remember ever driving one, that was for sure. So I shrugged. "Yes and no. Would be nice to still have one of them, huh?"

                "No roads are functional," He pointed out, but he smirked as his eyes caught a flashy red Corvega. "...They _are_ fashionable, though."

                "Speaking of that!" I jumped up again and darted to the table, fishing through everything I'd bought. I felt his eyes on me as I grabbed the coat, rolling it over itself to hide its identity.

                When I turned, his brown eyes were wide with curiosity, staring up at me. "...What's that?"

                "For you." Dramatically, I unrolled the coat and already felt my face burning. "If you absolutely hate it, it's fine, I just wanted to get you something nice."

                His eyebrows nearly shot off his head, then abruptly sank down and furrowed adorably. "I'm not sure it's my style."

                _"Please_ try it on." I put on all my charms, giving him puppy-dog eyes from above the coat's collar and pouting almost cartoonishly. "I just wanna see if it fits, okay?"

                "Liar," He accused, but he couldn't help smiling. With a sigh he stood and stepped toward me, gently taking the jacket. "Alright, I'll try it on. But just for you."

                I watched with baited breath as he put it on, relieved when he didn't seem to struggle.

                It fit. I couldn't believe it! My grin threatened to split my face in half.

                Danse, however, looked utterly embarrassed as he closed the zipper. Even the tips of his ears turned red and he avoided my eyes.

                I kept beaming and started showering him in compliments, despite knowing that it would only embarrass him more.

                He shrunk back for a second, but finally smiled and loosened his posture. "I suppose it'll do for now," The happy look on his face was completely genuine. "Thank you, Nuke. I... I like it. It fits perfectly."

                It did, honestly, but with a bit of room for when he gained back the weight he'd lost. A year of stress and not eating well will do that to even the toughest soldiers, I guessed.

                After putting away the groceries, I decided to spend the rest of the day around the house. There was only so much I could tidy up, so eventually Danse and I retired to the couch, where I wound up falling asleep.

                He kept wearing the coat.


	43. Chapter 43

                Day after day went by. Maxson hadn't come to kill us, so I started to relax. I got back into my routine of running errands for people, and even resumed my work for the Railroad. Of course, I decided to keep that a secret a little longer.

                Danse, meanwhile, got even _more_ fidgety. He started following me and helping out with work around the city, which kept him busy _some_ days, but for many of them he was too tired. I found out from Piper, who visited frequently, that he spent his days pacing the living room.

                I understood how he felt. In the Brotherhood, he had a daily routine. He woke up at something like five in the morning and had his life planned out for him. But suddenly... he had nothing. A weird sort of freedom that probably made him agoraphobic. He was the type who needed a schedule.

                Whatever I could, I did for him. He was comfortable with me being closer, physically and emotionally, again, so I tried to do something for him every day: massages before bed, cooked meals during the day... I even tracked down some more Fancy Lads Snack Cakes for him, which he enjoyed, but there was still something... missing. His eyes wandered up to the sky a lot, looking for the Prydwen even though he knew he couldn't see it. He was very attuned to the sound of vertibirds in the distance, though I couldn't tell if his reaction was excitement or anxiety.

                Through it all, he constantly insisted he was "fine". We even managed to get radio contact with Haylen - though our conversations were mostly check-ins and could never last long. Even _that_ couldn't quite shake the anxiety from him.

                I wanted to give him some answers. After a couple weeks of seeing him start to decline, I asked if he wanted to take a long walk with me.

                He agreed, but definitely took note of how secretive I was being with the details.

 

                I took so much care to make sure we weren't being followed, and asked Danse to keep his wits about him. Though he was confused, he didn't ask where we were going and instead just followed my directions.

                "Please be nice," I said as we got closer.

                He gave me a quizzical look, bordering on offense. "Why? Are we meeting someone?"

                "You could say that." I stopped in front of the church door, double-triple checked that no one was around, and slipped inside.

                Danse hurried after me. "...An old church?"

                "Keep your voice down for a minute."

                We made our way through it and wound through the catacombs. I had the way memorized, but I could tell Danse was a little more apprehensive about it. He kept his gun at the ready, despite me asking him to put it away.

                When I walked through the door, Glory was there to greet me. She almost looked happy to see me, until she saw I'd brought someone else.

                "Easy, easy," I pushed the muzzle of her _entire minigun_ down and gestured for everyone to back off as they rushed towards us. "It's fine, he's fine."

                "What _is_ this place...?" Danse asked, staying behind me defensively as he looked around, bewildered.

                "We trust you, Whisper," Des began, not taking her eyes off Danse. "But who is this?"

                "Shit-" Deacon interjected before I could respond. "This must be _Danse,_ huh?"

                Everyone froze. They all knew who he was, and now they knew why I had brought him. Even Glory finally lowered her weapon, and they all took a step back.

                "Does he need to sit down?" Des asked quietly, snuffing her cigarette out on the wall. "What'd you bring him here for?"

                "To talk." Gently I took his hand and led him to a table surrounded by chairs. "I think you should sit down, okay?"

                He did, but he didn't stop looking around. His eyes were wide and I could tell he was very uneasy.

                Desdemona sat across from us, with Deacon next to her. Glory stood off to the side, watching us. The rest kept their distance.

                "Danse," I spoke quietly to keep him calm. "Welcome to the Railroad."

                His entire body went rigid and he was about to say something, but he stopped. He took a deep breath. "...The Railroad."

                "Let's be sensitive with our words," Des rolled her eyes and nudged Deacon, then looked back to Danse and smiled. "We know about you. You've been through a hell of a lot."

                Slowly, he nodded.

                I kept my head down. "I brought you here to try to help ease your mind. Maybe answer some questions."

                "Questions," He repeated. "I want to know..." But he fell silent and looked away.

                "Easy does it, big guy." Deacon spoke up, luckily holding his tongue a bit. "We're here to help. For real. Whisp-- uh, _Nuke's_ one of our best agents. We _gotta_ help her out."

                "Agent?" Danse looked at me, his expression flashing between confusion, suspicion, and anger. "You work for them?"

                I nodded. I could tell he was getting worked up, and it was making _me_ nervous. It wasn't like he would _hurt_ anyone, but I wanted to do my best not to upset him. "They-- _We_ help people like you."

                "Like _me."_ His jaw was tight.

                "People who want to escape." Desdemona cut in, trying to ease the tension. "Danse, you _escaped_ from the Institute."

                "I don't remember it." He glared at her, his tone biting. "I have no memory of anything about the Institue. As far as I know, I grew up an orphan and moved to Rivet City..." But then he trailed off.

                Gently, with such care I had never really seen from her before, Desdemona explained the truth about the Railroad. She told Danse that the majority of synths living among people had escaped. They all had a _choice_ to have their memories erased. Some, like Glory, decided against it.

                Danse looked up at Glory, who gave him a proud smile in return.

                "I know you're frustrated. But you can take some comfort in the fact that  everything that happened to you was your choice."

                _"My_ choice," Danse almost mocked. "Who knows who I was before I had my entire mind erased?"

                "Just your memories." Deacon noted. "We usually just give you fake memories, not an entirely new personality."

                "Hmm."

                I knew he wasn't taking it well. In the past few weeks I'd tried to bring up the topic, really _talk_ about it and air out his concerns... But it seemed like he just had too many. He was too frustrated.

                And I'd told all that to Desdemona. She was watching him carefully, and stayed quiet for a moment. "...Is there anything you'd like to hear from us?"

                He took a deep breath, then exhaled loudly. "So it's a complete coincidence I wound up back in the Commonwealth."

                Deacon scoffed. "Super weird, yeah, but it's happened before. Runners usually try to get you as far away as possible."

                "Makes sense." Danse was tapping his foot anxiously. He took another breath. "...When I first discovered my identity, my initial thought was that my whole life had been a lie. That my entire self had been taken from me."

                Des waited.

                "I didn't know what to do. I ran and hid like a coward, which only convinced the Brotherhood further that I was a traitor."

                "You were afraid." Des said, steadily. "And that's alright. None of this is your fault. You had no way of knowing."

                "What's different about me?" He looked up, and I caught desperation in his eyes.  
"How can I even be sure of who I am, anymore?"

                "Every moment you've lived, everything you remember after arriving in Rivet City... That's all your own." Her voice was even, unwavering, but comforting. Or at least I hoped it was, to him. "True, you never had a childhood. But you, presumably, wanted your memories of your time in the Institute to be erased. You started a new life."

                "Feels like the third time, now." He leaned back in the chair and glanced at me. "I was in the Brotherhood for almost fifteen years. It's hard to just let go of all that."

                "Don't think anyone's asking you to." Deacon crossed his arms and nodded to me. "She's sure as hell not. She'll keep you away from them so they don't stab you in the back, but it's not like she wants you to pretend you were never with them. Right, Whisper?"

                I sighed. "It's hard. I don't want him to forget it. I just want him to try to learn... the other side of things."

                "We've never really had a case like you." Des smiled. "We've run into our old friends before, but never something like this. Such a dramatic return."

                Danse grunted.

                "Again," She sighed. "We'll answer whatever questions we can for you. But since you escaped so long ago, we won't have specifics on much."

                "Are these all your members?" His voice got lighter, almost like he was relaxing.

                "We have... departments." Deacon answered. "All over the place, still, we hope. But for the Commonwealth? Yeah, this is all we got."

                "If other synths are like me, then..." He paused. "Then I suppose they also deserve a chance. I was convinced of my own worth, so others should... also have that opportunity." The words were obviously jumbled around in his head, fighting with what he had been taught for so long.

                "They _are_ like you." I put my hand on his arm. "Individuals. _People._ All just looking for a life outside of involuntary servitude."

                When I'd told him the Institute created synths and used the vast majority as slave labor, his reaction was mixed. At first he tried to bring up the infiltrators, but after thinking for a moment, he was frustrated by what I had said. Then, he said he understood why they wanted to escape.

                The main problem was that in the Brotherhood, he hadn't been taught the difference between an escaped synth and one used as a replacement. It probably had to do with there being no way to tell the difference. That mixed with fear led to them all being painted with a broad brush. Danse himself had been on a list of _escaped_ or _missing_ synths - I confirmed it when Haylen snuck me over to a terminal to look at the data. _That_ little bit of information had been omitted from Maxson's broadcast.

                "We're not asking you to like us." Desdemona said, obviously trying to wrap up the 'appointment' before anything went wrong. "We _did_ say we wanted to meet you, and we're here as a resource if you need anything. _Any_ questions at all, we'll try to answer."

                "Not sure I have any yet." Danse tapped at the table, letting his scowl relax into a simple frown. "It's all still so much. But... thank you. I will." Finally he looked up, and actually smiled. It was his iconic sad smile, but it was still a smile.

                And it was enough of a victory for me.

 

                On the way home, we were both silent. When Danse lagged behind, I slowed myself to walk beside him, but the tension was thick enough to physically feel. I thought about trying to hold his hand, but decided against it.

                When we were about halfway home, he spoke up.

                "How long have you been working with them?"

                "...A while." I tried to downplay the answer. "I didn't tell Piper right away, either. So don't-"

                "How many synths have you helped escape?"

                That was a more complicated question. I gave tips while in the Institute, and actually ran some. Right then I remembered, oh yeah, he didn't know about my involvement with _them_ yet, either. "Maybe a dozen."

                "What were they like?" The question was surprisingly sincere, but I could sense lingering anger.

                "All pretty frightened. None of them had ever seen the outside world before. ...It helped that I could relate, y'know? They took comfort in me."

                "You told them all about your past?"

                "Sure."

                "And you were _sure_ none of them would run back to the Institute with data they'd gathered?"

                "Well, the Railroad's still here. And some I got to know even _before_ they esca-"

                "Before?" He stopped.

                I did too, realizing how badly I'd just screwed up. I didn't look at him. "Danse, take it easy for a second-"

                "What _other_ secrets are you hiding from me?" Now he was angry, shouting. "When you left, you made a comment about being a synth. Are you?"  
                "No!"  
                "Are you _sure?_ How _can_ you be?"

                I turned to him, desperately trying to keep myself from panicking. "Danse, just listen. Take it easy, don't be upset-"

                "Don't be upset?! After everything that's happened to me?!"

                Stay calm, I told myself. He'll follow suit eventually.

                "Did you only come after me because I'm a synth? Did your friends tell you to? Is that the only reason why?"

                "No." I wanted to yell, but I didn't. It took all my strength. "No, Danse. I didn't tell anyone but Piper before I went to find you. And Maxson told me himself." I thought I heard something nearby, but asking him to be quiet would just upset him. I didn't want him to think he shouldn't talk. "And I don't want to tell you to calm down, because you don't deserve to be told that, but I'd like you to stop yelling at me."

                He took a few breaths, but still looked angry. "Why did you bring me there?"

                "They told you why. I figured they would be better with words than me."

                "You should have just told me."

                "So you could start yelling like this in our house?"

                A few more breaths. With every word he was getting quieter. "Alright. I understand that."

                "I knew you'd be mad at me no matter what I did, so-"

                "I'm not-" He deliberately lowered his voice. "I'm not mad _at you._ I'm mad at this..." He gestured around us. "This whole damn mess. Everything."

                "I know. I am too."

                "...I know you are." He came toward me. His posture relaxed and it looked like he was finally easing up. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."

                "And I shouldn't have yelled at you back then. When I left."

                "Yes, you should have." He clasped one hand on my shoulder and, finally, smiled at me. Genuinely. "It was wrong, what happened that day. You were right to be upset and I don't blame you for it."

                What a relief to hear that. I wanted to tell him the same - that he had every right to be completely pissed off about what had happened to him, and how he found out. I wanted to tell him, _remind_ him, that everything was better now, and that we'd be fine.

                 A shot of blue laser fire flashed between us, barely inches from our faces.

                Danse immediately surged forward, shoving me out of the way but wrapping his arm around me in the process. With one free hand he tried to ready his laser rifle.

                "Let go of her, or I'll fire again."

                My heart stopped at the voice. Oh, no. No no, not _now._ Any time but _now._

                X6 appeared from behind a building, revealing himself as the sound I'd heard earlier. His Institute rifle was aimed at us, but he didn't fire. "I'll say it one more time-"

                "Don't!" I yelled, trying and failing to squirm out of Danse's grasp. "Everybody just stop!"

                Danse was about to fire his weapon, but hesitated. His eyes were wide as he stared in confusion at the figure in front of us. "That's-- That's an _Institute Courser!_ What the hell is one of _those_ doing here?!"

                I didn't have time to correct his dehumanizing language. Finally he let me go and I jumped forward, putting a hand out at both of them. I looked back and forth and saw that they were both _extremely_ ready to fire. "Don't, _don't!"_ I gritted my teeth at Danse, who flinched, then at X6, who didn't move. "X, you put that damn gun down _right now."_

"This man rushed you," He said, not complying. "He was shouting at you and put his hand on you. I thought you were being harmed."

                "I'm not, so put your damn gun down." When he did, I swiveled to Danse. "You _too,_ Danse. Right now."

                Startled by the outburst, he slowly lowered his laser rifle. "...The _hell_ is going on here?!"

                I took a very deep breath. "You're gonna get mad again."

                He already was. His eyes were locked onto X6, glaring. "If that thing gets near you-"

                "Thing?" X6 asked calmly, and smirked. "Oh. You mean me."

                "X, this is Danse." I said, trying to de-escalate the situation but staying tense. If he found out about Danse's identity... I couldn't risk something like that. "And Danse... this is X6-88."

                "Nice to meet you." X6 said with obvious sarcasm, ignoring the other's anger and turning his attention back to me. "We had a scheduled meeting today that you missed. I was concerned and went out to find you."

                Oh, damn. Of course. I slapped my forehead. "Shit, X, I really honestly forgot. I've had... a lot going on."

                "It's alright." His voice softened. "I was just concerned, is all. And when I finally found you, a strange man was shouting at you. I hope you understand why I was alarmed."  
                "Of course, of course." I reached out and patted him on the arm. "You were just looking out for me, thank you. But it's okay. This guy's fine, trust me."

                "Alright."

                From behind us, Danse growled. "Someone want to explain to me what's going on here?"

                I gave him an attempt at a genuine smile. "I will. Just one second. X," I leaned in to him and whispered. "Let's just meet next week, okay? And I'll let you know if I can't make it."

                "Sure." He spoke again in his normal monotone, then reached for his communicator. Right before talking into it, he hesitated and gave Danse another look.

                The slight pause stopped my heart, but relief washed over me when he disappeared in a flash of light.

                Danse nearly jumped out of his skin and rushed to me, grabbing my arm. "What was _that?!"_

"Just teleportation."

                _"Just._ Teleportation."

                I sighed and turned around, looking up into his furious, terrified eyes. "X6 is my friend."

                "A Courser."

                "Yeah."  
                "A Courser is your _friend."_

                "Uh-huh." I said it sternly, not breaking eye contact. "Let's walk."

 

                We went slowly the rest of the way home, and I explained the situation as carefully as I could. This time, I told him the whole truth: The experimentation, my past, and everything about X6. I told him about my meeting with Father and my trips to the Institute, trying to emphasize the data I gathered from them to pass on to others.

                He was very, very quiet until I finished, and didn't speak for a good minute afterwards.

                "That's it." I added. "Those are _all_ the secrets, now. I planned on waiting a bit before springing that other one, but..."

                "What if that Courser had recognized me?"

                So that was it. Surely Danse _had_ been afraid for my own safety, but he was also concerned for himself. Both were completely rational. "I'd never let him touch you, don't worry."

                "Don't worry?" His voice cracked. "You have a lot of conflicting allegiances, all of a sudden."

                "My relationship with the Institute isn't anything close to an _allegience."_ I was a little offended by the comment, but understood why he said it.

                "But you like that Courser." He scowled. "I can hear it in your voice."

                "A little." I cracked a smile that obviously irritated him. "He's a little bit different, and I've met other Coursers. He confides in me about things he probably shouldn't."

                "And you believe him."

                "Yeah, I do."

                "Why?"

                It really was hard to explain, or even reconcile with myself. But I told Danse the things X6 had said; how he almost _asked_ to be reported to the higher-ups for his "transgressions", and how he legitimately _feared_ another reset. I hoped it would comfort Danse a little, knowing that even the Institute could do something imperfectly, like a mind wipe.

                He squinted. "It's not that I don't trust your judgment, Nuke. It's just..."

                "No, I get it." How could I not? The position he was taking was completely rational. General knowledge of Coursers considered them to be, basically, _monsters._ "You have every reason to be suspicious and not take my word. It makes the most sense."

                "...But nothing really makes sense anymore." He sighed. "I just... want you to be careful. What if you went to the Institute one day, but didn't come back?"

                "I think they're afraid of me." It was the truth. I had seen Father a few times since our first meeting, and he didn't seem to want to stand near me. The other scientists kept their distance, too. No one ever tried to touch me, even a casual hand-on-the-shoulder. Probably, half of it was because I was a "dirty wastelander", but also... "They've heard about what I can do, and know that pissing me off is a bad idea."

                He chuckled. Finally, I thought, something positive. "It certainly is."

                Still, I felt awful. Keeping secrets, especially from someone I loved, was hard on me. But I knew that even if I had told Danse right away about everything, he still would've been upset. Angry. And I would've understood it then, too. "...I'm just trying to help people."

                He stopped all of a sudden, looking worried. "Nuke, I don't mean to make you feel badly about all this. What you're doing is just very dangerous, and I-"

                "If anyone tries to put their hands on you, I'd kill them."

                He was silent.

                "Whether it's someone from the Brotherhood, hell, _Maxson himself,_ or someone from the Institute. Even..." I exhaled. "Even X6. I don't think that he would, but if he... If I wound up having to pick life or death, between you two, it would be you."

                "...Well, hold on, let's relax." _He_ was telling _me_ to relax? "I'm not going to make you kill anyone."

                "I'm not saying you'd make me."

                "Nuke," He suddenly took my hand and started walking again. I followed. "Let's talk more at home."

                ...Home. He finally called it 'home'! I tried to focus on that tiny bit of positivity as he led me back.


	44. Chapter 44

                The house was quiet. Danse and I were sitting next to each other on the bed, not saying anything. I kicked my feet lightly and kept my hands in my lap.

                I knew why he was upset. I knew he was just worried about all sorts of things, like what the Institute could do. He didn't want to see me used as a pawn or hurt in any way. And, he didn't want to be dragged back to the Institute, himself. But I just wanted him to believe that I had the situation under control.

                His arm suddenly wrapped around me, gently guiding my head to his shoulder. He buried his fingers in my hair. "I can't lose you again." He whispered. "Being in the Brotherhood was dangerous enough, sure, but..."

                "But _you_ were there." All the walking had tired me out. I let myself relax against him. "You can't make sure everything's ok when I sneak around with the Railroad or visit the Institute."

                "And I sit around all day, worrying."

                "You sound like Piper."

                "Do I?"

                "And Nick."

                He grunted. Nick was still a bit of a sore subject for him. The two had met, though it hadn't gone very well at first. Danse confided that he had stopped by a few more times to apologize, and the two had even had some talks.

                Nick sympathized with Danse a lot, but I feel like that made it a little worse. Danse looked at him and saw a _machine -_ and was very convinced that the two weren't anything alike. I hoped they would learn to get along better, but Danse was reluctant to see himself as someone who had _anything_ in common with what he considered to be a robot.

                "Well," His hand fell to my shoulder and squeezed it. "I know they care about you. So I'm okay with that."

                There was too much on my mind to say anything. It was early, but the day had been exhausting. I just got up and started getting ready for bed, and Danse eventually followed.

 

                I tried to sleep on the couch. I felt terrible, sick of screwing things up. I started to wonder, was I doing the right things? Was it right to work alongside the Institute, even if I _was_ taking things from them here and there? Was it even right to help the Railroad? And then those other worries came back - what if Maxson went after us again? If he caught us off-guard out in the middle of the wasteland, where our deaths could more easily been written off as a tragic accident? Deathclaws were quite the proven scapegoat.

                "Hey." Danse lightly shook me by the shoulder. "Come on, let's go to bed."

                I grumbled. Why would he want to sleep next to me? I'd spent the whole day making him feel miserable and betrayed.

                "I'm not mad at you," He said with a sigh, like he had read my mind. "You know how I get when I'm powerless to ease my own worries."

                "Yeah. You get mad."

                He sighed. "If you want to stay here, that's fine. But there's no reason to."

                Of course I didn't want to stay on the couch. It was fine for sitting, but sleeping... not so much. Even quick accidental naps left me with a sore neck for days. Reluctantly, I sat up. I'd be an insane liar if I acted like I didn't want to be next to Danse, and self-pity wasn't going to help anyone.

                He suddenly slipped his arms underneath me and lifted me from the couch.

                I huddled indignantly against him until he set me into bed. As he climbed in next to me I stayed quiet, even when he put his arm around me and pulled me close. I felt him nuzzle into my hair and my face started burning. Now, I knew, he was just trying to get a reaction from me. I made another displeased sound.

                "At least now I know _what_ you've been running yourself ragged with lately." He had a smile in his voice. "So I can properly request that you let me help you relax."

                I tried to, even though everything was still on my mind. I knew he was still at _least_ a little upset about it all. Despite my attempts to ignore it, though, I realized how nice the bed felt, and how warm Danse was. I could rarely have real worries when I was so close to him.

                "That's it," He urged, relaxing his grip. "Let's just sleep on it for now."

                I was tired and very comfortable, but I didn't quite want to sleep yet. I turned my head up to him and whispered something.

                His beautiful brown eyes went wide and he flushed, but a smile thankfully spread across his face.


	45. Chapter 45

                After such a lovely night, Danse and I were both feeling better. When I got up, he had long been awake and was making breakfast. His smile was warm and bright like the sun filtering in through the windows.

                When I sat at the table, he rushed over with my breakfast and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. Still smiling, he reminded me that he loved me.

                I blinked a few times, then slowly grinned. Our whole time on the Prydwen, I hadn't heard it from him. He had told me that he was nervous, afraid even, of saying it. Someone he loved had been taken from him before, and he was too afraid to go through it again. I understood and was patient with him, despite my own impatience.

                Then I left. I knew we both had lingering regret from it, but things were okay now. I thought about the night before, how it felt to hear Danse say it for the first time, whispering it into my ear as we held each other so close.

                "Better late than never," I told him before we fell asleep, after he apologized for waiting so long.

                And though I'd told him a hundred times since he came back, I said the same when he finally joined me at the table.

 

                Though the days were good, Danse started to feel the tug of boredom again. Piper stopped by often and would ask for his opinions on stories, though he never had much to say. Still, she tried, and I appreciated it. But he needed something I couldn't quite provide, so I decided to finally ask for some help.

                One morning I headed to Nick's. He brewed me up some of the watery nonsense people called "coffee" nowadays, and I sat at his desk, swirling it absently. I mumbled something about Danse, and wondered if what I did actually helped him in the long run.

                "Poor man needs a job," Nick said as he rifled through a few case files. "You know he's that type. He'll drive himself nuts if he doesn't have something to do."  
                "I know, I know." I sighed and leaned back in the chair, then took a sip at the coffee. No matter how many times I drank it, it never tasted better. "...I just want him to rest."

                He chuckled. "If only the Minutemen were still a real thing. He'd fit right in."

                "Minutemen?" The name sounded familiar to me, but I couldn't quite place it. It sounded like an old, _old_ term.

                "Probably not the ones you learned about in... school." He smiled playfully. "But, mostly the same idea. Unfortunately they had some falling out and... well,"

                I waited, watching his smile fade to a grimace.

                "Didn't hear much for a long time, until a few days ago."

                I sat up straight and set my coffee on the desk. Thinking about it, I realized I had been hearing mumblings of something terrible down south. But I'd been so preoccupied with Danse, I...

                "There was a settlement in Quincy."

                I knew that. But my brain hung on his use of _"was"_.

                He noticed my look and frowned harder. "Apparently the whole place was wiped out by Gunners. Whatever remained of the Minutemen... they didn't stand a chance.

                An entire settlement... _gone?_ I shook my head in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

                "You've been busy," He said almost defensively, but looked remorseful. "I don't think there was anything anyone could do."

                "Were there any survivors?"

                "Word of a few stragglers getting away. Nothing major."

                "Shit." I almost punched the desk, but remembered my full mug just in time. "Shit," I repeated, "I've gotta do something."

                "You need rest, too, y'know." He walked up to me and laid his repaired hand on my shoulder. "It's not just Danse who's been through a lot."

                Sure, I had. But I thought about the people in Quincy. I'd passed by the settlement a time or two, but hadn't really ever gone in. As far as I knew, it was one of the biggest besides Diamond City and the other town called Goodneighbor - another place I hadn't been.

                I thought more about it despite Nick's judgmental glare. Danse needed something to do, and I needed to _do something_ about this. "Any idea where the survivors headed?"

                "My source said west." His answer was without any hesitation. He knew he couldn't stop me.

                I shot up from my chair. As quickly as I could I brought my mug to the sink - careful not to spill anything - and dumped out the coffee. When I got back to Nick I grabbed his hand, leaned up, whispered an apology for wasting what he made for me, then gave him a quick kiss.

                "Be careful out there, doll." He called to my back as I ran out the door.

 

                _"Danse,"_ I called out as I entered the house. I grinned when he jumped, but didn't feel too bad for startling him. "You wanna go on a mission?"

 

                Piper made sure we were armed to the teeth and stocked up on supplies well before we left. She fussed over both of us - a little more over me - and told us to be careful in a very scolding way, about a thousand times. At least she was confident that two ex-Brotherhood soldiers would be able to protect themselves. She also told Danse to keep an extra eye on me, and make sure I didn't get too worked up in battle.

                "You keep Blue from going all... _blue_ , you hear me!?" She yelled at our backs as we left.

                Danse seemed almost _excited_ to go with me, but was concerned about the subject matter. He rattled off what we knew about the Gunners - their ruthlessness, the chance that some may have power armor, among other things - as we both scrambled to get ready.

                "They're not our problem yet unless they get in our way," I told him. "First, we find who's survived the attack."

                Luckily, he agreed that we didn't have the manpower to rush guns blazing into an overtaken settlement, and seemed satisfied with my decision.

                I stopped by Piper's once more to let her know we were leaving. Of course, she was upset at the potential danger, but let me go regardless. Like Nick, she knew she couldn't stop me.

                We were out of the city quickly. It was still very early, but we had a lot of ground to cover. I only had some clues and a general idea of where to search... We were pretty far beyond any sign of the city before we found something.

                Or rather, it found us.

                Danse halted me when he heard it, an arm struck out across my chest. He turned his head toward the sound.

                I did the same. It was familiar, but it wasn't something I'd heard in a long time. My poor brain tried to parse whether it meant danger or not.

                "It's a dog," Danse finally said, and I felt like an idiot. Of course it was a dog.

                We caught a glimpse of it as it came up over a hill. When it saw us it stopped barking and watched us.

                I recognized him as a male German Shepherd, and saw a blue bandana with some kind of marking around his neck. He really did look like a purebred, which was baffling to me, but nevertheless I approached him.

                Danse warned me to be careful. Raiders having attack dogs wasn't uncommon, but usually they wore something like a spiked collar. And they never hesitated to tear someone apart.

                This dog seemed different. I was still cautious as I started calling to him softly, putting out my hand and whistling.

                His large ears perked up and his tail started wagging, but when I got close enough, he turned on his heels and ran. Before I could get too disappointed he stopped again, then turned only his head back and barked a few times. Then he waited.

                "I think he wants us to follow him."

                Danse shrugged and came up the hill after me. "Did you see what was on his bandana?"

                "Some white mark," I said, heading after him down the hill. "With a lightning bolt."

 

                As the dog ran, he kept looking back to make sure we were following. If we fell too far behind, we'd get a few barks in our direction.

                I don't know how long we followed him for. It could have been hours. The sun was arching over our heads soon enough. At that point, we were both running. The dog's pace seemed to have quickened.

                "Mutt sure has a lot of energy, huh?" Danse panted beside me, managing to chuckle. "At least we're in the city now. Maybe what he's looking for is here."

                A city was what Danse called it, but to me it was just more ruins. Judging by signs in the area, I deduced that we were in what remained of Concord. We followed the dog through some more twists and turns until we started to hear gunfire.

                The dog stopped and started to sniff the air, then took off toward a large building.

                We followed him. Though he ignored the raiders that started shooting at us, we didn't have that luxury. There were a decent amount outside the building, but before we could dispatch them all, a shout came from somewhere above us.

                There was a man on a high balcony. He tried calling out to us - I made out a request for help - before he took a serious hit and fell back out of sight.

                The dog had stopped for a minute, barking up at the balcony, but when the man fell, he vanished into the building in an instant.

                I used my regular pistol to finish off the shotgun-brandishing raider that had fired the shot. Something was a lot more satisfying about it. I took a second to smile, but Danse urged me onward.

                It was dark inside the building. The upper floor was collapsed in places, and the whole thing was crawling with more raiders. Or Gunners. I really couldn't tell which they were, and I didn't care. I heard them yelling to each other about "the stragglers", and people hiding somewhere.

                We made our way through the building with a combination of stealth and a complete lack of mercy. I heard someone call to us from a room in the back once we got there, but I double and triple checked every place I could see to make sure we weren't followed. Very quickly things had become quiet.

                The sound of a dog whining finally called me into the room.


	46. Chapter 46

                "Stragglers" was a perfect name for the sorry group we discovered. A grand total of five people greeted us - including an old woman and youngish couple huddled in the corner.

                The two men nearest to the door were the only ones who didn't become nervous. One of them was too injured to do so, and I recognized him as the man from the balcony. His clothes looked a little strange to me, but I brushed it off as something I should be used to.

                "It's okay," He sputtered out, sinking to the floor while clutching his side. "They're... they're..."

                "Easy, Preston." The other man rushed to his side. He had a southern accent - something I hadn't heard in a long time - and his voice was hushed and calm. He took hold of the injured man's shoulders and helped him to the ground, watching him with worried blue eyes from behind dust-speckled glasses. "Damn, they got you good."

                "Haha, yeah?" Preston's gaze wasn't quite matching the other man's. His fingers were pried off his arm, and I got a good view of his injury. Terrible. Despite it he was still smiling, and made a fuss when his companion tried to remove his large-brimmed hat. Finally he resigned to letting his hand be held.

                The dog was sitting nearby, watching him and whining softly.

                There was a lot of blood, but I steeled myself and stepped forward. "Let me help."

                Preston turned to me, keeping his smile, but his companion glared.

                I recoiled and started digging for my supplies. "I... have a med kit. Some stimpaks. At least let me try to get the shrapnel out."

                "Let her help, Sturges." The old woman's raspy voice interjected. "The young one has something... special about her."

                All eyes were on me, but I ignored them as I kneeled and got to work. I felt Sturges' glare the most as I picked piece after piece of sharp metal out of slick, bloodied skin. My poor patient flinched and cursed as I worked, but kept apologizing and thanking me.

                "S-Sturges," Preston whispered, looking at him. "I, I can't-"  
                "Hush." His voice became sharper. "Just let her work another minute."

                I'd pulled as much out as I could find. There was too much blood to work anymore. Quickly I rinsed the wounds with fresh water and took to cleaning him up. It was still bleeding badly, but I couldn't make the bandages _too_ tight. He kept wincing as I wrapped them; I could almost imagine the pain he was in.

                "He lost a lot of blood." I said plainly, trying to control the spinning of my head from the sight of it all. "He needs to lay down."

                "Who the hell _are_ you?" Sturges asked, a look of bewilderment on his face. I guessed, and hoped, that his suspicion had passed. "You show up outta nowhere, take out over a dozen raiders, then-"

                "Just trying to help." I said simply, stepping back from Preston. I grimaced at my hands, but smiled when Danse was suddenly at my side. He helped me clean them off so I didn't make my tools worse.

                Preston had closed his eyes for a moment, but soon opened them to look at me. They were dark, and looked sunken. With what, I couldn't know, but I figured it was nearly everything. He looked lost.

                "What happened?" I finally asked, looking around at everyone.

                Taking turns, Preston and Sturges told me. They described the Quincy massacre, telling me solemnly that the current company was what remained of the settlement. They made their way to the Museum of Freedom, the building we were in, and more had fallen. The handful of people huddling in a dusty room were the only survivors of the horrible raids.

                "And of the Minutemen," Preston wheezed, exhaling for a long time. "I'm... the only one left."

                "Not the only one." Sturges loomed over him in worry, still grasping one of his hands. "There's gotta be others. And I'm here with ya."

                Preston looked at me again. He didn't speak, but his eyes said so much. Knowing what I'd just learned, I didn't need to be told any more. Somehow, just in his eyes, I saw everything that he'd lost. Not just in the past few days. I could tell there had once been such a brilliant light in those eyes, but something had snuffed it out.

                I felt a sudden dedication to them.

                "Who's your friend?" The old woman, Mama Murphy, asked, gesturing to Danse. "The poor dear seems to have many troubles of his own."

                Danse flinched and took a step back when everyone looked at him. He never _did_ like being the center of attention.

                "I'm Nuke," I tried to deflect. "And this is Danse. We're uh, from Diamond City."

                Mama Murphy's eyes were foggy, but her smirk told me she knew we were being a little secretive. "Go on," She urged.

                I glanced back at Danse, who still looked nervous, but shrugged in defeat. I shrugged too, and sighed. "Well, alright."

                I told them most of the story. Our shared Brotherhood past, Danse's recent banishment... But I kept the small detail of his identity a secret. We didn't quite know these people yet, and it would take a lot of trust for me to be able to tell someone.

                "Why'd you come _here?"_ Preston asked, his voice wheezy. He started to cough, and Sturges worked to calm him.

                "I heard about the massacre. Then this dog led us here."

                "Good old Dogmeat." Mama Murphy laughed and leaned over to pat the patiently sitting pup. "Told you we could rely on him. I told him to bring help, and here help is."

 

                After letting him rest for a while, Sturges and I helped Preston to his feet. All seven of us, plus Dogmeat, made our way back through the building. It was clear, sure, but it wasn't necessarily safe.

                Preston eventually insisted on walking on his own, though Sturges was never more than a few inches from him.

                We headed northwest. Preston had apparently heard something about a settlement nearby, where we could rest and recoup. Danse and I stayed at the head of the group, mostly for their own security. They still weren't keen on the idea of strangers being behind them.

                The roads were cracked and desolate, but there was a peaceful quiet all around us. We passed by an old Red Rocket; I smiled fondly, remembering a little.

                "These places used to be full of people," I said, noticing Sturges' gaze linger on the place. "Always coming and going."

                "Seems like people were always in such a rush." Sturges sighed. "Don't know if the quiet's better, though."

                "It's not bad," Preston said quietly. He started to say something else, but his attention was caught by a statue that came into view. Immediately he perked up, ignoring his pain to jog up to it and tell us about it. Talking about the American Revolution and the original Minutemen, his eyes gained a bit of their light back. When he finished, though, he looked a little embarrassed.

                I grinned. "Your memory's more reliable than mine, honestly."

                Despite the pain it caused him, he laughed.

 

                Over the mostly-intact bridge was something new. It really did look like a settlement, but we quickly saw that it was abandoned. Obviously, it had once been a rather secluded suburban neighborhood. A sign at the entrance read "Sanctuary Hills".

                Seeing all the houses sparked something in me. Not a memory, but _inspiration._ I scanned around the area and took mental notes - one entrance by the bridge, surrounded by water... They registered as _tactical advantages_ in the Brotherhood part of my brain, and _safety_ in the civilian part.

                We all started wandering. Sturges found a workbench outside in good condition, and immediately started tinkering with it. The couple, Marcy and Jun, hung out by one of the blown-out houses, keeping quiet. Mama Murphy wandered aimlessly with Dogmeat, but seemed to be keeping an eye on Preston, who was meandering by my side. Danse began patrolling, of course.

                The entirety of the Commonwealth was full of echoes of the past, but there was something more personal about the place we found. Despite the destruction, some of the houses looked almost inhabitable.

                We picked the house with the workbench as a base of operations. It still had tools and supplies scattered about, and had the least amount of holes. Sturges and I took some time to fortify what we could, then cleared out all the busted furniture. Whatever anyone else could scavenge from the other houses, that was usable, they brought to us.

                After an hour or so, we had a decent fort. There were enough beds for everyone, even if some of them were just old sleeping bags. Soon we were all exhausted and started to settle in as the sun fell lower.

                Danse was the last to join us, and he offered to keep watch overnight. Despite my begging to switch off with him at some point, he spent the whole night awake.

                Somehow, I managed to sleep in the suboptimal arrangements. While the sleeping bag wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, I still felt safe with everyone around me.


	47. Chapter 47

                We spent about three days fixing up the place we started calling Sanctuary. With the lot of us, we got a decent amount of work done. A few houses fell easily and became piles of raw materials, and Sturges seemed to know what to do with all of it.

                Though I was content with letting Marcy and Jun rest, considering what they'd been through, they still wanted to lend a hand. Mama Murphy, too. And even though Danse preferred to anxiously patrol the perimeter, he would sometimes stop by to help us out.

                "Don't push yourself too hard," He whispered as he helped me secure a makeshift wall. "Take breaks when you need them."

                I scoffed and stepped back, then looked up at him. "You're sure one to talk. How much have you even slept?"

                "How long do you think we'll stay here?" He avoided my question deftly, but his _own_ question wasn't meant impatiently.

                "Probably at least until Preston's better." I looked off to my left and spotted him, milling about with Sturges.

                He must have heard me. Suddenly he was jogging toward us. "Nuke!" He called, smiling wide. "Are you busy? Could we discuss something?"

                Sturges was smiling, too, but I could feel Danse's uneasy stare from behind me. I quickly reached back and brushed against his hand. "Sure, what's up?"

                Though he was obviously feeling much better, Preston seemed a little winded from the short run. Still, his eyes had a new light to them. "...We really appreciate what you've done for us. Really."

                I waved it off. "Of course. It's what I do now, I guess."

                "Could you come with me?" He lowered his voice and glanced at both Sturges - who took a few steps back - and Danse, who scowled.

                I followed him to a nearby house that was in slightly better shape than most. With only one chair sitting in the scorched living room, I let Preston take a seat.

                He looked up at me, pouting. "I told you before, how I'm the only Minuteman left."

                "You've got Sturges," I reminded him. "He considers himself one."

                He couldn't help smiling. "Yeah, for sure. But also..." His eyes fell to the floor. "You, too. You and Danse, if you wanna be."

                I figured we already were. I shrugged. At this point, I kind of accepted anything. If I could help in some way to get the Minutemen going again, it was good enough to me. Thinking back to what Nick said, about Danse fitting in with them... He seemed so _grumpy_ about the whole thing, and I wondered if he would ever come around.

                "...But I had another question."

                "Yeah?" I felt a bit of weight on my shoulders and soreness from all the work I'd done. I blinked a few times and felt a wave of exhaustion. Yeah, I thought during Preston's brief silence, I'd been doing a lot. A lot in Diamond City, a lot with the Railroad... and reluctantly, a lot with the Institute. What was _one more thing,_ right? Helping the Minutemen some more couldn't be too bad.

                "We don't exactly have a leader anymore."

                I was a little surprised. "I figured _you_ were the General now." Wasn't that how it would work? Promotion by necessity?  
                Preston shook his head and chuckled. "No way. I'm not General material."

                "Really?" I was about to bring up how he had gotten everyone to safety, but...

                "Look what happened." His face darkened again. "I took charge, and more people got killed than got to safety. All because of the choices I made."

                I was suddenly jolted back to that conversation with Danse, so long ago. Preston had the same look in his eyes: guilt, regret, _failure._ But just like the last time, underneath that pain I saw a good man doing what he believed in, and doing his best. Though I'd only just met Preston, I knew I couldn't let him spiral.

                Whoever I could save, I would. That, at least, I was steadfast about.

                But my resolve was shaken by Preston's next words.

                "I want _you_ to be the new General."

                ...Me? _Me!?_ I physically recoiled, taking a step back, and shook my head. "What? How could you _possibly-"_

                "You've proven yourself to be a hell of a lot more reliable than me." He smiled, though he obviously wasn't very happy about anything at that moment. "And from where I'm sitting, that's enough."

                I shook my head again. "Look, Preston, I _really_ appreciate it. But I just don't think I'm cut out for it."

                "I'm not forcing you," He looked down again. "We just don't have anywhere else to turn." He inhaled, then quickly said, "I don't mean to guilt you into it like that. Just being honest."

                I kneaded my fingers into my forehead. "Preston."

                "Look," He interrupted. "If you don't want to, that's fine. You've helped us enough. But don't act like you're not a good fit."

                I stared at him with an exhausted expression.

                "You think we haven't heard of you? The person fixing up Diamond City and doing who knows what else?"

                I hoped no one knew what else!

                It was all a little overwhelming, feeling like the only person in the world who wanted to take responsibility for it in a positive way. The Brotherhood wanted to blow up anyone who looked at them wrong. The Railroad's ideas were noble, but there were still people starving to death above their secret hideout. And I couldn't even get _started_ on the Institute.

                But Preston wanted to help people. That's what the Minutemen had done, at one point. That's what I _was_ doing, mostly in the city. At that point, I figured, people had learned to help themselves.

                Is that what I'd do as General? Teach people to help themselves?

                Preston scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, staring into my blank eyes. "Well-"

                "Fine." I threw up my hands and tried not to sound too annoyed, but failed. "You know what? It makes sense. I have a life back in Diamond City, and I'm doing too much stuff, but this sorta makes sense. It's a direction instead of well-meaning chaos."

                His face immediately brightened. "Are you... really saying yes?"

                What else could I do? I'd refused to turn my back on anything - besides the Brotherhood - so far. How could I start doing that to someone who desperately needed me? Or at least _thought_ he did.

                "No promises, but... I'll _try._ " I clarified. "Don't expect miracles."

                "Well," He chuckled. "I think I already got one of those."


	48. Chapter 48

                "Don't get mad," I begged Danse, smiling my sweetest smile.

                He just stood with his arms crossed, a faint smirk of his own on his face. "What is it this time?"

                "At the very least, it's super important."

                "Alright." He stood up straight and looked serious. "What do you need me to do?"

 

                Did we have everything? Probably not. We had a vague map that Preston had drawn up, and not much else. A bunch of locations were marked with circles.

                "Most of them aren't much of anything," Preston said with a sigh, but pointed out a few speicfic ones. "But some have a lot of potential. Especially..." His right hand glided over to the east, the _far_ east, and rested on a mark right on the coast. "... _This_ one. But that'll be tougher to reclaim."

                The Castle, he called it. He gave me a brief history - the old HQ of the Minutemen, until they were run out by a horde of mirelurks - and made a strong case for us taking it back.

                "We'll need a hell of a lot of firepower," He sighed.

                "Or, a tactical advantage." Danse pushed forward to the table where the map was spread. "Numbers can mean a lot less if you use your resources well."

                Preston nodded, staring up in awe. "...I'll let you take charge, if you want."

                Danse smirked. "Isn't that up to the _General?"_

                All eyes fell on me and I flinched. "I sure as hell trust his decisions more than mine." It was a terrible thing to say as a leader, but it was the truth.

 

                Preston, Danse, and I set out the next morning. Sturges and the others opted to stay behind - _someone_ had to. There were still walls to fix, turrets to build and maintain... They weren't the fighting type, but their work was still needed. Dogmeat stayed back, too, for a little extra protection.

                All in all, it was another week of traveling. We tried to stick to the roads, but we still ran into every problem imaginable. Against my better judgment and Danse's harsh warnings, I had to pull out all the stops a couple of times. But I was careful and luckily, the use of my powers didn't make me completely incapacitated.

                The first time Preston saw it was when the three of us managed to take down a deathclaw.

                I apologized for not telling him as I stumbled from the pain in my leg. It shot down to my foot and made me see white. Before my face hit the broken pavement, Danse's arm steadied me.

                Preston's brown eyes were wide, but he was mostly focusing on the deathclaw. "Yeah," he sighed. "I've got comments I could make. Maybe judgments. But I think I'm good." He kicked at the big lizard's corpse, then smiled. "I'm... _definitely_ good."

                Beyond the fighting, we found _people._ Actual settlements of people. They usually were only occupied by a small family, but it was enough.

                We talked to them. We told them about the Minutemen. I introduced myself as the new General to many less-than-impressed faces.

                They started believing us when we brought them things. First scavenged supplies, then radstags and wrangled, stray brahmin. Then a deathclaw or two, just to show off.

                "If we can count on you, you can count on us." Is what we told them.

                Weary faces slowly started to glow with a bit of hope.

 

                Our mission slowly led us back to Diamond City. By then, we had a good handful of settlements officially on our side. I figured at that point, any promise was good enough to such downtrodden people, but we also had results. Though it started out with just the three of us, we'd collected a few stragglers. We were hesitant to mention our greater mission - recapturing the Castle - but when we did, some were eager to join us.

                "It'll feel good to at least fight for _something,_ " One man said as he offered us part of his stash of firearms.

                For a couple days, we rested in the city, which was already abuzz with the news that had traveled faster than we could. While I was showered in praise and shouts of "We knew you could do something like this", I tried to downplay it. If it weren't for Preston's tenacity, I reminded everyone, this wouldn't be happening.

                Even Danse gave him a pat on the shoulder and a stern, but genuine compliment.

 

                "I'm going, too," Was the last thing I expected Piper to say, but it wasn't a request. She slung a shotgun over her shoulder and tipped her hat with a grin. "I miss taking the trash out with you, Blue. You gotta start inviting me on these adventures."

                "Didn't you just invite yourself?" I tied my boots a little tighter out of anxiety. It was early, barely light out, and we were almost ready to go.

                "I'm not about to let Danse get you in trouble again!"

                His head shot up at the sound of his name and he pouted, but stayed quiet.

                Piper smiled at him and winked. "I'm just kidding, soldier boy. Take it easy."

                "Happy to have you along, Miss Piper." Preston, sitting next to Danse on the couch, was smiling. It looked like an honest-to-god happy smile, nothing forced or pained about it.

                Danse couldn't help but be infected by it.

  
                When we got out the door, the rest of the newly-recruited Minutemen were waiting for us. Piper greeted them and introduced herself, then suddenly grabbed Danse's arm and tugged him away.

                I just watched, smiling, surrounded by confused stares. For a couple minutes we heard them mumbling to each other behind the house, before Danse's voice suddenly shot up at least one octave.

                When they came back around, Danse's footsteps were a lot heavier.

                Seeing him in power armor again was odd, especially considering it was a different suit. This was an X-01 model, and its bluish-hued metal had been shined to near pre-War perfection.

                He was smiling, and I could've sworn he had the beginnings of tears in his eyes. He stuttered as he asked Piper and I where we got it.

                I told him I'd explain on the way.

 

                The truth was, I admitted as we were well on the road to the Castle, _we_ didn't get it anywhere. In an odd turn of events, it was brought by Haylen and a couple other Brotherhood soldiers one day. Danse and I had long taken off on our original Minutemen expedition, though.

                They missed him, they said. Haylen went on to explain that there was a fair number of Brotherhood soldiers who disagreed with Maxson's widely-publicized decision to exile Danse. The official story was that Danse and I had both been killed, but word was beginning to get out that it was all a lie. Tensions were high aboard the ship, and it seemed like another rift may be forming in the Brotherhood's ranks.

                I urged Danse not to feel responsible, and reminded him that it was Maxson's decisions causing this.

                He still looked unsettled, and though he repeatedly expressed thanks for the suit, he stayed mostly quiet during our trek.


	49. [End of Part 3]

                The Prydwen was in clear view when we arrived at the Castle, which was stationed just across a canal from the airport. It was nerve-wracking for Danse and I, but we tried our best to stay focused.

                The Castle was in shambles. It was impossible to tell what caused the damage; the bombs, time, and the mirelurks could probably _all_ be blamed. Luckily, it left quite a few openings for us.

                I decided the most logical approach would be to split up and attack from both open sides. We didn't really know what to expect, but we had to be ready for anything.

                Danse certainly was. There was renewed vigor in his face, and his entire demeanor. He started relaying my orders to the dozen or so makeshift troops we'd gathered, and the authoritative tone of his voice was comfortingly familiar.

                Finally I took my place at the head of the group on the left. I glanced at the Prydwen one last time before moving forward, determined to focus only on our mission.

                I was a General, now, and had to start acting like one.


	50. [Beginning of Part 4]

                Six months. Six whole months is what it took to get everything back together. We took it day by day, but in the end, half a year had gone by.

                Month one. The aftermath of the battle for the Castle was something else. It took nearly the whole month to clean everything up. Somehow, we handled all the mirelurks, but moving their horrible corpses was a whole other problem. The Queen... That alone took a week, just to dump her out in the river. I barely remember everything that happened in the first month. I _do_ remember all of us standing outside the Castle, finalizing our plan, then rushing in. I remember everyone doing so well, taking down mirelurk after mirelurk and smashing every egg they could find. But then the Queen showed up, and I ordered everyone back. I hadn't seen one before, and wished I never had to. Danse and I took her on alone, since he had his armor and I had... Well, he didn't _want_ me to use my power, but what choice did I have? With all my strength I sliced the monster's stomach open. She lost a couple legs, but mostly looked just like the deathclaws I took down - a bunch of big, bright, blue gashes across her.

                That time, it didn't kill her, but I had Danse to back me up. I even managed to keep standing despite my spinning head. I took down a few more mirelurks after the Queen fell, before my leg started its familiar ache. Very quickly, it got bad, and I hit the ground, unfortunately still awake. The pain was just too goddamn much.

                Each day of the first month was a struggle. My leg hurt constantly, too much to put weight on it. I was either carried, which was embarrassing, or I just gave orders from whatever seat I could find. Luckily, everyone was very understanding. A few more even showed up in the aftermath to help clean up. Preston got the power working again, and started fussing with the water purifier. The battle was over, but the chaos continued.

 

                Month two. We finalized the basic cleanup of mirelurk mess and general debris. Our recruits headed into the abandoned city block nearby to scavenge whatever they could in terms of furniture. Lots was left in the Castle, and it was in surprisingly good condition on the inside, through the doors that were too small for the mirelurks. Most of us had beds to sleep on soon enough, and some who were crafty enough made shutters for the windows.

                Danse didn't leave my side. My leg didn't get any better, but he and Preston helped fashion me a cane out of a deathclaw bone so I could at least get around a little on my own. Since I wasn't much help with the literal heavy lifting anyways, having one arm occupied didn't matter.

                We started focusing on repairing the damage and planting food. Some settlers traveled back to their homes and gave us some of their crops, which stunned me. Very quickly, the Castle became a caravan stop. We had the radio up and running, which was broadcasting across the Commonwealth. People knew we were here.

                To bring heavier materials from "in-town", I suggested ripping apart an old car and using it as a cart. One nearby still had usable wheels, so we hooked up a brahmin and got to work. We cut down some trees in the surrounding area, mostly dead ones that could still be used as lumber, but weren't exactly helping the ecosystem.

                More and more people showed up to help. With Preston and Danse's guidance and relaying of my orders, things went pretty smoothly. We cleaned up the destroyed outer walls and started making plans to really repair them. Piper returned to Diamond City after a while of running trips for supplies.

 

                Month three. Nick came to visit, with Piper. They brought me a decent supply of Med-X for my leg, so I wasn't using scrounged up syringes. I honestly _hated_ the stuff; it made me dizzy, sick, and delirious, but it _did_ take away the pain. Danse kept the whole supply in an carefully locked safe. He wasn't worried about me becoming a junkie or anything, but wanted to be careful about accidental addiction...

                I spent most of the third month in a medicated stupor, but Danse and Preston really wanted me to recover.

                One day, a vertibird came into our airspace from across the river. I made sure Danse stayed hidden, and ordered everyone to keep calm. Luckily, they never fired on us, but they also didn't show any signs of friendliness.

 

                Month four. Danse started going out on missions with the Minutemen who decided to stay at the Castle. He led groups out to do recon with nearby settlements and search for supplies. The area around the Castle was pretty peaceful, but we knew we could never let our guard down.

                The Atom Cats living nearby came to visit, and one of them recognized me. After some explaining, I realized he was the one who sold me Danse's jacket. He introduced himself as Zeke and thanked us for working to keep the peace. I let him know that he and his crew were always welcome... Besides being a little nutty over their power armor, they were good people. Likewise, me and my "people" were welcome at his garage, he said.

                The walls were coming along. We used concrete from nearby buildings to patch them up, but left entryways open.

                Sturges came to visit to help with the construction. Despite Preston telling me multiple times that he "wasn't a hugger", he ran right up to Sturges and held him so tight I thought he'd shatter. Sturges returned the gesture and kissed Preston on the forehead, which almost killed the latter out of embarrassment. The two worked together seamlessly, and Preston's demeanor got even brighter.

 

                Month five. The Castle became pretty functional. We set up guard posts and turrets around the perimeter. The crops were thriving and we even started packaging purified water to deliver to settlements. Though we never asked for money, we received a steady flow of donated caps from all sorts of places.

                Piper visited again and brought someone with her. He went by his last name - MacCready - and told us he was a gun for hire. We weren't exactly looking for mercenaries, I told him, but we could always use more firepower. And friends. He was put-off by the last part, but still accepted my payment offer.

                "Don't know how the heck you fixed this place up," He said while I gave him a tour. "But color me impressed." He liked to act tough, but his smiling eyes betrayed a lot of it. I had a feeling he'd be a pretty permanent fixture.

                Even _Deacon_ came by. He let me know that none of our _mutual friends_ were upset, and understood the responsibilities I had now. I made sure he knew this was a safe place to temporarily house _packages,_ if need be.

 

                Month six. Danse shook me awake early in the morning, relaying a message from one of the guards that we had an unknown visitor.

                I'd told X6 that I'd be gone for a while, and honestly didn't expect him to come after me. But there he was.

                "Were you _sent?”_ I asked with emphasis, trying to watch my words.

                He was wearing a different outfit, some kind of casual jacket without his sunglasses. It helped him fit in a little better, and I noticed his eyes go wide when he saw my cane. "No," He replied with a wavering voice. "But I've... heard things. And I've just..."

                "Been worried?" I smiled and leaned on my cane.

                "How did that happen?"

                "It's my leg. Might finally be giving up on me." I kicked it out and winced from the pain. Luckily it was dulled from last night's dose of Med-X, but it was still sore. "Anyways, you want a tour of the place?"

                He looked up.

                "As long as you keep some shit to yourself."

                Secrets weren't anything new, but the Minutemen weren't exactly a threat to the Institute, anyways. "Father hasn't received reports from you, but he wanted me to tell you that he isn't concerned."

                "Good, cause I don't care."

                He chuckled.

                "I'm a little busy, if you can't tell."

                "You're the General, now?" His voice was quiet, but twinged with a bit of pride.

                "I guess. I-" We rounded the corner and I stopped. By reflex my jaw tightened and I backed up before Danse and I collided.

                He looked happy to see me, then immediately displeased when he noticed my companion. "...X6-88."

                "Danse." X smirked. "You remembered my designation. I'm flattered."

                "Don't be. You shouldn't be here."

                X6 paused for a second, then his expression softened like he decided against being snarky. He met Danse's eyes and spoke steadily and earnestly. "Thank you for watching over Nuke so efficiently."

                Caught off-guard by the compliment, Danse straightened his posture and smiled proudly. "We take care of each _other._ That's how a partnership works."

                X looked away. "Of course. I just wanted to acknowledge your abilities."

                He left a few hours later. As soon as he was out the door, a few people gave me curious glances and asked who he was.

                Before I could speak, Danse put his hand up. "A comrade." He said simply, not quite smiling.


	51. Chapter 51

* * *

                "You really do run with all sorts, don't ya?"

                I was sitting across the picnic table from Nick, enjoying the warm afternoon sun. I shrugged. "It's not so bad, having friends everywhere."

                "Yeah, until your friends pick fights with each other." He looked up, and though he couldn't see over the Castle wall, I knew he was looking toward the Prydwen. "You worried about them? All the way up there?"

                I tapped my fingers on the table to no rhythm in particular. The truth was that, yeah, I was a little terrified of the warship hovering within missile-firing distance of us. But I didn't think the Prydwen _had_ armaments like that. And if Maxson had any sense left in his head, he wouldn't fire on people doing nothing wrong. That would lead to some bad press. "I dunno," I concluded.

                "What an ugly ship," Came MacCready's voice, at a normal volume, from high above us. I figured he was talking to himself as he absently cleaned one of his rifles. He considered himself a sniper and liked to be perched high, so he spent most of his time up on the Castle walls. He scoffed again and peered down at Nick and I. "You really don't think they'll come after us?"

                My real thought was _Well, I sure hope not,_ but it wasn't very reassuring, or General-like. So I said, "They better not." Trying to get off the subject, I looked away to the far corner of the Castle yard.

                Danse had set up a power armor station under a small roof. He spent most of his free time there, polishing and tuning up his new suit. It was a joy to watch; he got so quiet while he worked, but I could tell he was in his element. While he also spent time at the other workbenches leftover from the old days, his power armor was always his favorite thing.

                He had a cat, too.

                One day he'd come home in the pouring rain, completely suited up. He didn't know I was watching him. He exited the suit in its alcove and started drying it off, but with only one hand. Soon I noticed the little bundle he was holding.

                I let him hide it for a few days, but he eventually came clean when we woke up with it at the end of our bed.

                "I found her out there. She was alone." He seemed so embarrassed as the young cat nuzzled against his scruffy chin almost roughly. "I couldn't... just leave her to die."

                I remember having the biggest smile on my face, and every time I saw them together, it returned. Danse and his cat, I thought. How funny. He always seemed like more of a dog person. He wouldn't admit it, but he really did love all animals. His cat in particular loved to sleep on the armor's shoulders on warm days, and he made sure to position it so she had a comfortable spot.

                That's where she was as I watched him, and I heard frustrated mumbles as he attempted to polish the area around her.

                "Come _on_ , Ferra," He nudged the sleeping gray blob, but she refused to move. "You can't sleep _all day..."_ He tried to keep his voice hushed, but everyone could hear him. When he spoke to her, he couldn't help but use that sweet, automatic tone everyone used with animals.

                Nick chuckled at the scene, but turned back to me. "So what now? We just hold out like this?"

                _We._ I met his eyes. He'd been spending more time at the Castle than even Piper, who was of course busy with her paper. What with all the new story material and all. I figured Nick would be occupied by the agency, but... He seemed more interested in being here, for whatever reason. "...Wish I could do more, but I'm thankful for the calm."

                "Yeah," He glanced downward. "You rest that leg. Let the guy in power armor do the heavy work."

                Despite my injury, I didn't feel _useless._ The Minutemen - could I call them _my_ men? - were always coming to me for guidance, and listened to what I said. I couldn't remember any time my orders were questioned. Or my authority. It all seemed a bit weird to me, since I really didn't _look_ like General material. I wondered if that was why they immediately respected me; something like, if this tiny woman is the General, she must be serious business! ...Or something.

                I pushed myself to my feet and headed to the closest set of stairs. Nick's heavier footsteps, quieted by the grass, followed after me. It was a bit of a strain to get to the top; my leg hurt a lot less, but got tired very easily. The view from the wall was beyond worth it, though. I avoided the Prydwen and gazed out at the water, and the island not too far away. It would have been a swimmable distance if my leg was in better shape. Normally I avoided the water, but it was getting cleaner around the Castle. We didn't just clean what we drank.

                "Hell of a view, huh." Nick could tell I was a little unstable and put a hand on my shoulder.

                I made a sound of agreement. From up there, it was pretty hard to call the Commonwealth a "wasteland". When you looked a little closer you saw debris, garbage, dead trees - though most of it had been cleaned up around the Castle. But at a first glance, everything looked pretty normal. Almost... _livable._ Peaceful.

                Before I could comment on it, I was cut off by a commotion down by the entrance. I turned and in the distance I saw a crowd around Preston. Heading to the stairs at my medium pace, I was cut off by MacCready, who rushed down ahead of me.

                Nick and I got there late in the conversation, but Preston filled me in.

                "One of the smaller outer settlements was razed." He had a look of absolute disgust on his face. "They had defenses, but it sounds like it was a huge gang of Gunners that attacked them."

                MacCready flinched.

                "Any survivors?" I asked, looking around. Everyone was confused and frenzied. "Do we know anything?"

                "Only just heard the news, ma'am." A guard told me. "Permission to assemble a group to scout it out?"

                I tapped my cane. "I'll go."

                "Absolutely not." Of course, Danse's voice, and a hand on my shoulder. "I should go."

                As gently as I could, I smiled at him. "I want you here in case they attack again. If they've moved on somewhere else, you're better equipped to actually fight them."

                He sighed, then nodded. "You're right. But take at least a few people with you."

                I thought for a second. I wanted Danse and Preston to stay at the Castle, ready to run out if needed, but I needed someone with a keen eye to look out for me. The decision was obvious after mentally talking it through. I nodded at MacCready. "You wanna go with, RJ?"

                Most of us knew his past with the Gunners. "Sure," He replied, though he looked anything but. "Yeah," He continued, "I'm game. Let's go."


	52. Chapter 52

                It was a small party - just MacCready and I plus two guards - but I still felt secure. Though I was feeling alright, Danse insisted I still bring my cane. Worst case scenario, he noted, it could be a backup weapon.

                The settlement wasn't very far, but it was considered to be on the outskirts of the Commonwealth. I had been there once, and could only vaguely remember what it looked like, but...

                The sight that greeted us was horrible. The fire was long out, but the remains of the small town were actively smoldering. It was the first serious attack since we'd established the Castle, and seeing the destruction felt like a punch in the chest.

                "Damn Gunners..." MacCready hissed, without an apology for cursing.

                We started searching for survivors, but very quickly realized it was futile. Somehow, a couple small shacks remained upright, so we headed to them.

                When MacCready opened the door, we heard a scream and jumped back.

                "It's okay, it's alright," I tried to reassure the panicked women inside. "We're with the Minutemen. It's going to be okay."

                She was immediately in tears. Her hair was blackened with soot, and her clothes were burned and torn. I let the guards take her away to try to console her, but she resisted. "No no, wait. It's not just me."

                "Others?" I asked, looking around.

                With a shaking hand, she pointed to an even smaller ramshackle building about a hundred feet away. Half of it had collapsed. "Revy... You have to see if Revy's okay...!"

                I headed to the building, not knowing or caring who or what "Revy" could be. The door was stuck from the collapse, but I managed to bust it open.

                "Be careful!" The woman called back. "She's scared! She might-"

                There was a sharp pain in my leg - my good leg - and I couldn't react fast enough. I stumbled backwards but felt MacCready's arm catch me. My head spun and I didn't hear what he yelled.

                My pant leg was cut and already stained with blood. I cursed and crouched down to look at it while I frantically dug bandages out of my waist pack.

                "What attacked you?!" He shouted, then quieted. "There something in there?"

                I finished wrapping my leg crudely and stood again. Whatever hit me was small, barely waist-level. I peered into the dark of the shack and took a couple painful steps forward.

                MacCready grabbed my arm. "Watch it...!"

                In the corner of the shack, barely lit by a sliver in the broken roof, was the tiny frame of child. Clutched in one hand was the knife that had swiped at my leg, dripping with my blood. I could see one eye peeking out from under a mess of sand-colored hair.

                "...RJ," I kept my voice as quiet as possible as I gently twisted my arm from his grip. "It's a kid."

                "Is she okay?" The woman called from behind us, her voice choked by smoke inhalation. "Please, god, tell me she's alive!"

                "Alive and stabby," MacCready said with a clenched jaw, but his posture softened. "...Just a kid, though? _Here?"_

                I took another few steps into the darkness, then sat down on a fallen beam. The little girl kept her eye on me and held her knife even tighter, and I smiled at her. "Hi there."

                She flinched and moved farther back into the corner.

                "It's alright. I'm not going to hurt you. Are you okay?"

                Nothing.

                "She won't come to you." The woman was at the door despite the guards' insistance that she get medical care. "She's been through just enough to break her trust in everyone. And now this."

                I didn't need to know the details. I could see it in her dirty face, her disheveled hair, and torn clothes. She hadn't had real contact with another person in a _long_ time. Outside the door, the woman mumbled to the rest of the group. I caught key words like "parents", "raiders", and "never puts the knife down".

                "You're Revy, right? Is this your house?" I asked, looking around, not expecting a response at all. There was a small, makeshift table, and a tiny bedroll in the opposite corner. Not much else. "I'm really sorry those awful people were here."

                She glared.

                "We know who did it. They'll pay, don't worry." I tried appealing to her obvious anger. My leg stung and I winced. "You really did a number on me, huh?" I patted next to the gash, noticing it was starting to bleed through the bandage. "That knife special to you?"

                She looked at it, then back at me. Slowly, she nodded.

                "I've got something special, too." I dug underneath my shirt and pulled out my Brotherhood holotags. Despite everything, I still wore them. "These are pretty old now, but I wear them all the time."

                The holotags reflected the tiny bit of light around the room. The girl stared.

                I let them go to hang over my shirt, then gestured to the door. "This nice lady we found is hurt. She was really worried about you and wants to know if you're okay."

                No response.

                "But see, like I said, she's hurt. We need to get her somewhere where we can help her. And we don't wanna leave you here all alone."

                Her body shifted, but she didn't recoil. She seemed a little less tense.

                "Not too far from here, we live in a big Castle."

                That got her attention.

                I was feeling more optimistic about gaining her trust. "I live there with a lot of my friends. We help people all day. We've got food and water and nice warm beds. And I'd really like if you came with us, so we could help you both."

                She looked down at her clenched fist.

                "You can keep your knife. I promise."

                Her head snapped back up. I wondered then if people were constantly trying to take it from her, so she'd be "safe". But I knew why she held it. It made her _feel_ safe, like she could defend herself if she needed to. It was understandable that she'd hate the idea of it being taken.

                "It's important to you. You can keep it. Do you want a nice warm place to sleep tonight? Some nice food?" I gave her my best smile despite the worsening pain I was in. "I don't wanna rush you, but my leg's bleeding pretty bad."

                She looked at it, then met my eyes again and frowned.

                "It's okay. I'm not mad at you."

                Slowly, she lowered her right arm. The tip of the knife hit the dirt.

                "My name's Nuke. You wanna come with me, Revy?" I put out my hand, but pulled it back when she flinched. I sighed and decided to take a second to describe the Castle. To her, it must have sounded like paradise. Big walls all around keep everyone safe. People watching all night to make sure no one can sneak up on us. I told her that sometimes, friends from the other side of the Commonwealth visit, and sometimes they bring a dog. I assured her that he's very friendly. Then I mentioned Danse's cat, and how he found her all alone in the rain. I told her how Ferra likes to lay in the sun all day, and you can't see her ribs anymore. I told her about Preston, and just a little bit of what happened to him. How he was so scared, so without hope... But now, everything's okay. We got through the toughest stuff together. And Preston is just so, so nice. I finished my long speech and asked her, "What do you say?"

                After what felt like an hour, she stood up and came to me.


	53. Chapter 53

                "Okay, first of all, that's not how you carry a kid." MacCready immediately rushed me and fumbled with my arms.

                "She seems fine-"

                "Support her here. Like _that!_ Geez." He was finally satisfied and stepped away, but was still pouting.

                "You got experience?" I asked, trying to be tongue-in-cheek, as we all started walking. But he winced so hard, I immediately felt bad.

                "Yeah." He said after a while, not looking at me. "...Got a son."

                Neither of us said more about it for the whole trip.

 

                It took a couple hours due to my _two_ bad legs and the child in my arms, but we got back to the Castle without any other fanfare. The woman was rushed to our medic, and I found myself surrounded by questions.

                Revy was awake, so I gently set her on the ground. Immediately she rushed around and hid behind my legs, clinging to me.

                Danse appeared through the crowd. He looked down to my leg, then back up at me. His face twisted with anger and concern. "Where's MacCready?"

                "This isn't his fault."

                "Then what-" Then he saw her, huddled and shivering behind me. "...A child?"

                "One of two survivors."

                His whole demeanor softened and he stepped back. "Damn Gunners are barely human. Let's get your leg fixed up."

                When he reached for me, Revy suddenly rushed around and forward, brandishing her knife.

                He looked confused, but pulled his hand back and raised it in surrender. "Um, it's alright..."

                "Revy, easy does it." I pushed her tiny hand down and tried to calm her. "This is Danse. He's very nice, and I love him very much."

                She looked at me with confusion, almost like she didn't know what that meant.

                Danse cleared his throat in embarrassment. "Do you need to get her settled, first?"

                I figured she wouldn't want to share a room with someone else. To my relief I saw Sturges nearby, so I flagged him down and asked if he could fix up one of our spare sheds to be a makeshift room.

                He scratched the back of his head and grimaced at Revy. "Poor thing needs better care than that."

                "For now, it'll be okay. It's what she's used to."

                "Alright, alright... I got it."

                Somehow, I convinced Revy to follow Sturges to her new room. The combination of his soft voice and kind eyes definitely helped, and I saw her take his hand when he offered it.

                "Now, you." Danse grabbed me from behind and swung me off the ground - carefully. I expected a playful smirk, but he was obviously upset. "That leg needs treatment."

 

                I let him patch up my wound, and we were both quiet. I frowned when he turned his attention to my other leg, uncovered, the scars still very visible.

                "You didn't take your cane. How is it today?"

                "Eh," I tapped it against the bed twice. "Sore, but better."

                The answer seemed to be enough for him and he changed the subject. "What will we do with the survivors?"

                "Sanctuary seems like the best option. Quietest."

                "That's quite a journey for a child."

                "Oh," I grimaced. "Not her. She's been uprooted enough."

                Danse stood and, with a sigh, sat next to me on the bed. "You want her to stay here, don't you?"

                "I mean, _you_ got a cat."

                Finally, he smiled. "That's a little different."

                "Well she needs _something."_

                "You're going to raise her? Don't you have enough responsibilities?" His tone was serious, but not doubtful. He squeezed my shoulder, genuinely concerned. "You really _do_ do a lot."

                Sure I did, though I'd been lax on my "errands" outside the Castle. The Minutemen were my priority, and if I was honest with myself, I preferred it to everything else. In response to Danse's question, I shrugged. "I do. I might just watch her until someone else comes along who can do better." I had MacCready on my mind. I told Danse about the son he'd mentioned.

                "Interesting. He hasn't brought him around..."

                "So you're okay with Revy staying?"

                "Well..."

                "I couldn't just leave her out there. Leave her... to die." With a smile, I parroted what he had said when he brought his cat home.

                He rolled his eyes with a dramatic sigh. "Alright, alright. I won't make a fuss. But if she causes trouble..."

                "Can't possibly cause more than _MacCready_ does."

                Anything that got a chuckle out of Danse was worth saying, no matter how silly. Like usual, his reaction was more of a light couple of breaths, but he was smiling, so I knew better. "Come on, now," He whispered, setting his hand on my shoulder. "You need some rest to heal up that _other_ leg."

 

                For so long, I tried to be the caretaker of everyone around me. Up on the Prydwen, Danse was always winding up with cuts and scrapes he would never want to bother Cade with. After the first few weeks of fussing at him about it, eventually he would come straight to me to get patched up. Then Haylen would, for things she needed another set of hands for.

                Then, in Diamond City, there was _everything._ I helped everyone I could, including the insanity of fixing Nick's hand. Piper, most of the time, wouldn't accept my coddling, insisting that I was exhausted and deserved some myself.

                And now, being the General, I _still_ resisted it. I would let others treat my wounds, and would yield to scolding, but when it came to actually acting on their demands that I take it easy...

                A few days passed since Revy came to us. She was behaving, despite keeping mostly to herself in her little "hideout". She would only take food from me or Sturges, and still kept wary eyes on Danse and Preston. The others were politely instructed to avoid her, though she did run into Nick once. Her single visible eye went wider than I thought possible, but she didn't say a word.

                I wanted to work on getting her used to things, but Danse put his foot down and declared I needed to rest.

                "Give her a while to adjust," He told me, gently pushing me back down onto our bed one night. "For now, take care of _yourself."_

                I grumbled and stared at the ceiling. Though the Minutemen had taken over a lot of my time and energy, I never stopped thinking about Danse and the support he needed. Of course, he insisted he was doing much better, and it was obvious; he smiled more, he kept himself busy with guard shifts and his power armor, and he was looked up to by the more recent recruits. Though we kept his identity "issue" to ourselves for the most part, I honestly felt as if it wouldn't have mattered at that point...

                He came closer to me and rolled me onto my stomach, his hands lingering to rub my shoulders. "You do so much," He said quietly, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "Let me take care of _you_ this time."

                I closed my eyes and let him. His hands may have been calloused from years of warfare, but his movements and touches were gentle. Laying on my stomach was usually uncomfortable, but I managed to ignore it. Danse's voice was barely above a whisper and something about it was so relaxing. I let out a breath slowly, and felt most of my tension go with it.

                Of course, I was thinking about things. The safety of our settlements. The Castle's repairs. General problems like the Institute, the Brotherhood, and getting synths to safety. _Revy._ She was the biggest concern. Did she need to learn to read and write? Could she even speak? In days, she hadn't said a word. I wondered if-

                "You're thinking too much again." I could tell he was smirking. He always knew when my mind wandered; he said my shoulders would tense back up and my jaw would get tight. "We'll deal with it all tomorrow."

                _Tomorrow,_ I thought. _Yeah, I could deal with that all tomorrow._ I'd ask Revy if she wanted to learn. I'd help her get to know the others, like Preston, who was eager to help me take care of her.

                My legs ached. My back ached. I was _exhausted,_ but it took forever for my brain to finally start calming down. I kept my eyes closed and focused on Danse's hands, how warm they were, and his meticulous movements. I sighed again and finally felt the fog of true exhaustion settle over my brain. He said something to me, but I didn't catch it.

                He kept talking as I drifted to sleep. My last clear thought was that, probably, even a gunshot wouldn't have been enough to wake me.


	54. Chapter 54

                I woke up some time in the late morning. When I shifted in the bed I realized I was on my side, with Danse completely wrapped around me. There was no way I could move.

                But then I thought, why would I want to? If something was amiss, Preston would come get me. He always had permission to do that. I'd made no plans, didn't have any caravans coming in... But could I really let myself relax?

                _Yes,_ I told myself, almost like an order. _I can relax. I deserve it._ I turned my head but couldn't quite see Danse's face from my position. As I woke up a bit more I realized my legs still hurt, but it didn't matter. I closed my eyes again.

                Behind me, Danse was still asleep and breathing evenly. His arm and leg were draped over me, not holding on but heavy enough to restrain me. Not that I minded. The afternoon sun had warmed up the Castle, but Danse felt warmer. He always was, and sometimes I wondered how he didn't roast to death inside power armor with how much heat his body generated.

                I wasn't sure if I could sleep anymore, but I was comfortable, so I snuggled back against him and closed my eyes again. Rest was rest, I figured, and I didn't want to move and risk waking Danse. He needed it more than I did, for sure. I wanted him to catch up on years of lost sleep.

                But what about me? I had years upon years of lost... _something._ Surely I'd made up for it all by now. Eyes still closed, I sighed and tried to think back to my life. Here and there little things would pop up; fragments of memories, ideas of how things once were. Nothing was ever solid ("I was here when I was a kid!") but I had so many _notions_ (" _This_ looked like _this_ , once"). It was hard to reconcile, sometimes. Knowing, but not really. I'd done my best to put it behind me, and to move on. This - this _future_ was my life now, whether I liked it or not.

                My mind wandered to Revy. After only a couple days she was flinching less, and the hold on her knife was a little looser. She actually let Sturges take it once, to clean it, and he even showed her how to sharpen it. What was _her_ future, I wondered? If I had left her in the care of a random settlement, with so many other things to worry about, would she get what she needed?

                I felt Danse shift. His grip on me tightened a little and he mumbled something in his sleep.

                What did she need? Stability, surely. Support. Understanding. ...Love.

                Parents?

                At first I thought it would be okay if everyone around the Castle took care of her. Everyone looking out for her, everyone being nice. But... I realized, she needed just a little bit more than that.

                Then I remembered the safe back at the house in Diamond City. My neglected relay device stayed there, along with a few other knickknacks I'd deemed important enough to keep. The things I found during my outings usually weren't _worth_ much, especially now, but some of them reminded me of the better times I wish I could remember.

                I reached up and gently touched Danse's hand. His left. I traced over his rough fingers, noticing how similar mine had become in what was, comparatively, a short time. I thought about how, more than others, Danse seemed to appreciate the little gestures that were otherwise considered a waste of time. He was fascinated with the old world and loved to ask me questions, but would get embarrassed when I couldn't answer them. Below all the grief he carried, he held onto a real, burning curiosity about everything around him. And he had told me, once, that I bring that side of him out more. And then he mentioned how happy it made him.

                How happy _I_ made him.

                I gave his hand one last, lingering touch before finally settling back down. It wasn't a long walk from the Castle to Diamond City, and I figured I could fit it into the day.

                I was more concerned about escaping Danse's watchful eye than I was of my sudden plan's outcome. Smiling, I wondered, _was_ it sudden? Or had it been bubbling just below the surface since we had that private conversation on the Prydwen?

                Either way, my smile got wider and wider until I finally fell back asleep.


	55. Chapter 55

                As expected, it really did take a lot to keep Danse from following me. With a cane in one hand and a gun in the other, I assured him I was fine. My leg was mostly better, though it had periods of weird numbness and aches. The stab wound in my other one was long gone, and hadn't even left a scar.

                I set off toward Diamond City under the pretense that I was visiting Piper. She came to the Castle once in a while, but it wasn't quite enough for me. It was the story I told, but it was also the truth. I had a lot to talk to her about, too, considering how different our lives had become.

                The trip was as uneventful as it could be. A few shots fired, but nothing major. Around the city, things had become a lot more peaceful. The guards even remembered me.

 

                Piper nearly strangled me with a hug when she saw me. Nat, too, surprisingly. She was getting older, and had sprang up a good few inches since I first met her.

                "So," She watched me nervously as we both sat down at the table. "Something important must've brought you here."

                I glanced at the safe. "...Need some stuff from there."

                Very suddenly she perked up. She knew everything I kept in there, and even knew the combination. And she also knew I probably wasn't talking about the relay device. Slowly a grin spread across her face. "Oh my god." She clapped her hands together. "You're really gonna do it, aren't you?!"

                I laughed, suddenly feeling anxiety weighing on me. I felt bad that this wasn't about her, but she had understood from day one of our relationship. I really did love her; She knew it, _Danse_ knew it. But Piper wasn't quite ready to really settle down, especially with someone like me. We'd discussed it extensively.

                Danse, on the other hand...

                The life we'd found _was_ his "settled down". He felt useless without a gun or a power armor wrench in his hands. Sometimes he needed both. I still didn't feel at all confident in my position as General, but he was always there for me to fall back on. And the rest of the Minutemen... They trusted my judgment. Danse tended to do the literal heavy lifting, but people liked my advice. My tactics. My desire to help people...

                With Danse at my side, I felt like I could take on the world. I could fall apart, or _he_ could, and we would be there to put the other back together.

                Piper brought me what I wanted from the safe. She handed them to me in a small pouch, still grinning. "Honestly?" She giggled. "When you guys got all moved in at the Castle, I tried cleaning them as much as I could. Then got this little bag for them. Hope you don't mind."

                I tucked the satchel into my jacket with shaking hands. "Of course not... I really appreciate it." I could barely look at her. My smile wouldn't go away despite the fact that I was one hundred percent frayed nerves. "I guess all I need now is luck."

                "You don't even know that." She helped me up after seeing me shake and clapped me on the back. "What you gotta do is just _do_ it. Don't even think about it too hard, you'll drive yourself nuts."

                "I mean, I wanna practice what to say."

                "Say what's in your heart!" She punched her fist to her chest proudly. It was cheesy, but true. "You don't need to rehearse! You know what your feelings are!"

                Did I? Whenever I tried to put my feelings for Danse into words, they usually got tangled like an old fishing net. "Well, if you believe in me..."

                "I do. And I don't wanna act like I'm rushing you out, but I don't want your heart to stop from anxiety before you do this."

                She was right, as usual. I let her guide me out of the house. With a kiss on the cheek she gave me a wish of good luck anyways, and I was suddenly alone again.

                The pouch in my jacket felt like a lead brick, but I treated it like glass the whole way back.


	56. Chapter 56

                Sunsets at the Castle were beautiful, provided you perched yourself up on the walls to see them. The whole peaceful surrounding area was visible.

                Danse was waiting for me on one of the benches that had been set up. He didn't stand when he saw me approach, but his warm smile was almost brighter than the setting sun.

                I sat next to him and sighed. His arm immediately went around my shoulders and I leaned against him. "I have some dumb questions," I blurted.

                "I'm sure they're _fine_ questions." He stared off at the water, but held me tighter. "Go ahead and ask them."

                "Are you happy here?"

                He turned his head to me, his brown eyes catching some of the sunlight. "What do you mean?"

                "Happier than Diamond City?" I bit my lip.

                "Ah," He relaxed and leaned back. "I see. You're just worried about me."

                "Of course. Always."

                He turned himself around and glanced back at the Castle, smiling. "If I'm being very honest, at first, I didn't know _what_ to think." He twisted back and kept looking forward. "It all seemed a little ridiculous... Reviving the Minutemen, reclaiming and fixing up this place... But you managed it."

                _"We_ managed it." I gestured behind us to indicate everyone. "I couldn't have done this without Preston, and everyone else he convinced to join us."

                "Did I seem unhappy in Diamond City?"

                _That_ was _almost_ a dumb question. It probably wasn't even the city that made him miserable, just... _circumstances._ But those walls definitely made him feel trapped. When he was beyond them, he would always be looking over his shoulder, or shushing me when he thought he heard a vertibird. It was a nervous, miserable existence for him, being locked away and hidden. I grimaced and finally mumbled a pathetic, "Yeah."

                "I'm still coming to terms with a lot of things." He sighed, but it sounded warm and wistful. "Being here feels much more natural to me. It's helping."

                I knew that, of course I did. Just watching him for a few minutes, it was obvious in the way he conducted himself. But hearing him say it made all the difference. "Do you have, uh, long-term plans?" I was already fumbling my words and needed to be careful, but I thought back - _way_ back - to the discussion I had with him in that storage room on the Prydwen. How blunt would I need to be?  
                He was still smiling. "I don't plan on leaving any time soon, if that's what you're implying."

                I let out the breath I was holding. "That's good."

                "Why?" He looked at me, his gaze suddenly piercing. "Have I been giving that impression? That I want to leave?"

                "N-no, I just... Wanna make sure."

                "Where else could I go?" His voice was light, cheerful. His smile persisted. It was a relief to see him in such a good mood, despite how awkward I was becoming. "You can't possibly think I'd want to leave a place where I'm so cherished, where I have responsibilities to fulfill... Where I feel so at _home."_

                The bundle inside my jacket seemed to gain weight, pulling my chest to the ground. I sat up as straight as I could, but my eyes were locked on my feet. I shuffled them in the dirt. "And _I'm_ good enough?"

                "At what?" When I didn't answer, he pried further. "Being General?"

                "I don't think I'm _great_ at that, but I have enough support."

                "Then what do you mean?"

                "For you. Good enough for you."

                "I can't see any way that you're not," He answered immediately. I still wasn't looking at him, but could hear him almost grinning. "After everything you've done - and not just for me - you shouldn't have _any_ concern about that."

                Well, I did. Of course I did. It was one thing to be in a relationship with someone. Danse and I were familiar with that, and fell back into the routine surprisingly easily when he came  back. I always thought we had been private with it on the Prydwen, but people noticed everything. At the Castle, too, both of us got comments about how one stares at the other. How our voices falter when we talk about each other. It should have been more embarrassing, but for some reason I never felt that way. We just so genuinely enjoyed each others' company; of course I loved being around Danse, but I could never quite get over the fact that I was tolerable. It was crippling the words I'd planned on my long walk back from the city.

                "Did you have more questions?"

                A thousand, always, to confirm so many stupid little things. The man slept beside me every night and woke me up with a kiss every morning, and every day I still wanted to ask him, "Do you like being around me?" It was ridiculous. But that wasn't the current issue. I shook myself out of it and nodded.

                "Well?" He leaned close. "I'm listening and ready to answer."

                I knew he had no idea what I was going to ask. And I knew I couldn't just ask it outright. So I decided to lead with something else, to sort of distract from it and soften the blow.

                His eyes were shining with softness and care when I looked up at him.

                "Will you help me take care of Revy?"

                He blinked slowly, then leaned back slightly. "Of course," He said plainly, as if there could be no other answer. "Though I think you overwork yourself, taking her in was the right thing to do. You could have sent her off with the other woman you rescued, but you didn't. Why?"

                Now _he_ was asking questions, with that rare mischievous smirk of his. "I guess I saw myself in her, or something. I didn't want the world to fail her, like it's failed so many." It was a little more profound than I intended, but it came from my heart.

                He nodded, mulling it over. "I'm proud of you for it."

                Proud of me? That phrase always sent my heart racing, and I got nervous all over again. I mumbled out a thanks and flinched when I felt his hand on my arm.

                "Does this make us her parents?" His voice went low.

                "I have one other question." I stood up so fast my vision went blurry. My legs were shaking underneath me but I forced them to move so I could face him. The way he was staring up at me, suddenly looking worried, I knew that if I dropped to one knee he'd think I'd fallen. Nothing about this was conventional, so it didn't matter. I reached into my jacket and fumbled with the pouch, trying to pry it open with my quivering fingers. The two objects inside clinked lightly against each other.

                It caught his attention. "What's in there?"

                "Something dumb," I said automatically, then bit my lip and shook my head. "No, it's not dumb. It's something for you. If you want it."

                He just watched me.

                My brain had gone completely blank, and all my plans were thrown away. I grabbed both of them and held them out in my hand, then opened it to show him. "I found these a long time ago, and wanted to save them for us. Just in case, someday, maybe this would happen. The last question I had for you - okay, no, it's not the last one. I mean, I was wondering if you wanted to take one of these. You know. Do you want one? Because the question I'm trying to ask is if you'll marry me."

                I said so many things at once, he looked like his head was spinning. His eyes darted from the shining gold rings in my hand, to my face, then whipped all around to see if anyone else was near. Suddenly he stood and clasped his hand over mine, closing my fingers over the rings and staring straight down into my eyes. His were wide, wider than I'd ever seen them, and I could feel his pulse pounding through his hand. "Can... Can you repeat that?" He asked. His voice cracked slightly. "Take a breath, and ask me one more time. I want to be sure I heard you correctly."

                I was frozen and couldn't wipe away the tears that were already streaming down my face. My whole body was shaking, especially my jaw, but I forced the words out. "I'm trying to ask you to marry me."

                "You're _trying,_ " Somehow, he was smiling. "But you haven't actually asked it yet."

                "Will you?"

                "Will I what?"

                "Will you marry me?"

                "Yes."


	57. Chapter 57

                His answer was so abrupt, so clear, it should have stopped my pounding heart. But it didn't. I could feel it in my roaring ears. I clenched my chattering jaw and asked, "How the hell are you so calm?"

                His brow furrowed, but he kept smiling. "Because you're not. You're shaking uncontrollably. _One_ of us has to be calm."

                That was it? He was normally so awkward when it came to these subjects, but all it took was _me_ freaking out for him to be calm? Or at least, appear calm. His hand was still over mine, and I could almost _hear_ his heartbeat. As my body started to become still, I noticed the faint vibration in his fingers.

                "Are we both just standing here, staring at each other and shaking?" I asked. My voice was almost unrecognizable. "Some ex-Brotherhood soldiers _we_ are."

                "You're obviously stronger than me." His steady tone was starting to give way. "You asked before I could."

                "What, you were gonna?"

                He looked away briefly, and I caught the thick shine in his eyes. Tears. "No matter how much I practiced, the words never sounded right. Too _planned._ This was-" When he looked back at me, he visibly relaxed. "So natural. So _you."_

                "Natural" was how he described it. I was standing there, quivering and crying like a scolded child. I had clumsily stuttered my way through a marriage proposal like an idiot, and the man on the receiving end had told me it was "natural".

                I thought about the fantasy idea of a proposal. Down on one knee, opening a ring box, all that fancy nonsense. It would have been nice for me to do that, to have kept my cool as I watched the joy and surprise spread across Danse's face.

                But that wouldn't have been _us_ , would it? No, I realized. Not at all.

                "Please sit down before you fall." He guided me back to the bench and gently uncurled my hand. "Where did you find these?"

                "I know people probably don't really wear them anymore."

                "That doesn't matter. The gesture obviously still means something to you."

                "You don't have to wear it if you don't want. I don't even know if one will fit you."

                "It can be adjusted. It's fine. Here, let me try it on."

                "No, wait."

                He waited.

                "These aren't engagement rings. We're only supposed to wear them _after_ we're married."

                His hand jerked back. "There are... different types?"

                Thinking about it for only half a second, I realized how dumb it was. I wanted to wear the rings _now,_ but...

                "Well," He reached again. "Maybe we could wear them... around our necks, until the day comes?"

                Like our holotags, I thought. I liked the idea a lot, but my voice was suddenly failing me. Still wanting the symbolic gesture, I helped Danse remove his tags and put the ring on the chain with them myself, then slipped the tags and ring back over his head. When I started mine, he gently stopped me.

                "May I?"

                I let him.

                "This is almost better," He said as he settled the chain on my neck and touched the now three dangling items. "Gold isn't a very hard metal. They're less likely to get damaged if they're around our necks."

                I nodded, feeling lightheaded from it all.

                "But I certainly won't mind wearing a ring." He lifted his left hand and looked at it, frowning. "My hands are awfully rough. I'll have to scrub them for hours before the wedding. When should we have it, by the way?"

                As if I knew! I didn't know how anything worked anymore! I shrugged and mumbled something about the place in Diamond City, where I'd seen a wedding or two. They weren't grand affairs anymore, of course, but people still liked to have a bit of a ceremony.

                "I know I would. Call me old fashioned if you will."

                "Like I have any right to call _you_ that." My voice found strength from us talking so casually again. "All _my_ ideas are at _least_ two-hundred years old!"

                "Which is just what we need, I think." He was staring back out at the water. The sun had sunken a lot lower, but the world was still painted orange.

                I put my head on his shoulder and felt every ounce of strength leave my body. Somehow, I had gotten through it. He hadn't rejected me or run away forever. He really said _yes._

                But why?

                I looked up at him as he watched the sea. He had lost everything his identity had been built around. And there he was, sitting next to me, looking like nothing had happened. More than once he had pointed out _my_ resilience, but refused to take credit for his own.

                It almost scared me how much of a non-issue it had been, to pretend to follow Maxson's orders in order to save Danse. To lie to the Elder's face, make up some story about an injury and betray the people who had saved my life, just to save one person. But that one person... was important. Not just to me.

                I didn't know, walking out of Listening Post Bravo to see Maxson's snarling scowl, if we were going to survive. Even before that, I didn't know if Danse was _alive_. It had been _days_ since he fled, and I was one of the few who knew about his darkest thoughts. I'll never forget running to that bunker, frantically running possible future events in my head. I realized, rather shockingly, that I could have dealt with losing him. Eventually, probably years down the road, I would have been able to move on.

                But the world didn't deserve to lose him. I knew in my heart, always, that Danse was a good man and always did what he thought was right. Even if he was misled, he was not like so many others in the Brotherhood. There was never a vindictive, sharp-toothed grin on his face. There was nothing sinister about his behavior.

                And after it all, despite his ability to defend himself... He wouldn't. He had accepted his fate, but I hadn't. As we stood there in the bunker together, fearing the unknown of returning to the surface I thought: If I had to be the one to protect him, then so be it. I'd die for him if I had to, but I'd bring whoever threatened him with me.

                "Such a beautiful view up here." His voice, so close and real, shook me back to reality. He was here, next to me, not a sad memory of failed protection. He was _here._

                I shuffled closer.

                "You must be tired from all the stress, huh?"

                I nodded. He always knew.

                "It's not quite late enough for me, but I don't really mind retiring early for once."

                We both stood, now on much stronger feet, and headed down the stairs to go inside. He held my hand all the way there, using my earlier shaking as an excuse. He knew he didn't need an excuse, but that was just how he was.

                As we turned into the doorway, I swore I felt eyes on us. The gaze felt small, and maybe only one eye was visible under a mess of hair... But we were definitely being watched.


	58. Chapter 58

                When I opened our bedroom door in the morning, I nearly tripped over the tiny form of Revy.

                She was standing patiently, her knife nowhere to be seen. She moved her head to see around me.

                "You can come in," I opened the door and stepped aside, watching as she immediately scampered over to Danse as he put on his jacket.

                "Hi, Revy." He softened his voice and knelt down to her level. "You're in a hurry. Everything alright?"

                "Danse," She said.

                We both froze, and looked at each other, but Danse quickly turned his attention back to her.

                "What?" He looked surprised, but started smiling. "Can I help you with something? You, um..."

                She pouted at him. Her tiny arm reached up and grasped at his sleeve. "Danse..." She said again. Her voice was tiny and hoarse but defiant and strong. "You're... always with Nuke. You like her, right?" She spoke slowly, almost disjointed, like she was unsure of how to say some things. But it was obvious that she had spoken a lot, sometime before all her tragedies.

                He nodded. "I _love_ her, actually, and in fact, we're going to get married soon."

                I jumped. Revy was officially the first person to know about it - other than Piper, of course.

                "Married," She said the word like it was familiar, but distance. "Nuke likes you too?"

                Danse chuckled. "I would hope so. She was the one who asked me to marry her."

                Revy looked back at me, her little yellow eye wide. "You like him? Love him? That's what married is?"

                "Yes." I approached her slowly and also got lower, though I was much closer to her height than Danse was. "Some people like to get married to show their love."

                "Like a mom and dad." Her face screwed into an unreadable expression and she looked away. "My... _my_ mom and dad. Talked about _'married'_. I think."

                "Were they good to you, Revy?" Danse asked. His sleeve was still in her tiny clutches.

                "I think. Yeah." For a second, she was quiet. "Mom... smiled a lot." She looked up at me. "Like you."

                Did I smile a lot? I was sure everyone would say "yes", obviously. "Lots of things make me happy, I guess."

                "Like him?"

                "Yeah. Definitely like him."

                "Is Mister Preston not happy?"

                "Huh?" I stood up, and so did Danse, very carefully.

                "He doesn't..." She seemed very uncomfortable with eye contact. "Doesn't smile a lot, when he's alone. I see him."

                Everyone at the Castle had been told to mostly leave Revy to herself, unless she came to them. I didn't want to overwhelm her with attention. It seemed that in that time, she had spent most of it people-watching. In just about a week of watching, she probably learned a lot.

                "Everyone has their struggles," Danse spoke up. "I think Preston may just be lonely, sometimes."

                She flinched a little bit, and nodded.

                "Where's your knife, Revy?"

                "Don't need it." She answered immediately. "Not today."

                "Why do you carry it?" It was probably too deep a question for her to really answer, but since she was talking, I wanted to hear as much as I could.

                "Safe," She replied. "I'm safe with it."

                "But you don't need it today?"

                "No."

                "Could you tell me why?"

                She bobbed her head back and forth, then released her grip on Danse's sleeve. As she lowered her arm, to my surprise, she grabbed his hand. "It's okay here."

                Danse froze and looked to me for guidance, but I couldn't give him any, so he just returned the pressure sturdily. "Do you feel safe with us?"

                A few seconds of silence. Then she responded, "Yeah. She saved me. She's with you a lot, and smiles when you're there."

                I got what she meant. On a basic level, she trusted me, since I was the one who rescued her. She was wary of Danse at first, understandably, but she saw how we acted together. Smiling, happy. So by proxy, she had grown to trust him... or something close to it.

                "Would you like to take a walk with us, Revy?" Danse had such warmth in his voice, and it was similar to the way he spoke to his cat.

                "Yeah," Was how she replied before pulling him toward the door.

                I followed them out, but came up beside them when I saw Revy's head turning, looking for me.

 

                It was a sunny morning. Revy led us across the Castle yard to what we called her room. Sturges had set off back to Sanctuary the day prior, but before he left he wired electricity to it and gave her a couple of lights.

                It was much nicer than the half-collapsed nightmare I rescued her from. She had a decent bed, raised up off the floor, and a table of her own. There was a small stack of papers on it, which I presumed came from Preston. There were just some scribbles on the top page, but it was something.

                "Do you like it in here?" Danse asked, looking around a little anxiously.

                I stepped forward before she could answer. "I know you like privacy, Revy. You can stay here if you like it, but you don't have to."

                "It's okay," She whispered, finally letting go of Danse's hand to sit up on her bed. "Don't mind."

                Movement on the bed beside her caught my attention, but quickly I realized it was just-

                "Ferra," Danse stood up and went to the lazily stretching cat, giving her a scratch on the cheek. "Is she bothering you, Revy?"

                "No," Revy started petting her, too, and it was clear they had affection for each other. "She sleeps with me sometimes. I like her. Is she yours?"

                "I brought her here, but she doesn't really belong to anyone." He paused. "You know, when I first found her, she was very scared. All alone. But she seems quite happy here, doesn't she?"

                Despite her youth, Revy seemed to understand what he was getting at. Her eye followed Ferra as she laid down in her lap. "Yeah. Cats can't smile like people but she purrs. She's happy."

                "If you want anything else for your room, you let us know, okay?"

                "Sure." She was preoccupied with the cat, petting her and chasing her always-moving tail.

                The visit was over without anyone having to say it, but as we headed for the door Revy spoke up again.

                "Are you gonna have a wedding?" Her words were flowing better now.

                "We think so," I answered.

                "Is it like a party? Can I come?" We had no idea if she knew anything about either, but we also had no reason to doubt her imagination.

                "Of course," Danse replied for both of us, smiling at me when I nodded. "You can be our guest of honor, if you'd like."

                Her attention was already back to the cat.


	59. Chapter 59

                We told Preston, and he beamed as he congratulated us. The whole time, though, I was concerned about what Revy had said. The whole time we had been at the Castle, Preston's mood seemed to be improving. Was she seeing something I wasn't?

                Danse could tell I was worried, too, and politely excused himself for some imaginary duty.

                "General," Preston said once he was out of earshot, looking suddenly forlorn. "Could we talk? Just for a minute?"

                "Of course." I tried to smile, but my concern was boiling over. The two of us decided to sit at another of the benches up on the high walls. I sat more toward the middle, but Preston was almost uncomfortably close to the armrest on his side. "How've you been doing?" I asked before he could say anything. "It's been so busy around here, I feel terrible I haven't been-"

                "You've been injured," He interrupted, referring to my leg. Quickly he apologized for cutting me off. "You've needed to heal."

                "Well, you too." I reminded him of the buckshot I picked out of him so long ago, but that wasn't _all_ I was referring to. "Must be hard with Sturges working double-duty here and at Sanctuary."

                He looked up with only his eyes. "You can tell, huh?"

                "I mean, I've seen you two kiss. I get it."

                His eyes fell again. "I know they're safe there. It's just... What if something happens again? If I'm not there, and..." He trailed off, wringing his hands together, and I noticed he wasn't wearing his gloves. "I can't... fail them again."

                "You haven't failed anyone." I ignored his body language and moved closer, putting my hand on his shoulder. "We've all got screw-ups in our past, but look at all the good you've done since then."

                I could tell he wanted to look up and out across the Castle yard, but we were facing the wrong way. "I know..."

                I squeezed his shoulder. "You've had my back since day one, when I was a crazy stranger who showed up out of nowhere."

                "Only 'cause you had mine. You would've killed us all if you wanted to."

                "There _are_ good people left in the world. You're one of 'em."

                "I sure am trying."

                I watched his hands go over and over each other, and caught a glimpse of something I wished I hadn't. He definitely noticed my flinched and stopped moving.

                "Forgot my gloves. Sorry."

                I reached for his hands, and he let me take them. They felt familiar - calloused, but still so gentle. I ran my thumb down to the bottom of his palm, then lower.

                He tried to pull back, but gave up.

                "Everyone's got scars, Preston." I touched the raised skin on his wrists, trying not to flinch. It was a horrible thing to think about, being in that much pain.

                "Didn't have a great couple days after Quincy," He said, sighing deeply. "Sturges caught me before I did too much, though. Glad you didn't see me then."

                "It's alright."

                "Didn't really feel like going on." He was almost rambling, and I could hear tears in his voice, but I let him continue. "At the museum, when I got shot I honestly thought, _finally._ I was happy to just lay there and die."

                I kept running my thumbs over his skin, holding his hands a little tighter.

                "Then you and Danse showed up. And Sturges just wouldn't let go of me. You guys just," He actually chuckled. "None of you gave up on me, huh?"

                "Hell no." I lowered our hands into my lap, but he made no effort to pull away.

                "Why?"

                Normally, I wouldn't have an answer, but he looked up at me with his big, brown eyes, and I immediately did. At that moment they looked sad, sunken and dark like when I first met him. But... "I've seen the light in your eyes. I know it's still there."

                He stared.

                "We're all here for you, like it or not. I'm no stranger to guiding someone back from the brink."

                He looked off somewhere behind us, obviously indicating Danse. "He was real quiet at first. A lot happened to him, huh?"

                "You two talk?"

                "Yeah. He told me about his um... _condition?_ That's what he called it."

                I couldn't restrain a chuckle. "Condition? But damn, if he told you, that's really something."

                "Who else knows?"

                "Just me and Piper. And, well, the whole Brotherhood."

                "Yikes."

                "It's a mess."

                "You think they'll ever come over here?" He was gazing at the Prydwen, now, hovering ever-ominously in the distance.

                "Apparently, Maxson told everyone we're dead. So we'll see how that plays out, them finding out he lied."

                "I'd kinda like to see that." He smiled - more of a smirk, but something. "Oh, geez-" He suddenly jerked his hands away and hid them under his overcoat. "I'm sorry... General."

                "It's just the two of us, Preston. _Nuke_ is fine."

                "Yeah?" He glanced backwards again. "Don't wanna have to face anybody's wrath."

                "You know how it is with me and Piper. It's all fine."

                "Yeah?" He repeated, his voice cracking. He did his best to avoid my eyes but I could see color in his dark cheeks.

                "You're alright, Preston. Take it easy."

                "Kinda weird timing, huh." The brim of his hat was tugged over his eyes. "You just told me you're getting married, and here I am doing..."

                "Doing what?" I just kept smiling and leaned back against the bench.

                "Getting flustered, like this. I oughta go-"

                "I think you should stay."

                He grunted and gave up on standing. His feet starting tapping nervously on the ground.

                "Revy said she's worried about you."

                "Revy?" A deep sigh escaped him, probably out of sheer relief for a topic change. "Really?"

                "She came to me and Danse today and told us."

                "She- wait. She talked?"

                I told him the whole story. He told me in return that Revy had attached to him a couple of times, but never anything physical like hand-grabbing. And she certainly hadn't spoken to him, he said.

                Luckily, it put him into a better mood. "I don't wanna worry her. Maybe I should tell her I'm okay."

                "Me and Danse want to raise her, but we're gonna need a lot of help."

                "You want that from me?"

                "I've seen you with the kids in settlements..." It warmed my heart to think about it. He would always get down to their level to talk to them, encouraging them to keep their chins up and help their parents with everything. He had a natural affinity for them; they flocked to him during every visit.

                "...I could teach her to read," He suggested, smiling widely. "I gave her some paper and a pencil, but she doesn't really know how to write. Bet she could learn, though."

                "With a good teacher, sure."

                "How about we start that... after your wedding?"

                Oh, yeah. That. I told him I didn't want it to be anything crazy, of course, just a few of us for a little get-together in the city. A quick ceremony, maybe some drinks and spending the night. It sounded fun to pile everyone in the little house...

                Soon we were headed down the stairs again, with Preston almost aggressively planning the celebration. He wanted to have an after-party at the Castle, which I tried my hardest to reject.

                It didn't really work in the end. His whole face had lit up so much, it blinded me from seeing anything else.


	60. Chapter 60

                A couple days later, Revy got help with a bath. Danse had tried to brush her hair with disastrous results, and he nearly _demanded_ it to be washed.

                She sat in the tub obediently, but made audible complaints the entire time. Neither of us had much experience with children at all, but we decided we'd learn together.

                Revy's hair really was an absolute mess. It lightened a bit after the wash to more of a dark sand color, but it remained completely tangled. We were also glad to see that much of what we thought was dirt on her skin was actually a head-to-toe covering of freckles.

                She sat in Danse's lap, wrapped in a towel and pouting as he tried again to brush her hair. He went as gently as he could, but some knots snagged hard. For a while she kept her calm, until one particular tug was just too much.

                _"Dad!!"_ She yelled, lurched forward and gritting her teeth. She whirled around and glared at him with both her eyes finally uncovered.

                He stared at her in shock, but she didn't seem to realize why.

                "Don't _pull_ so hard." She pouted harder. "It _hurts."_

                Finally Danse gathered his wits. "Is... is it okay if I cut some of them out? It will grow back, I promise."

                She thought for a second, then her face softened. "Yeah. That's okay."

                "You want to do it?" He asked me as I grabbed a decent pair of scissors.

                I nodded and got to it, but my hands were shaking a little.

                "See," Revy whispered, trying not to move her head. "Mom's got softer hands."

                Neither of us could really say much. With just two different words she'd silenced us both.

 

                The Castle was always so busy, we set the wedding a while out to give everyone time to travel and prepare. Preston slowly worked to allocate my duties to others; we'd only be gone for two days, so it wasn't an emergency, but he preferred to be over-prepared.

                "What'll you wear?" Piper asked almost as soon as she showed up to help out. "Do you have anything nice?"

                I looked down at my clothes. Gray shirt, my red jacket, and my ever-persistant jeans. It was all I really had, aside from some bedclothes and spares. I shrugged.

                "Well," She sighed. "Nat helped put together something for little Revy." She handed me a mostly-purple bundle, and I took a look.

                A cute blouse and skirt, with a pair of pants for underneath. My heart swelled and I thanked her as genuinely as I could muster through the _chaos_ that had suddenly taken over. I hadn't had any responsibilities for at least a whole day, and it was driving me nuts.

                Almost on cue, Revy trotted up to us to greet her "Aunt Piper", who she had seen only once before. In just a few weeks she had become so much more outgoing, even without her knife, though it was usually strapped to her leg. She gawked at the clothes and didn't recoil like I expected. Both of her huge eyes shone up at Piper in gratitude, then she grabbed them and ran to her room to change.

                But what _would_ I wear, I wondered? Was it worth it to get something nice? I was asking these questions aloud as Piper shoved me around the Castle when suddenly I realized, where was Danse? I hadn't seen him all day.

                "He's fine, don't worry about him."

                "I _always_ worry about him." I mumbled, unable to tell if she was hiding something.

                "Well _today_ he's fine."

                I decided to believe her and let myself get tugged around more.

 

                Revy found us after a few minutes, but was a bit shy about presenting herself.

                "C'mere hun, let's see." I coaxed, resting on a bench.

                Finally she came out from behind the wall. The clothes fit her pretty well; I knew they would only fit better with time. She was a growing kid, after all.

                "You look so cute!" Piper squealed, clapping her hands together. "Oh, look at you, Revy. You're doing so great, you know that?"

                She nodded, a blush spreading underneath her freckles. "I like them a lot. Thanks." She shuffled back and forth on her feet before looking around and asking, "Where's Dad?"

                "No idea," Piper blurted. "But he'll be back soon, don't worry."

                She conceded, but still looked worried. I felt the same way.

 

                Danse didn't show up, and suddenly it was the day to be shoving off to Diamond City. I tried to berate Piper after she finally admitted she had sent him on a "secret mission", but she disarmed me with a smile and assurance that everything was fine. As usual.

                It was a bit of a hike, but a whole bunch of us were together, so we weren't worried. The roads had gotten a lot safer, especially heading toward the city. We passed by a settlement or two, and of course they'd heard the news, so they sent their well-wishes.

                I started to feel sick as we approached the gates, and Piper noticed.

                "Easy, Blue. We're almost there, okay?"

                It all passed by in a blur and we were suddenly at the Home Plate house. Waiting for us was none other than Nick.

                I couldn't help running to him and giving him the biggest hug. He hadn't visited in a while... busy with a new case, Piper told me.

                "Nice to see you, doll." His return-hug was surprisingly strong. "Wouldn't miss this for the world, y'know."

                "Of course." I felt myself get nearly pried away by Piper.

                "Nick! Get the surprise."

                "Sure, sure."

 

                I should've known what it was. They made me sit on the couch and my head was already spinning too fast to see straight, but they still had me cover my eyes. When I was given permission to look I saw, of course, a dress - but it was just so damn _beautiful._ It looked nearly pristine, like it had been frozen alongside me and came from a couple centuries ago. It wasn't insanely ornate by old world standards, and it certainly wouldn't be a typical wedding dress by any means.

                But none of that really mattered anymore, did it?

                I broke down crying despite myself. Piper and Nick sat on either side of me to comfort me, since it was every emotion hitting me at once. It was almost _stupid;_ was I _really_ getting _married!?_ To _Danse!?_ I really did ask him, like an idiot, and also like an idiot he said _Yes._ Getting married didn't really even _matter_ , did it?

                "Does it matter to you?" Nick asked. He was the most likely to understand old world things, feelings that didn't make any sense but were still nice thoughts. Like getting married in a nice dress, or dressing the part of a noir detective despite that time being centuries gone.

                "I can-" I sputtered, trying to collect myself. "I can help you on your... case if you want, Nick, when this is all done, I can-"

                "Oh my god, take it easy." He chuckled. "Focus on your _wedding_ first, Nuke. For god's sake."

                "Revy's with Preston, right?"

                Piper nodded.

                "And-- and,"

                "Shh, _shh._ " She pushed me back against the couch and started rubbing my arm. "God, I'm sorry we freaked you out so bad with this. But you're gonna do great, just take a few deep breaths."

                Could I even breathe? I felt like I was having a panic attack. I just wanted to see Danse.

                "You'll see him soon," Nick assured me.

 

                "I haven't worn a dress in two hundred years," Was one of the thousands of things my mouth kept saying as Piper helped me get dressed. I was in full panic mode and she was doing everything she could to calm me down.

                Finally I was wearing it, and she couldn't believe the sight of me. "Damn, Blue," She laughed. "You sure do look good in red."

                "I'd whistle at ya if i could." Nick said from the corner where he was leaning. "But that'd be rude now, wouldn't it?"

                It was really almost time. In the evening the city came alive in a different way, and we thought it would be nice to be surrounded by the city's lights. Plus, I liked the stars. Apparently Danse made sure everyone knew that.

                I hadn't seen him in almost two days, and I hated it. I was shaking as I tried to get ahold of myself. It wasn't a big deal, I kept saying in my head. Just... getting married. Not a problem, right? You were in the Brotherhood. You ran synths for the Railroad. Hell, you've been screwing with the Institute for who knows how long. You can handle a little wedding.

                Could I? God, _could I?_ I could barely stand. I thanked whatever cosmic forces there were that I had Piper and Nick to hold me steady as we walked out the door.


	61. Chapter 61

I was surprised my legs were able to support my weight. They shook like a dead tree in hurricane winds as we made our way to the tiny makeshift chapel. During the short trip I couldn't get images of extravagent weddings out of my mind; white churches with high ceilings and towering steeples, filled with people wearing their fanciest clothes. But no one looked as fancy as the bride. None of it was really my style, anyways, so I didn't quite mourn it. But I started to wonder... had Old North once looked like that? So stark and beautiful?

I didn't have any more time to think about it. We arrived at the building, easily recognized by the gathering crowd.

I was surprised by the amount of people, but I shouldn't have been. Besides my obvious friends and comrades, Diamond City citizens I'd helped in the past brought their whole families out to see. As I walked down the path they made as they all parted and organized, I heard countless whispers of congratulations, and some happy sobs.

Awkwardness, nervousness, and straight-up  _fear_ consumed me as I felt every single eye on me. Walking was hard but somehow I kept going, Piper and Nick on either side of me but a little bit behind. I didn't have a fancy bouquet to carry. Was my dress nice enough? I was worrying about all these things that, certainly, didn't matter.

I could've died when I finally saw Danse.

He was standing, obviously nervous, with Pastor Clements, who seemed to be trying to talk him back to calm. I hadn't ever seen him in a suit before; it was very unlike him, but it fit him well and looked incredibly dashing. Enough to stop me in my tracks, leading to a nudge from Piper.

I wanted to run to him and throw my arms around him, but that wasn't proper etiquette. As if etiquette really mattered! Still I tried to walk slowly as the whole world spun around me. Luckily, that part of my suffering ended soon, and we were facing each other.

His wide eyes scanned over me for a few seconds before he grabbed my hands and managed to whisper, "You look so beautiful."

Pastor Clements started talking, but I didn't hear a word he said. Suddenly I wondered, were we supposed to write vows?

Danse had a big smile on his face and also started talking. I heard talk of love, devotion, deep gratitude. The words detached themselves and banged around in my head like stray bullets and I couldn't even make sense of them, but they made me shake. The only coherent thought I had was that he wouldn't accidentally mention his  _identity_ to half of Diamond City.

Was it suddenly my turn to speak? I didn't want to sound as clumsy as I did during my proposal. I stuttered through a couple words and felt him squeeze my hands. The sensation brought a flood of confidence, so I started spilling my guts.

Everything he did for me... I was on the lowest rung possible; completely lost in this new world, no idea on how to do anything. People I had barely begun to call my friends, all slaughtered, and I was helpless. But he knew I could learn. Believed in me. I started believing in  _myself._ That belief and appreciation for constant support grew into admiration and then, well, the rest is history. I knew we would always stand by each other. Since, disregarding that one hiccup, we always had.

"But you came back for me," He said, smiling, his eyes shining. "Sure, we were apart, but you came back for me when I needed you."

"And I always will."

"As will I."

The pastor held out a small cloth, bearing the rings. He smiled at us as we each took the opposite one.

Danse took my hand first. He seemed almost triumphant about it as he slipped the ring onto my finger.

My own hands were still shaking. The warm metal was an alien feeling. I breathed a sigh of relief as I did the same for Danse. The gold looked nice against his skintone.

Pastor Clements, still smiling, took a step back and began the finale. By whatever power vested in him - did it matter anymore? - he pronounced us husband and wife.

My feet felt nailed to the ground. I was glad for it, too, because Danse had let go of one of my hands in order to grab my chin and kiss me. I could've floated away on the spot, but the imaginary lead in my shoes kept me grounded.

I heard people clapping, maybe. And Piper crying, probably. Everything sounded muffled, like the only  _real_ thing in my world was Danse. When he finally pulled away from me, the warmth in his face could've melted a suit of power armor. I had never seen him look so happy, so full of love...

"Can I carry you?"

Of course he would ask. To him, it was a guarantee that he could take care of me, that I would be safe. He carried me the first day we met, and he enjoyed doing it ever since. So I nodded.

He scooped me up, one arm under my knees and the other behind my shoulders. His face brightened. "Might as well show off a bit, huh?"

I couldn't even speak. I just laughed and threw my arms around his neck.

 


	62. Chapter 62

I had been in the house recently, but it had been a while for Danse. He looked around almost in awe, but obviously happy to be back.

"Didn't think you'd miss it, huh?" I nudged him after he set me down. Taking his hand I led him to the couch, where we both sat.

"It's a nice little escape." He sighed. "I suppose everyone needs a break now and then."

We couldn't exactly take a "honeymoon", but everyone - mostly Preston - had insisted we take a few days off for ourselves. It would be a good time to relax, especially for the bundle of nerves I'd become.

"I have an idea." Danse stood and offered me his hand, which I just had to take. He led me over to the end table near the bed, and switched on the small radio. "Hope something nice is on."

"I mean," I smiled as the DJ - the recently more confident Travis Miles - reported recent news and even our wedding. "We can always walk down the street and request something. Why, though?" It wasn't like he disliked music, but-

He turned and took my other hand. "I'd like to dance with you."

"You know how?" I asked, realizing after that it sounded a bit rude.  _I_ didn't really know how to dance, either. The closest I'd gotten was making a few brief jokes about my now-husband's name.

The radio quieted, then started another song. I struggled to enjoy most of what was played, but it was actually one I liked -  _One More Tomorrow._ I blushed at the timing.

Without words, we started moving together. It wasn't the most elegant dance, and neither of us were very good at it, but we had smiles on our faces the whole time. A few times we tripped on each other, but instead of being embarrassed, we just laughed and continued.

It was always like that, wasn't it? I put my head to his chest as we slowly spun around the room. The song ended and we kept going, not really to any rhythm. No matter what had happened to Danse and I, we just worked through it and kept going. Even leaving the Brotherhood couldn't keep me from him.

It was a warm night, so we didn't mind the house being a bit drafty. When we'd exhausted ourselves we climbed up to the roof to sit under the stars, still in our fancy clothes. I thought back to when I first arrived in the city; despite the lights, you could still stargaze. The endless, intense lights of the past were gone, along with so much else.

The world was still new to me, even though it had been a couple of years. But the world wasn't really what mattered in the end. I thought about the wonderful people I'd met, the ones I'd lost, and mostly the ones I'd found again. Whenever I felt like I was in over my head, I realized I always had a shoulder to lean on, or an arm to fall back against.

This world was different. On the surface it was barren, scorched, mutated, and ruined. But I didn't mind it so much. Not anymore. I could just look at Danse or Piper and be assured that everything would probably be okay. It would take a little more work than it would have all those centuries ago, but at this point, I knew I could handle it.

The Glowing Sea off in the distance was almost comforting, like a reminder: This is your world now, it told me. Like it or not, this is where you live. You can't ever go back to whatever place you came from.

And honestly? It was perfectly fine with me.


	63. Part 5 - The Island

The Castle wasn't perfect, but it had become something I could truly call  _beautiful._ The patches in the walls may have been a different color, but they made them complete. It felt nice to patrol around the whole perimeter, past every bastion, gazing out at the sea. The fish didn't quite look "normal", but I could see them. The water was clear.

For so long, the Prydwen became an afterthought, like an ornament in the sky. It wasn't something I thought about often, since I was so busy with other things. My leg gave me trouble here and there, so I kept using my cane, but it wasn't keeping me down.

Vertibirds passed by more frequently, but I didn't ignore them as much. Especially when one landed at the end of the long pathway to the Castle's front entrance.

I decided to greet them myself. I saw two Brotherhood soldiers in power armor exit the vertibird, with two others flanking them. They didn't have their weapons drawn, but they were still an intimidating presence. I stood in the main doorway, my cane nestled into a crack in the old pavement.

One armored soldier approached me while the other three hung slightly behind. He reached up and removed his helmet, and I took note of the rank marking on his arm.

I started, but tried to regain my composure. I recognized him immediately, and said his name, which finally came to me: "Star Paladin Faust."

"Ah," He smirked. "So you  _are_ alive. And you remember me."

How could I not?. He was the Star Paladin who had lead my last mission with the Brotherhood. "Of course I'm alive," I confirmed, gripping the top of my cane. "Someone tell you I wasn't?"

The other soldiers fidgetted uncomfortably, but Faust ignored them. "Elder Maxson did. He reported both you and the traitor Danse as killed by his own hands."

I didn't want to start a fight. The second I saw the vertibird land I had decided on diplomacy and maturity. But hearing that... I laughed. I threw my head to the sky and  _cackled._ "Really?" I taunted, almost gasping for air. "He told you that? What a piece of shit."

The air froze, and the three other soldiers reached for their weapons.

Faust didn't react other than raising a hand to stop them. His face was stern. "I won't tolerate such words about our leader."

"Okay," I stood up straighter. "Did you come here to attack us? Because I said mean things about my attempted murderer?"

_"Murderer?"_

"When I was sent to...  _retrieve_ Danse," I bit my tongue. "Maxson followed me and attacked both of us."

"Weren't you ordered to execute him?"

"I haven't been taking orders from the Brotherhood for a long time, if you haven't noticed." I nodded my head back to the Castle. "This is  _my_ domain. The Brotherhood's been flying their vertibirds in our airspace for a year and I've kept my mouth shut. We want nothing to do with you, so just tell me what you want."

He nodded, and the other soldiers stepped back. "We were sent only for recon, to confirm the identity of the new General of the Minutemen."

"New? I've been here for a bit."

"We've had other priorities."

"Like the Institute?" I smiled sweetly. X6 had told me about some growing tensions; nothing very serious, but the Brotherhood  _was_ on the hunt.

He ignored my question. "We were also sent, under the order of keeping this mission entirely confidential, to confirm the status of former Paladin Danse. The traitor." He kept saying it with bite, like he was trying to annoy me.

It just bored me. "Well, I'm not allowing you in."

"Am I to take that as admission of you harboring a fugitive?"

"Fort Independence is not Brotherhood-controlled territory. This entire area is under Minutemen control and protection. You know you're not permitted here." I knew he knew. We didn't want conflicts, and so far they had obeyed the rules we'd set up: No armed Brotherhood presence. Unarmed, sure. Peaceful visits to settlements for trading were completely allowed. But no guns, no power armor. None of the things they'd brought to my front door.

"We didn't come here for a conflict, and we'd rather not make one. Just answer my question."

"Danse is under the protection of the Minutemen." I finally answered, meeting his eyes strongly. "He's also officially among our ranks. I can't imagine how the entire Commonwealth would feel about the Brotherhood attacking a high-ranking officer of the Minutemen."

"What rank does he hold?"

"Colonel."

"Under whose direct authority?"

"Mine, of course."

"So the fugitive traitor is alive, and is operating under the authority of the deserter. Also alive."

"You're alright with your leader lying to you like that?"

He flinched. "Excuse me?"  
"He told everyone that Danse and I were dead. By _his_ hand, no less. Now you can see with your own damn eyes that we're alive. You still believe other things he's said?"

The young man in the back shuffled his feet nervously. He looked like an Initiate.

I could feel a crowd behind me, but still inside the Castle walls. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife, but I hoped Faust knew he was outnumbered.

"The only thing that matters is my current set of orders," He declared, straightening his posture, obviously trying to intimidate me. "And those orders  _don't_ include retrieving a fugitive."

"Who was reported dead to everyone on the Prydwen."

"Don't change the subject,  _ex-Knight."_

"It's  _General."_

From somewhere nearby, Dogmeat growled.

"We've respected your borders. We haven't attacked your settlements."

"How charitable of you." I took half a step forward. Everyone but Faust noticed. "But now here you are on my doorstep. You've completed your mission. I'm the General, Danse and I are both alive. If you go after either of us -  _especially_ Danse - or any settlement protected by the Minutemen, it will be considered an act of aggression. Do you understand me?"

"That last clause has always been understood."  
"Then go crawling back to your warship already, would you?" I swore I heard the click of a gun being loaded from behind me. "Maxson might be busy, but tell him I said hi." I gave him another bright smile.

He stepped back, and his group moved with him. His eyes stayed trained on me for a few seconds before he finally looked to his soldiers. "Our mission is complete. Let's report back to the Elder."

"Oh," I called as they started to turn away. "How's Maxson's arm, by the way? I hope I didn't hurt him too bad during our scuffle."  
Faust didn't answer me. One of his soldiers kept their eyes on us as they all turned their backs and headed back to the vertibird. I made sure not to be offended by the implication that I'd have them shot in the back, but also gestured to the men behind me to relax.

When they were gone, I felt a sudden grip on my shoulder, strong with anxiety.

"You shouldn't piss them off like that," Preston took a deep breath and let it out. There was a bead or two of sweat on his brow. "They could blow us to pieces if they wanted to."

"They won't." I released my own breath I didn't know I was holding. "Maxson's an asshole, not an idiot. The Commonwealth already hates their big ugly ship. He wouldn't risk the Brotherhood's reputation any further."

"You sure?"

"You heard the leader. They're focusing on the Institute.  _That_ would get them points."

"I guess." He relaxed his grip and took my hand to lead me back into the Castle. "Not that I don't trust you. You just do crazy stuff sometimes."

"I got a slight history with that guy," I admitted. "He's a real... Well, like Maxson's lap dog, y'know? Wants to do anything to impress the Big Bad Leader while not questioning the fact that he's been lied to."

"Gotcha."

I released my whole General demeanor when I spotted Revy trotting up to me, Danse on her heels. She spread her arms, wanting to be picked up, so I dropped my cane and grabbed her, settling her onto my hip. "God, you're getting heavy!" I laughed, straining a bit to hold her. "Look at you!"

She grinned. Her hair was significantly more tamed than it used to be, thanks to Danse's efforts, but it was still wild. She also still liked only one of her eyes to show. But her face and malnourished little body had filled out. From being outside more, the freckles across her smiling cheeks had nearly doubled. "Those were the scary guys that were Dad's old friends, right?"  
"Yeah." I started walking with her and could feel Danse tense up. "You be careful when you run around outside. You know what to do when you hear a vertibird?"

"Hide to not be seen or heard!" She parroted the phrase we taught her proudly. "And anyone in power armor besides Dad isn't friendly. Or-" She looked off to the north as if she could see through the Castle walls. "Or the Atom Cats. They're okay."

"They're  _very_ okay." I emphasized. "They're our good friends." 

She pouted and snuggled more against me, sliding her arms around my neck. "They're kinda weird. But Uncle Sturges said they're nice, too, so..."

"Don't ever go visit them by youself, though." Danse chimed in, concerned. "You wander too far from the Castle sometimes."

"I know, I know..." She whined, sighing. "I got my knife, I'm okay."

He didn't argue with her. He knew he couldn't.

"Gotta put you down, honey." I set her down gently, and luckily she didn't seem to mind, immediately scampering off to play with Dogmeat and Ferra.

"I agree with Preston," Danse said, leaning toward me and hushing his voice. "Let's not incite anything with the Brotherhood."

"Did I show up at their doorstep?" I stretched out my already-tired arms, avoiding his eyes. The ring on my left hand caught a sun ray and glittered. "I wonder if word will get out about Maxson's lies. Seems like at least a few of his soldiers are already agitated."

"Haylen says those earlier tensions have calmed, but... It's still very much an issue." He sighed. 

"Not our problem." I finally looked at him and smiled. "We're out here helping people. We have to focus on that."

"I suppose." He had a look of worry on his face that had been with him for a few days. The increased presence of vertibirds had made him nervous; I refused to let him be in sight when they were around. And now we had gotten a real visit. "So they know I'm here," He said, staring at the ground. "What do you think they'll do?"

"If Maxson starts  _any_ shit-" I poked at Danse's chest and lifted his chin up. "-I'll tear his eyes out. You know that."

He smiled sadly. "I do." With another breath, he straightened up and relaxed. "But don't you have something else to worry about, Nuke?" He gazed off past me. "Valentine's been eyeing you all day."

"Yeah, yeah. I know." I grumbled. Before the wedding, nearly a month ago, I'd promised Nick I'd help him with his newest case. The problems started when he shared some more details with me: It was a typical missing person case, right up to the point that involved leaving the Commonwealth. I hadn't exactly shared that tidbit with anyone else yet.

 

So I called a meeting that afternoon. The room filled with the usual crowd of Danse, Preston, Nick, and Sturges - though the latter two weren't technically officers, they were active members and did a lot. MacCready came, too.

I tried to break the news of the investigation as gently as I could, but Danse still shot up out of his chair.

" _Leaving?"_ He shouted, his voice echoing around the stone walls. "To where, you said, some island? Can't Valentine do that on his own?"

"Easy, Danse." Preston urged, laying a hand on his arm gently. "Let's just sit down and listen to her."

He complied with a grunt. "Especially with that  _visit_ we had this morning, now seems like a bad time for you to leave."

"Eh, it should be fine." MacCready chimed from the back of the room, leaning against the door with his arms crossed. "Honestly, Danse? You and Garvey got it under control for a little while. Not like she'll be gone a month, right Nuke?"

"Refer to her with her title." Danse snapped, glaring back at him.

"Alright, everybody just calm down." I stood this time, hands on the table. My eyes scanned over everyone, resting on Nick for half a second. "This is pretty important to me, personally. A young girl ran off because of some worrying thoughts she's been having. Her parents are sick to death from it, and I want to get her home safe."

Nobody argued with me after that. They didn't even have to actively think about Revy. They all knew - especially MacCready.

"When are you going?" Preston asked, his brown eyes wide and sad.

"Should be tomorrow." Nick answered for me.

Danse started again, but stayed in his seat. Everyone was quiet while he took a second, then spoke. "Valentine."

He looked over.

"You'd better bring her back safe." His eyes were intense and sharp, locked on Nick like a vice grip. He said nothing else.


	64. Chapter 64

We had to head north. The Nakano family lived in a house right on the shore, and their daughter had sailed away in her grandfather's boat one day. That was all we knew.

Danse didn't want to let go of me. He held me in front of everyone, his fingers digging into my back and his face pressed into my neck. Right before he pulled away, after a good minute of hugging, he could only whisper: "Please be safe."

Revy was in Preston's arms, clinging to him. She waved sadly and weakly ordered me to come back soon.

I'd already kissed her goodbye, and couldn't bear to get closer to her. I'd never leave. 

Suddenly it was just Nick and I, trudging to our destination. For a while it was quiet, until I started fussing with the pack over my shoulder. I felt something tugging me back to the Castle, but the distance between me and my family only got wider. Like a horrible chasm being torn open in the earth.

Nick's hand clapped to my shoulder and made me jump. "Sorry. Look, it'll be alright. I'm sorry for how bad the timing was, but I..." He trailed off.

"You said you needed me for this." I reminded him, cracking a smile. "And I appreciate that."

"I just don't know what to expect." He sighed. "And you're the only one brave enough to head out into totally unknown territory."

Brave... Really? Me? Foolhardy, sure. Reckless, absolutely. But brave?

"Bravest person I know." He bumped against me lightly. "It's a bit of a hike. We've got some time to talk, right?"

My heart jumped. That didn't sound good.

"Don't get nervous."

Too late.

But in actuality, I didn't need to worry too much. Nick confided in me about time he'd spent with Danse. Just the two of them, talking. Not even about being synths. "Mostly... about  _you."_

"Me?"

Nick told me what they'd talked about. Danse, apparently, felt that he didn't deserve what he had, which wasn't surprising. He felt that he was "tying me down", that I had gone back to him out of obligation, at least at first. He noted my relationship with Piper, and pressed Nick about what had gone on between us.

I blushed in anticipation. 

"I told him the truth." Nick said, staring forward as we walked. "I didn't say it wasn't serious, cause that'd be a lie. But I said it wasn't like what you had with Piper."

I flinched when he took my hand, but I didn't pull away.

"And we had this conversation after you offered him a ring, by the way."

Danse was still so unsure? Felt like he was undeserving? Like  _he_ was  _tying me down?_ I  _proposed_ to him! I aired these grievances aloud to Nick, who chuckled.

"He told me..." A pause. "He told me he still doesn't feel right keeping you all to himself. Pulling you away from Piper... and me."

I had no reason to doubt what Nick was saying. But I also had the confirmation from the other side - Danse and I had a nearly identical conversation the night of our wedding. He had told me, "They make you so happy, and I don't ever want to get in the way of that". I tried to resist at first. After all, we were  _married_ . Officially! Things were a little more serious. And he insisted that he wouldn't push me, but that he was okay with it all.

It was so  _odd_ to me that he was so open to it, but it was such an astronomical relief, I couldn't even express it.

"He told me he'd tell you. Did he?"

The sudden question startled me and I nodded by reflex. "He did. I just..."

"I know."

 

The Nakano house was settled on a beach, right by the water and far away from anyone else. The isolation was peaceful, but a bit eerie.

Kasumi's parents were a mess. They told us whatever they could: One minute they had a loving daughter, and the next, she was gone. But they  _had_ noticed her becoming distant after the death of her grandfather, who she had spent a lot of time with. It was his boat she had taken.

"She just set off by herself?" I asked, impressed.

"She spent so much time on that radio..." Her father said, his voice solemn. "I just don't know what to do. I don't know what made her leave."

With permission, Nick and I started searching the property for clues. Everything we found confirmed that we were dealing with a grief-stricken, confused girl. But some other things stood out.

"She thinks she's a synth." Nick sighed, setting down a journal.

"I doubt it." I shook my head. "The Institute doesn't bother replacing kids. Especially someone so far out here. They hate wasting resources. What kind of intel could they get from  _this_ place?"

We told the Nakanos what we found, and very quickly started to prepare for our own journey. They had another boat we could take - Nick said he could figure it out.

And all of a sudden, we were on the water. The boat rocked underneath my feet as I jumped on, but something felt almost familiar about it. The harbor waters chilled the air.

As we set off, I steadied myself and huddled in the small cabin next to Nick. It got very cold very quickly as we headed out into the sea. When I finally decided to look out the window, all I saw was fog.

"At least we have directions to the Island," Nick said, not taking his eyes off the obscured path ahead of us. "And the compass works. That's all we need."

I nodded and hugged myself tighter. It was getting colder by the second, and the old cabin barely kept the wind out. I closed my eyes and focused on the oddly calming sound of the water to pass the time.

 

I didn't really know how long it took, but I definitely fell asleep at some point. The boat hit a pier and I was jolted awake. Hearing a flurry of voices outside, I hurried to my feet and ran out to greet them.

We had reached the Island. The harbor was cloaked in thick fog, but a few lanterns illuminated the faces staring at us.

"More newcomers," Someone said.

"Take it easy, Allen. They're welcome here." A woman stepped forward and introduced herself as Avery, the de facto leader of the people of Far Harbor, which is what they called the town.

I nodded, introducing myself, then Nick as he stepped out onto the dock.

Some people recoiled and murmured to each other. Avery just smiled. "You two seem like you're looking for something. Acadia, maybe?"

"Acadia?" I had heard it before. Was it something Kasumi mentioned in her journals, or holotapes? Quickly I gave an abridged version of our mission.

"Oh, the girl." Avery's smile disappeared. "That's where she went, Acadia. You'd best start there in your search, but I'm not sure you could get there without a guide."

"Why don't we look around a bit, first?" Nick suggested to me, "Try to get some clues."

"The Island's not safe." Someone in the crowd - a man in a wool hat - called out. "You'll get eaten by everything out there. Fog crawlers, gulpers... the works."

I gently pushed past the small crowd, trying to look confident. "I appreciate the concern, but I think we'll be alright." If Kasumi herself had already left, we needed to get going, but Nick still insisted we gather information from the town.

Despite the gloomy atmosphere, the people seemed friendly enough. Just trying to survive like everyone else. We learned that Acadia was on the peak of a mountain, and when we learned  _what_ it was, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Your friend there would fit right in." The man behind the counter said, snuffing out his cigarette.

"A refuge for synths..." I repeated what he told me, staring off past the town's borders. "How do they even get here? Are they safe from the Institute? Does the Railroad help?"

The man put his hands up. "I don't know, lady. You'd have to go up there and ask them, if you can make it."

So Kasumi thought she was a synth, and wanted to be in a place with people "like her".


	65. Chapter 65

As soon as we were beyond the safety of Far Harbor, we encountered the reason for the walls. The Island, covered in radioactive fog, was home to creatures even more fearsome than those in the Commonwealth. Things like gulpers and fog crawlers were common, and could almost rival deathclaws in height and toughness. Luckily, we came prepared with plenty of ammunition (and radaway, for the fog), and none of them got the better of us.

Along with the creatures were the  _trappers;_ like our raiders back home, but somehow worse. Apparently they were people driven mad by the radioactivity of the fog. We ignored as many as we could, but at times they were relentless. We even found a few feral ghouls, but not in very high numbers.

Nick focused on making our way to Acadia, up the mountain. My attention was stolen away by the Island itself.

It could have been the fog, but the air felt different. It was even different than the air at the Castle, which was right on the water itself. The Island was perpetually chilly, and I wondered if the sun ever even came out. 

I kept hearing... something. Or at least I thought I did. Whenever I looked for it, I found nothing. Nick would have certainly scolded me, but whatever I was hearing seemed to be leading me in the direction we had to go. We had reached the base of the mountain and started our climb.

"What do you think Acadia's like?" I asked, trying not to be distracted by the mysterious sound. I couldn't even describe it.

"Keep your wits about you is all I can say," He replied, holding tightly to his gun. "They called it a refuge, but nowhere on this Island seems anything close to  _safe."_

The trees were different, I noticed. They were still a bit green -  _evergreens,_ of course. The Island hadn't been hit directly by any bombs, so nature hadn't been  _ completely _ devastated. We even saw a wolf in the distance that looked relatively... normal. 

The radstags were different. We ran into one halfway up the mountain. At first it looked like a regular glowing variety, but there was something very odd about it. Its gait was off, and it had protruding teeth, almost like fangs. It went to charge at us immediately, but was suddenly dragged backward.

Nick grabbed my arm when I went toward it. "Are you crazy?! Leave it be, it looks stuck."

Something drew me toward it. It was thrashing around, its glowing green mouths open wide as it shrieked.

"That the sound you heard?" His voice was hushed and he didn't follow me as I crept closer.

I shook my head, then spoke softly to the panicked beast. "Shh, it's okay. Are you stuck? What happened?" I slowly circled around it and saw that its entire back end was caught in some kind of snare trap. All of its legs were free, meaning I was in danger of being kicked.

It suddenly realized how close I was and stopped to stare at me with its four eyes. One of its head turned to the side before it tried lunging again, only to be restrained painfully. The snare wire had begun cutting into its flesh from all the movement.

Standing in front of it, I raised my right hand and kept whispering. "Take it easy. I want to set you free." I ignored more harsh whispers from Nick's direction. "Let me help you, please."

It stopped moving entirely and met my eyes. Hot puffs of breath escaped its nostrils and faded into the cold air. 

I felt a cool whisp of fog brush against my hand, and a sudden tingling sensation startled me. A blue spark shot out from my fingers.

"Hey!" Nick called, panicked. "Don't do that!"

"I  _ didn't." _ I was frozen in the radstag's gaze. Oddly, it hadn't moved, and made no sign of having noticed the spark. But it was true - I  _ didn't _ do that. I watched my hand carefully as another cloud of fog drew near. Again a small blue light appeared for only a moment.

The stag was watching my hand now, calm and still.

I started to move around it again, keeping my hand up to its face. I made it all the way to its back end, and quickly fished a knife out of my pocket with my left hand. Taking a chance, I lowered my right and used it to get to work with the knife.

It held still while I cut it free. When the wire hit the ground I expected it to run, but it kept watching me. After a moment it took a few steps with its back legs, turning itself around to face me head-on. It had large antlers it could easily use to tear me to shreds, but for a while it just stared, turning its heads this way and that. One of them kept leaning toward my hand, but didn't get too close.

I raised my hand again. The fog was getting a bit thicker, so we had to move on, but I waited as a few more sparks jumped around. "Go on, then." I told the stag. "Go back to your family, please."

It picked up both of its heads and snorted, then started to back away. When it was about twenty feet from me, it hesitated, then turned and sprang into the woods.

Nick was immediately at my side and grabbed my arm roughly. "I know you love the animals and everything, but we have to go. That thing could've killed you. You know what Danse will do to me if I bring back a corpse?"

For some reason, I had a smile on my face. I hadn't sensed any aggression in the animal, just curiosity. I wondered if, maybe, it didn't see a lot of people and didn't know to be fearful of them.

Nick tugged me along, up the mountain. "Those glowing ones are always aggressive. Gonna get yourself killed, I swear. I swear..."

Before we could get too far, there was a rustling in the grass next to the broken path. We both prepared for a fight, but were surprised when someone stumbled out.

She was dressed in rags, and most of her hair was gone. I recognized her immediately - one of the Children of Atom. With tense hesitation, the people of Far Harbor had mentioned them. She stayed kneeling on the ground, looking up at us with clouded eyes.

"H-hi," I stuttered, waving and trying not to upset her. The Children weren't known for being friendly. "We're just passing through. Not bothering you at all, we promise."

"No, no," She reached out to me, then pulled her hand back. "I came to  _ you. _ I saw that, what you did."

"The... radstag?"

Nick grunted, unimpressed, and mumbled something about us needing to keep going.

"You freed one of Atom's creatures. No one does that."

It made sense that she would consider something so heavily mutated to be sacred. The Children of Atom and their radiation-worship... It was bizarre to me, but if I had a chance to make nice with a usually-hostile group, I was going to take it. So I nodded. "Of course. It needed help."

"Who are you?" She asked, her voice shaking. "I haven't seen you before." She glanced at Nick. "Acadian? You look like-"

_ "No-" _ Nick interrupted, scowling. "We're going there, though. Do you know the way? Cause if not, we gotta-"

"I know the way! Yes!" She suddenly stood, but jumped back away from me. Her eyes wandered to my right hand. "You spoke to the creature and it listened. If Acadia is your destination, I can guide you there. But only so far. Borders are strict nowadays. No one is getting along."

"Why's that?" I asked, genuinely curious if there was a reason besides just hating each other.

She looked around frantically, like she was afraid of being watched. "The Fog. It's sacred. It brings Atom's Glow to us all. But the people of Far Harbor... Atom hasn't accepted them. The Fog hurts them. Acadia helps them, with the Fog Condensers, but to us that's..." She swallowed hard and looked away, her gaze catching on a pole with a glowing top. "Sacrilege. To destroy the Fog."

I nodded along while she talked. Again, it aligned with their beliefs, however little sense it made to outsiders. I thanked her for explaining, and for the offer to guide us to Acadia, then asked if there was anything we could do in return.

Again she stared at my hand. "You spoke to the creature with your hand and calmed it. I saw the blue light. Are you..." She looked up at me. "No," Her head snapped away. "Let's go. Acadia is this way."

We followed her slightly hunched form up the mountain. Every once in a while she would look around quickly, or stare back at me. More specifically, at my hand.

Eventually, she stopped, and we followed suit.

"This is as far as I can take you." She said, nervously turning to us and avoiding our eyes. "Acadia is right up there. I don't know if they'll let you in. I..."

"Thanks for guiding us." Nick smiled, genuinely, and nodded his head toward the woods. "You can go now, if you want. You gotta get back to your people, right?"

She nodded and scurried away, but before disappearing completely, looked back. She watched me for a moment, mouthed something I couldn't catch, then vanished into the brush.

"Weird lot, those ones." He sighed and continued on. "Looks like we found our place, though. Check  _ that _ out."

Before us was a high, makeshift wall that circled all around the mountain's peak. Beyond the wall, in the center, was a domed building.

It was a bit colder on top of the mountain, but the fog had dissipated. We weren't quite high up enough for the air to be thinner, but it definitely felt clearer.

Carefully we approached the wall and knocked a few times on the simple wooden door. Nick was grimacing and shuffling uncomfortably.

"I'm sure they'll be nice." I whispered as I heard a commotion on the other side. "They're just refugees."

Right before the door opened, I heard the sound again, but I ignored it to greet the suspicious face that appeared.

"Hi," I started. "I'm Nuke. This is Nick Valentine. We're from the Commonwealth, and we're looking for-"

"You came for Kasumi, didn't you?" The woman asked, narrowing her eyes. "She said they'd probably send someone after her. How many more of you are there?"

"Um, just us. And we don't mean any harm. We'd just like to talk to her."

"...Hold on." The door slammed in our faces. Behind it, several voices seemed to be deliberating.

"Oh, let them in already, would you?" A voice called from the distance, and everyone else became silent. The door opened again and we were greeted by the face of a young man wearing a lab coat. "Hi, I'm sorry. You're here for Kasumi, right? The poor girl... Um, come in, then."


	66. Chapter 66

Inside the wall of Acadia, it looked like an ordinary settlement. There were a few shacks and guard posts along the walls, but it was obvious that the center building was where everyone stayed. The people outside kept their distance from us, whispering to themselves.

"So," The man turned to us as he led us to the building and opened the door, a smile on his face. His blue eyes were bright despite the cloudy weather. "You two got here all by yourselves?" He seemed to suddenly notice Nick, and his smile faded, but only for an instant. "Or are you looking to stay?"

"No," I tried to keep his attention. "Just for Kasumi. One of the Children of Atom led us here."

"Oh," He sounded disappointed. "I'm surprised one of them even spoke to you."

I kept quiet about my hand and followed him through the door.

"I'm Faraday," He told us as we walked through a dim hallway. "And this is Acadia. Welcome."

Soon we were in the main room of the building. Once, centuries ago, it had been an astral observatory. The large telescope in the center was obvious defunct, but the dozens of computer screens lining the room were lit up and flashing code.

"More strays, huh?" Came a female voice from behind us. Leaning against the wall by the doorway was a woman wearing, of all things, a Courser uniform.

I backed away slightly, by reflex. Seeing a Courser other than X6 was usually a cause for alarm, but quickly I remembered where I was.

"Relax. You're safe here." 

It sure was a nice setup. Though it was dilapidated, the building was secure, and on the top of a mountain. Tactically, it was a very safe place. Danse would be proud.

"Who have you brought to us, Faraday?" A soft voice wavered from the center of the room. With sounds of metallic whirring and clanking, a figure came toward us.

I recoiled. I hadn't even noticed him at first, thinking him and his chair were a part of the debris. But he was coming toward me, and I could barely comprehend him.

He was humanoid, of course, but had...  _ augmentations. _ So many of them. His body was like a generation 2 synth, but covered in wires and pylons and glass vacuums. He was almost too much to look at. The artificial skin on both his hands and his feet had worn away; he was obviously  _ very _ old. Despite his frightening appearance, though, his foggy blue eyes were kind, and his voice was gentle. He reached out one of his hands - just metallic bones, really - and smiled.

I could only blink at him.

"Welcome to Acadia," He said, examining me. "My name is DiMA. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I'm Nuke," I said, laying my hand in his. The metal was warm, and not unfamiliar. It felt almost exactly like Nick's hand had, before I fixed it. My hand tingled.

_ Nick! _

I looked back at him, and he wore an expression of suspicious shock.

DiMA looked at him, too, and dropped my hand in surprise. His eyes went wide. "...Nick?"

We all froze.

"What...?"

"Nick," DiMA took a few hesitant steps toward my partner, reaching for him weakly. "It's... really you, isn't it? After all this time?"

The two stared at each other, and the room seemed to spin. I heard Nick shouting defensively, and DiMA trying to calm him. Faraday and Chase stayed out of it, but the former's eyes darted back and forth between the nearly identical synths.

I heard the word  _ Brother. _ From what I could pick out, Nick and DiMA had both escaped the Institute together, over a hundred years ago. DiMA insisted this was the case, and that they had both endured endless, horrible experiments.

But Nick didn't remember a thing. Backed against the wall, he denied knowing  _ anything _ about it, then looked to me desperately for help.

Carefully, I stepped toward them. "Okay, um, let's all calm down. I'm sure we can work this out."

Nick had a vague idea of his past. Having his mind torn apart and put back together over and over again... But the details were lost to him, probably from all the experimentation. He certainly didn't remember having a  _ brother. _

Soon, everyone  _ did _ calm down. I eased Nick out of his anger-panic with some encouragement.

"I'm sorry," DiMA took a few steps back. "Perhaps I was a bit... overbearing."

"You were excited to see him again, right?" I smiled at both of them. "Can't help that."

"If it's alright with  _ you," _ Nick eyed his brother. "I'd like to get down to the business of why we're actually here."

"Of course, of course."

"For Kasumi," Chase interjected. "Right? Probably here to take her home."

"Hmm." DiMA looked off, toward the ground. "Before you do that, could I ask you some questions?"

It took me a second to realize he meant  _ me. _ I snapped to attention. "Yeah? What is it?"

"How did you gain the trust of the Children of Atom?"

"It was only one." I bit my lip. "I uh, there was a radstag in a trap. I set it free."

"The radstags on the Island can be quite violent. I mean no offense when I say this," He smiled. "But how did you overpower it?"

"I didn't." I had to admit. DiMA seemed to know I was keeping secrets, and they couldn't be kept any longer. "My hand..." I held it out. "I have some kind of power. I think the radstag noticed it, and the woman saw me free it. So she saw it, too."

"Power?" He came closer again, eyes wide. "I'd like to see, if you're able."

"I'm... not." I sighed. "If I deliberately use it, it'll hurt me."

"Oh..."

"But I think it reacted to the fog."

Faraday perked up. "The fog? The condensers should've kept you pretty clear of it."

"They did, but it was just a little bit of it. Enough to make my hand... spark."

All of a sudden Faraday was in front of me. He took my hand and started to examine it.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nick flinch.

DiMA chuckled quietly. "Don't be so hasty, my dear. Go easy."

"Sorry," Faraday replied, and Nick immediately relaxed.

I stood there while Faraday turned my hand this way and that, frowning. I shrugged. "There's really no explanation for it."

"Oh, there's an explanation for everything." He smiled and let me go. "It's probably just... not my area of expertise."

"Well,  _ mine _ is finding missing people." Nick crossed his arms and narrowed his glowing eyes at everyone else. "So let's go talk to Kasumi."

"Of course, of course." DiMA gestured to Chase, who motioned to us to follow her out of the room.

 

Most of Acadia was technically in the basement. First Chase showed us the market a couple floors down, to introduce us to everyone. Though understandably cautious, most of the people were nice. Their friendly nature lit up the dim room, filled with crates and dust. It wasn't the most glamorous place in the world... But then again, what place - other than the Institute -  _ could _ be glamorous? It was safe. And the refugees - the  _ people _ living here - needed only that.

Chase took us to Kasumi. She stayed outside the door of a small room off a hallway, nodding for us to enter.

Crouched at the base of a large machine was a young woman. Tools in hand, she was glaring at a mess of circuits.

"Kasumi Nakano?" I stepped into the room and called to her with a soft voice, trying not to startle her. 

She was so focused on whatever she was doing, my attempt failed, and she leaped to her feet. "Oh! That's me. Who are-" She caught sight of Nick, probably mostly his clothes, and backed up. "You look like DiMA. Did my parents- I mean, did Kenji and Rei send you?"

"You call them by their names?" Nick scoffed, then suddenly remembered the situation.

"Cause you think you're a synth, right?"  
"I _am_ a synth." She responded indignantly. "No other explanation makes sense."

I took a breath and decided to try to reason with her. I admitted to searching her house, hearing her logs. We heard her reasoning, and we understood it. To her, of course, it would make a lot of sense.

"But think of your parents," I continued. "Just hear me out. Maybe you  _ are _ a synth. Maybe they aren't  _ biologically  _ your parents. What would that change?"

She thought about it, her eyes on the floor. "I wouldn't be the daughter they think I am."

I wasn't sure that I could tell her  _ all _ of my secrets. One major one confirmed that she wasn't a synth - namely, that synth replacements always know what they are. She obviously didn't. The same as Danse.

"You want to know a secret, Kasumi?"

She looked up.

"My husband is a synth." I raised my left hand to show her my wedding band.

Her gaze immediately snapped to Nick, earning a quick chuckle from him.

I felt my whole face burn. "Oh, n-no, my husband is back home in the Commonwealth. He didn't  _ know _ he was a synth. When he found out, it freaked him right the hell out. But you know what?"

"...What?"  
"I don't love him any less. I knew him before he found that out, and he's the same person he always was."

She shuffled her feet. "Does he act... different? You know, like from other people?"

I smiled. "No one in the Brotherhood of Steel knew he was a synth, for  _ fifteen whole years." _

She gasped. "The Brotherhood of Steel!?" I couldn't tell if the reaction was excitement or fear, but her eyes were wide. "And they're so strict! You'd think..." Her sentence trailed off, like she was unsure of how to finish it.

"And also, we have a daughter. Not biologically ours, but that has no bearing on how much we love her."

Her brown eyes looked up, looking a little lighter than before.

"She's still our daughter."

For a minute, she was quiet. Nick was, too, which surprised me. Usually he at least had something to say, but he was smiling at me. Almost like he had trusted me the whole time to talk my way through it. Though I was new at it, maybe he counted on my parental intuition.

"I don't really know who you are," She met my eyes. "But... you're right. My parents sent you here, on this crazy dangerous journey I took. They must be... so worried about me."

"My daughter's at home. I know she's safe, but I'm still worried." Suddenly feeling the chill, I closed my jacket. "I can't even imagine how  _ she _ feels, being without her mother."

Kasumi was nodding and mumbling to herself. Her head must have been spinning. After the trauma of losing her grandfather, she probably felt so alone. And being as gifted as she was with machines...

I had a thought. "Did you come here all on your own?"

She shook her head. "No. I talked to DiMA on the radio. He convinced me to come."

...That annoyed me, just a bit. It wasn't like Kasumi was a child, but she had traveled alone. Imagine if something had gone wrong with her boat? I tried to shake it out of my head, though. DiMA didn't seem to have  _ malicious _ intentions...

"I think I'll stay for a few more days." She declared, finally smiling. "This place is like a second home to me now. I'll go back to my real home, I just... have to say goodbye."

Nick and I both nodded, and decided to let her be.

 

Chase was still outside the door, leaning against the frame. She had a bit of a smile on her face; she wore it like it was unfamiliar. "I heard all that," She said without looking at me. "Good job. Didn't want to kick Kasumi out or anything, but she belongs with her family."

We headed back upstairs. I wanted to make a comment about how well that had gone, but I held my tongue. I didn't even want to call it "easy". There was something else nagging at me.

I thought about the Island, just for a second. No one was fond of outsiders, no matter what they said. You could just tell. It was a safe place for synths, but how did the residents of Far Harbor feel about them? Did they have that irrational fear like back in the Commonwealth? And the Children of Atom... They seemed more peaceful out here, but I had only met that one member.

What was  _ really _ going on? On the Island so far away from everything I knew... Something was pulling me. I  _ had _ to find answers for all these questions I couldn't even articulate...


	67. Chapter 67

DiMA gave us a brief history of the Island. The old leader of the Children, Confessor Martin, had been a kind soul who accepted and even welcomed DiMA and his people. But now...  _ Tektus _ was his name, and he wanted war. Death. "Division", as they called it. The people of Far Harbor  _ hated _ the Children. The harborfolk weren't  _ bad _ , just wary, with a desire to protect themselves. And as I personally saw, the Children weren't all violent warmongers like their leader.

So that left Acadia. I watched DiMA and Faraday mill about the room with the latter mumbling about the former's systems. Worrying and fussing seemed to occupy a lot of Faraday's thoughts, with DiMA gently urging him not to be so frantic.

"Somebody's smitten," I whispered to Nick from our corner of the room. "And it's probably mutual, judging by how DiMA smiles at him."

Nick rolled his eyes.

"Don't be so grumpy." I nudged him. "Kasumi said she wanted a few days. You might as well get to know your brother a bit."

It was a lot for him. I understood. I was no stranger to reconnecting with unrecognized people from my apparent past.

To my surprise, Nick suddenly got up and approached the couple. I couldn't hear the from across the room, but Faraday gently bowed out of the interaction and came over to me.

He took Nick's seat and sighed, but had a smile on his face. "We sure didn't expect this. You've brought all sorts of surprises to us, haven't you?"  
I shrugged. "Nick's a bit stubborn, but he'll come around. Just give him a bit."

"Could I see your hand again?"

I offered it to him and let him examine it without an angry yellow glare fixed on him.

"Looks normal to me." He released me, then met my eyes. "If it's not rude to ask, could you tell me a bit about yourself?"

I smiled. "You first."

"Alright, alright." He laughed. "I'm not too different from everyone else here. Escaped the Institute and all that. Besides building and maintaining the Fog Condensers, I mostly focus on keeping DiMA... up and running."

"I'm sure he appreciates that."

He looked away, cheeks coloring. "I guess. I mean, I hope. I do what I can, but it never seems to be enough. His body..." He lifted his head and watched the two old-model synths. "I'm not sure how much more it can take. He just keeps hitting limits, and he's already offloaded some..." Suddenly he cut himself off and bit his lip.

It made me a little curious, but I minded my own business. "Looks like we'll be here for a few days until Kasumi wants to leave, if you don't mind."

"Not... at all." His tone indicated relief at the change of subject. "You're very much welcome here. We'll have beds made up for you two."

"Just me, probably. Nick doesn't sleep."  
"Ha," His smile returned. "Sounds familiar."

"DiMA the same?"

We found ourselves in a conversation about them, and how similar they were. Though DiMA was so much more softspoken, he seemed to be just as stubborn as his brother. 

Faraday suddenly gave me a smirk. "You're fond of him, huh? Your partner?"

What a loaded word! I shivered and glared at him. "You sure are one to talk. I see the eyes you make at DiMA!"

Annoyingly, he wasn't phased. "We've been together for years. We understand each other."

"And I'm  _ married." _ I emphasized, but not angrily.

"Oh. Your spouse know about this crush?"

"Of course. He knows everything."

"And he's alright with it?"

"He's alright with everything." I sighed. "Mostly. We were separated for a while, but when I found him again, all of this had been...  _ happening.  _ So he accepted it. Wants me to be happy. And married me  _ after _ the fact, so..."

"Sounds like there's a lot of trust between you." He leaned forward, looking at me with a smile in his bright blue eyes. "I'd like to hear about him, but you still haven't told me about yourself."

What was there to tell? Well, a lot, but maybe not the parts about the Institute. Still, I gave him a basic rundown. He was accepting enough of me claiming to have magical powers, and he was somehow even more okay with the whole Brotherhood thing.

I wanted to say more, but Nick and DiMA had returned from their talk. To both of our surprise, they were laughing and smiling. I could feel the relief wash over both of us.

"I guess this isn't so bad." Nick had his hands shoved into his pockets, and his glowing eyes settled on me. "Won't mind staying here for a couple days. The two of us have some more catching up to do."

"And  _ you _ two seem to be getting along." DiMA smiled and laced his fingers together. "Nick told me you like tinkering with things, Nuke."

I recoiled. "Well. I mean, I know how to fix power armor. I work on my husband's sometime. Um..."

"You fixed my hand, doll." He pulled it out with a grin. "You sell yourself way too short."

"Either way," DiMA continued. "If you get bored, I'm sure Faraday could find something for you to do, if you'd like."

Somehow, the idea excited me. "Anything that could help!" I sat up straight, smiling. I told them I'd love to hunt around the Island for things they'd need. Being an errand-runner was something I was used to, and from my experience and Brotherhood training I could easily tell garbage apart from actual useful technology.

"A lot of the Island is only inhabited by dangerous creatures, so do be careful." DiMA said with concern.

"I think she'll be fine." Chase had been in the room the whole time, silent by the doorway. I expected her to say more, but she didn't.

It felt like I was going back to a previous part of my life - hanging around in a place like Acadia with the opportunity to scrounge and fix things. It was like being back in Diamond City. Having a bit of responsibility taken off my shoulders, a break from being the General, was a relief I didn't realize I needed.

I wondered if our trip to the Island would be more of a vacation than a mission, after all.


	68. Chapter 68

We decided to leave Nick and DiMA alone, giving them more time to talk and get to know each other.  _ We _ being, of course, Faraday and I. Chase lagged behind, watching us, maybe a little suspicious. Occasionally she'd chime in with an opinion or a question.

Faraday gave me more details about his life. His escape from the Institute, the ordeals he went through to get to the Island... And how he found DiMA. Then, when Chase was quiet, he added  _ her _ story. How DiMA had convinced her, a  _ courser _ , to stray from the Institute's path and remain on the Island. 

When we got on the topic of Kasumi, Chase finally spoke up.

"You convinced her pretty quickly," She said, almost accusingly. "But then again, DiMA convinced her to stay. Maybe she's just swayed easily."

I shrugged. "I've talked my way in and out of a lot of things. Guess I just made sense to her. What did DiMA tell her?"

Faraday hesitated, but with a sigh, told me. "I heard them speaking on the radio for quite a while. She was just so unsure, worried. It was a dangerous journey, but DiMA felt like Acadia could give her some answers."

"Did he actually think she was a synth?"

"Not sure." It was almost hard to listen to how his voice wavered. "I tried to talk him down from the whole thing. But he went on and on about her needing to find acceptance..."

I thought about myself. My power, whatever it was. It hadn't ever really bothered me. It was weird, sure, and it was difficult to learn that I'd been an Institute experiment. But I'd lived so much on my own, making my own life...

And I thought about the way the Child of Atom looked at me. Before she left, she almost asked me something. About my hand, no doubt, but what was it? There wasn't fear in her eyes like the Institute scientists when I got, in their opinion, a little too close.  _ They _ were afraid of me. I had no reason to think my real friends were; they just seemed concerned about the aftermath. Me getting hurt. Cause they  _ knew _ me.

"Do you think the Children of Atom would know anything about my hand?" I asked, breaking completely away from the subject.

"Why?" Chase's voice went up almost an entire octave. "You don't really want to  _ talk _ to them, do you?"

"I dunno. The one seemed nice."

"Don't trust them." She interjected. "Honestly? Don't trust anyone outside these walls. Hell, I barely listen to DiMA half the time."

Faraday sighed almost indignantly. "Now, Chase. Let's not get her all riled up with our problems."

Well, I was already here, I told them. And fixing things was kind of... what I did. It would be a few days before we left with Kasumi, so I asked if there was anything they actually needed assistance with.

"Not unless you can stop a maniac with nuclear weapons at his disposal." Chase huffed. "That Tektus might be the death of us all."

He was definitely a bigger threat than the people of Far Harbor, despite the stories of synths being beaten within inches of their lives by the angrier members. But apparently, that hadn't happened in a while.

When I inquired about it, Faraday froze in his tracks. After a minute he nervously said, "I guess Avery lightened up a little."

Chase made a motion I couldn't really make sense of, and gave Faraday a look full of venom. 

I felt the tension. Part of me wanted to write it off as just a sore subject, but there was something else going on. I stopped and faced both of them.

"Great," Chase sighed. "You've gone and riled her yourself."

But I didn't say anything. I just looked back and forth between them - from Faraday's bright, but sad blue eyes, to Chase's deep, suspicious brown. I hoped my glare gave them the right message, before I forced myself to smile and suggested we go back upstairs.

 

It was late when I stepped outside, but the chill didn't bother me. The balcony outside of the observatory was deserted, along with the grounds below. It was quiet. I listened for the sound I heard earlier, but there was only the wind rustling through the still-living trees. Looking up, the sky was an open dome, filled to the brim with stars. Somehow I could see even more than back in the Commonwealth, and I felt the wonder deep in my chest.

Nick joined me soon enough, leaning over the railing next to me. Besides the stars, the only light came from his eyes as he stared forward.

"How's DiMA?" I asked. I hadn't spoken to either of them since I went off with Chase and Faraday, not wanting to interrupt.

He shrugged. "Not bad having someone else like me."

I felt my heart sink to my feet, then mentally scolded myself for it being an overreaction. Once, Nick had said almost the same thing about me. Someone with old-fashioned ideas, technically pre-War, even though I couldn't remember much. Even though there were plenty of ghouls who had lived so long ago, it was  _ so long _ to them that a lot had forgotten most of it.  _ But you, _ he told me a few times,  _ You're different. _

And now he had DiMA. Someone who was  _ really _ like him. Someone he'd known, but couldn't quite remember.

"S'like you and that Courser," He noted, like he read my thoughts. "And now I kinda get why you fancy him so much."

I kicked at the railing. "He's okay."

"I mean how you let him come around. Despite everyone else calling you nuts."

I looked up. "People call me nuts?"

His smile was comforting, playful. "Just me, mostly. Worried about you. Danse and the others wouldn't ever speak an ill word about you and you know that."

"Maybe they should."

The smile disappeared. "Aw, come on. I was just kidding around. That Courser hasn't dragged me back to the Institute, so I don't mind-"

"His name is X6." I rested my chin on the cold metal, and grimaced as I said the whole designation - "X6-88." That's what it was. A designation. Not so much a name.

"Everyone here's got real names." Nick looked back out into the darkness. "And their memories. Not like the Railroad."

"Synths only lose their memories if they choose that."

"Yeah, but you think they pressure 'em?" He must've seen my scowl. "Sorry. They do good stuff. It's just... talking to DiMA,"

"What does DiMA know about the Commonwealth?" My tone was nastier than it meant to be, but it really did hurt to hear the Railroad criticized. They worked so damn hard to free people... "When was the last time he was there?"

"I think he left as soon as he could." He sighed. "He said it's hard for him to remember so far back, sometimes."

"Faraday mentioned something about his limited memory space. And offloading."

"Maybe he got rid of some data." Nick's brow furrowed as much as it could as he stared down at one of the ramshackle buildings. "Guess that could be nice."

"But the Railroad's so bad for wiping bad memories."

"Now, neither of us said that." He stood up straight and faced me, serious. "You're running on a lousy boat ride's worth of sleep, so why don't you come in and get some for real?"

I shut myself up and let him lead me back inside. It really was cold outside, and the smell of the inside air brought me immediate comfort.

A little offshoot had been set up for us; it had one bed, and a chair, since Nick didn't sleep. I didn't expect much from the bed, but it was actually quite comfortable. When my head hit the pillow, I realized how tired I was and let the adrenaline rush of anger pass through me.

"Could I join you?" Nick was taking off his coat and had something like a smile on his face.

Quietly I moved over, but rolled to put my back to him. I wasn't really angry, but something in me wanted to be.

He touched my shoulder gently and I grumbled. "Now, I may not be as warm as Danse," He chuckled. "But I can at least try to thaw you out. It's cold out there."

I was too tired to resist turning over into his arms. He'd never believe me, but he really was quite warm.


	69. Chapter 69

Mornings were understandably chilly in Acadia. I woke up alone and did my best to huddle into myself to keep warm, not daring to touch the floor before I had my shoes on.

Vaguely remembering the layout of the building, I found my way to the center room to see everyone already up. Nick and DiMA, I figured, had been the earlier risers.

DiMA was the first to notice me, and his face lit up when he saw me. "Good morning," He greeted, walking slowly toward me. "Did you sleep well? My apologies for the... less than ideal sleeping arrangements. I'm sure it's not as nice as you're used to."

"It was fine. Thanks." His gaze, though cloudy and calm, made me shrink back. He wasn't even particularly tall. Just a lot to look at. But I tried to anyway.

So much of his body had fallen away and was held together with scraps. His hands looked dangerous, glimmering like knives, but he always held them together so gently in front of his withered chest. His face was marked and scarred with age and grime like Nick's, though I could only imagine what the salty air did to him in addition.

But his eyes, his faded but still attentive blue eyes, looked so kind. I met his gaze sheepishly.

"I should apologize to you," He said before I could make a sound. "Nick and I talked last night, and he told me your... reaction to some things we discussed."

My face burned out of embarrassment. Here was DiMA, working so hard to help people, and there I was, a newcomer full of judgment.

"You don't need to be flustered." He smiled. "I admit, my knowledge of the world outside this Island is quite limited. You do the same work as Chase, yes? Helping synths escape?"

I nodded, still unable to speak.

"It's very admirable. And whatever those synths choose to do with their memories... Is truly  _ their _ choice." He nodded, as if still reconciling it with himself. "So I'm sorry for casting judgment."

I thought about what  _ I  _ had casted. Bristling at the thought of DiMA  _ convincing _ Kasumi to leave her family on a dangerous mission to a strange Island. But I realized, what else could he do? He wanted to help a troubled girl. Give her answers. And she  _ did _ wind up finding them on the Island, thanks to DiMA's convincing.

"I'm sorry too," I finally said, letting out a deep breath. "I've just been a little on edge."

"Understandable." DiMA relaxed, standing up straighter but letting his burdened shoulders fall. "But no apology is necessary. All is well."

Faraday visibly relaxed and approached us. "I suppose you're hungry. Want to come with us down to the square?"

 

Nick joined me for company's sake, but DiMA stayed upstairs. He got around alright, but Faraday whispered to me that he tended to have trouble with stairs and preferred to stay in the main room.

The hustle and bustle of the morning was so familiar, I could have mistaken Acadia for any settlement back home. People smiled and laughed around overturned crates used as tables. Most suspicious glances faded quickly and we even got a few waves. We spotted Kasumi, but decided not to bother her and picked our own spot.

We chatted idly while we ate, but Faraday did most of the talking. He aired his grievances about Fog Condensers failing or getting destroyed, and how much the Children of Atom  _ irritated _ him, but DiMA  _ insisted _ they be left alone. And how could he resist DiMA's logic? There was no  _ proof _ that they were doing anything wrong.

"But there's tensions," I said, not needing to remind everyone. "Have you tried talking to their leader?"

"Like I said before," Chase frowned. "He's a maniac. Leaves us well enough alone because of how they got their base, but really has a bone to pick with Far Harbor."

I wondered if it was a problem that could even be solved. The Children were so set in their ways, and I assumed everyone else on the Island was, too. That included DiMA and his insistence on not starting a conflict. Against my better judgment I asked if it would be worth it for  _ me _ to talk to them.

"You'd get yourself killed!" Faraday wailed, his eyes wide. "If not shot, the radiation in that base of theirs would get you for sure."

"I've got plenty of meds for it."

"Or I could be a runner," Nick added. "Radiation sure won't hurt me."

Faraday tapped his fingers nervously on the table, then looked at Chase, who shrugged.

"I don't think we can stop them," She admitted. "She's got that look in her eyes."

He whined in defeat.

 

Kasumi indicated she wanted to leave the next day, so I headed right out toward the Children's base - the Nucleus. DiMA desperately urged me to be civil, which I promised to be, unless they decided to escalate things. The last thing the Island needed was an  _ outsider _ causing conflict...

But DiMA insisted I wasn't one. He smiled warmly at me before I went and told me, "A friend of my brother is a friend of Acadia. And you're certainly quite a bit more than that."

I tried not to flinch, but his smile was so knowing. I felt a tingling in my hand and swore a bit of blue had crept into my vision. Hastily waving goodbye with my  _ left _ hand, I ran off to catch up with Nick.

 

There the two of us were, back in the unfamiliar woods of the Island. For the most part, this time, the "locals" left us alone. A few times I spotted a gulper or two in the distance, but upon seeing us, they took off.

While I was relieved, Nick was suspicious. "Thought they were supposed to be violent."

I shrugged it off, but kept my gun at the ready. "Let's just keep out of the fog."

And it kept away from us. We stayed on the general paths, half-lined with Condensers, and avoided the bulk of it. Sometimes a huge cloud would tower near us, getting sucked into the Condenser but some of it still lingering.

I pulled my right hand closer whenever we passed by, but a few times I still saw sparks.

"You got a plan to deal with these people?" Nick asked, having apparently not noticed.

My first plan was to ask them about it. I thought about it during breakfast and the whole time I got ready. I wondered if they would have answers to my questions.

But then, I thought, of course they wouldn't. The one was so perplexed, there was no way the others could give me answers. Besides, it was the Institute that had done this to me. The Children on the Island couldn't possibly have any answers.

So, I decided, I was going to give  _ them _ answers. I reminded Nick how the woman we saw seemed almost in  _ awe _ of my hand, whatever I had done with it. Whether it had hypnotized the radstag or what, she must have seen it as some kind of mystical power.

"You're going to trick them," Nick extrapolated. He wasn't smiling.

"Just talk to them." I clarified. "And probably lie a bit."

"You sure? You really wanna lie to these dangerous people?"

"I've lied to  _ much _ more dangerous people." I grimaced at the thought of standing near Diamond City's entrance, Maxson's piercing snake eyes locked on mine. And I thought about the lies I'd told Piper, and Danse. X6, too. Maybe not lies, but omissions. I went to the Railroad instead of where I told them I was going. But they knew, now, so was it alright? X6 never asked if Danse was a synth, so it was fine I never told him, right? Well, I said to myself, I worried what he would do. There was still distrust. Even with Piper - would she report on the Railroad? Even with  _ Danse _ \- how  _ angry _ I knew he would get. Not at me, technically, but seeing him upset was almost enough to kill me.

But in the end, all of it was alright. X6 had no suspicions about Danse. My lovers kept loving me and understood why I did what I did.

Then I thought of the lies Maxson told the Brotherhood. He read with his own eyes that Danse had escaped, was considered  _ missing. _ And he turned around and told his men that Danse was a threat, a danger, an Institute spy planted to destroy the Brotherhood from within. He said it with no remorse in his eyes. I started to think, maybe he wasn't capable of showing it.

Those lies were to hurt. The one I was about to tell... not so much. There was an island full of people all worried about each other for different reasons. All stressed. I wondered if I could ease some of that with a little bit of deception.

I told Nick about half of my plan, and by the end of my rambling we'd reached the Nucleus. A few Children stepped forward, on guard, and a taller man came through them.

He introduced himself as Grand Zealot Richter, and demanded to know the purpose of our intrusion.

I tried to answer, but somewhere in the distance I heard something. A sound.  _ That _ sound. I still couldn't place what it was, but tried to wrangle control of the situation back. I raised my right hand.

The Grand Zealot glared at me. The Children around him looked nervous, but no one seemed outwardly hostile.

"I came with a message," I said, trying to focus. I squinted and took a deep breath, focusing on my hand and trying to draw the energy out. "I need to speak to High Confessor Tektus."

He made a sound, like a scoff. "You're an outsider. I've never seen you before. Why should I let you into our sacred Nucleus?"

I was almost  _ praying _ for a spot of fog. There were no condensers in this area, obviously, and we were very near to the water. After a few more seconds of breathing, I felt something on my hand. A spark.

Several of the Children jumped, but Richter stood solid. Only his eyes moved to my hand.

"I told you," Another breath, some more focus. I felt a cool, humid breeze, and hoped it was fog. "I have a message. From Atom."

"From Atom!?" Exclaimed a few of the Children, and even their leader reacted with a slight flinch.

A gust of wind surged by us, bringing in a cloud of fog. Before we could react we were engulfed in it. I wasn't worried due to the anti-radiation preparation we'd taken, but the burst of blue from my hand startled everyone, especially me.

I regained my composure and held my hand out, watching the energy flow around it like a flame. I stared the Grand Zealot in the eyes. "A message from Atom. For High Confessor Tektus."

He tried to stand steady and failed. His eyes darted from mine, to my hand, then back again about ten times before he finally stood up straight and nodded. "Very well." His voice shook. "You may enter the Nucleus."


	70. Chapter 70

It certainly wasn't a welcoming place. The thick air was stained yellow and a metallic taste lodged itself permanently in my mouth.

Richter led us through the winding, rickety staircases of the Nucleus. We passed several people deep in prayer, on their knees, begging for Atom's forgiveness for some transgression. Many others greeted us as we walked by with assorted Atom-praising interjections.

Finally we reached the Vessel - the hulking submarine located in the center of the structure. I felt a pang of claustrophobia as we descended into it, but I couldn't let any fear show. I thought of the Old North Church's catacombs to calm myself.

 

"Where do you hail from?" The High Confessor immediately demanded, before Richter could say a word. "Tell me who you are, outsider, for I've heard of you."

"You have?" I responded, stupidly, then shook my head. "No, my apologies... High Confessor. Of... course you have. Surely you've heard of my arrival before this day?"

He looked suspicious, but nodded. "You are the outsider woman with the gift of Atom. Your hand glows like his Light, albeit in a shade of blue. One of the Children returned yesterday and told me of your taming of a radstag."

I nodded and stepped forward, hoping Nick would back me up if I completely screwed us over. "I've come from the south," I told him. "My journey has been long, and the people of Acadia have been kind to me."

Tektus glanced around me, to Nick. "This one. He looks like their leader, yes?"

"Yes," I kept my tone polite, hushed, but strong. "He has been my guide on this Island, and brought me to you. He understands the importance of the message I am to deliver."

"A message, you say? From whom?"

"From Atom himself."

Silence fell over the already stuffy room. Tektus considered my offer for a moment before raising his hand and waving it. "Go on then," He snapped. "Show me this glow. I cannot trust outsiders, but you claim to have a message from Atom. Prove you are his messenger."

I didn't have the fog to help me this time. I raised my hand and focused as much willpower as I possibly could. I thought about Acadia, the peaceful people living there. Far Harbor had attacked an Acadian more than once. And the Children wanted the harbor people exterminated. It was all a mess, and not everyone was innocent. But everyone was just afraid. People do stupid things when they're afraid.

Standing in front of High Confessor Tektus, I was afraid. I was in their territory, and if I couldn't prove myself, they'd probably have me killed. But I remembered DiMA's plea for peace. I thought of how wonderful it could be, having the three groups of people living together...

My hand crackled. I watched as Tektus recoiled, almost knocking over a table, but he quickly steadied himself and stared me down again.

He waited.

I focused more, and finally it happened. My hand surged and glowed like it had against fearsome enemies, and I was controlling it. I made a fist and kept staring, triumphantly but not arrogantly, at the High Confessor.

"Wh... what is your message?" He whimpered, staring in awe at my hand.

"Atom demands peace." I declared. "The people of Far Harbor and Acadia are good. They may not be blessed by Atom, but they have just as much right to this island as His Children."

"We have never harmed Acadia!" He cried desperately. "And we would not  _ harm _ those in the Harbor, only... only...!"

But he knew what I knew. He saw me, then, as a true messenger of Atom, a hand glowing with nuclear might. He couldn't know any different. In truth, I didn't, either. But he stood there, shaking, knowing the falsehood that I had been sent by his god to instill fear of retribution. He knew he couldn't afford to test my ability, if it were some kind of trick.

"What shall I do...?" He steadied himself on a chair, watching me with fear in his eyes. Of course, as usual, the most brutal leader was just a man full of fear.

"Those Fog Condensers were made to protect those not immune to Atom's might. There are several among you."

Some of the people we passed were so obviously sick with radiation poisoning. It was something that happened in the Commonwealth, too, and yet they remained devoted to their god.

"Allow these people to live peacefully, and hope they may find Atom's grace on their own. You cannot force them."

My order struck him and he nodded solemnly. "Yes," He said after some time, reconciling it all in his mind. "Yes, this is true. Those without the immunity... They are simply on their way. I must allow them... time."

I relaxed my hand and let it fall to my side, the energy flame petering out. It was a relief; my head had started to spin. I felt a little unsteady on my feet, but found the strength to stand. "I am only a messenger," I stated, choosing my words carefully. "I've spoken my holy vision to you, and now I must return."

"Wait!"

I froze, but tried not to betray my nervousness.

"You will return to Acadia? With your guide?"

I nodded.

"I must give thanks," He breathed, and began to fumble around the room. "Yes, I must give thanks. There is something you must take with you. It belongs to the leader. To DiMA."

"DiMA?" I remembered the story of how the Children came to live in the Nucleus, and decided to invoke it. "Ah, yes," I smiled my most genuine smile. "To repay him for giving Atom's Children the Nucleus as a home, correct?"

"Yes, you must take this." He reached for my right hand, then suddenly pulled back and simply opened his own, revealing a small sheet of paper.

I took it gently and examined it. It looked like a scrawled, primitive map.

"The Vessel... deep within it lies what must be returned to DiMA. I'm sorry I cannot accompany you, but..."

"No," I raised my hand in a friendly gesture. "You've done quite enough. You've followed the path you believed to be right all this time. There is nothing to atone for, as long as you continue this new path without hesitation."

"Yes, yes, of course..."

"And I'll fetch this item, for DiMA. In thanks for all he has done for Atom's Children."

Tektus bowed his head to me, thanking me again as I left the room. Though I was satisfied with the outcome, I still felt the Grand Zealot's eyes on my back.

 

We made sure we weren't followed as we wound our way through the submarine. At the very end we reached a control room, and the map indicated I was to access the terminal.

Nick did it for me. He poked and proded and hemmed and hawed until finally, a good sound. Something beeped and holotapes emerged from a small slot - five of them, one at a time.

Not wanting to spend any more time in such a terrible place, we hurried out of it as fast as we could.

We bid the Children farewell and headed back toward Acadia. I felt a little lightheaded, probably from a combination of my hand and the raditation, but I promised Nick I'd take some radaway once we were "home".  
Then I heard the sound again. I stopped in my tracks, and looked off toward it. This time it sounded like it came from a real direction, not just everywhere.

Nick stopped, too, and followed my gaze. "Yeah," He said, voice quiet. "I heard it that time."

At that point, I'd heard it almost ten times. I  _ needed _ to know what it was, so I took off running in the direction. I heard Nick curse from behind me, but he was running after me.

It sounded so  _ almost  _ human. I'd heard it really clearly for the first time, and could describe it: high-pitched, like a wail or a scream. If I knew better, I'd say it could have been a person, but I knew it wasn't.

We came to the bottom of a medium-sized cliff and moved along it, into the woods. I kept my hand on the rock as we went, watching my feet. The fog started to roll in, and I kept my right hand hidden in my jacket pocket.

"If we stay in this damn fog, you'll need the whole island's supply of radaway when we get back!" Nick scolded, trying to keep up with me.

Before I could respond, we rounded the cliff and found a clearing. It was still full of fog, but the trees parted into an open area. Even the grass was short. Though I was suspicious, I still stepped into it and looked around.

Nick was at my side. "I don't see anything. It's got to be some animal. You've been hearing it since we got here?"  
I nodded. It always sounded like the same distance from me, but _everywhere._ Except for the time just now. It was so clear, it could have come from where we were standing.

"I know you wanna investigate - I probably have myself to blame - but we gotta get back. We shouldn't spend forever wandering in these unfamiliar woods. Who knows what could be hiding."

Reluctantly, I agreed. Chasing after sounds in a foggy maze of a mountain forest was a bad idea no matter how you sliced it. No matter how good I was with my gun.

We turned to leave, and we saw it.

It was perched atop the cliff we'd walked along. Its pale form was crouched on the edge, staring down at us, unmoving. Its eyes were large, and looked blank.

Both of us froze. I had a quick flash of relief knowing Nick was seeing it too, but it was immediately replaced by fear.

"Mountain lion," he said.

It definitely looked like one. A huge cat with rounded ears, its legs tucked under its powerful, hunched body.

But something was definitely wrong. I would have called it solid white, but it wasn't exactly...  _ solid _ . Its hide was almost shimmering, like it was moving, but the creature's entire body was still. It was enveloped in the fog, but looked like it could have been  _ made _ of it.

And I could see the cliff through its huge paws.

A shudder ran through my whole body. I didn't have a  _ particular _ memory of a mountain lion, of course, but I knew what they were  _ supposed _ to look like: tawny-colored, darker ears, some facial markings. And definitely not see-through.

Its head moved slightly, cocked to the side. Though its eyes were entirely white I could tell it was staring at me. From behind it a long tail swept out, twitching absently.

"Get your gun ready," Nick whispered, very slowly moving for its own. 

But I didn't move. Something told me it was no use. Whatever was staring at us  _ looked _ like a mountain lion, but it was absolutely not of this world. I knew a bullet, or an energy blast, would have gone right through it.

Nick shot anyways. The crack of his pistol rang out through the trees as it shot through the fog, and through the specter.

It turned to look at him, calmly. In a swift, silent motion it stood and leaped off the cliff to the ground. It was still a few yards away, but it already seemed so much bigger.

It walked closer. Toward me, specifically. Apparently it had lost interest in Nick pretty quickly.

I would have backed away, raised my gun, anything... but I was frozen. Not quite with fear. I felt almost astonished by it, watching it come silently toward me. Its paws went straight through the twigs and rocks on the ground, and the fog swirled into and past its body like it  _ couldn't _ have been there.

A few feet from me, it stopped. It made a sound - that same sound I kept hearing, but so much quieter. At that volume it was like a chirp, a greeting.

How was I supposed to respond? I thought for a second, then started walking toward it, pulling out my right hand. We were surrounded by fog, and a few sparks darted across my skin.

The cougar turned its head and looked at my hand, but didn't move. It didn't even seem that interested, and looked back to me

"Are you friendly?" I asked, my voice choked by the sudden chill.

It took a step forward. Then another, and it was right in front of me. It raised its head to my chest and moved it, like it was sniffing. It made no sound. It couldn't really have been sniffing.

But I realized what it was sniffing at. Suddenly my holotags, underneath my shirt, felt very cold against my skin.

It took one more look, from my chest to my sparking hand, and disappeared. It was like it had just melted into the air as a breeze rolled past. Wherever it went, it took the fog with it. All around the area was suddenly, unnervingly clear.

Nick grabbed my arm with urgency. He said nothing but pulled me back toward the path.

"You saw it too?" I tried to ask. It came out like a squeak.

"Yeah," He said, his voice low and dark. "Yeah, I saw it. Right there in front of us."


	71. Chapter 71

"There are no mountain lions on the Island," Faraday said without looking up from his computer. "Not since, oh, four hundred years ago."

I was still shivering, and Nick had given me his coat. It was warm in the room due to all the running computers, but I couldn't shake the feeling of the fog. I felt a little groggy, too, from the radaway.

"The mind can play lots of tricks," He continued, but he looked up at me sympathetically. "Especially in the fog. The radiation-"

"Don't give her that," Nick interjected. "Radiation does  _ nothing  _ to me, but  _ I  _ saw it, too."

DiMA was standing in the corner, watching us with a smile. His soft voice spoke up. "Perhaps you saw a spirit."

Faraday groaned and rolled his eyes, turning to almost glare at DiMA. "Now don't  _ you _ start. You'll put ideas in their heads."

He chuckled. "Not everything can be so easily explained by science, my dear. Do keep that in mind."

Obviously, he didn't want to. Faraday was a man of science first, for sure. But DiMA had lived on the Island for over a hundred years. Surely in that time he'd seen things that were odd, things that defied explanation. In a world full of mutated creatures and radioactive fog, how could anyone plausibly deny  _ anything? _

But I left poor Faraday alone. He was busy. I still had questions, but they would have to wait.

Nick was by my side as we headed toward our little room. He reminded me that we were leaving the next day, as if I could've forgotten. I mumbled about forgetting to give DiMA the holotapes, and he assured me he would remind me in the morning.

I sat on the bed, still huddled in his coat. Still cold. The thought of leaving somehow made me feel even colder.

A chuckle came from the corner of the room where Nick was packing our things. "Might actually miss this place a little," He said. "Having surprise family... It's interesting."

"Why didn't that radstag run from me?" I asked, suddenly thinking about it. I held myself as tightly as I could. "And the Children of Atom think my hand is some kind of blessing. And that lion."

He sighed. "It doesn't matter. Let's get Kasumi, and ourselves, home." The bed sank with his weight, and he squeezed my shoulder. "One more night. Won't have to worry about that stuff anymore."

But I  _ was _ worried, and knew my worries wouldn't go away with a boat ride. What were on the holotapes? What was going  _ on _ with this strange Island? An Island of runaway synths and ghost lions and a cult inside a submarine who could be tricked into peace. By a strange woman with a glowing hand, I reminded myself. That's what I was.

Nick urged me into bed gently. He tucked me in and snuggled up beside me, putting his arms around me and holding me close. "It'll be fine," He urged. "Tomorrow, everything will be fine."

 

But I couldn't sleep. Nick's body was wrapped around mine, warm and secure and still. Of course, he was awake, and I wondered if he knew I was, too. I shifted and made a sound.

His eyes snapped open and I felt his hand grip my back. "You good?"

"I need a drink."

He moved to let me out of bed.

 

Acadia seemed different at night. It wasn't particularly loud during the day, but something about nightfall made everything change. I made my way down a few flights of stairs to the market area. Surprisingly, some people were still up. They nodded to me as I headed to a cooler.

The water was pure like the air above the fog, but I wasn't really thirsty. I took the bottle with me and headed back upstairs. I walked down the long hallway and, before turning into my temporary bedroom, stared out into the main room.

DiMA was sitting in his chair silently. No one else was around.

Feeling lucky that Nick hadn't noticed me snatch the holotapes before leaving, I stepped into the room and whispered DiMA's name.

He sat up, but his chair stayed still. He smiled. "Hello, Nuke. Trouble sleeping?"

I nodded and stepped further into the room, my heart suddenly in my throat. The holotapes felt heavy in my pockets and, before my anxiety could get the better of me, I fished them out.

"Holotapes?"

"They're yours. The Children of Atom gave them to me."

He was quiet, and I swore his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "...What's on them?"

"I don't know, they're not mine."

Finally he stood, his whole chair shifting to assist him. His metallic steps were particularly harsh in the quiet night. He put out his hands.

I gave him the holotapes carefully, then stepped back.

"...Shall we listen to them?"

Was he inviting me? I gave him a confused look. They were his, not mine. It seemed personal.

But his smile was genuine and soft, like always. "I don't mind," He said. "Come now. It's not like you're getting to sleep any time soon."

He was right, so I followed him into a side room filled with more towering machines. Eventually we came to one that had an obvious slot for holotapes.

DiMA set the first holotape into the slot, and we listened.


	72. Chapter 72

I was backed against a wall, holding my pistol, but my hands were shaking so hard, I knew I never could have fired it properly.

DiMA wasn't defending himself. He didn't have his hands up, and he wasn't begging me to calm down. None of what I would have expected after hearing those tapes. In his cloudy eyes was something else; regret, definitely. Sorrow. Pain?

I barely even registered the holotape that had played Nick's voice. My mind was on the first three, laser-focused on them.

"You murdered someone," I said, my voice shaking worse than my hands. "And you replaced her."

He said nothing.

I couldn't help raising my voice. Somewhere in the back of my head was my conscience, and  _ that _ was the voice begging me to calm down.  _ How many people have  _ you _ killed? _ It asked, but I couldn't hear it over my own shouting. I only caught a few words of what I was saying:  _ murderer, liar. Were there more lies? _

Faraday wasn't there to defend him, or step between us. My thoughts ran viciously. I could have killed him right there, probably with one bullet if I steadied my hands. The liar that had convinced a scared young woman to make a life-threatening voyage to some island. Wasn't it convenient that he could just get rid of all his bad memories? Thinking about it, I remembered Faraday mentioning it. He knew, too.

But my gun was falling, slowly. My arms sank down until they were limp, barely holding the cold metal thing between quivering fingers.

What had I spent the day doing?

_ Lying. _

How many people had I killed?

_ A lot. But for the greater good. They were bad people. _

I thought about X6. I probably didn't know a single person who wouldn't call him a murderer. His assigned purpose conflicted with everything I believed in. And yet...

"Nuke," DiMA finally said, his voice almost whirring with grief. "I won't pretend I'm innocent."

I holstered my gun. "You're not," I confirmed. My right hand was itching. "But who is?"

In the silence between us, he almost smiled. Looking at him, I saw the toll that life had taken on him, tenfold. His body was cracked, torn, shredded by the weight of a hundred years of decisions. No one could make exclusively good ones, even with a century of wisdom.

Suddenly my heart felt full, and tears burned at my eyes. I needed to sit down, but the room didn't have a single chair. So I just stood, shuddering, and wrapped my arms around myself. I couldn't look at DiMA as I told him, "I've done terrible things."

"Oh?" He asked, lightly curious, like it was nothing.

I told him about the Institute.  _ Everything _ about my involvement: the guards I murdered. My friendship with a Courser. How I, honestly, really did  _ help _ them with things. Despite all they did. And of course, the fortress of lies I'd built between everyone I knew.

And he listened, patient and quiet, nodding his head. When I was finished, he laced his fingers together and again,  _ almost _ smiled. "Do you seek forgiveness?"

It was an odd question I hadn't thought about before. With bitter regret in my voice I told DiMA, no, I didn't. Some people in the Institute were nice. People like Maxson want to raze the whole building, but...

"Synths live there." My tears were flowing, and my voice was unsteady. "There's  _ children. _ They have technology that could really  _ help _ people. Most of them were born down there and don't know anything different."

"So you can't quite bring yourself to hate them." DiMA was smiling, truly, down at my pathetic, shaking frame. "Oh, how I know the feeling."

"I don't  _ trust _ them..."

"Of course not. But then, you don't trust me either, do you?"

I looked up. When I had first laid my eyes upon DiMA, I recoiled and grimaced. Remembering how I acted, I blushed. How  _ rude. _ But now, looking at him, something was... different. The grief in his face as he listened to those holotapes was very real. His kindness was genuine. Maybe he didn't make all the right decisions. Being a General, I knew the pressures of leadership. How is anyone expected to be perfect? After being quiet for too long, I shook my head. "It's not that."

"You're so deeply troubled." He took a step forward. "How tiring it must be to always act unaffected by it."

The feeling of metal bones on my shoulder, in any other context, would have sent me into a fit. But it was comforting. His grip was sturdy.

"You're carrying too much for one pair of shoulders."

"But I can't worry anyone else," I blurted, sobbing. "I can't! Everyone's always counting on me, how can I tell them how scared I am!? I'm so goddamn  _ scared _ of the Brotherhood and the Institute, I trust X6 but what if he finds out about Danse? What if Maxson  _ kills _ Danse? What would be worse? God, if they went after  _ Revy-" _ I felt my knees buckle and I fell to the ground, covering my face to hide my embarrassing meltdown. I didn't even know if what I was saying was true.  _ Afraid  _ of them? It was a new active thought, for sure, but maybe it had always been there. When I thought about how Maxson stared at us, stared at Danse like he was something other than a complete person, I felt anger. But I wondered if it was hiding something else.

I wasn't an idiot. I knew what Maxson could do. But I had just a little bit of faith that he was a man of his word, and had some sense in him not to wantonly murder well-known people. But the Institute...

It was all so goddamn complicated. My words melted into incoherent babbling and were drowned out by my sobs.

Somehow, over it all, I heard Nick's voice. He was yelling, shouting harshly at DiMA, who I could tell was backing away. His arms were suddenly around me and he was very close, asking me what happened.

Something about lies. Something about murder. I told Nick what happened, with the holotapes. "But if DiMA's a murderer," I choked out, "Then so am I, and you'll have to kill me too."

Nick let out a long sigh, tinged with a mechanical whirring. "Let's calm down." He said softly, looking back and forth between DiMA and I. "Nobody's getting killed. Why don't we go sit down?"

I didn't remember the walk, but all of a sudden we were back in our room. Then I noticed DiMA hovering outside the doorway, looking nervous. Upset.

Nick pouted at him, but told him to come in. He turned right back to me and asked, "What is it that you need, doll?"

When he called me that, I couldn't fight. I couldn't lie or act tough or put on any kind of face. My mind raced but I managed to grab onto a single thought.

"Yeah?"  
"I want to stay."

He went rigid. "Stay? Here?"

"I can't go back right now." I was still shaking despite being held so tight. "I can't look Danse in the eyes and tell him I'm alright. I'm just not."

Nick sighed. "Kasumi wants to go back tomorrow, and I promised I'd take her."

"Then you go." Surprisingly, it was DiMA who spoke up. "You go, and she'll stay here. I'll look after her."  
"You?" He spat. "Haven't you done enough to her already?"

"He didn't... it wasn't..."

"Hush, Nuke. Let me talk to my brother a second."

"Don't... yell at him."

"No one's yelling."

"You know what I mean."

Nick released me a little, put his hand under my chin, and lifted my pathetic face to meet his eyes.

"I'd like to learn a bit more about that hand of yours."

I looked down at my hand, then up to DiMA.

"It was glowing brilliantly just a moment ago. I'll admit I was a bit nervous, considering the stories Nick has told me."

I hadn't even noticed. It was calm now, and I had an explanation for the sudden ache in my leg. "It's not enough to protect everyone." 

They were quiet.

"I need... I need something else."

"You need to  _rest,"_ Nick urged. "Don't think so hard this late at night. See how you feel in the morning."

It was solid advice, and it sounded good in my ringing ears. I just nodded and let him get me back into bed, barely hearing DiMA wish us a meek goodnight.


End file.
